This is What Matters
by Biff McLaughlin
Summary: The story of Kathryn Shepard and Kaidan Alenko, spanning all 3 games. Will stray from canon. Rated M for suggestive scenes.
1. First Impressions

**First Impressions**

Lieutenant Commander Kathryn Shepard arrived at the docking bay, Private Rankin trailing behind her, guiding the transport that carried her foot locker. She had made a point of reading personnel reports before departing for the Normandy, and cast a glance around the platform until she spotted someone she recognized. Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko stood at the boarding ramp for the Normandy, reading the contents of a file folder, his brow furrowed with concentration. She approached him quietly enough to not draw his attention, speaking only when she was directly in front of him.

"Lieutenant Alenko?"

He looked up sharply, almost losing the contents of the file folder, and tried to shuffle the papers back into it before closing it. Shoving the folder under his arm, sheets of paper sticking out at odd angles, he snapped to attention and saluted her.

"Yes, ma'am, Commander Shepard." His eyes met hers and he was startled by how green they were. She was a beautiful woman; her ident photo didn't do her justice at all. Mentally, he kicked himself. _She's a commander and there are regs against fraternization._

"At ease, Lieutenant." She extended her arm and they shook hands. Kathryn had always believed a person could tell a lot about someone from their handshake. Alenko's was firm, professional. His hand was also incredibly warm. She let go of his hand and gave her jacket a slight tug at the waist. Alenko was still looking at her, seemingly lost in thought.

"Lieutenant? We should get moving. I understand Captain Anderson wants to leave for Eden Prime asap."

She wasn't sure, he moved too quickly for a second look, but she thought he blushed. Before she knew it, he had taken control of her foot locker, dismissed Private Rankin, and was gesturing for her to board the Normandy, while keeping a firm grip on his file folder.

"Captain Anderson sends his regrets that he couldn't meet you in person, ma'am, but something came up at the last minute." He stopped walking and turned to give her a questioning look. "We have a Spectre on board."

That was interesting. "A Spectre? That seems...odd for a shakedown run, don't you think?"

Alenko smiled and Kathryn couldn't help but notice how his eyes twinkled. "I was thinking the same thing, ma'am, but..." He shrugged. "No one's telling us anything."

Shepard made a noise in her throat and stared at the floor for a moment. "Need to know, then."

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

"Hmm? Oh. 'Need to know.' I guess we don't need to know."

He looked embarrassed, blushing again before he continued moving toward the elevator. She was certain she'd seen it this time, and was surprised to feel a nervous flutter in her belly. _What am I, a hormonal teenager? Jesus, just what I need, a run in with the fraternization regs._ And yet her eyes wandered from Alenko's short-cropped hair down his back to linger at his ass. He appeared to be lean and muscular under the Alliance uniform. He certainly filled it out nicely. She closed her eyes and sighed._ No. He's a frog._ She opened her eyes again. _No, no he really isn't._

"Everything all right, Commander?" Alenko asked, catching the frown on her face as they stepped into the elevator. He punched the crew's quarters button and the doors slid shut.

Now she could smell him, clean and masculine, and even though he was on the other side of the elevator, it felt too close. _I've been with the same crew for too long, that's it. The first new, good looking, sexy...Just answer the man's question, Kate._

"Yes, Lieutenant. I'm fine." The tone of her voice gave her pause. She didn't want to sound too friendly and informal, but she was being far too curt now. She smiled to soften the edge. "Just a little tired. Thank you for asking."

The elevator opened and they proceeded to the officers' quarters. "And here you are," Alenko announced, stopping at an unmarked door. "Signage should be brought up later today. Your Alliance ident card will get you inside. The rest of us are down this side of the hall, I'm next door." He paused, wishing he hadn't mentioned that, since it was completely irrelevant. "The Captain's quarters are on the crew deck, one floor up, port side. He asked me to let you know that he'd like to see you as soon as you're settled. Doctor Chakwas will want to meet you, too. She's in the med bay on starboard."

Shepard fished her identification card out and waved it in front of the scanner, peering inside as the door opened. Standard issue desk and office chair, computer equipment, shelves, table and chairs, bed, closet.

"Head and rain locker?" she asked, stepping into the room.

"Right there," Alenko replied, pointing to a door opposite the closet.

They stood staring at each other for several seconds before Shepard cleared her throat. "Well, I should get cleaned up and go find Captain Anderson."

"Right, Commander. I'm sorry. Ah...I'll just leave you to it and see you on deck." He backed out of the room, nearly walking into a passing crew member.

Alenko leaned against the wall once he was out of sight of the Commander's quarters. He wasn't a womanizer by any stretch of the imagination, and was prone to shyness, but he wasn't usually quite so _awkward_ around women. Shepard was something of a legend, though, and he chalked it up to that. Shaking his head, he returned to the main deck to report to the Captain.

Kathryn Shepard stood where he'd left her, staring at the door. For years now, she had avoided romantic entanglements...she stopped herself short, surprised her brain had gone in that direction. "You just met the man, and he's your _subordinate_, Kate," she mumbled out loud. "Stick to the rules. No fraternization."

* * *

**A/N:** Funny story...My husband could not get me to touch this game until ME3 came out (thank you, Bioware!), and now I'm all over it. Actually, it's their fault, since I got hooked on this type of RPG with Dragon Age Origins. If you're interested, I have a few stories based on that series, and hope to update the current one shortly. I also have a Skyrim story that I add to every now and then. Shameless self-promotion aside, I have been off the writing track for a bit due to a cancer scare (it's all good in the hood, but understandably, I was a bit freaked out for a while there). These drabbles are practice! Please read and review. Feedback is always welcome. Cheers!


	2. Under Pressure

**Under Pressure**

Eden Prime hadn't exactly been a success. There were civilian casualties; Geth Recon Drones killed Jenkins; Saren, a Spectre, had murdered Nihlus and disappeared. She and Alenko had found 212 Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, but the rest of the 212 had been wiped out. _One point for our side_, Kathryn thought when they finally found the Prothean beacon. It had been moved, according to Williams, so chances were high Saren had used it, but there it was, and it was _working_.

"I'm calling the Normandy," she said, leaving Williams and Alenko staring at the beacon. "Normandy, the beacon is secured." She turned and walked away from the others, arranging transport back to the ship.

"This is crazy," Alenko whispered. "Real, working Prothean technology. Unbelievable!"

Williams shook her head. "I don't know about this. It wasn't doing _anything _like that when we dug it up." She looked over her shoulder to find Shepard and went back to the Commander's side.

"Something must have activated it..." Alenko's brow wrinkled. _Am I hallucinating?_ The air around him seemed to warp and flex.

"Roger, Normandy. Standing by." Shepard turned her comm link off and smiled as Williams approached her. "We're almost done here, Chief."

"Commander, about the beacon. I don't..."

Over Williams's shoulder, Kathryn saw Alenko. Something was happening, he was sliding toward the beacon. Without warning, she pushed Williams aside, racing toward the lieutenant. Williams turned to see that Alenko was being pulled toward the beacon by an unseen force, one arm reaching back as though he were trying to grab onto something. As his body began to rise up off the ground, Shepard leapt at him, grabbing him around the waist. They fell to the ground and Shepard threw him bodily at Williams. The gunnery chief grabbed the lieutenant to ask if he was okay, but Alenko's attention was focused on his commander.

"Shepard!" he yelled, trying to get back up.

"No!" Williams shouted. "Don't touch her, it's too dangerous." When he struggled, she pinned him down.

Shepard couldn't hear them. She was suspended in the air, being bombarded with sounds and images. None of it made sense, it was frightening, and her last thought was that this was maybe more than she could handle. This might be it. And then the world went black.

x ~ X ~ x

"...suffered psychological trauma..."

"...beacon destroyed..."

_That_ was not good, what had she done? Her head hurt and opening her eyes didn't help. The lights of the med bay were harsh. Groaning, she tried to sit up.

"Doctor? Doctor Chakwas, she's waking up." Alenko was at the head of the bed. Warm hands at her back helped her to sit up and then retreated, too quickly. She was cold and found herself wanting him to stay close. _Do not go there_, she reminded herself. He had taken a step back out of sight. Somehow Kathryn knew he would be blaming himself for this, but the doctor was coming around to look her in the eye and caught her attention.

"You had us worried there, Shepard. How are you feeling?"

Kathryn rubbed her temples. "Uhn...like I got hit by a freighter after a week of shore leave with nothing but Peruvian Whiskey to keep me company. How long was I out?" She thought she heard Alenko snort, but he coughed and excused himself hastily.

The doctor shot him a look over Shepard's shoulder. "About fifteen hours. Something happened down there, with the beacon."

"It's my fault," Alenko spoke up. "I must have triggered some sort of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way."

He had dark circles under his eyes and Shepard wondered if he'd been kicking himself for the past fifteen hours. Probably. She made a practice of not letting those who worked under her command dwell on their mistakes, real or perceived, unless they weren't learning the lessons mistakes offered. Based on what Anderson had told her about Alenko, he rarely made mistakes, and he always learned his lesson.

"Lieutenant...You had no way of knowing what would happen, so don't beat yourself up, okay?"

A hint of a smile appeared at the corners of his mouth and that twinkle was back in his eye. She felt warmer, pleased that she'd made him feel better. That was perplexing.

"Actually," Chakwas said, "we don't know if that's what set it off and we never will."

Alenko finally moved to stand in front of her. "The beacon exploded, some sort of system overload, maybe, and the blast knocked you out cold. Williams and I had to carry you back." He had carried her back himself, but didn't think she needed to know that. Or how he'd thought she was going to die and how..._afraid_ he had been that she might.

"Thank you. So...what's the damage, doctor?" She couldn't take her eyes off Alenko, and he seemed just as stuck, standing there watching her talk with Chakwas. The urge to sit down with him over drinks to just...get to know him...

Captain Anderson's arrival and request to speak with her privately interrupted that train of thought and she wasn't sure if she was grateful or not.

Alenko snapped to attention. "Aye, aye, Captain. I'll be in the mess if you need me." He spoke to Anderson, but looked at her.

He kept looking at her until the med bay doors slid shut behind him and Chakwas. _Oh, what the hell? After what we just went through, we could both use a drink and a debrief._ Shepard focused her attention on Anderson, her conversation with him strengthening her resolve to have a drink with Alenko. This was going to be a rough ride.

* * *

**A/N:** Don't get used to this...I just happen to have had some luck getting these two installments written and posted! Thanks to Bioware, and thank you to everyone who has read and commented. I'm happy to see I've been added to some favorite lists, too.

I love hearing from readers, so reviews are always appreciated. Next up, we find out what made Kaiden laugh at the shore leave comment...Cheers!


	3. Peruvian Whiskey

**Peruvian Whiskey**

Kathryn relayed Captain Anderson's orders to Joker and returned to the crew deck find Alenko sitting at the mess table. He smiled at her as she approached him, and that nervous flutter was back.

"Commander, you okay?"

She sat down and sighed. "Yeah, I guess so."

He stood up and started fussing with something on the counter. "I...ah...figured you'd be hungry, so I warmed up something for you."

He turned around, a plate of pasta carbonara in hand, and quickly set it in front of her, with a napkin and cutlery. It had seemed a good idea at the time, but standing there now, as she stared at the plate, he thought he might have gone too far, given her the wrong idea. She, on the other hand, was wondering if there was any way he could have known this was her favorite pasta dish.

"Oh wow, that smells...forgive me for saying...fucking _fantastic_, Alenko." She grabbed a fork and dug in, shoveling a few mouthfuls in before noticing he was staring at her, a strange expression on his face. "What?" she asked, food in her mouth. Had she offended him by swearing? She hadn't even stopped to think what this meal might mean, and it probably meant something. _Too late, I'm eating it._ "Oh god...good, _really_ good. You make this yourself?"

Alenko relaxed and laughed, getting two glasses before sitting down again. "Yeah. Not everything's fresh, but you learn to make do out here."

"You aren't eating any?" She paused.

"I ate already, earlier. I just thought..." He shrugged. The truth was, cooking calmed him. For several hours the only thing he could think of, the only thing he could see or hear, was her, floating in the air, her body twitching, not knowing if she'd live or die...it had been hard for him, knowing he couldn't do anything about it. Once he knew she was going to be okay, making her dinner served a dual purpose. He felt better, and he could do something for her.

Eventually, Shepard pushed her empty plate away and sat back, satisfied. She looked Alenko in the eye. "I needed that. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She wasn't ready to pack it in just yet; if she went to bed now, she'd be up all night thinking about her conversation with Anderson. "So. What got you laughing in there? Having a hard time imagining me on shore leave with a bottle of whiskey?"

He laughed again, and a small thrill shot down her spine. His voice was warm and comforting; she could listen to him talk for hours. _Oh god, no._

"No...yes? Ah, I just thought it was funny you mentioned Peruvian whiskey. Do you like it?"

"Like it? I'm pretty sure I _have_ taken shore leave with a bottle. Do _you_ like it?"

"Yes." he said, opening the box beside him with the flair of a sommelier. An unopened bottle of Peruvian whiskey rested in a cloud of red velvet. "Would you like some?"

"Weren't you here just a minute ago?" she teased.

He opened the bottle and poured them each two fingers, neat. _The way I drink it. Does he know these things about me?_

"I'm glad to see you're okay, Commander. Losing Jenkins was hard on the crew. I'm glad we didn't lose you, too."

She raised her glass to touch his and they each took a sip. "It was rough down there."

"Yeah, I'll never get used to seeing dead civilians. It doesn't seem right, somehow. But at least you stopped Saren from wiping out the entire colony. "

Kathryn leaned forward. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"We're marines. We stick together. I'm just sorry we lost Jenkins."

She hunched over her glass. "Yeah, I...I wish I could have done something to save him."

Now Kaiden was leaning forward, an earnest look on his face. "I was _there_, you did _everything_ right. It was just...bad luck. Hell of a shakedown cruise. Our first mission ends with one Spectre killing another. Citadel Council's not going to be happy about that, probably use it to leverage more concessions from the Alliance."

"Sounds like you have a good grasp of the situation. You a career man?"

"Yeah, lot of biotics are. We aren't restricted, but we sure don't go undocumented. Might as well get a paycheck for it. Besides, my father served. Made him proud when I signed up. Eventually."

Kathryn sensed a story there. Kaidan was obviously uncomfortable talking about himself. _He's probably completely unaware how handsome he is, damn him._

"...is that why you're here?" he was asking.

"Spacer, military family. Dad's retired, Mom's the XO on the SSV Kilimanjaro. I've done all right for myself."

He chuckled. "Yeah, a few of us might have heard about the Skyllian Blitz." Shepard had earned the Star of Terra medal at twenty-two for single-handedly holding off enemy troops during a breach in the colony's defenses.

They smiled at each other, taking more sips of whiskey. She could tell he was thinking about something and nudged his foot under the table.

"You have a question."

He leaned forward, his voice low. "There's a rumor we're headed to the Citadel, ma'am. Can you tell me why?"

She mimicked his movements, whispering, "The captain hopes the ambassador can get an audience with the council, tell them what Saren's been up to."

"Makes sense. They'd probably like to know he's not working for them anymore." He sat up again. "Whatever happens, Commander, we'll be ready for them."

"Of course we will, Lieutenant. 'There are damn few better than us, and they're all dead.'" They grinned at each other for several seconds before finishing their drinks.

"Well, I think I should turn in. No offence, Alenko, but you look about as good as I feel. You've earned a break."

"Yes ma'am. May I escort you to your door?"

_You really have no idea how adorable you are._ "I'd like that, Lieutenant."

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard stared at the ceiling of her cabin, unable to sleep. All humanity, it seemed, was depending on her to save them from a rogue Spectre, whether or not they knew it yet. She thought of Kaidan Alenko, in the room next door, and of carbonara pasta, and Peruvian whiskey._ Things aren't all that bad. _

* * *

A/N: Thank you readers, and to reviewers Zute, Zevgirl, Kassandra Black, Soulraven16, and anonymous. Please read and review. The reviews are very motivating! Cheers, Biff


	4. Rainwater

**Rainwater**

The Normandy was docked; crew members with leave for the day were gone within minutes. Captain Anderson ordered Shepard, Williams, and Alenko to join him, and Kathryn was running late. Coming out of her quarters trying to button her jacket, she walked straight into Alenko, hard. He tried to prevent them both from falling over, and managed to pin her to the wall. They froze for a moment, faces close. Kathryn's heart rate increased as he blew a puff of air across her cheek.

Alenko couldn't help staring. She had styled her short, blond hair to make it look a little messy, her cheeks were flushed, her lips were shiny red, and he felt a strong desire to kiss her. He stepped back quickly, trying to think of something else. Kissing a krogan, a turian, _anything_.

"Commander, I-I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

_No, I'm not. You smell good, look good, and...oh god, stop it Kate._"Not at all. Ah...I mean I'm fine, don't apologize. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going..." She realized her buttons were still undone. She was wearing a shirt under the dress jacket, but she didn't like to look unkempt in front of her crew. She finished dressing herself.

"Ah...We...should go."

She headed to the elevator. _This reaction is natural. I'd have to be dead to not feel some sort of pull to someone as nice and handsome as he is, but I'm a professional. He's a subordinate. It's inappropriate. _Her argument wasn't holding up well in his presence. She shook her head and punched the flight deck button, wondering if she could make it through the two minute elevator ride.

x ~ X ~ x

Anderson gave them one hour to look around before meeting him at the Citadel Tower. Taken aback by the sheer size of the Citadel, they stood at a large viewing bay, watching transports shuttle passengers and cargo back and forth.

"Big place," Alenko murmured.

"That your professional opinion, sir?" Williams teased.

"This isn't a station, it's a city." Shepard was humbled by the size and diversity of the place.

Alenko nodded. "There must be millions here. It can't be possible to track everyone who comes and goes."

Williams leaned over the barrier to look down. "This makes Jump Zero look like a Port-A-John, and that's the largest deep space station the Alliance has."

"Jump Zero's big, but this..."

Shepard leaned against the railing. "The Council represents more races than I thought. No wonder they're careful with newcomers."

Kaidan turned to look at her. "They probably just want to keep everything running. It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together."

"Maybe they just don't like humans." Williams interjected.

Shepard was beginning to think Williams had issues with aliens. "Why not? We've got oceans, beautiful people, this emotion called love...according to the old vids, we've got everything they want."

"You put it that way," Alenko replied, "there's no reason they wouldn't like you. Ah...I mean us, _humans_." He looked like he wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

"You don't take much shore leave, do ya, LT?" Williams asked.

Kathryn hoped she wasn't blushing. "All right Chief, laugh it up. I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we're on duty here."

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

They were staring at each other again. Kathryn waved a hand toward the nearest rapid transit point and started walking. Alenko fell into step beside her, keeping a respectable distance.

Williams followed behind, laughing. "I'll walk drag, ma'am."

x ~ X ~ x

Five days later, everything had changed. The council denied their petition, but gave them permission to continue investigating Saren. Shepard was on the case; she made allies, cut deals, got the job done. In the first of two twists she had not expected, Anderson told her the council had been watching her as a potential Spectre agent. Nihlus had been sent to observe her. Convinced of her capabilities, the council made her a Spectre. Second twist, she was given command of the Normandy and the responsibility of tracking down Saren. Anderson accepted his abrupt career change with grace and sent her on her way with three new crew members: The turian and former C-Sec officer, Garrus; the krogan, Wrex; the quarian, Tali. Things were getting interesting.

The crew spent their last afternoon at the Citadel stocking up on personal items and preparing to ship out. Kathryn returned with a supply of Peruvian whiskey and toiletries, wishing she had indulged her feminine side a bit more. A bottle of Rainwater perfume would have been heaven, but wasn't necessary. _The whiskey, well..._

A knock at the door stirred her from her reverie. Private Burns stood in the hallway, a small box in hand.

"Delivery from the Citadel for you, ma'am."

She tried to remember if she had arranged a delivery. Nothing came to mind, but she took it anyway. "Thank you, Private Burns."

"My pleasure, Commander." He saluted. "Congratulations, ma'am."

"Thank you. Get some rest."

"Yes, ma'am!"

Closing the door, Shepard sat down to open the package. A bottle of Rainwater was nestled inside the box with a handwritten card. _Congratulations._

The writing looked familiar. Putting the card down, Kathryn rifled through papers on her desk until she found a report Alenko had submitted earlier that day. He had written some notes on the side. Putting the card next to the report, it was clear Lieutenant Alenko had sent her this gift. She was pleased, ridiculously so, and not because this was her favorite perfume, or because she had wanted it and here it was. Alenko had found out and had made a nice gesture. But could she keep it? _Should_ she? If she considered this to be what it appeared to be, a gift from a friend to congratulate her, it seemed harmless enough.

She opened the bottle, the light, airy fragrance lifting her mood. Alenko couldn't have bought this without thinking it through first. He was cautious, lived his life by the book. Was he simply being a friend or was there more to this? What was he trying to say? What did she hope he was saying? _I have a decision to make._

x ~ X ~ x

Alenko sat across from Shepard at the mess table, smiling as he watched her chatting with the turian, Garrus. The room was full of people, crew members still seeking her out to offer their congratulations, eating, drinking, joking. In spite of their mission, good humor abounded. That was a relief. She moved then, saw him, and smiled. He smelled it, then. She was wearing the perfume.

* * *

A/N: I exceeded my self-imposed word limit on this one, but decided to leave it as is. I really like the scene at the Citadel. Shenko lovers might think these two are a bit OOC, but... ;-) Thanks to Bioware for the dialogue I snagged, to my girls Zevgirl and Zute, reviewer Kassandra Black, and to everyone who reads and adds me/the story to alert and fave lists. I eat up reviews like candy, so please R&R. Cheers, Biff


	5. A Mother Knows Best

**A Mother Knows Best**

As staff lieutenant, Alenko was responsible for drafting shift rotations for Shepard's approval, which meant they met regularly to go over the rotations and many other matters pertaining to the crew. This particular morning, his files under his arm and two steaming mugs of coffee in hand, he tapped the door to Captain Anderson's old office with his foot.

"Open," Shepard's voice called out.

The door opened and just like that it didn't matter that he'd been up most of the night with a migraine. She looked great, and she looked happy to see him.

"Good morning, lieutenant." She cocked her head to one side as she took a cup of coffee from him. "You okay?"

"Yes, ma'am, just didn't sleep well. Migraine."

"Is there anything Doctor Chakwas can do for you?"

"I take a shot when they get bad, have pens in my kit. Mostly quiet darkness helps."

The crew had grown to like Shepard a great deal in a short time. Captain Anderson had the full respect of the crew, but Shepard was younger...different. She made a point of spending time with her officers and the alien crew members who had joined them, getting to know a little something about each of them. She played poker with some of them on a fairly regular basis and was pretty good. And she was spending quite a bit of time with him. He had been thinking about the regs a lot recently. Things had changed. He would never do anything to jeopardize their mission, but...

"You still with me, Alenko?" Kathryn sat down at the round table she had pulled into the middle of the room and motioned for him to join her. The bed tucked into the back of the room was bare and currently served as additional workspace. Several data pads were spread out on the mattress.

"Sorry, just a little...you know." He put the shift rotations for the next month in front of her. "Aren't you going to move in?" he asked, taking a sip of coffee.

She shrugged. "Mm, probably not. I like my neighborhood." She looked at him through her spiky bangs, those green eyes twinkling.

He smiled back, feeling warmer. Maybe too warm. He hadn't been sure before, but now he knew. She was flirting with him.

"For now, I'll use this as my office, or maybe I'll let Doctor T'soni move in here. I don't know if she's all that comfortable in the med bay, and I'd like her to have a better workstation. She's very knowledgeable, and could be quite a valuable resource."

Alenko nodded, thinking about the asari doctor, Matriarch Benezia's daughter. She seemed nice enough, but something about her rubbed him the wrong way. He couldn't quite put his finger on it and decided to let it go, launching into his report.

x ~ X ~ x

They bumped into each other, literally, on the landing of the stairs from the crew deck to the flight deck. He was going up, she was going down, and he caught her by the shoulder with one hand while he gripped the safety railing with the other. Eye to eye, they steadied themselves.

"Lieutenant," she breathed, wishing she weren't quite so close to him and yet...

"Shepard. Are you okay?"

"That's...a little informal, don't you think?" He had moved closer to her, hadn't he?

"Do you mind?" He leaned in, his lips touching hers. She yielded to him, her lips parting, her body pressing against his. His mouth was soft, warm...

"Oh, that's not right!" Shepard sat bolt upright in bed and looked around her room. She was alone, of course. Falling back onto her pillow, she groaned and clapped a hand to her forehead. "What the hell? Shit."

She dragged herself out of bed, trying to remember where her mother was. It wouldn't matter, really, her mother had always indulged her when it came to communication. If Kathryn needed to talk, she could call.

Hannah Shepard was fully dressed in her formal blues, hair neatly pinned back. "Kate, honey. What time is it there, you look like you just got out of bed."

"It's...one thirty. Mom, I have a problem."

"'How are you, mom?' 'Oh, I'm good, Kate, things here are going well. You?' Okay, your turn." Hannah sat down and looked at her vidcam, waiting with a patient smile.

"I'm sorry, it's just...ah, I have a problem with my staff lieutenant."

Hannah's arms disappeared and Kathryn could hear her mother typing. "And what exactly is your problem with LT Alenko? He's got several commendations, he's well regarded by his peers..._Oh_. Oh, really?" Her mother's tone was more amused than anything, which confused Kathryn.

"Really. And I'm pretty sure he feels it too. No, I know he does. The Chief keeps giving him a hard time about it."

"Chief?" More typing. "Oh, Williams. Good soldier."

Shepard laughed. Her mother was always right on top of it, information at her fingertips. "What do I do? This is awful."

"What, not acting on it? It's been seven years, honey. I know you say you and Jason weren't _that way_, but even friends with benefits have feelings for each other, and he was your..."

"Mother, please." Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose.

"What, you don't think I know what a friend with benefits is? I know what was going on, sweetheart."

"This has nothing to do with Jason or the Blitz. It's just never been a priority. It's distracting, and this can mean trouble. Right? I'm talking about _fraternization_." _Hmm. That sounded...dirty._

Her mother snickered. "Well, yes, if you two screw it up, or if...and I am only saying this because it's happened, not because Alenko would do it, he wouldn't...he were to file sexual harassment charges against you. Do you not know that most crews have an unwritten 'don't ask don't tell' policy with respect to onboard relationships? You're both grownups, you're a smart woman, and you're both honorable. Keep your head screwed on straight and remember the mission is the priority. After this, who knows?"

Hannah settled back in her chair. "And really, honey, this guy," She tapped her desk twice with a finger, "is one of the good guys. Oh look, you're blushing."

"Mother...god." Kathryn sighed. "Thank you, _mommy_. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart. Your father says hello and sends his love, too."

Kathryn settled back into bed after turning her vidcam off and stared at the ceiling. Maybe her mother was right. _Shit, she usually is._

* * *

A/N: Whee! I literally whipped this one off this morning. Not bragging, just really getting a kick out of writing this and I'm pleased others like reading it. Thanks to Zute, Zevgirl, Kassandra Black, and Jenna53 for the comments. Please feel free to review/comment! Have a great weekend. Cheers, Biff


	6. Personal

**Personal**

Gunnery Chief Williams watched the Commander and Lieutenant Alenko from the shadows by her workbench where she sat drinking her coffee, a small smile on her face. They were cute together. The Normandy had been out a couple of months now, and it was pretty obvious to just about everybody that Shepard and Alenko were attracted to each other. Williams was pretty sure nothing had happened yet; they were both starchy enough to care about regulations against fraternization, never mind that neither one of them would let personal matters jeopardize a mission. She didn't know either of them particularly well, but they were both all right. _Shit's getting pretty heavy, they deserve a little happiness_, she decided as the Commander nodded to Alenko and walked back to the elevator. Alenko watched her go, and then turned back to his locker, shaking his head.

"What's shaking, LT?" Williams asked, getting up and walking over to the lockers. Alenko jumped. "Relax, I don't bite."

He had forgotten she was there and wondered if she had been eavesdropping. "What can I do for you, Williams?"

"Mmm, nothing. You should go for it."

He looked up sharply, brows furrowed. "I don't know what you mean."

"Right. I'm not asking, you're not telling, and frankly none of us care." She made a circle in the air with a finger, as if to indicate the ship's crew. "And I think you should go for it. Sir." She turned on her heel and headed toward the elevator, not giving Alenko a chance to respond.

He slumped against his locker and sighed. Did the entire crew know he was attracted to the commander?

x ~ X ~ x

Two days later, Alenko found himself in another deep conversation with Shepard, and soon he was talking about his experiences at biotic acclimation and temperance training. He had thought about his conversation with Williams, given it a lot of thought, and wondered what Shepard would think of him if she knew how his BAaT training ended.

They were alone at the mess table, having coffee. She took a sip and smiled. "You were all teenagers. I'm sure you found ways to occupy the time." She thought he blushed.

"Oh, I...ah...I'm not the type to do that sort of thing, not lightly anyway." Kathryn looked down quickly, feeling herself flush. Kaidan didn't notice.

"There was a girl I spent a lot of time with..."

It spilled out of him, the story of the one thing he most regretted - killing his turian BAaT instructor for breaking Rahna's arm. He didn't regret Killing Vyrnnus; the turian had crossed a line with Rahna, and then given Kaidan a beating. But Kaidan had terrified Rahna, and never forgotten it. That incident ruined their friendship.

"She was smart and charming as hell. Beautiful, but not stuck up about it." He took a sip of coffee and decided to push his luck. "Like you, I guess...Ma'am."

Her eyes drifted up from her mug to his face, a hint of a smile on her lips. "Sounds like she was special to you." Kathryn wondered if he was testing the waters. She hadn't expected him to open up this much. He was a reserved man, normally, not one to talk about himself. _Maybe we are on the same page_.

"She was, and maybe she felt the same. But...things were never the same after that. I...well, I wish it hadn't turned out that way."

"Don't beat yourself up. You tried to protect a girl from an abusive man, lieutenant. That's an honourable thing to do. It tells me something about you."

He raised an eyebrow questioningly and she leaned forward. "That experience changed you. You give everything due consideration and agonize over doing the right thing. You live by the book."

"That's...um...yeah, I guess so. Thank you, Commander." She was quite perceptive. He finished his coffee. "Anyway, this was supposed to be a casual debrief, not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago."

She shrugged and stood up. "I wanted to get to know you better, that's all. Thanks for the talk, Kaidan."

It was the first time she used his first name, and it caught him off guard. She tried not to laugh at the perplexed expression on his face.

Kaidan stood up, too, nodding. He had to know, and there was no better time to ask. "Well...you're welcome. Ah...do you make a habit of getting this personal with everyone on the crew?"

"No. No, I don't." She bit the inside of her lip. Kaidan's brow was wrinkled and he looked worried, or confused, she wasn't sure which, but it was cute. He was cute, and she wished he'd say something.

"I'll...need some time to process that, Commander."

Shepard smiled, tapping her mug. "Of course. We'll talk."

Kaidan waited until he heard the elevator doors close before he sank back into his seat, exhaling a puff of air. His brow wrinkled as he mulled over the implications of their mutual attraction.

Kathryn crawled into bed and sighed with relief. A moment later, relief turned to anxiety again. Now that it was out in the open between them, more or less, what next? Worse, what if he didn't get it, understand that she was interested in him? Worst, what if he cited the rules and regulations and rejected the idea of pursuing a relationship with her?

She groaned, realizing she was getting way ahead of herself, and turned the light off. "Just see where it goes, Kate. Just see where it goes."

* * *

**A/N:** Gotta love Bioware for Shenko (and bits of dialogue)! My thanks to Zute, Zevgirl, Vanderslice, and Serien, and all you other readers. Love to read comments, so please R&R. Cheers!


	7. Special

**Special**

Kathryn left the med bay and retreated to her office, barely aware of her surroundings. Closing the door behind her, she sank into a chair, leaned her elbows on the table, and held her head in her hands. With everything else that was going on, having Doctor T'Soni express _interest_ in her, in the romantic sense of the word...well, it was distressing. Not because Kathryn was offended; in reality it had been flattering, even if the asari was enamored of Kathryn because of the Prothean vision she'd had. She didn't have any objections to same sex relations, either, although T'Soni wasn't exactly a woman. Kathryn's brow wrinkled. It was a strange concept. No, she was open minded that way. Liara's admission was distressing because it complicated matters and now she wasn't sure how to relate to the asari doctor. Kathryn shook her head. Maybe it would blow over.

She thought back to her conversation with Williams earlier that day. Kathryn caught the tail end of a vidletter from Ashley's sister, which prompted her to ask if Williams was interested in Kaidan.

"_No ma'am. Besides, scuttlebutt has it he's sweet on someone else." _The look on Ashley's face had made it clear she was pretty certain she was looking at that someone else._ "I don't know who for sure. You know, don't ask, don't tell. Don't care."_

Kathryn sat up straight. If the crew knew she and Kaidan were attracted to each other, they would have to know Liara was sweet on her, too. Word about _anything_ got around the ship faster than the speed of light, it seemed, and that could make things even more complicated.

x ~ X ~ x

Kaidan watched Kathryn go to her office and then turned to see Doctor T'Soni leave the med bay. She disappeared toward the elevator, apparently heading to Engineering. Both their faces were flushed and he thought about what he'd overheard two privates talking about the night before.

"_Haven't you seen that asari doctor when the commander's around? She's got it bad."_

"_You don't suppose Shepard would..."_

"_She's pretty open minded, she might." There was a moment of silence and then the two men laughed. _

"_That would be something else to see."_

"_Shut up, that's the commander, you're talking about."_

"_Don't tell me you haven't thought about it."_

"_Whatever. If Alenko doesn't make a move, he might miss out."_

How could he have missed it? Maybe that was his problem with Doctor Liara T'Soni. She was sweet on Kathryn, she was his competition. Alenko thought about that. He couldn't have misinterpreted what had happened between them, could he? Was Shepard's interest in him more platonic than he thought? After he'd gone and put himself out there like that...he could lose his post on the Normandy, or Shepard could lose hers, if they got involved and it turned sour. If the brass wanted to make an example of them, that's how it could end. He drummed his fingertips on the table, trying to decide what to do. _No, I didn't make this decision lightly. I need to know where I stand._

x ~ X ~ x

He wanted to talk to her about something else anyway, and decided to start there when she finally emerged from her office and approached him. He closed the systems access panel and put his tools down.

"Do you have a moment to talk, Commander?"

She smiled and nodded, looking...relieved, he thought. "I always make time for my officers."

"We've played it pretty close to the book so far, but we're a long way from back up. We've got some tough calls to make. I'm just saying, try to leave yourself a way out. I've seen what can happen when you cut corners, and I'd hate to see that happen to you, Shepard. Commander."

She let the informality slide, remembering kissing him in her dream, and got to what she thought was the point. "Is that a personal observation, Kaidan?"

He stammered. "I...ah, I-I don't want to step on someone else's toes, especially if...if you're...if I've misread your interests."

_Ah, there it is._ "'Someone'? You mean our young Prothean expert."

He laughed. "I think she's older than both of us put together, but yes." He rubbed his neck nervously. "There's a lower deck rumor she's interested in you as more than a source of Prothean data. She's a very interesting lady. Not to, ah, my tastes, but I never claimed to be big on alien culture." He realized he probably sounded like an idiot and stopped talking. The grin on Shepard's face didn't help much.

"You seem awfully worried about my personal affairs." She crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her head to one side.

"Well, it's just that we don't have much down time these days and I like being around you, but I don't want to take up your personal time."

"You didn't want to talk about Liara, did you? What's this really about?"

He wasn't entirely sure what she was asking. "Ah, you're right. Liara's not my main concern." He'd have to figure out a way to come back to that. "I'm not questioning any decisions you've made, let me be clear about that, Commander. It's just my experience that when someone lets something slide, it tends to pick up speed. Do you get my meaning?"

He was probably referring to her letting the batarian terrorists go, but he knew they couldn't let the hostages be sacrificed either. _Hell, it could be any number of other things,_ she thought with a twinge of regret. But she didn't think that was what this was really about.

"Come on, talk to me, Kaidan. You've got a little black rain cloud over your head."

"I was just thinking about BATT training, and Vyrnnus. He cut corners, pushed hard, and some kids snapped or died. My point is that when you cut corners, it's not always obvious who's going to pay for it."

"So...why are you telling me this? Is there something I can do to help you...get over it?"

"I'm thirty two, Shepard. You don't serve as long as I have without coming to terms with yourself." He lowered his voice and stepped closer to her. "You also learn that if someone is special to you, you help them, try to keep them from making mistakes."

Kathryn felt goosebumps. "Special, huh?" His expression gave him away. Yes, he was concerned about her, what the pressure she was under might do to her moral and ethical resolve, and that was sweet enough. But he was concerned she might not be interested in him after all, perhaps a bit jealous of Liara. She felt lightheaded.

"If I'm out of line, just say the word."

She shook her head. "You're not out of line, but-"

His hand touched her arm, briefly. "I know. I don't make a habit of complicating the chain of command. Just...think about what I said."

"I will, Kaidan. Thanks for having my back. I..." She stepped in to him, and put her hand on his arm. "I don't mind complicated so much, you know? Not when it's someone special."

He wanted to sweep her into his arms and carry her to his room, but they had to be careful. He nearly laughed at himself. He was still on shift, and had a few hours to go before he was done. Instead, he nodded and she pulled away from him.

"Have a drink later?" he asked, surprised at how keenly he felt the loss of her presence in his personal space.

She nodded. "I'd like that, Kaidan. I've got to talk to Joker, but I'll be in my office when you're off shift."

He watched her walk away, happy he hadn't made a complete ass of himself. Smiling to himself, he got back to work.

* * *

**A/N:** Those of you more familiar with the game than I am will realize I've used a mosh of a few different conversation possibilities here, but I hope you'll be so charmed by Shenko that you won't notice...lol...thank you so much readers, listers, and reviewers! Zute, Zevgirl, Kassandra Black (I could slow down if you like...), and Frosted Snowdrop, thank you for the reviews! Cheers, Biff


	8. Slowly

**Slowly**

Kathryn sent her report on Cerberus's activities to Admiral Hackett and turned her monitor off. Standing, she rolled her shoulders back and tipped her head from side to side, stretching her neck. There was a knock at the door and she smiled. Ruffling her hair with her fingers, she called out, "Open."

The door slid open to reveal Kaidan standing there, wooden box and two glasses in hand. He came in, waving a hand over the door control to close it again, and went to her table.

"Good evening, Commander."

"Kaidan, I think you can call me Kathryn when we're alone like this, don't you?"

He smiled, pouring them each a glass of whiskey. Handing one to her, he nodded. "How has your evening been, Kathryn?"

She wasn't sure what was more disconcerting, the way her belly flipped, her pulse raced, or the warm, tingling sensation that shot straight to her core. She pulled a chair back and sat down.

"Not too bad. Sent my report on Cerberus to Hackett. Can't wait to hear what he thinks of that."

He could see she was worried, and he couldn't blame her. With the Geth incursions, Cerberus's experiments, Saren, and the numerous routine assignments they had, she was carrying a huge weight on her shoulders. He sat down beside her.

"We'll figure it out, Kathryn."

She leaned back in her chair and looked at him. "Do you know you're the only one who says 'we'? Everyone else says '_you'll_ figure it out, _you'll_ save the galaxy, _you're_ the one I'm counting on'. Eh, I don't mean to complain."

Kaidan shrugged. "We're a team, you aren't out here alone." Leaning forward, he put his hand on hers. "It's more than that, for me, but we're all in this together."

The warmth of his hand on hers spread through her entire body. "That means a lot to me, Kaidan." She squeezed his fingers. "But let's not talk shop. Tell me about your parents. Are they both on Earth?"

He nodded, looking away. "Yeah, they have an orchard in the interior, condo in Vancouver. Dad's retired from the Alliance. We don't talk much, but Mom and I are close."

"I'm sorry, Kaidan."

His dark brown eyes found hers again. "It's okay. I don't think he ever really got used to the biotics, you know? He wanted a normal family, more kids, but Mom couldn't have kids after she was exposed to element zero, and I wasn't exactly normal." He drank and raised an eyebrow at her. "What about you?"

Kathryn felt his leg shift until it rested against hers, and she nearly laughed at the thrill his touch sent through her. _Oh god, if I giggle like a teenager, I will die._ But she felt light, and a little crazy, happy. "Ah, Dad's an engineer, retired. I think you know Mom's the XO on the Kilimanjaro. She's had a good career." She emptied her glass.

Kaidan poured them each another finger of whiskey and put the bottle away. "So have you. I mean, the Blitz, the Star of Terra..."

She waved a hand dismissively. "That was more stubbornness than bravery." She laughed softly. "I promised a friend I wouldn't get killed, and I couldn't let Jason down."

Her expression softened, and Kaidan felt a twinge of regret that he may have brought up bad memories. To anyone who hadn't been there, it was a great war story; a beautiful, young soldier pinned down, alone, holding off the enemy for hours. But he knew the reality of war and didn't imagine there was too much romantic about the Blitz. She lost her platoon that day.

"Can I tell you something, Kaidan?"

"Yeah, of course."

She leaned closer to him, whispering, "I was so scared, I pissed myself. I told people later I just had to go and couldn't waste time doing it properly, which made me look pretty tough, but the truth is, I was scared and I pissed myself."

They stared at each other for several seconds and then burst out laughing. "Tell anybody that and I'll deny it, Kaidan."

"Your secret is safe with me, Kathryn." He could feel the warmth of her leg against his, still had her hand in his, and he was comfortable. He wanted more, wanted to hold her close, but his cautious nature was telling him to take it slowly. The bed over her shoulder looked far too inviting.

Kathryn wanted to grab him and pull him to the bed at the back of the room when she saw his eyes flicker in its direction. She'd have to try to remember to have it removed and was grateful she couldn't see it. She could feel her cheeks flushing. As much as she wanted him, this wasn't the place, and it was too early. Kaidan was the type to take it slowly. She needed to think of something else.

"I've been invited to Pinnacle Station."

Kaidan's eyes widened. "Really? That's great. When do you think you'll be able to go?"

"I don't know. Hackett wants us to get out to Virmire as soon as we're done at the Citadel, but maybe after that we can take some shore leave. A few days should do it. I can bring a team with me. Would you go?"

Kaidan laughed. "Yes, of course." Rumor had it their battle simulations system was by far the best the Alliance had to offer, and being invited to the training station was an honor.

"Good." Kathryn squeezed his fingers again and Kaidan felt his heartbeat quicken.

He leaned forward again, holding her hand with both of his. "I should probably go. You've had a long day and I know you're still having rough nights."

She groaned. "Have I kept you up? Are the walls _that_ thin? I'm sorry, I-"

He reached out to cup her cheek in his hand. "No, I'm usually awake. It's not like you're banging around making a lot of noise."

She froze, mouth slightly open, pupils dilated, and Kaidan gave in to the urge, leaning in to kiss her.

If it were possible for heart and stomach to jump out of a body, Kathryn thought hers might at that moment. It was every bit as sweet as her dream, and more so for being real. Kaidan's lips were warm and soft and delicious, but he was pulling away too quickly. She whimpered and blushed. _Great, now he knows he's got me_.

Kaidan looked flushed himself and stood up, offering a hand to Kathryn. She couldn't help but notice that he was clearly at least _slightly_ aroused and cursed her damned heart for pounding so hard.

"You know, I think you're right. I should try to get some sleep." The tension between them was palpable.

"Kathryn?" Kaidan's voice was husky with desire.

She tried to say yes, but made an unintelligible noise that resembled a sigh. Kaidan smiled, his pupils wide with desire.

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have done that, but I...I've wanted to kiss you for a while now, and I-"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body to his, kissing him gently. His lips parted and she sighed as his tongue teased hers. It was all she could do to remain on the spot and not drag him across the room, or simply climb up onto him right there, and she knew his resolve was being tested, too. His grip on her hips tightened and he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers.

"Don't get me wrong, Kathryn," he whispered, "but I want to take this slowly."

She nodded, letting out a breathy, "Yeah, that's okay."

"When we get to the Citadel, let's go out on a proper date. Dinner, dancing."

"Really?" She pulled back and looked at him. "Put it out there? I would have thought you'd be a bit more cautious."

He shrugged. "Some things are worth the risk." He collected his bottle of whiskey and tucked it under his arm.

"Good night, Kathryn. Sleep well." He pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek and slipped out of the room.

Sinking back into her chair, she raised a hand to her cheek. Whatever she and Jason had been to each other, she had never felt quite so aroused in his presence, or so wanting when he was absent. This was something else entirely.

* * *

A/N: My thanks to all readers, especially Zute, Zevgirl, and eternalshiva for reviewing my last chapter. Please read and review. My Shenko muse gets all tingly when folks write in. If you've got ideas, I'll do my best to entertain them. Cheers!


	9. Discreet

**Discreet**

They decided to be discreet, as much as possible. Kaidan left the Normandy in the afternoon with a group of crew members. Kathryn waited until much later, and thought she had timed her escape from the ship fairly well, until she approached the airlock and saw Joker peering out of the cockpit at her.

Joker didn't think of the commander as a woman, not in the romantic sense, and it was as if he were seeing her for the first time. Hair neatly messed up, make up perfect, dark red silk clinging to her figure, skirt stopping just above her knees, sling back heels instead of steel-toed combat boots...he whistled.

"He's a lucky man, Commander."

"First Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, I think it's more than a little inappropriate to cat call your commander." She was smiling in spite of her sharp tone. She had a good relationship with Joker, and it didn't hurt to know that her efforts had paid off.

Joker tried to adopt a contrite expression and failed miserably. "I apologize, ma'am. Won't happen again. You look great and deserve some fun, though, so do everything I can't do and try to relax a little. Ma'am."

She shook her head, laughing. "Thank you, Joker."

x ~ X ~ x

Trying to get from the docking bay elevator through Citadel Security without drawing any attention to herself was impossible, but she moved quickly and looked different enough that no one recognized her until it was too late. She summoned a cab and was happy to spend the next ten minutes in silence. The restaurant's small interior was dark and nearly empty.

"Reservation for Alenko, please."

The host smiled and bowed slightly. "Commander, welcome. Your table is ready, if you wouldn't mind following me."

He led her through the restaurant to a table in the back corner and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Kaidan stand up to greet her. He was wearing black dress pants and a white shirt, both fitting him very well, she noticed, and his smile sent a shiver down her spine. The host pulled her seat back and helped her get settled before leaving them alone.

Kaidan cleared his throat. "You look _great_, Kathryn."

"Thank you. You do, too. It's nice to be able to dress like a civilian every now and then."

Their waiter arrived with a bottle of wine, pouring a mouthful Kaidan. He drank it and nodded, waiting for the man to pour them each a glass.

"I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of ordering. A vineyard near my parents' place makes a nice Carmenere with a Chilean variety of grape. It goes well with mole poblano, which they serve here. I saw it on the menu and figured we should indulge while we have the chance."

"It's perfect, Kaidan." She wanted to pinch herself. _How long has it been since I went out on a _date_? _She raised her glass. "This is nice, and I haven't had Mexican food in...too long to remember, apparently."

Kaidan sipped his wine and nodded. "Good. So...I don't suppose it comes as a big surprise that everyone on the Normandy know about us."

"No, it doesn't. I suspect most are playing dumb. I'm getting that from Joker and Williams."

He nodded. "I bet everyone at C-Sec got a good look at you."

"Maybe. Do I sense a bit of jealousy?"

He tipped his head to one side, grinning at her. "Not at all, I'm the one sitting here."

"Hmm, flatterer. I doubt too many people recognized me, and frankly I don't care."

"Really?"

She drank and smiled. "Okay, I care a _little_. Someone might object and make a big deal about it and then one or both of us could lose our post. That would be awful for a number of reasons, and for more people than just you and me. But...the crew seems to support us, and as long as I don't give you preferential treatment, and there isn't a _perception _that I am, I don't see it causing problems." Kathryn bumped her leg against Kaidan's. "The danger factor is a turn on, don't you think?"

Kaidan coughed and laughed, taking a sip of water. He leaned forward. "It was the other day in your office, kissing you, thinking someone might turn up at any minute." He wet his lips. "God, you look great."

Kathryn's entire body reacted to Kaidan. His leg against hers, the desire in his voice, that twinkle in his eyes, all made her tingle in places she hadn't felt tingles in years. She leaned toward him, hoping he would kiss her, but the waiter arrived with their dinner. The smell of mole poblano made her stomach growl.

"Oh god. No offense, Kaidan, but you are going to have to wait."

x ~ X ~ x

They talked about wine and food, swapped basic training stories, and laughed. After dinner they went to Flux to dance and have a nightcap. Kathryn thought she had the upper hand, given that she had taken dancing lessons and knew her way around some of the older Latin dances, but Kaidan surprised her. His mother loved the Samba and he'd learned some of the moves. Trying to dance the Samba to the tehno music they played at Flux was a challenge and resulted in as much laughing as dancing. When they finally decided to call it a night and head back to the Normandy, Kathryn was a bit tipsy and feeling on top of the world.

Kaidan was less reserved than usual, and slipped his arm around Kathryn's waist, dancing with her several feet down the hallway toward the Upper Wards, much to the amusement of other patrons. In spite of the relatively short walk to the Lower Wards and C-Sec, he wanted to make use of every minute he had with Kathryn, and hailed a cab. They sat close to each other, their bodies touching. Kaidan held her hand in his lap, his fingers tracing the lines on her palm; she leaned against his shoulder, just enjoying his presence. Within C-Sec, they restrained themselves, keeping more distance between them.

"They must have security cams in the elevator." Kathryn stated when the doors closed.

"Probably," Kaidan replied.

"This is a really slow elevator." To have him so close but not be able to touch him was a sweet torture. Kathryn looked at Kaidan out of the corner of her eye and felt a rush of arousal when she saw him looking back at her. The heat in his expression was undeniable.

Minutes seemed to stretch into hours as the elevator crept up to the docking bay. _There might as well be a moon between us_, she thought as they boarded the Normandy. Keeping a safe distance was killing her.

"...XO Pressley stands relieved." the VI stated in its monotone female voice.

Joker didn't make an appearance; he was either asleep or choosing to give them their privacy. The few crew members who were stationed on the flight deck barely paid them any notice and Kathryn and Kaidan made it to the crews' quarters without running into anyone.

They paused at Kathryn's door, and for just a moment she imagined her mother and father were waiting inside, eyes on the clock, wondering what exactly she was doing with this boy. The thought brought a smile to her lips and she looked up at Kaidan.

"I had a really good time, Kaidan. The dinner, wine, dancing, everything. It was a really fun night. Thank you."

He looked up and down the hallway quickly, and then pulled her in his arms, pressing her back against her door, his mouth claiming hers. Kathryn gasped, arching against him, her fingers sliding into his hair as their kiss deepened. Jolts of excitement shot through her, every biological response firing perfectly, and then he was pulling away again.

"I had a great time, Kathryn." He touched his hand to her cheek, his thumb brushing her lips. "Good night." Leaning in to kiss her again, he smiled and stepped to his door, never taking his eyes off her. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Right," she laughed, trying to regain her senses. _Do you like to torture me, Kaidan, or do you really not know what you do to me?_"We leave for Virmire early. Mess hall for breakfast?"

"Oh six hundred, Commander," he replied with a wink as he disappeared into his quarters.

Kathryn slipped into her room and sank into a chair, desire still coursing through her. This was going to be a tricky situation.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you, thank you to Zevgirl, Zute, EcrisMoiUneHistoire, Jenna53, Vanderslice, and everyone who has added me/the story to a list. Hopefully Shenko lovers won't mind I'm making Alenko less uptight here, but I think I might be speaking for all of us when I say "That is O.K."! Bioware gets props, too. Please read and review, as I do love hearing from you. Cheers!


	10. Progress

_Spoilers ahead, for those of you who have not yet played through ME1...I know there are a few of you reading!_

* * *

**Progress**

_"You've seen the visions from the beacon, Shepard. You, of all people, should understand what the reapers are capable of. They cannot be stopped. Do not mire yourself in pointless revolt. Do not sacrifice everything in the name of petty freedoms. The protheans tried to fight and they were utterly destroyed. Trillions dead. But what if they had bowed before the invaders? Would the protheans still exist? Is submission not preferable to extinction?"_

Shepard failed to achieve her primary objective on Virmire. Saren escaped and the Normandy lost Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams and three other crew members in the assault. Kathryn thought back to her last conversation with Kaidan and Ashley before sending him off with a team of Captain Kirrahe's men. The salarians would launch a frontal assault on Saren's base of operations; Shepard and her team would infiltrate the base from the back to disable the AA guns, allowing the Normandy to land and deliver the salarian drive core. Coveted to a nuclear device, it would destroy the entire base. It had made more sense to Kathryn to send Ashley to plant the bomb. Kaidan could fight, but he didn't have the same kind of experience as Ashley, who had held her position on Eden Prime on her own. He would have more back up with the salarians.

_"Well, this is it. Don't do anything foolish while I'm gone, Ash. That goes for you, too, Commander." _

_"Don't worry, LT. We'll be fine."_

Shepard had been nervous. More and more, this looked like a suicide mission and she realized just how difficult getting involved with a crew member could be. She didn't want to put Kaidan in this position, and didn't want Ashley to be in danger either, but she knew her personal feelings for either one of them were irrelevant. They were marines; they had a job to do. Personal feelings just complicated matters.

_Alenko seemed uncomfortable with the idea of working with Kirrahe. "It's just weird going under someone else's command. I've gotten so used to working with you...all of you." _

_Williams laughed and clapped Alenko on the shoulder. "Don't worry so much. We'll see you on the other side."_

_"Yeah, I know. I just want to say it's been an honor serving with you, Commander." His eyes searched hers, a sad smile on his lips. This was hard for him, too, which made Kathryn feel even worse. _

_"It doesn't matter if we're not in the same unit, we're still a team. Watch each other's backs, keep your eyes open, and fight like I know you can. We'll all come out of this in one piece." And you'd better not die on me, Kaidan. This cannot be the last time we see each other._

Kathryn ran over it again and again, wondering if she had let her heart rule her mind. Could she have saved Kirrahe's team _and _Williams? _No, we would all be dead if I had tried to do that. There wasn't enough time. _There was little comfort in the fact that Ash was a religious woman and died believing she would be with her maker, or that the Alliance would once again regard the Williams name with some pride.

_"I'm activating the nuke."_

_"What? Chief, what the hell are you doing?"_

_"Making sure this bomb goes off, no matter what. It's done, Commander. Go get the lieutenant and get the hell out of here!"_

_"Belay that. We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Williams." Always the gentleman._

She had hesitated only a moment, her mind running through the situation. Alenko was with Captain Kirrahe and the salarians. They had suffered casualties, but many were left. She was closer to their position than that of the bomb site. If she saved them, they could escape the blast radius. If she saved Williams, there would be more casualties and the delay of doubling back might result in damage to the Normandy.

_"I'm sorry, Ashley. I-"_

_"It's all right. It's been an honour, Commander."_

"I'm so sorry, Ash."

Kathryn was surprised by the sound of her own voice and looked around her cabin. It was late. She had been working on a message to Ashley's family, but the data pad had shut itself off at some point and her coffee was cold. She was tired, and ached from the beating she had taken over the course of their mission on Virmire, but she couldn't sleep. Thinking a shot of whiskey might help, she looked around for a glass, and finding none, headed to the kitchen.

Alone with her thoughts, she started reconsidering what she was doing with Kaidan. _Can I pull back now? Keep it strictly professional? Perhaps. Should I? Probably. Would that change the way I feel? No, but I'm not even really sure what I feel. Would it be better for the crew? Maybe, maybe not._ Her eyes began to sting and water. _A walk. I could use a walk._

She eventually found herself down in engineering, standing in front of Williams's locker, the empty glass in her hand, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Commander?" She hadn't heard the elevator doors open and started at the sound of Kaidan's voice as it drifted across the room. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

She shook her head, wiping her tears away. "It's okay. Couldn't sleep. I thought I'd get a glass, have some whiskey, but..." She waved her glass at the lockers. "I got the glass, at least."

Kaidan let out a short laugh. "Me too. I was wondering if you'd want a drink."

"Yeah. Let's go to the starboard lounge." She reached out and touched the door to Ashley's locker. "A drink to Ash."

x ~ X ~ x

They stood at the window, staring out at space.

"How are you doing, really?" Kaidan asked.

"I'll be okay, eventually." She shot back the rest of her whiskey. "I...ah...I might have pissed off the council. I hung up on them earlier."

She poured herself a second shot of whiskey. "They read my report about Saren's ship, Sovereign, but they refuse to believe it's a reaper. Even though Liara and Garrus were with me when I talked to Sovereign, the council doesn't believe me. The reapers only exist in my visions. They think Saren's playing me, that he used information from my previous reports about my visions and the reapers, and fabricated the story to string me along. They think I'm fucking crazy."

He looked at her reflection in the window. "We don't."

She nodded."You have no idea how much that means to me right now. Shit, Kaidan. I don't know what to do. Saren, that ship, and the reapers are the real threat here and we can't do a damn thing about it."

Kaidan was about to say something when the intercom system came to life with Joker's voice.

"I forwarded the mission update to the Citadel, Commander. We've got confirmation on those reinforcements. Ambassador Udina wants us to report back to the Citadel. The council is amassing a joint-species fleet to deal with Saren and his geth."

Kathryn's eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Really? That seems like a pretty quick about face, considering how things went earlier." She shook her head. "I hoped they'd come around. Back to the Citadel, Joker. I want the Normandy at the head of that fleet!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Joker replied.

Kathryn turned to Kaidan with a smile. "Udina must have found a way to make them come around. Maybe he's not so bad after all."

She raised her glass. "Here's to tracking down Saren."

"I'll drink to that," he replied, touching his glass to hers.

Kathryn slept soundly the rest of the night, finally feeling as though everything they had been through, and the losses they had suffered, would not be in vain.

* * *

**A/N:** Edit: had to delete a few lines. Got ahead of myself in the plot! The updates will be coming in a bit more slowly now, but I do hope you'll keep reading and reviewing. My thanks to Bioware, gal pals Zevgirl and Zute, reviewers Vanderslice and Pachouli, and to everyone else who's reading and listing this story. Please feel free to review. It's very motivating! Cheers, Biff


	11. Grounded

**Grounded**

Shepard tried to keep her composure. She had not expected that the council would simply set up blockades and leave it at that.

"He's on Ilos looking for the conduit right now. What are you doing about that?" Her tone was sharp; Udina was glaring at her.

The salarian councilor shook his head. "Ilos is only accessible through the Mu Relay, deep within the Terminus Systems, Commander. If we send a fleet in there, the only possible outcome is full-scale war."

"Now is the time for discretion, Commander," Udina urged. "Saren's greatest weapon was secrecy. Exposed, he is no longer a threat. This is over."

Kaidan and Wrex shifted uneasily behind Shepard, neither of them liking the way this conversation was going.

"But one ship going into the Terminus Systems won't cause a war. I can be discreet."

The turian councilor scoffed at the notion. "You detonated a nuclear bomb on Virmire. I would hardly call that discreet!"

"Your style served you well in the Traverse, Commander. We recognize that. But Ilos requires a deft touch. We have the situation under control."

Shepard kept trying to convince the councilors that reapers were real and Saren was Sovereign's puppet, until the turian councilor finally raised his hand. "Ambassador Udina, I get the sense Commander Shepard isn't willing to let this go."

Udina's expression was grave. "There are serious political implications here, Shepard. Humanity has made great gains thanks to you, but now you're becoming more trouble than you're worth."

_What? No, no, no._

"You bastard," Kaidan hissed. "You're selling us out!"

Udina turned his back on Shepard and stepped away from her. "It's just politics, Commander. You've done your job, now let me do mine." He glanced at her over his shoulder. "We've locked out all the Normandy's primary systems. Until further notice, you're grounded."

"Are you insane? After everything I've done, you still don't believe me?" She was shocked. _Grounded? This cannot be happening_. Udina hadn't touched a computer or datapad since entering the council chambers; he had clearly already issued the order.

"I think it's time for you and your team to leave, Commander. This no longer concerns you. The council will deal with it, with my help, of course."

Numb, Shepard turned and left the council's chambers with Kaidan and Wrex following close behind. The trip back to the Normandy was painfully quiet and if the looks they got as they passed through C-Sec were an indication, word had spread already. Shepard and her crew were grounded; the war hero was disgraced.

x ~ X ~ x

_Grounded. What the hell am I going to tell Mom and Dad about that, for Christ's sake? Shit. What the hell is my combination?_ Shepard slapped her locker door with frustration, unable to get the lock open.

"Commander?" Kaidan appeared at her side. She turned around and sat on the floor, looking up at him. "There's got to be a way to appeal. We're under Alliance authority, after all, not the council's."

She shook her head. "Official channels are closed. They were pretty clear about that."

"Closed. And we're supposed to accept that? So where do you think the best view will be when the reapers roll through? If we're going to sit it out, we might as well get a good seat."

Kathryn couldn't tell if he was angry, being sarcastic, or trying to goad her into getting mad. "We're out of the game for now. I just need you to be there while I try to figure this out, okay?"

"You know you can count on me, or any member of the crew, Commander."

Some of her good humor was back. "Come on, Kaidan, I can get a salute from anyone on this ship. Sometimes I need a _shoulder_." She raised an eyebrow at him.

His lips twitched with a smile. "Yeah, I always leave a way out, you know that. I'm here for you, but...we're in a rough spot and the last thing I want to do is muddy things." He sighed. "Like it's all that clear to begin with. Are we the pride of the fleet or not? Are we valued agents, or just peons?"

Kathryn laughed. "Can't just pull out a good old fashioned 'It'll be alright' can you?"

"It's that easy? Okay. Everything'll be fine, Kathryn. You'll figure it out." He was happy to see she wasn't completely down and out.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"I could get used to it." His smile warmed her. "I, ah, guess we have some down time to...figure out what we are."

Stepping forward, Kaidan leaned down and offered her a hand, pulling her up. She stumbled and he caught her in his arms and looked into her eyes. He moved closer and she could feel his breath on her lips. Kathryn closed her eyes as he slid his hand up her back, embracing her, and she breathed him in. Inching closer, her lips brushed his.

"Sorry to interrupt, Commander." Joker's voice cut into the silence. "I just got a message from Captain Anderson."

She pulled back from Kaidan, looking toward the nearest speaker, a frown on her face. "Are you _spying_ on us, Joker?" _Jesus_.

"Nooo, ma'am. Just knew you were on the ship and thought I'd pass the message along. He said he'd be at Flux, that club in the Wards. He wants to see you, asap."

They were quiet for a moment. "Joker? Privacy, please."

"Yes ma'am." That was followed by a click, which she took to be him turning the intercom off.

"I guess you'd better go." Kaidan reached out for her hand, pulling her back to him.

Kathryn melted against him; her inner argument of whether or not to back away from this thing with Kaidan was settled. "You're coming with me. Life's too short, Kaidan."

x ~ X ~ x

Captain Anderson waved at a waitress and held up three fingers. "I'm glad you came, Shepard. I heard what happened."

It still stung, and she winced. "They took me off the mission. Just like when they forced you to give up the Normandy."

"I know. I wanted to warn you, but there was no way to get a message to you before you docked." He looked between her and Kaidan as they sat down. "I'm sorry about Williams and the others."

The waitress arrived with three glasses of whiskey and they each took a sip. Kathryn leaned forward. "I cannot let them die in vain, but I think I might have messed this up for us and I don't know what to do now. I wouldn't be surprised if they've revoked my Spectre status, too. I feel like an ass. This is stupid." She ran a hand through her hair.

"I know you're pissed off right now, but you can't give up. They all think this is over, but we both know it's not." He paused, looking them each in the eye. "You have to go to Ilos. You have to stop Saren from using the conduit."

Kathryn and Kaidan stared at Anderson and she leaned forward, elbows on the table. "Captain, there's only one ship that can get us into the Terminus Systems undetected, and she's grounded."

Anderson took a drink, fixing his eyes on Shepard. "Citadel Control has locked out all the Normandy's systems. But, if we override the ambassador's orders, we can get them to bring her systems back online. You could be in the Terminus Systems before anyone knows you're gone."

"What?" she finally managed, her heart pounding in her chest. She lowered her voice. "If we...if we steal the Normandy, you're the one left holding the bag."

"And if Saren finds the conduit, life as we know it is over. The reapers will destroy us. Asari, human, everyone. You're the only one who can stop him, Shepard, and I will do whatever I can to get you and the Normandy off this station." He sat back and waited for her to process what he was saying.

Kathryn looked back and forth between both men, her mind racing. "Stealing the Normandy is mutiny. What if the crew won't help?" Kaidan moved, shifting his arm and leg to rest against hers.

Captain Anderson could see there was something going on between them, and smiled. Fraternization didn't hold a candle to mutiny and they needed each other now. "The Normandy's your ship now, Shepard. Her crew will follow you to the ends of the galaxy, we both know that."

She wrestled with idea for only a moment before nodding her head. "Okay. How do we do this?"

x ~ X ~ x

Anderson gave them a head start, and Kathryn and Kaidan returned to the Normandy as quickly as possible, trying not to draw much attention to themselves.

"I need to talk to Joker and stay in the cockpit. I want you to contact the crew. If anybody wants off the ship, they are free to go. I can't just assume everyone will support this. If they can't get off before the lockdown's lifted, we'll have to think of some other way to unload them. They'll maybe have ten, fifteen minutes tops to get whatever they can and go, so keep the message simple."

"'We're stealing the ship, if you're not with us please leave' should do it," he said, shaking his head. "This is one hell of a second date, Kathryn."

Kathryn could imagine her next conversation with her mother._ And on our second date, we committed mutiny and ruined our careers. It was a great night._

* * *

**A/N:** Again, this was longer than I would have liked, but I do like the conversation they have at the lockers, and wanted to keep everything from the council meeting to the Flux scene in one chapter. The game is almost afoot, so to speak! Much thanks to Bioware, my FF pals Zevgirl and Zute (who have great stories, read them!) and to all who read and review and list! I like hearing from you, so please feel free to comment. Cheers, Biff


	12. Mutiny

_Rating going up to M as of this chapter. Mild NSFW at end._

* * *

**Mutiny**

Joker's mouth hung open until he managed to find his voice again. "Holy shit, Commander, that's a capital offence. Anderson's going to take a lot of heat for this if it goes south."

"We _all_ will, Joker. That's why I need to be sure that everyone on board right now is given a chance to get the hell out of here if they don't support this. Did anyone else leave the ship?"

"No ma'am, just you and Alenko. Everybody's pretty pissed-"

Kaidan's voice spoke out from the Normandy's secure internal communications network. "We are preparing to leave the Citadel to go after Saren Arterius, against the direct orders of Ambassador Udina and the Citadel council. If you do not support this action, you have approximately fifteen minutes to leave the Normandy. I repeat..."

"Commander, really?" Joker asked, giving Kathryn a look as he turned the intercom volume down.

"If we leave this station with anyone on board who isn't absolutely committed to the cause, it's kidnapping." _God, I hope Anderson pulls this off._

He shrugged. "Whatever. Even if I weren't totally on board with this crazy ass plan, I have an obligation to stay if there's the slightest chance you'd fly this thing the way you drive the Mako."

Kathryn snorted. They lapsed into silence, eyes fixed on the control panel. The display screen was still flashing red. Alenko's message continued playing in the background and she looked over her shoulder, out of the cockpit toward her command station. Kaidan was approaching them. He gripped her shoulder reassuringly.

"So?" Joker asked, not taking his eyes from the control panel. "Anyone leaving? I'm betting no."

Kathryn shook her head. "It hasn't even been ten minutes."

Kaidan shrugged. "I don't think anyone's leaving. Engineering reported that they are with you one hundred percent and everyone I ran into on the way here was supportive. Some people are perturbed that you're going this route, but they're staying."

Kathryn breathed a sigh of relief and the trio slipped into silence again, waiting. At fifteen minutes, she was starting to feel ill. What if Udina was in his office when Anderson tried to break in, what if he had been arrested? If he had been caught in the act of trying to release the ship's systems, what would happen to the Normandy's crew? A few more minutes had passed when the control panel flashed green and jumped to life.

"This is it, Commander!"

Kathryn jumped up. "Let's go. Get us out of here, Joker."

Joker's hands flew over the controls. Locks disengaged, the Normandy reversed out of the docking bay, and gracefully turned to leave Citadel airspace. Half an hour later, Joker was unimpressed.

"Aw, damn it. No sign of pursuit? I was hoping the council would send someone after us. I was looking forward to putting the Normandy through her paces, see what this ship can really do."

"Saren's still out there," Shepard said as she scanned the space ahead of them. "Maybe we'll get to play hide and seek with Sovereign."

Joker looked up at her. "You know, it doesn't sound like much fun when _you_ say it, Commander."

"Stay sharp, marine." Kathryn took a deep breath and swallowed hard. Would the council or the Alliance send anyone after them? "We should head straight for Ilos."

"Aye, aye, ma'am," Joker said with a wide grin. "Shouldn't be more than a couple of days, depending."

x ~ X ~ x

The reaction of the majority of the crew was summed up by Navigator Pressley. "I know we could all be court martialed for this if it goes wrong, but this is pretty exciting!"

As she made her way to her quarters, she was stopped frequently by people wishing her luck, letting her know they stood behind her. It was a humbling experience. If their faith in her turned out to be misplaced..._You can do better than that, Kate_.

Her intercom crackled when she entered her room. "Ah, Commander?"

"What is it, Joker?"

"Secure communication from the SSV Kilimanjaro, ma'am."

"Shit. Real time?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Put it through." She sat at her desk and logged on to the system. Her mother's face appeared on the screen. "Mom."

"I've seen the reports."

"Mine, or the council's, Mom? I know I'm right about the reapers."

Her mother nodded, knowing her daughter well enough. "We don't have much time. I just need to know two things, sweetheart. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. It's been a rough week, but I'm okay."

"Do you believe this is the only way and that you're doing the right thing?"

"If there were another way, I'd be doing that right now, so yes. I believe I am doing the right thing." She wasn't really there, not yet, but she couldn't let anyone else know that.

"Alright. Your father and I love you, darling. Be careful."

"I will, Mom. Hug Dad for me. I love you both. Normandy out." She terminated the communications and leaned back, fighting the urge to cry. If that was the last she was to see of her mother, she could have said more, her father deserved more, but the Alliance would probably come down hard on anyone caught communicating with the Normandy. Resolving to stay strong, she got up and brushed her teeth and washed her face, and returned to her desk. She'd need to know as much as possible about Ilos before they got there, and she wanted to do some research. The intercom at the door buzzed.

"Open."

Kaidan walked in. "Commander?"

She stood up and turned around, leaning back against her desk. Perhaps the research could wait. "You probably shouldn't call me that. I probably shouldn't be wearing this uniform."

Kaidan rubbed his neck. "Yeah, that's a hell of a thing. We break our oath to defend the Alliance so we can keep it. What happens if this doesn't work out, Shepard? We mutinied, stole a prototype warship...hell, if they wanted to get technical, they could throw in kidnapping." He inched closer to her, his eyes searching hers. "We're a hell of an example of humanity's best and brightest, huh?"

Kathryn let out a short laugh, comfortable enough to be honest with him. "I keep reminding myself we're doing the right thing. I don't believe me yet." She pushed herself away from her desk, closing the gap between them a bit more.

"Well, if I didn't believe you were doing the right thing, I wouldn't be here. It'll really hit the fan when we reach Ilos." He looked down briefly. "Look, if things don't work out, I want you to know...well, I've enjoyed serving under you." He took another step forward.

She felt crazy, reckless, and couldn't help herself. "Kaidan, I don't believe I've had the pleasure of you serving under me. Don't you think it's time to rectify that?"

He laughed. "Ouch, I walked right into that, didn't I?" He took another step forward, until they were sharing personal space. "We could get drummed out of the service for fraternization. Of course, we'll probably get the firing squad for mutiny, but you know what? You're right. About everything."

Kaidan took her hand in his, his expression serious. "When I think about losing you, I can't stand it. The galaxy will keep going. Everything, even the reapers, will come around again. But you and I, we, are important right now. This is what will never happen again, us. This is what matters. Shepard, you make me feel...human."

He felt relieved to finally confess just how much she had come to mean to him, and he could see that she felt it too. Kathryn's entire face brightened and she squeezed his hand.

Her heart was pounding. "Oh, I can make you feel much more than that. Come here." She put a hand on his chest, grabbing a fistful of his uniform.

"Is that an order?"

"Damn straight. Shut up and kiss me."

"Careful, Shepard. I might think you're abusing your authority, a serious breach of proto-"

Kathryn took his face in her hands and kissed him, gasping as he grabbed her and pulled her against his body. His hands travelled down her back, over her bottom to her thighs, and he lifted her up.

Sighing, she wrapped her legs around him. "Mmmph. Stay with me tonight."

He pulled back, gazing into her eyes. "I wasn't planning on going anywhere, Shepard."

"Call me Kate, Kaidan. And get me over to that bed, right now."

"Yes ma'am, Kate."

He lay her down on her bed and began to undress her, pulling back her uniform jacket to reveal her breasts. He pulled it off, then removed her bra, and finally pulled her pants, underwear, and socks off in one quick movement. He sat back to appreciate her lean, muscular body.

"You are so beautiful. I am a lucky man."

Kathryn sat up and began unbuttoning his uniform. "Yes, you are." Smirking, she pushed him back onto the bed and wrestled his pants off, taking a moment to appreciate his physique. "And I'm feeling pretty damn lucky myself, Kaidan."

She crawled along the bed to straddle and kiss him, pressing her groin against his. Kaidan groaned, arching his hips up. He embraced her, rolling them over, and thrust his fingers into her hair. Trailing kisses along her jaw line and throat, nibbling her ears, and sucking her nipples, he drove Kathryn mad with desire. She didn't want to take her time, not _this_ time. She wanted him now, and told him so.

"Please, Kaidan. I want you now." She shifted her hips and raised a leg to give him better access.

Kaidan sank into her slowly, drawing moans of pleasure from her, and it felt as though he had come home. This was where he belonged, with Kate, and little else mattered. His entire career thus far had been played by the book. He was risking everything for the love of a woman, had even mutinied in support of her, and he didn't care how cliché it sounded.

Kathryn ceased to think about anything else but Kaidan and how wonderfully ecstatic she felt as their bodies moved together. She felt safe and complete within his arms, this felt right.

He sat up and pulled her into his lap, and she sank down onto him, rocking her hips. She could feel her climax building and cried out, arching her back as she clenched around him. Kaidan's hips bucked and he held her to him as he came. They collapsed back together, panting, and Kathryn snuggled up against Kaidan, her ear resting above his heart.

"Don't move. I don't want anything to spoil this moment." She could hear laughter rumble in his chest.

"Deal."

They fell asleep, arm in arm, smiling.

* * *

A/N: Thank you to all who read and review, to my pals Zevgirl and Zute, and to Bioware for the dialogue I pinched, and for setting up such great characters. Please read and review, I love hearing from you! Cheers, Biff


	13. Heroes

**Heroes**

They were nearing Ilos. Kathryn woke early and propped herself up on one elbow to watch Kaidan as he slept. He looked utterly peaceful, handsome features smooth, one arm flung up over his head. No worry or pain, just peace. And love. It seemed crazy to her that they had fallen in love during such a tumultuous time, but she was happy and didn't want to question it too much. She slipped out of bed, tucking the covers up around Kaidan, and took a shower.

Kaidan woke up to find Kathryn dressed, leaning back on her desk, watching him. She smiled and he wanted to grab her and hold her close, make love to her again.

"It's been a long time since I met a woman who-"

"Bridge to Commander Shepard. We're five minutes out from the Mu Relay."

Kathryn stood up and walked to the bed, sitting down at Kaidan's side. She worked her fingers into his hair and kissed him. "Five minutes, hm? You know, I don't think I have all my stressed worked out yet."

Kaidan moaned. It was tempting, but too risky now. "Mmm. Joker's waiting for you on the bridge, Kate." He sat up and pulled her into an embrace. "I swear, if anything happens to you...Take care, Shepard."

She smiled, tracing his jaw with her finger. "You, too, Alenko."

x ~ X ~ x

"Joker, Saren's using the conduit to head back to the Citadel and we have to follow him." The transmission was breaking up. "They're attacking...adel. You...to round up reinforce...Follow Sovereign to the Cita...I...peat...del is un...attack. Bring backu..."

"Damn it!" Joker shouted, his eyes darting from one panel to another. "She's gone."

"Gone as in...dead?" Alenko could barely breathe the word.

"No, Lieutenant, just...gone. Saren and the shore party have vanished. I'm not getting anything. Shit, the fucking Mako's gone, too. What the..." He shook his head and stopped talking; he wasn't sure he understood how this conduit was getting her back to the Citadel, but he'd gotten the gist of the commander's message.

"Mayday, mayday, mayday. This is First Lieutenant Jeff Moreau of the SSV Normandy. We have a report that the rogue Spectre agent Saren Arterius is about to attack the Citadel. I repeat..."

Alenko's training kicked in. His questions about Shepard and her team couldn't be answered and he had to focus on his part of this mission, here and now, putting his personal feelings aside. He had to assume that Shepard - Kate - was right, and the crew needed to get ready. He punched the Quarters button, calling the crew to prepare the ship for battle. _Don't die on me, Kate._

x ~ X ~ x

The Mako shot out of the conduit and landed on the walkway, killing two geth soldiers before skidding sideways, rolling three times, and slamming to a stop against a wall. Shepard was hanging upside down when she came to, and she carefully unbuckled her seatbelt and dropped to the roof of the Mako. Groaning, she righted herself and tried to get her bearings. Garrus and Liara were slowly stirring.

"Are you okay?"

Liara nodded, reaching for a shotgun. "I think so."

Garrus was reloading his assault rifle. "We've driven with you before."

"Oh, well, I'm glad to see your sense of humor is intact." She opened the escape hatch, pausing long enough to hear shuffling ahead of their position. She couldn't tell how many there were, but she could see them through the crack of the open door. "Husks," she whispered.

Her team members nodded and shifted their bodies so that the three of them could climb out of the escape hatch as quickly as possible.

Shepard pushed her concerns about Alenko and the rest of the Normandy's crew to the back of her mind. She had faith that they would bring back up; right now she had to deal with Saren.

x ~ X ~ x

The radio chatter was unbelievable and Joker, Alenko, and several communications officers had their work cut out for them, trying to stay on top of the changing situation on the Citadel. Commander Shepard gained control of the station and waved off an attack to save the council members, telling the fleet to hold off until it could focus on Sovereign. Some were damning her for condemning the council members to death, while others were praising her as a hero for saving countless lives.

Sovereign arrived, cutting a path through the Citadel's defences as Saren regained control and began closing the arms of the space station. Shepard tried to reason with Saren. As much as the notion chilled Alenko to the bone - the turian was beyond saving - he couldn't help but smile. She always tried to take the high road, to be the better person. Much to everyone's surprise, she was able to make Saren see reason. Incapable of breaking free of Sovereign's control, he shot himself.

Seconds later, Shepard shouted, "Don't worry about us, we can get to cover. Take Sovereign down!"

A controlled chaos ensued, ships of every description firing on Sovereign. Alenko couldn't watch, knowing Shepard was at the center of it all, and focussed on maintaining communications with the fleet.

Finally, Sovereign started to disengage from the Citadel, arcs of electricity dancing along its exterior as its systems began to fail.

"Hang on everybody, I'm coming around again!" Joker shouted. Putting the Normandy's systems to the test, he flew her up above Sovereign and brought her about to let loose with everything she had. Circling around again, he waited. Flashes of electricity sparked along the ship and then, like an egg, it cracked along its length, large sections of the hull breaking off. An explosion ripped through the ship, putting an end to it once and for all.

Alenko watched in horror as the debris headed straight for the heart of the Citadel.

x ~ X ~ x

The Citadel's docking bays were locked down. Until search and rescue teams were confident they had done their best to find survivors, no one was allowed to board the Citadel. The Normandy's crew waited to learn what had happened to the shore party. Hours went by before any progress was made. Radio chatter confirmed that Garrus and Liara had been found under debris and sheets of metal and were being attended to by medics, but neither of them knew where, exactly, Shepard had been when Citadel Control had been compromised. The walkway where they'd last seen her was shattered and strewn across several dozen meters of floor space.

On the Normandy, the crew waited for Captain Anderson to report back with an update.

"I'm sorry, I don't think..." Anderson's voice crackled through the bridge's intercom, and then faded away, another voice shouting illegibly in the background. "My god..." There was more noise. Anderson was moving, people were shouting, someone was crying.

"Captain?" Joker asked, trying to stay calm. Alenko was standing next to him, tension rolling off the lieutenant in waves.

"She's alive!" Anderson shouted, panting as he ran.

At last, Alenko could hear Shepard speaking. "Watch the arm, the arm. Oh, my head. Is everybody okay?"

He wasn't sure if he was going to laugh or cry, and quickly excused himself from the bridge on the pretense of contacting C-Sec to offer assistance with the recovery efforts.

* * *

**A/N:** The end of Mass Effect is cheesy if Shepard survives, and I loved it! This is not where Kathryn's story ends, of course. My gratitude goes out to Bioware, Zevgirl and Zute, and to everyone reading. Please read and review. Cheers, Biff


	14. The Challenge

**The Challenge**

Shepard was hailed as a hero, despite her decision to sacrifice the council members and the crew of the Destiny Ascension.

"While I deeply regret that I could not save both the council and the Citadel," she said in an interview, "there were millions of people on the Citadel, and I needed the full force of the fleet against the reaper ship Sovereign. I stand by my decisions that day and can only resolve to try to do better in the future, to honor those who died upon the Ascension."

A new multi-species council would be formed, with Captain Anderson as humanity's representative. The Citadel would take some time to recover, but work began immediately. The Normandy's crew was given two weeks of shore leave before they were expected to report back for active duty, and Shepard chose to take advantage of the invitation to compete in training challenges at Pinnacle Station. As soon as she was able, Shepard and the Normandy departed for the Argos Rho cluster.

x ~ X ~ x

Kathryn couldn't help thinking that victory should have felt better, and despite everything she had seen and heard, all the intel they had gathered, the Alliance wasn't moving as quickly as she would have liked.

She was sitting at her desk, staring at the blank monitor, when Kaidan entered her quarters. He stood at her side, brushing his hand across her cheek.

"I don't like that look, Kate. We're on shore leave, you should be smiling, laughing, anything but this."

She sighed and leaned back in her chair. As much as she wanted to tell him exactly what she was thinking, she didn't want to ruin the moment. "Oh, it's nothing that can't wait."

Kaidan pulled her up out of her chair into his arms and kissed her. "I don't think I believe you, but I'm letting it go."

Kathryn wrapped her arms around him, letting his warmth envelop her. "We should arrive at the station in a few hours. Got any plans?"

"Hmmm. I'd like to spend that time with you, Kate. If you don't mind."

She could feel him smile before she saw it, and pulled back to look into his eyes. The love she saw there warmed her to the bone and sent shivers down her spine. "As long as we're naked, I don't mind at all."

His hands were at her buttons immediately, undressing her as he walked her backwards to her bed. "Lucky for me, that was the idea."

"Lucky you, lucky me." Kathryn whispered, pushing his shirt up. Her legs hit the bed and she fell back, laughing.

Kaidan pulled his shirt off and tossed it over his shoulder, his eyes fixed on her. "Lucky day." Pants pushed off, he stretched out beside her and ran his hand across her chest.

She let her gaze wander over his muscular body and grinned. "Shut up and kiss me, Kaidan." He happily obliged, muffling her laughter with a passionate kiss.

x ~ X ~ x

What started out as a simple combat challenge at Pinnacle Station turned into a wager between human and turian. Shepard walked into the middle of an argument between a turian named Vidinos and a human lieutenant named Bryant, who had beaten one of Vidinos's scores. The turian was ready to throw Bryant in the brig for cheating because, as he put it, 'no human could do that'. When Shepard took exception to the comment, Vidinos challenged her to try to beat his scores.

"You're on. And when I win, you'd better have an apology ready to go with the weapon you'll be giving me." An unrelenting need to make good on her wager took over.

x ~ X ~ x

Kaidan paced the length of the med bay, running his fingers through his hair every now and then. Doctor Chakwas had closed the med bay shutters for privacy, and he had no idea what was going on. More than an hour had passed since Wrex and Garrus brought Shepard back from the station. He only knew she had severe bruising, a dislocated shoulder from a badly executed roll, a sprained ankle, and a cut to her cheek, all from some sort of additional trial that Admiral Ahern offered her. Which she'd done with no safety protocols in place. Wrex beamed with pride as he told the crew members present how Ahern had praised Shepard's combat and leadership skills and offered her the first run at a scenario he created himself. The two made a wager and she won something pretty big, apparently, but Kaidan didn't care about that.

The med bay doors slid open and Doctor Chakwas stepped out. It was clear from the look on her face that she was not happy.

"Doctor, is she-"

"She's fine, Lieutenant Alenko, but I must confess I am rather angry with her. She took a foolish risk, not only with her life, but with Wrex's and Garrus's lives as well." Chakwas shook her head. "Not that either of them are complaining. You may see her."

Alenko found Shepard buttoning up her uniform jacket when he entered the room. Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned back against the wall and adopted what he hoped was a thoroughly serious expression.

She looked up, her lips pursed. "Before you start going off on me, Doctor Chakwas has lectured me enough for the both of you. She'd probably call my mother if they knew each other."

"What were you thinking?" he asked at last, his throat tight. "No safety protocols? You could have been killed. Garrus and Wrex could have been killed."

Kathryn sat down and stared at her boots. "I wanted to prove I could do it. I _had_ to prove I could do it, that I am the best I can be. And apparently, there's room for improvement." Now that she had time to really think through all the choices she'd made to this point, doubt had begun to creep into her thoughts and she wasn't sure she believed she had done all she could to save the council, Ashley, Jenkins, everyone who had died over the past several months. She could do better, she had to believe she could do better, and so she pushed herself.

Kaidan began pacing again. "You did do it, in real life. It was called the Skylian Blitz, or in recent history Noveria, Virmire, Ilos, the Citadel. And to whom are you trying to prove yourself?" He stopped and stared at her.

She sighed. "I don't know. Me, maybe?"

Kaidan was in front of her, pulling her up into his arms, before she was aware he was moving. "You don't have anything to prove. Don't ever do anything that foolish again, Kate. I don't think I could stand it if anything happened to you."

Kathryn settled against him. "I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

He was beginning to feel better, enough so that he could laugh. "Maybe. Wrex said you won something?"

Kathryn smiled then, tipping her head back to look Kaidan in the eye. She kept her voice low, her tone suggestive, and Kaidan tightened his grip on her hips. "I did. Ahern's retirement home on Intai'sei, where we are now headed for four days and four nights. Don't waste too much time packing. We won't need much. One set of armor, one uniform, and some briefs should do it." She moved her hips against him and he groaned.

Kaidan touched her cheek gently, amazed at how well it was healing. His brow wrinkled with concern. "I don't know, Kate. Your shoulder, your ankle...you're pretty bruised up, too. What did Chakwas say?"

She grinned. "Don't even _try_ to tease me, Alenko. You're too easy to read. You're going with me, you know it, and you're going to forgive me and have a great time." Her hips were moving against him again, and he was forced to admit she was right.

"Yeah, I am, and I will." He pulled her closer, careful of her shoulder. "You're a remarkable woman, Kathryn Shepard." He was in deep, he knew, and couldn't completely shake the fear that this happiness was fleeting, but being with her made him feel whole and he'd hang onto that for as long as he could.

* * *

**A/N**: Thank yous go out to everyone who's reading and listing, and to my pals Zevgirl and Zute. Bioware, kudos. Please read and review! Cheers, Biff.


	15. Intai'sei

**Intai'sei**

"Kaidan, this is so exciting!" Kathryn gasped, as they entered her new apartment.

He laughed; they had only just stepped into the entrance hallway, but as far as hallways went, it was nice. It was wide, with storage lockers on one wall, medi-gel, weapons, and ammunition storage along the opposite wall, and two large windows at the other end, next to the door to the actual living space. The sun was setting, casting a rosy glow over the entire room.

Kathryn pulled her armor off and put it away, opening a second locker for Kaidan to use, and hurried into the apartment, unable to wait any longer.

"Oh my god, this is great!"

Kaidan listened to her ooh and ahh about the view until his armor was stowed away. Stepping into the apartment, he whistled. A sunken living room was situated at the front of the place, and the entire front wall was a window looking out over the desert and distant mountains. The setting sun was slowly disappearing behind the highest peaks directly in front of them, and it was a breathtaking sight. Kathryn knelt on a bench along the window, watching a video screen rise up out of the sill.

"You can watch vids, news reports, anything from your datapad, omni tool, or computer."

Before he could say anything, she was moving back to the upper level of the room, dragging a hand over the table and chairs there. She touched the desk and computer station, walked past a short hallway to the kitchen and bathroom, then to the bed and storage at the back of the room. Completing the circle by coming back to him, she stretched her arms out and turned in a circle.

"So much more space than the quarters on the Normandy. There's a hydroponic garden, and water, waste, and composting systems in the building next door. Other apartments will be built over the next few years, apparently, but so far this is the only one."

She fixed him with a look that was both predatory and mischievous. "We are all alone on this planet, Kaidan, for four days."

They stared at each other for only a moment before their bodies collided in a passionate embrace. Fumbling with each other's clothing, which fell to the floor around them, Kathryn and Kaidan stumbled blindly to the bed and collapsed onto it, a tangle of limbs. She rolled him onto his back and straddled his hips, slowly sinking down onto him.

"I need you now," she whispered as Kaidan gasped and grabbed her hips.

He could barely nod a reply as his eyes wandered over her body up to her face. Kathryn was beautiful, framed by the sunset and flushed with desire, and the very sight of her took his breath away. Each movement of her body against his was a moment of bliss; when she pulled away, the separation was agony. They fit together perfectly. For several minutes she rode him, slowly increasing her pace until she couldn't wait any longer.

"Kaidan," Kathryn panted, sliding her hand between her legs. "So...close...ah!" She threw her head back, body shuddering, legs gripping Kaidan.

"God, Kate," was all he could manage before he came, crying out as he thrust into her sharply.

She spread out beside him, one arm draped over his chest, and kissed his shoulder. Kaidan put an arm over hers.

"Kate."

"Yes?" She pulled back to look him in the eye, a lazy smile pulling at her lips.

"I love you." He held his breath, not entirely certain how she would react.

For a brief moment, it looked like she was wasn't sure what to say, but then she smiled. "Me too. I mean, I love you, Kaidan." She let out a breath of air. "Were you nervous? I'm nervous."

He laughed. "A bit, yes." He propped himself up on his elbow and reached out to touch her cheek. "Why are you nervous?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm just wondering what if..." She let her voice trail off.

Kaidan pulled Kathryn into his arms and lay back down. "We can't let this change things, Kate. This is the best crew I've worked with, the best ship. Neither one of us wants to lose our post." He kissed her forehead. "But I don't want to lose you, either."

She snuggled up against Kaidan. "Right. So...no touchy feely in public, keep it strictly professional? I think I can live with that, as long as you can promise me we'll be downright unprofessional in private."

Kaidan laughed out loud and hugged Kathryn again. "I'll see what I can do for you, Commander."

She poked him in the ribs. "Right now, you can shower with me, soldier. And then we should eat something. You're going to need the energy, because I have plans for you."

x ~ X ~ x

For three days they made love, watched old Earth videos, ate, slept, talked, and played poker, all conversation relating to their work or careers forbidden. Kathryn thought she couldn't have planned a better shore leave it she'd tried, and not for the first time, she was glad her recklessness had paid off.

The morning of their fourth day on Intai'sei began much like the others. Kathryn awoke, spooned up against Kaidan, and listened. _I thought I heard some..._

Her computer beeped an incoming message alarm, the screen flashing red to indicate the serious nature of the message.

"Fuck," she mumbled, struggling to unwrap herself from the bed sheets.

"Mmph, what are you doing?" Kaidan asked, still half asleep.

"Thinking up the worst possible punishment for whoever's calling, that's what."

Reaching for her bathrobe, she pulled it around her body and sat in front of the computer, making sure the the video camera was pointed away from the bed, and turned the monitor on.

Joker's face appeared before her. "Oh, ah...hey, Commander Shepard, how are you?"

"I was sound asleep a minute ago, Joker." She stared at the screen, waiting.

Joker's ever-present smirk widened into a smile. "Right, and I am really sorry for interrupting your leave, but you can blame Admiral Hackett for this one. Reports of geth activity and three ships are unaccounted for."

Kathryn groaned and ran her hands through her hair.

"There," Joker laughed. "You're almost ready to go. Slap some clothes on, grab the lieutenant, and get packed. We'll be there in six hours to pick you up. On second thought, maybe you shouldn't grab the lieutenant. We can't waste any time..."

"Jesus, Joker," Kathryn laughed. "Just give us a call when you get here."

"Right, Normandy out."

"Duty calls?" Kaidan sat up in bed, rubbing his face.

Kathryn got up and stood at the end of the bed, arms crossed over her chest. "In six hours, not right now, Kaidan." She opened her bathrobe and let it fall to the ground.

"I think I like this duty. Come here, Kate."

x ~ X ~ x

Kathryn stood at the entrance to the apartment, checking things off on her fingers. "You, Mom, and Dad all have security access, ownership is now fully transferred, and VI is set to email all of us if anything happens while it's empty. I think we're good to go."

"Mmm, not yet, Kate." Kaidan caught her around the waist and pulled her body against his. "Thank you for this, it's been a great few days."

"We'll be back soon. What's a few geth, right?" She grinned and kissed him.

"Right." He squeezed her ass as he kissed her back, groaning as her mouth opened to him. Pulling away from her at last, he grabbed their duffel bags and nodded to the door. "Let's go, Commander."

"Let's, Lieutenant."

Kathryn followed Kaidan out of the apartment and sealed it up behind them. Getting into the Mako, she looked back at the front window and remembered making love to Kaidan on the bench there the night before. Smiling, she nodded to him. Kaidan entered their rendezvous site's coordinates into the control panel and hailed the Normandy to announce their departure. As they pulled away from her new home, she settled back in her chair and sighed. Whatever was ahead, she was ready.

* * *

A/N: And there you have it, my lead in to the events of ME2. My gratitude goes out to Bioware, Zute and Zevgirl, and everyone else out there who's reading and listing. Please read and review! Cheers, Biff


	16. The Normandy

**The Normandy**

Shepard pulled her helmet off and ran her fingers through her hair. Another day with nothing to report. Four days of nothing to report. She was starting to wonder what the Alliance was up to, sending their best and brightest off to scour space for...nothing. _Joker is wearing off on me, she thought to herself as she opened her locker. I'm starting to spin conspiracy theories._

It was business as usual on the Normandy. Everyone on the crew knew she and Kaidan were in a serious relationship, but no one spoke of it. If Captain Anderson or Admiral Hackett suspected anything, they weren't addressing the matter. Fraternization was not, it seemed, a big concern. It crossed her mind that the Alliance might be trying to find a way to deal with the matter of mutiny, but Commander Kathryn Hannah Shepard and the crew of the Normandy were heros, their actions viewed by the public at large as the necessary means to the best possible end. They had saved the galaxy, putting a stop to the reaper invasion. Would the Alliance risk arresting her?_ Don't get too high on yourself, Kate, and keep an eye on your back._ She checked the time on her omni-tool. Smiling, she headed to the mess hall.

x ~ X ~ x

Alenko checked the clock on the dashboard of the Mako and smiled. It was almost time to meet Shepard for coffee. It was looking less and less likely that they would run afoul of the Alliance's fraternization regulations, but they were still being careful in public. Keeping their distance from each other, and sticking to titles and surnames, wasn't as difficult as he thought it might be. In fact, Kaidan was finding that it made the time they spent alone together that much more enjoyable. Putting his tools away, he grabbed his helmet and headed to the mess.

x ~ X ~ x

"The board is green. We are running silent." Joker looked over his shoulder. Pressley was pacing back and forth, checking figures on a datapad.

"We're wasting our time," the navigator complained. "Four days searching up and down this sector and we haven't seen any sign of geth activity."

Joker shrugged. "Three ships went missing here in the past month. Something happened to them."

"My money's on slavers. The Terminus System is crawling with them."

Lieutenant Holmes's voice caught Joker's attention. "Picking up something on the long range scanner. Unidentified vessel. Hmm. Looks like a cruiser."

Joker ran his hand over a panel. "Huh. Doesn't match any known signatures."

"Ah...cruiser is changing course. It's now on an _intercept_ trajectory." Concern crept into Holmes's normally placid voice.

"It can't be," Pressley snapped. "The stealth systems are engaged. There's no way a geth-"

"That's not the geth," Joker cut in, all humor gone. "Brace for evasive maneuvers!"

x ~ X ~ x

Alenko was putting his helmet down on the mess hall table when he felt the mild vertigo that accompanied a sudden change in the Normandy's flight path. Joker's voice filled the hall.

"Brace for evasive maneuvers!"

In the split second that followed, something hit the Normandy, hard. He steadied himself against the table as a second attack hit the ship. Joker's voice kept shouting out from the intercom.

"Kinetic barriers are down. Multiple hull breaches. Weapons offline! Would somebody put that fire out?"

Instinct took over and Alenko was moving, dodging falling debris and fire, to help his crew.

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard was standing at a control panel near the main battery, putting her helmet on, when he found her. "Shepard!" The ship was jarred by another hit; fire was spreading around them.

"Distress beacon is ready for launch." The beacon deployed, she reached for a fire extinguisher.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Another explosion jarred them both.

"I sure as hell hope so, Alenko. I'm not doing this just so they can find our frozen corpses. Get everyone onto the escape shuttles." She tossed the fire extinguisher to him and grabbed another for herself.

Alenko pointed to the ceiling. "Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't abandon ship." He pulled the pin on the extinguisher and started spraying foam at anything that burned. "I'm not leaving either."

Shepard spun around and grabbed his arm. "Get to the damned shuttles. I'll haul Joker's crippled ass out of here."

She kept moving, spraying the flames while checking the control panel for a status report. The ship's hull was losing integrity, the Normandy was drifting out of control. They were running out of time.

"Commander-"

She paused to look at him over her shoulder. "Lieutenant, that's an order. Get to the damned shuttles."

"Yes ma'am." He turned and ran to the shuttles, waving crew members to follow him. Shepard started making her way to the flight deck.

x ~ X ~x

Joker tried to stabilize the ship. "Mayday, mayday, mayday. This is SSV Normandy. We've suffered heavy damage from an unknown enemy. Come on baby, hold together. Hold together!"

Shepard forced the stairwell door open and stepped out onto the flight deck, stunned by what she saw. Gravitational controls were failing, the hull was ripped wide open in several places and pieces of equipment and debris were floating into outer space. A planet dominated the sky above the Normandy, beautiful but terrifying. The command deck was gone. Getting to the cockpit was a slow process; she had to keep pushing chairs that had once lined the walkway to the cockpit out of her way as they floated past her.

Joker's hands flew over the controls. One by one, systems were failing, but he couldn't give up. "Come on, baby. Where is that son of a bitch?"

Shepard grabbed the back of his chair. "Come on, Joker. We have to get out of here!"

"No! I won't abandon the Normandy. I can still save her!"

She was prepared to hurt him if she had to, but hoped she could appeal to him. "Joker, the Normandy is gone. Going down with the ship won't change that."

"I...You're right, okay. Okay."

She reached out and took his forearm, hauling him up out of his chair to pull his arm around her shoulders. "The arm! Watch the arm, damnit."

"Jesus, Joker, you're like the whiny little brother I never wanted," she replied with an awkward laugh as she led him to the escape shuttle off the starboard side of the bridge. "A fractured arm won't compare to getting spaced, but I do apologize."

"Accepted. Oh shit, Commander. They're coming around for another hit!"

Shepard looked up, through the ship to open space, to see a monstrous ship coming toward them. The shuttle's door opened and she swung Joker into the nearest chair as a particle beam cut through the hull. Another explosion knocked her back into a wall and she felt the gravitational controls go at last.

"Shepard!" Joker yelled, trying to get back up.

She grabbed at the corner of the wall, her eye on the button to eject the shuttle. She wouldn't make it to the shuttle, she knew that, but Joker didn't have any armor on, only a helmet. He would die, and she couldn't let that happen. She hit the button.

"No! Shepard!" he screamed as the door closed.

She drifted free of the wall as another explosion ripped the Normandy apart, propelling her away from the ship. _I'm alive, the Alliance is_...She couldn't breathe. Panic took over as she tried to breathe, but something had happened to her suit, she had no oxygen. Shepard tried to reach the tank on her back, but it was no use. She was suffocating. _Kaidan_...

* * *

**A/N**: And here we are, at the beginning of ME2. Bioware provided much of the dialogue here, although I did add some of my own. Thanks to Zevgirl, Zute, and Vanderslice for the reviews, and to everyone who's reading and adding this to alert and favorite lists! Please read and review. This one was hard to write. Am I a chump for getting teary? Cheers, Biff


	17. Kaidan

**Kaidan**

Losing Kathryn and the Normandy nearly broke Lieutenant Alenko. The ship was destroyed, the surviving crew disbanded and reassigned, their non-Alliance allies scattered around the galaxy, and the woman he loved was missing. His life was turned upside down. For days he clung to the hope that she escaped the wreck with Joker, that they would be reunited on the Citadel, but a visit from Joker put an end to that line of thinking. One of the things Alenko loved about her, the way she cared for her crew, had killed her. He wanted to blame Joker, but couldn't, and he knew Kathryn wouldn't stand for it anyway. She lost Ashley Williams on Virmire and resolved to do better, to honor the chief, and that's exactly what she did. The next day, the Alliance Council called off the search for Shepard's body, and announced that she had been killed in action.

Meeting Kathryn's parents was difficult. He liked them both, immediately, but Kathryn looked and sounded so much like her mother, it was hard being around Hannah. He attended Kathryn's funeral, numb to the core, barely able to speak to anyone, and left for Earth as soon as he was granted leave. For the first time in years, he felt an overwhelming desire to go home.

x ~ X ~ x

Kaidan opened the apartment and stepped into the hallway, old ghosts greeting him. More than six months had passed since his first visit, but it felt as though he had just been here. He could picture Kathryn pulling her armor off in the hallway.

_Kaidan, this is so exciting!_

Swallowing hard, he stepped into the living space. He could imagine Kathryn sitting at the window, jumping up to walk around the apartment, touching everything as she saw it for the first time.

_We are all alone on this planet, Kaidan, for four days._

He let his duffel bag fall to the floor and walked to the bed, sitting down heavily.

_I love you, Kaidan._

Finally, for the first time since the Normandy went down, Kaidan cried.

x ~ X ~ x

Over time, Alenko recovered. He wasn't ready to move on, to let go of his feelings for Kathryn, but he was finally letting go of the guilt he'd felt for surviving. Therapy helped, and he threw himself into his career with the Alliance. Kathryn would be proud of him for being promoted to staff commander.

Kathryn's parents decided to keep the apartment on Intai'sei and insisted that he could use the place any time he wanted to. He returned on the first anniversary of her death, staying there after accepting an invitation to train at Pinnacle Station. On the second anniversary of her death, he spent a few days of his shore leave at the apartment to prepare for his next assignment. Alliance command was sending him to investigate the disappearance of human colonies. Disturbing rumors were circulating that Cerberus might be responsible. Other rumors were going around, too, and they were more disturbing for Alenko to consider, but for far more personal reasons.

Rumor had it Commander Kathryn Hannah Shepard was alive.

* * *

**A/N**: Short and sweet, a glimpse at our poor Kaidan after Shepard's death. My thanks to Vanderslice, Zute, and Zevgirl, and to all the readers out there! Please read and review; it's fun, and motivating, to hear from you. Cheers, Biff


	18. Awake

**Awake**

There was noise, light, a male voice. _Kaidan_...She struggled to open her eyes. Blurred images began to clear.

"...awareness of her surroundings. Oh my god, Miranda. I think she's waking up." Not Kaidan, some man she'd never seen before.

A woman with dark hair stood over her. "Damn it, Wilson, she's not ready. Give her the sedative." She looked down at Kathryn. "Shepard, don't try to move, just lie still. Try to stay calm."

"...heart rate still climbing, brain activity is off the charts."

Kathryn tried to remember what had happened. _This isn't right. I shouldn't be here, I..._

"...another dose."

"Heart rate dropping."

The man's voice changed, sounded as though she was under water. The woman's face appeared again, smiling down at her, frowning at the man. Kathryn's vision blurred again and she drifted off to sleep.

x ~ X ~ x

The ship shook. _We're hit._ There was an explosion in the distance, but it sounded...strange. _Need to find Joker._

"Wake up, Commander."

_Doctor Chakwas?_

The ship shook again. There was gunfire. _Gunfire? We were hit with a particle beam._

"Shepard, do you hear me? Get out of that bed now. This facility is under attack."

Confusion set in. That wasn't the doctor's voice, but she knew it, knew the accent. It was the brunette woman. Kathryn opened her eyes, raising a hand to touch her face. It was sore; she could feel wounds along her cheek.

"Shepard, your scars aren't healed, but I need you to get moving. This facility is under attack."

Kathryn moaned, sitting up. Her ribs hurt, but she quickly forgot about that. She could see flames and gunfire outside a nearby window. _Where the hell am I, a lab? This isn't the Normandy._

"There's a pistol in the locker on the other side of the room. Hurry!" The voice demanded.

Instinct took over and she was moving, mindless of the pain or the questions that continued to run through her mind. She found the pistol and her armor, and changed as quickly as she could. As she tossed her uniform aside, she stared at the emblem embroidered on the sleeve. _Cerberus? What the fuck is going on?_

The woman's voice kept issuing instructions, warning her of upcoming obstructions, enemies, all while guiding her toward the shuttle bay. Mechs were trying to kill Shepard; she wasn't going to question the help until she was out of danger. She was, however, getting rather annoyed with the disembodied voice for continually telling her to get under cover. _I'm a trained infiltrator for Christ's sake._

Shepard wasn't the only one in the facility; she witnessed Cerberus staff being gunned down on her way out, but the voice over the intercom kept urging her forward. There was no time, she had to hurry. The transmission began to get spotty and eventually died. Shepard was on her own and running blind. Now needing to rely on her own skills, Shepard began searching for anything she could find that would give her some idea as to where she was, where she could find the rest of the crew. Doubt filled her mind. Why was she looking for the crew? Something about that didn't seem right. Joker, she had to find Joker, but where was he? _Where am I?_ She found an active computer terminal with research logs; one of the entries was open, mid playback, and she recognized the brunette. She hit play.

The brunette woman's face jumped to life. "Progress is slow, but subject shows signs of recovery. Major organs are again functional and there are signs of rudimentary neurological activity. In an effort to accelerate the process, we have moved from simple organic reconstruction of the subject to biosynthetic fusion. Initial results show promise." The recording stopped. It was labelled 'Miranda - Progress Log 15'.

A chill ran down Shepard's spine. Past experience had taught her Cerberus wasn't the most ethical organization in the galaxy and they liked to experiment with living subjects. _What are they up to, and where are the others?_ She was thinking about Joker...

A datapad on a nearby shelf caught her attention and she checked its files. A file titled 'Wilson - Personal Log 29' tweaked her memory. A blond man named Wilson.

"Log update. The cost of this project is astronomical. Over four billion credits so far, but nobody seems to care that we've gone over budget. I don't know where the boss gets all this money, and maybe it's better not to know." The battery power was failing and the unit shut off.

"Damn it," Shepard swore as she put it back down. She had to keep moving, but she kept an eye open for another terminal. When she finally found one, she hacked into Wilson's sub-directory and listened to another entry.

"I can't figure Miranda out. As project director, she should be ecstatic about all the progress we've made, but she's still the same old ice queen. Maybe she's afraid Shepard might become the favorite. Or maybe she really is just a pure, cold hearted, bitch."

The mention of her name, and the date of the entry, definitely caught her attention. 2185. That had to be wrong, it was 2183. _What the hell is going on?_ A memory flashed through her mind, an image of Joker in an escape shuttle, screaming at her. Gunfire brought her back to the moment and she kept moving. Wherever she was, it looked like every other Cerberus lab she could think of. Top of the line equipment, every computer and file encrypted, scientists wearing the same damned uniform she'd woken up wearing, getting killed left and right. Mechs were storming the place, seemingly hell bent on killing her. _Me._

She snuck out of the maze of labs into a hallway and spotted another Cerberus employee firing at mechs across the breezeway. The blue glow of a biotic shield surrounded him. She peered out from behind the wall, fixed her eyes on a target and started shooting, picking off one mech after another until she was able to run to the man's side. They crouched down together and reloaded their weapons before he actually looked at her.

"Shepard. What are you doing here? I thought you were still a work in progress."

Her eyes narrowed, suspicion growing in her mind. "Are you with Miranda?"

"Yeah, sorry, I forgot this is all new to you right now. I'm Jacob Taylor. I've been stationed..." He paused and shot at another hostile and hunkered down again. "Damn it. Things must be worse than I thought if Miranda's got you running around. I'll fill you in, but right now we need to get you to the shuttle."

Shepard shook her head. "No, no. I know this isn't the best time, but I'm sick of stumbling around when I don't know what's going on."

Jacob checked over his shoulder to see if more mechs were around. "Fair enough. I'll give you the quick version. You and your ship were attacked and destroyed and you were killed. Dead as dead can be, when they brought you in here. Our scientists have spent the last two years putting you back together. You've been comatose or worse that whole time. Welcome back to your life."

* * *

**A/N**: Sorry, but this was going to get incredibly long if I didn't find a suitable place to cut it. Good news is, the next chapter should be up in another few days at most. My thanks to Zute and Zevgirl, Bioware, and all the Mass Effect readers out there. Read and review! It makes my day to hear from you. Cheers, Biff.


	19. Impossible

**Impossible**

Shepard stared at Jacob, professionalism hanging on a thread, her mind racing.

"Wha...ah...huh. I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around that." _How is that possible?_ She turned and looked at her reflection in the glass partition they were hiding behind. _It can't be, can it?_

"Yeah, I can imagine. The Alliance officially declared you killed in action. The whole galaxy thinks you're dead, and if we don't get to those shuttles, you will be."

_Everyone thinks I've been dead for two years. _Bile rose in her throat as the full impact of that statement hit her.

"Were there any other survivors from the Normandy?"

Jacob saw three mechs appear on the landing across from them. "Tell you what. Help me finish off these mechs and I'll play twenty questions with you all day."

Shepard sized up her targets. Standing, she took three shots, hitting each mech in the face. Jacob was clearly impressed.

"Nice shooting. So what do you want to know?"

She gripped the metal railing before her, closing her eyes, thinking back. "The last thing I remember is..." _Joker, screaming at me, closing the escape pod door, a particle beam cutting through the hull. _"...the Normandy, blowing up. Did anyone else survive?"

"Twenty other people didn't make it out, crew from the lower decks, Navigator Pressley, a woman from the bridge crew. Everyone else, even the non-Alliance personnel on board, made it out alive."

"Do you know what they're doing now?"

"No, Commander. It's been two years. They've moved on, left the Alliance. They could be anywhere."

She clenched her hands into fists. Her parents thought she was dead. Kaidan thought she was dead, had probably moved on. _How could this happened? _"They were my team. If they knew I was alive, they'd come back."

Shepard asked Jacob more questions to sort herself out. Miranda was the ranking officer, Jacob was head of security. They were charged with bringing her back, keeping her safe. Shepard was the Lazarus Project. It was a damned incredible story that flew in the face of everything she thought she knew about science. _Or maybe I wasn't dead, just in a coma. That is so much easier to believe._

Jacob's omni-tool lit up. She could hear a familiar man's voice, speaking into Jacob's ear. _Wilson?_

Jacob answered her unasked question as he talked, making arrangements to meet Wilson in the network control room. As they continued on, she hacked into another one of Wilson's personal logs.

"Log update. Project Lazarus is entering the final phase. It's taken nearly two years, but we did it. Commander Shepard is alive. This is the most amazing medical achievement in recorded history. Maybe now Miranda will finally show some appreciation for everything I've done."

Wilson's tone this time gave Shepard pause. He sounded angry, spiteful. How could she trust any of these people? They had played God with her life...or had they? Had she really died? _If I didn't, they certainly went to a great deal of effort with these logs. _A memory came to her, fighting for air, thinking there was no oxygen.

_My oxygen feed was damaged, I suffocated. __So, the environmental controls were damaged, I eventually froze, and that helped...preserve me? _She kept moving.

Another terminal, another progress log. Miranda reported that "the Illusive Man" wanted Shepard brought back exactly as she had been, with her personality, morals, intellect, and skills intact. Any other outcome would be failure in his eyes.

They found Wilson, in a server room, with a gunshot wound to his leg. After treating him with medi-gel, Shepard took a step back to let him stand and steady himself. He was quick to explain what he was doing - trying to shut down the security mechs - and her suspicions were raised again.

"We didn't ask what you were doing," Jacob said, giving voice to her concerns. "But why do you have security mech clearance? You were in the bio wing."

"Were you listening? I came here to try to fix this. Besides, I got shot. How do you explain that?"

"You're all strangers to me." Shepard cut in. "Let's get someplace safe first and then sort out whose fault this is."

Jacob agreed. "We need to find Miranda. We can't leave her behind."

"Forget about Miranda." Wilson snapped. "She was over in D wing. The mechs were all over that sector. There's no way she'd survive."

"A bunch of mechs won't drop Miranda. She's alive." Jacob argued.

"Yeah? So where is she? Why haven't we heard from her? There're only two possible explanations. She's either dead or she's a traitor."

Shepard raised her hand. "Then why did she wake me up and warn me about the attack?"

Jacob wasn't buying the idea either and he and Wilson debated the matter until more security mechs entered the room. Ducking for cover, Shepard was now convinced Wilson was feeding them both a line. Her gut feeling was that Jacob might be trustworthy. Wilson, on the other hand, rubbed her the wrong way.

She shot at a stack of explosive containers by the door, hiding behind a desk until the debris stopped falling and the mechs were down. She led Wilson and Jacob into the next room and was looking for a way forward when Jacob stopped her.

"This is getting pretty tense, and I...look, Shepard, if I tell you who we work for, will you trust me?"

"Jacob, this really isn't the time," Wilson warned him.

"We won't make it if she's expecting a shot in the back." _Smart man_.

"If you want to piss off the boss, it's your ass, Jacob." Wilson leaned back against a crate and shook his head.

Shepard raised an eyebrow, feeling her temper boiling up again. _Being dead has really shortened my fuse_, she thought as she waited for Jacob to explain himself.

Jacob pursed his lips. "The Lazarus Project, the program that rebuilt you, is funded and controlled by Cerberus."

"I was wondering about that. I recognized the uniform. We ran into the group a few times while I was investigating Saren. Some kind of pro-human splinter organization, right?"

"That's what the Alliance wants people to think, but there's more to it. The Alliance declared you dead, they gave up. Cerberus spent a fortune to bring you back." Shepard frowned. "Yeah, I'd be suspicious too, but right now we need to work together. I thought you deserved to know what's what. Once we're off the station, I'll take you to the Illusive Man. He'll explain everything, I promise."

That was one of many things that disturbed her; Cerberus's motivations in bringing her back from the dead were not clear. "The Illusive Man. He's in charge of all of this?"

"Yeah," Wilson replied. "Not his real name, of course. Nobody knows who he really is."

"I don't care what they did or what you say, I am not working with terrorists. Being brought back from the dead without my permission by some benefactor I don't know and am not inclined to work with is just one of the many things that really pissed me off when I woke up today, Jacob."

He opened his mouth to speak, but she jerked her head toward the shuttle bay doors, discouraging further conversation. _This is wrong on so many levels, so wrong_. Another computer terminal, more progress logs filed by Miranda. Shepard searched for files dating back to 2183 and found some. She copied them to her omni-tool. _Better to read them later, when the shock wears off. If._

Wilson ran ahead of her and punched a key combination on the door. It opened to reveal the woman Shepard had come to recognize as Miranda.

Wilson looked surprised. "Miranda, what are you doing here, you're supposed to be-"

Miranda raised her arm and shot him in the heart. "Dead?" she asked as he slumped to the floor.

Shepard had her pistol pointed at Miranda's head before she could finish processing what had happened.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jacob shouted.

"My job. Wilson betrayed us all," Miranda stated flatly, holstering her weapon.

Jacob started to argue with her, but Shepard's growing impatience boiled over. "Didn't it seem odd, Jacob, that the mechs were killing everyone else on sight, but they shot Wilson once and left him? He probably shot himself. Either way, Miranda, we should have arrested him and questioned him. Not that it matters now. He's dead. Are we evacuating this station?" she demanded.

"Of course, Commander." Miranda pointed to a nearby shuttle.

"What about the others?"

"This is the evac area. If they aren't here, they aren't coming."

Shepard tried to argue that they should be sure there were no survivors, but Miranda was insistent they leave immediately. Shepard was too valuable to risk any further. They were headed to another facility where Shepard could talk to the Illusive Man.

_He'd better have some damn good answers for me, Shepard thought as she climbed into the shuttle. Damn good answers._

* * *

**A/N**: Thanks to Bioware for the dialogue and universe, and to my pals Zevgirl and Zute for their continued support. I'm also grateful to readers for listing this story. Please feel free to leave a comment/review. They keep me motivated, and I'm always willing to entertain any suggestions/ideas readers may have (especially if you find errors; I am sans beta!). Cheers, Biff


	20. The Mission

**The Mission**

Talking to the Illusive Man was likely never going to happen face-to-face. He was paranoid, and rightly so Shepard supposed. Instead, they appeared before each other as holographic images. He looked relaxed, seated as he was, smoking a cigarette and drinking. Her posture, by comparison, was downright hostile. With her hip cocked, arms crossed over her chest, foot tapping with irritation, and her brow pulled into a frown, it was clear she was angry. And yet in the end she knew he had her, and not through threats or intimidation. He simply appealed to her sense of duty and honor, and she accepted the mission.

The reapers were back, probably using another life form much as Saren and the geth had aided Sovereign. Entire human colonies were vanishing and someone had to do something about it. Politicians and the Alliance couldn't be counted on to act quickly enough. Hundreds of thousands of humans had disappeared, and perhaps for no better reason than she had caught the reapers' attention by killing one of them. The Illusive Man believed that with her past experience humanity stood a chance at beating the reapers.

Shepard wouldn't deny that she had been good at what she did, that she was a brave and accomplished soldier who could build a great team and command their loyalty, but she doubted that she really was the only one in the entire galaxy who could possibly defeat the reapers.

"You could have trained an entire army for what you spent to bring me back."

"You're unique. Not just in ability or what you've experienced, but in what you represent." the Illusive Man explained. "You stood for humanity at a key moment. You're more than a soldier, you're a _symbol_, and I don't know if the reapers understand fear, but you killed one. They have to respect that."

"If you're right, if the reapers are behind this, I'd consider helping you."

"I'd be disappointed if you accepted any of this without seeing for yourself. I have a shuttle ready to take you to Freedom's Progress, the latest colony to be abducted. Miranda and Jacob will brief you."

"Miranda killed Wilson in cold blood, and Jacob's just a gun for hire. You expect me to trust them?"

"Wilson was one of my best agents, but he was a traitor. Miranda did exactly what I expected of her, and she saved your life in more ways than one. Jacob's a soldier, one of the best. He's never fully trusted me, but he's honest about it. You'll be fine with them. For now."

_What the hell does that mean?_ "Is this a volunteer job, or am I _being_ volunteered?"

"You always have a choice, Shepard. If you don't find the evidence we're both looking for, we can part ways. But first, go to Freedom's Progress. Find any clues you can about who's abducting the colonists and if they're working with the reapers. I brought you back, Shepard. It's up to you to do the rest."

After a moment's hesitation, she nodded. How could she say no? He raised his glass to her and reached a hand out to touch a panel that appeared in front of him, terminating their meeting.

x ~ X ~ x

_If you don't find the evidence we're both looking for, we can part ways._

Shepard stood at a shuttle window, staring out at nothing in particular as she wondered if the Illusive Man's word on that point meant anything, when Jacob approached her.

"Commander Shepard, are you okay?" He handed her a bottle of water and she took it.

"Thanks. Yeah, I guess I'm okay. Few people can say they got killed as well as I did and managed to come back looking this good." _No, I don't sound bitter at all_. "Maybe I should be grateful, who the hell knows, but in spite of what Tim says, this isn't something I ever would have asked for. To not die that way, maybe, but I'm a soldier. I could die a hundred different ways, and that's just a risk of the job. To be brought back? That shit's all right if you're dead a few minutes. After the way I died? No."

He had nothing to say in response. "'Tim'?"

Shepard let out a short laugh. "Don't tell me you all call him the Illusive Man all the time. Illusive? Man? _The_ Man? I like Tim." She opened the bottle and drank. "His reasons for why he brought me back aside, how do you justify the decision in the first place? What makes my life any more valuable than the next person's? Four _billion_ dollars. Think what that money could have bought otherwise, Jacob."

She sat down. "Death is supposed to be final, and when I think of what I had and where I was when I died, it's all gone now, isn't it? What do I have, my health? This mission? My parents, friends, crew, the Normandy-" She stopped short of mentioning Kaidan and had to look away as tears welled up in her eyes. These people knew a lot about her, probably even knew she had been intimately involved with Kaidan Alenko, but she wouldn't give them any more than they already had.

"I'm sorry, Commander, I didn't...I never thought of it that way."

She needed to be alone, to grieve her losses, but she hadn't had much privacy since waking. On top of that, trying to sleep in the company of two strangers was difficult. Still, she felt she could trust Jacob somewhat and was beginning to relax in his company.

"Thanks, Jacob. I doubt Tim cared either way. He seems to fly by the 'any means necessary' rule." .

"You look exhausted. Can't you sleep?"

She laughed. "I was just contemplating that very fact, Jacob. I was asleep for two years. You'd think I'd had enough for a while, but yes, I am having trouble sleeping."

He smiled sympathetically. "Look, we won't get to Freedom's Progress for a while yet. There's a cot in the cargo hold, and enough space to fold it out. If you don't mind cramped spaces, it's yours. No one will bother you, I promise."

Shepard decided Jacob wasn't so bad. "Thank you, I would appreciate that."

Jacob helped her set up the cot and gave her more water and a meal ration. "It's not so bad as far as rations go. The...ah, _Tim_...does do us some favors. Good night, Commander." He stood at attention and saluted her, closing the door as he left.

Shepard sat down on the cot, not sure what to do with her solitude, now that she had it. She had to assume that the shuttle's internal and external communications were monitored; she couldn't attempt to contact her parents yet. _Kaidan_. A memory surfaced, a day at the Citadel shortly before they left for shore leave on Intai'sei, and her nose and eyes began to sting. She took his picture when he wasn't looking. _Is it still there?_ Tapping a few buttons, the omni-tool jumped to life and she began to scroll through the files there until she found the picture. Another button and Kaidan's face appeared on the display screen.

For the first time since she was a child, she cried herself to sleep.

* * *

**A/N**: Thank you one and all for reading, and I hope you'll review. Zevgirl and Zute, thank you thank you, and many blessings upon your heads! Cheers, Biff.


	21. Evidence

**Evidence**

The Illusive Man got lucky with Freedom's Progress. The colony went silent just before Shepard's conversation with him, and she was there with Miranda and Jacob, and a skeleton crew, within seven hours. First on the scene to investigate, they might finally find clues as to who, or what, was responsible.

Freedom's Progress was covered in a thin dusting of snow, light flakes falling. The settlement was eerily quiet and empty. There were no signs of forced entry, fighting, no bodies, no blood, _nothing, _just evidence that people _had _been there. Meals had been left mid lunch; milk, coffee, juice spilled where someone had clearly been pouring or drinking it.

"Even the most well-trained Alliance search and rescue team couldn't evacuate a colony this big so quickly, and with such efficiency." Shepard muttered. "Records from twenty one eighty three report over nine hundred thousand people lived here at the time. Could you evacuate that in a matter of hours, leaving no signs behind? You'd need complete cooperation from the colonists, and a couple of dreadnoughts at least, with virtually nothing else on them, to carry them, never mind a way to get people to the ships. This isn't slavers, that's for damn sure."

They soon found themselves facing the colony's own security mechs.

"These mechs shouldn't be hostile, they should recognize that we're human." Jacob shouted. He elevated two mechs into the air and shot them as they drifted toward him.

Miranda ducked under cover to reload her sub-machine gun. "Someone has reprogrammed them to attack on sight. We're not alone here." She popped up to throw a warp field at a FENRIS mech, then shot it, sending the hound-like machine flying into a wall.

Shepard found a strange comfort in the familiarity of battle and was pleased to see Miranda and Jacob were very good fighters; before long, they were flowing seamlessly over the field as one unit.

As she opened the doors of the next portable, they saw four quarians crouched together on the floor. Immediately, the two groups were facing off.

"Stop right there!" The male quarian front and center demanded.

A female quarian stepped forward and spoke. Dead for two years or not, Shepard immediately recognized Tali'Zorah nar Rayya's voice.

"Prazza, you said you'd let me handle this." She turned to show her open and unarmed hand to the humans and paused. "Wait, _Shepard_?"

Shepard lowered her weapon and motioned for her team to do so as well, taking her helmet off. Prazza was not happy.

"I'm not taking any chances with Cerberus operatives."

"Put those weapons down!" Tali commanded. "Shepard, is that...you're alive?"

Shepard wanted to cry with relief and hug the quarian, she was so happy to see someone she knew, someone she could trust, but she had to try to see this from Tali's point of view. She took a deep breath and nodded. "Do you remember when I gave you that geth data, Tali? Did it help you complete your pilgrimage?"

"Yes, it did." Tali turned to her companions. "Prazza, weapons _down_. This is definitely Commander Shepard."

"Why is your old commander working for Cerberus?"

Tali shrugged and turned to Shepard. "I don't know. Maybe we should _ask_."

"I didn't exactly have a choice and it's...complicated. Cerberus rebuilt me, but I'm not taking their orders. Why are you here?"

Tali explained that a young male quarian, Veetor, was on the planet as part of his pilgrimage. They were in the area, wanted to visit, and noticed something was amiss. They spotted Veetor when they landed, but he ran and hid, and now they were trying to find him. He was unstable to begin with, and might be injured and fighting infection, making him dangerous.

"Veetor's likely the only one who can tell us what happened here. We should work together to find him." Shepard offered.

Tali's companions weren't happy with the idea of working with Cerberus operatives, but she silenced them and outlined a plan to approach the warehouse where they last saw Veetor. Shepard couldn't shake the feeling that she was missing something.

"Your people really don't like Cerberus, Tali. What's going on?"

Another member of Tali's team spoke up before Miranda or Jacob could say anything. "They killed our people, infiltrated our flotilla and tried to blow up one of our ships."

Shepard clenched her jaw and shot a dark look at Miranda.

"That's not how I would have explained it, exactly." her second-in-command said. "It was nothing personal."

"We can argue over who killed who later." Jacob interjected. "Right now we've got a job to do."

Shepard silently thanked Jacob for diffusing the situation and was grateful she had to focus on their investigation. She was very tempted to slap Miranda for being so callous.

Tali nodded. "Agreed."

Everyone checked their weapons, reloaded, and broke into two teams. Tali turned to face Shepard.

"Whatever happens, Commander, it's good to have you back."

Shepard nodded and watched her friend leave, her throat constricting with emotion. "Good luck, Tali'Zorah."

x X x

_Nothing ever comes easy_, Shepard thought, feeling her suit give her another shot of medi-gel. Prazza's unit, wanting to get to Veetor first, had rushed ahead against Tali's orders and were slaughtered by a heavy mech. Tali was somewhere ahead of Shepard's team, having secured their warehouse target. Shepard could hear the mech on the landing ahead of them, its motors whirring as it assessed the situation. It began moving down a ramp toward the courtyard where they hid behind storage units. She looked across to Jacob and Miranda.

"Stay under cover, flank it, hit it in the face, use disruptor or armor-piercing rounds if you have them. The knee joints can be weak, too, if you hit the right spot, but the best bet is the head. I've got sticky grenades. Push, pull, and slam it around, but don't stay out in the open for long." She pointed sharply toward the heavy mech and they began firing everything they had at it.

Shepard stepped out into the open and threw a sticky grenade at the mech, hitting its mass accelerator cannon launcher. Within seconds the grenade exploded. The cannon launcher wasn't completely destroyed, but it was damaged enough that it would rip the mech's arm apart if it used the cannons.

"Nice shot!" Jacob called out, dodging around a large storage crate to get behind the mech.

Miranda moved to a higher elevation and fired at the backs of its knees where the hydraulic mechanisms were more vulnerable. Jacob swapped out his ammo for something more effective and started shooting at the mech's head. Shepard fired, activated her tactical cloak, rolled several feet away, and fired at it again. Run, duck for cover, shoot, run, cover, grenade, and on it went for several minutes until they had finally worn away at the machine. It stopped, electricity arcing over its body, and exploded.

There were no surviving quarians out in the yard, and only two surviving members inside the nearby warehouse with Tali. She waved Shepard ahead, offering to tend to the wounded while the commander searched for Veetor.

She didn't have to look far. Veetor was in a security room sitting at a bank of computer screens, muttering about swarms and monsters. Shepard tried to talk to him, but when he proved unresponsive, she used her omni-tool to shut down the program he was running. Once they had his attention, he spun a chilling story of a 'swarm' subduing the colonists, and 'monsters' taking them away. He was even able to run a security camera video he'd pieced together, and the images were frightening.

Mechanical creatures resembling large bugs swarmed the colony, knocking out the inhabitants. Once everyone was in stasis, an alien race Shepard had never seen before arrived to take away the bodies.

Miranda sucked in her breath. "I think that's a collector."

Jacob and Miranda offered some details and Shepard filed them away in the back of her mind for later. Collectors were from beyond the Omega 4 relay, a place where many had gone, but from which no one had returned. _These collectors would have to have large ships to accommodate so many people. _A memory came to her, a ship of an unfathomable size looming over the broken Normandy as she helped Joker to an escape pod.

Veetor explained that he had data on his omni-tool, readings he took of the swarms and the collectors.

Miranda spoke up. "We need to get this data back to the Illusive Man. Grab the quarian and call the shuttle to come pick us up."

"What?" Tali interjected from the doorway. "Veetor is injured. He needs treatment, not interrogation."

"Your people betrayed us once already." Miranda shot back. "If we give him to you now, we'll never get the intel we need."

Shepard put her hands up in the air. "Miranda, I trust Tali. She will take Veetor back to the fleet, and she'll share his omni-tool data with us. I am not going to traumatize him any further."

She tried to convince Tali to join her, but the quarian had her own mission. In the end, they agreed to stay in touch and exchange any information that might be useful. Shepard watched Tali take Veetor away as Jacob called their shuttle crew to pick them up, conflicting emotions coursing through her. She had found at least one member of her crew, alive and well, and that was comforting, but she missed them all more than she had thought possible.

x X x

"Miranda." Shepard stood at the shuttle window with the Cerberus operative, her voice low so the others wouldn't hear her. "I am not a 'grab the quarian' kind of person. We may not see eye-to-eye on everything, but we have to work together and I bear the ultimate responsibility for how this thing goes down. I need you to trust me and my methods, especially when it comes to my people. I take care of my people."

She sighed and turned to face Miranda. "This is a weird situation for me. I'm asking you to trust me, when I'm not entirely sure I can trust you and Jacob. I sure as hell don't trust Tim and Cerberus. But this is what it is and I will adapt. Are you with me?"

Miranda nodded, her expression hard to read. "Of course, Commander."

"Okay." She extended a hand and was relieved Miranda shook it.

Retreating to the cargo hold for a nap, Shepard wondered what the next step was, how she was to proceed from here. _No doubt Tim has a plan_, she thought as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N**: My thanks to Zute, Zevgirl, and 2Maro for the reviews, and to the readers and the 'listers'. Please review; I love hearing what you think, what you like, et cetera.

Alert fans may note I did not refer to Tali as 'vas Neema', her name in ME2, because of course Shepard wouldn't know about that at this point.

Cheers!


	22. Home

**Home**

The Illusive Man was impressed and praised Shepard's efforts on Freedom's Progress, expressing surprise that the quarians had cooperated.

"Have you ever thought of playing nice once in a while?" Shepard asked.

Tim's lip twitched. "Diplomacy is great when it works, but difficult when everyone already perceives you as a threat. But more importantly, you confirmed that the collectors are behind the abductions."

"Why do I get the feeling you knew about them already?" She wondered if communicating with Tim would always be a game; he never seemed to be fully forthcoming.

He described an enigmatic race that came and went through the Omega relay. They traded their technology for various items and specimens and then disappeared again. He theorised that the relay reacted to the collectors' ships differently, and if they could manipulate the relays, this was further evidence that they were involved with the reapers. He couldn't speculate why their interest had shifted to humans. They had a history of seeking out races with rare genetic mutations or abnormalities, paying slavers to abduct small sample sizes, but they had never focused on a single race before, and never in such large numbers.

Tim shifted in his chair. "I won't wait until the reapers are on the march. We need to take the fight to them."

Shepard had given this moment a lot of thought. She knew he was right, and if the Alliance and the Citadel Council were still fooling themselves into thinking there was no threat, someone had to do something. Some people searched their entire lives for a purpose, and never found it. For her, it had always been to serve in the marines, to fight for those who couldn't defend themselves and sometimes for those would wouldn't. It was inconceivable that she could walk away from this, and so she nodded.

"If this is a war, I'll need an army. Or a really good team."

"I've already compiled a list of soldiers, scientists, and mercenaries. You'll get dossiers on the best of them. Finding them and convincing them to work with you could be challenging, but you're a natural leader. I'll continue to track the collectors. When they make their next appearance, I'll notify you and your team. Be ready."

She clenched her hands into fists behind her back, trying to maintain a neutral expression. "Keep your list. I want people I can trust. The ones who helped me stop Saren and the geth."

"That was two years ago, Commander. Most of them have moved on, or their allegiances have changed."

Shepard wasn't sure what to make of his last comment and let it go, asking about members of her team. Kaidan Alenko was still with the Alliance, and had been promoted, but his file was highly confidential. Garrus Vakarian had vanished and stayed gone; Urdnot Wrex was on Tuchanka, trying to reunite the krogan clans; Liara T'Soni was on Illium. Tim's sources indicated she was working for the Shadow Broker, and therefore couldn't be trusted, and while Tali'Zorah had been cooperative earlier, he wanted more information before he could make a decision about involving her if she was available.

Shepard sighed. There was no point in pushing her luck too far too quickly with Tim. Better to get started on the right foot rather than a fight. She appreciated that he was prepared for her request, having looked up her past team members. "Okay, I get it. They're not available."

"You're a leader, Shepard, you'll get who you need." It irritated her a little that he could play the good supervisor so well.

They couldn't count on assistance from the Citadel Council; Tim reminded Shepard she'd been gone a long time.

He blew smoke at her hologram. "Things have changed."

_Fair enough_. "Okay. You worry about the collectors. I'll make sure my team is ready."

"Good. Two things before you go. First, head to Omega and find Mordin Solus. He's a brilliant salarian scientist who might be able to counteract the paralyzing seeker swarms."

"I haven't even started and already you're giving me orders?"

"I'm giving you _direction_. What you do with it is up to you. I'm sure you'll make the right decision."

"All right. What's the other thing?"

"I found a pilot I think you'll like. I hear he's one of the best, someone you can trust." He lifted a hand, activated a virtual control panel, and terminated their conversation. The virtual grid surrounding her lowered.

"Goddamnit." Shepard swore to herself. "What the hell-"

"Hey, Commander," a voice said. "Just like old times, huh?"

"Joker?" She turned around and found herself staring at Lieutenant Moreau. Her eyes began to sting with unshed tears. "Jesus, Joker."

He stared back at her with damp eyes. "I didn't know how much I missed hearing you say that until just now, Commander."

She stepped closer to him. "God, it's good to see you again, Joker."

Joker laughed. "It's good to see you, too, Commander. Come on, let's get caught up."

x ~ X ~ x

Joker led Shepard through the facility as they talked.

"I can't believe it's you, Joker." He looked well, and was walking better than he had two years earlier. Better leg braces, she mused.

"Tell me about it. I saw you get spaced."

"I got lucky, with a lot of strings attached," she replied, with only a slight edge of bitterness in her voice. "How'd you get here?"

Joker stopped and turned to look Shepard in the eye. "It all fell apart without you, Commander. Everything you stirred up, lots of people wanted it gone. The team was broken up, records sealed, and I was grounded. The Alliance took away the one thing that mattered to me, so yeah, I joined Cerberus." He started walking again, leading her to a docking back window.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. _How could the Alliance do this?_ "You really trust the Illusive Man?"

"Well, I don't trust anyone who makes more than I do, present company excluded, but they aren't all bad. They saved your life, let me fly. And there's this." He pushed a button on a control panel. "They only told me last night."

The docking bay lights came on, one bank at a time, slowly revealing a starship. It was labelled 'Normandy SR2'. She sucked in her breath and quickly brushed away a tear.

Joker reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "It's good to be home, huh, Commander?"

She nodded slowly, still taking in the ship. _It's so much larger than the SR1_. "I guess we need to give her a name."

"Get your gear, Commander. We're heading out asap."

x ~ X ~ x

Miranda and Jacob gave her a tour of the ship, introducing her to the crew, pointing out the major changes Cerberus had made in the design. The ship had an artificial intelligence, something she had never worked with before, and she wondered how Joker felt about it. It was a lot to take in, and she was relieved, although rather surprised, when they arrived at the captain's quarters.

On the previous Normandy, Captain Anderson's quarters were on the crew deck, but she had never really moved in, preferring to stay closer to Kaidan. On the SR2, the Captain's room was on the top deck, away from everyone else, and had a large bathroom, an office, an enormous fish tank, and a sunken bedroom. The doors opened and she stepped into the entrance. Jacob followed and put her duffel bag down at the foot of her bed. Coming back up to her side he smiled.

"It sure is something isn't it, Commander?"

Shepard nodded, peeking into the bathroom. "The head is almost as big as my entire room on the original." She moved past the office, motion sensors turning on the computer station and photo frame there. Down the stairs into the bedroom area, and again she was impressed. There was a bed, two side tables with lamps, another desk with a chair, and two guest chairs arranged at a small table.

"The bed is twice as large as standard Alliance issue."

"And very comfortable. Look up."

There was a large window above the bed. "Nice. The fish tank is a nice touch too."

"I should let you get settled in, Commander. If you need anything, Miranda has an office on the crew deck, and you can usually find me in the armory. Joker will need to know where we're going, of course."

"Right. Give me about half an hour to consider that and then we can pull out."

Jacob saluted and left, and Shepard pulled her datapad out of her duffel bag. _Where to start, where to start?_ she asked herself as she sat at her desk. She scrolled through the notes she had made on the dossiers Tim provided. The professor, Mordin Solus, was on Omega, as was a mercenary called Archangel, and Zaeed Massani, a veteran. They were three of the five potential recruits Tim had suggested she contact first, and it made sense to her to start with Professor Solus. Omega it is, then. She hit a few keys on her computer terminal and Joker's face appeared before her.

"Yes, Commander?"

"Chart a course for Omega, Joker."

"Aye aye, Commander. Come down for a chat later, okay?"

"I will." The screen went dark.

Shepard got up and began unpacking. It seemed strange to think of these things as hers, a collection of clothing and toiletries she had never seen before, and it was sad to think that everything she had ever owned was long gone, destroyed or floating in space. There was something familiar about the new Normandy, but she wondered if it would ever really feel like home to her.

The blank digital photo frame next to her monitor caught her attention every time she passed it, and she found herself staring at it after a while. She activated her omni-tool and selected a directory, looking for the picture she had of Kaidan. When she found it, she uploaded it to the frame.

She didn't know where he was or what he was doing, and it was selfish of her to hope he hadn't moved on yet, but the truth of the matter was she loved him and wasn't ready to accept that she might never see him again. A surge of emotion threatened to bubble to the surface and she took a few deep breaths until it passed.

_I love you, Kate._ She could hear him saying it as clearly as if he were in the room with her. "I love you, Kaidan."

Taking one last look at Kaidan's picture, she left to join Joker on the bridge.

* * *

**A/N**: My thanks to Bioware, and to my pals Zevgirl and Zute for their continued support and friendship. Please read and review! Cheers, Biff


	23. Team Building

**Team Building**

Shepard was happy with the crew. They seemed like a decent bunch of people in spite of their chosen employer. Many members had been with the Alliance, and their stories were similar. They believed Shepard was right about the threat the reapers posed, and they wanted to do something about it. Cerberus gave them that opportunity and welcomed them with open arms.

She missed her old team, but was happy to learn Doctor Karin Chakwas had joined Cerberus, too. Chakwas missed being a starship doctor; the chance to work with Shepard again, and to keep an eye on Joker, was an opportunity she couldn't pass up.

"Doctor, do you know what's...well, have you heard anything about..." Shepard paused, suddenly uncertain of herself.

"Commander Alenko?" Doctor Chakwas asked, recognizing Shepard's discomfort for what it was.

"Yes. He was promoted to commander?"

Chakwas nodded. "I'm afraid that's all I know, Shepard." Her expression was guarded.

"What is it, Doctor?" _Do I really want to know?_

Chakwas turned to face Shepard. "He took your death hard, Shepard, I won't lie to you, but we lost touch after I was reassigned. I did hear about his promotion, several months later, but I haven't heard any news since. I'm sorry." Shepard waved off the doctor's apology.

"Joker took it hard, too, he was always fond of you." Chakwas said after a moment's silence. "That poor boy felt so guilty about what he saw as his failure to save the Normandy. He felt responsible for your death, too, so of course he felt responsible for the way Kaidan reacted. It was not a happy time for any of us, and the Alliance did us no favors."

She paused, thinking back on it. "Joker has his way, though, and he had friends around him. Kaidan went back to Earth to be with his parents for awhile."

Shepard considered that, her heart aching for Kaidan. "I wish..."

Chakwas gave Shepard's shoulder a squeeze. "I know this is hard on you, too. Your survival will become public knowledge soon enough, if you haven't already attracted attention. You should try to contact him."

Shepard sighed. She wouldn't be able to avoid exposure on Omega. "Thank you, Doctor."

"Join me in the Port Lounge for a glass of wine?"

Shepard smiled and waved a hand at the door to the med bay. "After you."

x ~ X ~ x

Zaeed Massani was easy to find and surprisingly easy to deal with, for a bounty hunter who was beating up a batarian at the time. Tim volunteered Shepard to help Massani with a job and, while she was annoyed he hadn't bothered to mention it in Zaeed's dossier, she agreed. Massani was a very experienced, and therefore expensive, mercenary, already bought and paid for. What was one quick job, especially if it was to save people from slavery? Massani promised to board the Normandy as soon as he was done with the batarian.

The professor wasn't as easy. He was working in a clinic in a quarantine zone where a plague was running rampant and killing aliens. Humans were immune and therefore subject to extreme suspicion, most often of the 'shoot first ask questions later' variety. The salarian doctor was an odd fellow, but she liked him and agreed to help distribute a cure for the plague and find his missing assistant.

Several hours later, the job done, Doctor Solus relocated to the Normandy. Shepard ended the day with a glass of wine in her cabin. It was becoming a nightly ritual, sitting at her desk, wine glass in hand, staring at the computer. Her personal email accounts had been deactivated, and all communications from the Normandy flowed through Cerberus's networks. Every night she reached the same conclusion: Her parents and Kaidan deserved better than an email, never mind one from Cerberus.

x ~ X ~ x

The following afternoon, Shepard was that much closer to recruiting Archangel. Jacob, Zaeed and Shepard posed as freelancing mercenaries and joined the local criminal organizations who were trying to take down Archangel. The Blue Suns, Eclipse, and Blood Packs had him trapped in his hideout and were preparing for a final assault.

Jacob watched Shepard as she worked the crowd of freelancers and gang members, gathering information here, pinching supplies and credits there. In spite of all he had read about her, and what he'd heard from Joker and Chakwas, he was still surprised by how she was able to draw people to her and get their cooperation with so little effort. He was beginning to think she could talk her way through this mission and not fire a single bullet, but Shepard had other plans.

After sabotaging several mechs so they would turn on their operators, Shepard found Sergeant Cathka, the batarian who would be relaying the signal to attack. He was repairing a gunship and Jacob could see Shepard's mind working as her eyes scanned Cathka's workstation. She chatted with the sergeant about the mission and the gunship, until the signal to attack came from the street. In the rush of activity that followed, she grabbed a welder and knocked Cathka out with it.

"Doesn't look good for Archangel," Zaeed growled as he loaded his assault rifle.

Shepard cracked her knuckles, preparing for a fight. "Let's give the guys a surprise of our own." She pulled her submachine gun from its holster and shot the first merc she set her eyes on. His friend turned, a shocked expression on his face.

"Shit, they're with Arch-" Jacob silenced the man quickly and kept shooting.

The freelancers were confused now, trying to kill Shepard and her team while defending themselves against Archangel. Shepard shot two more mercs and crouched behind a crate, glancing up at Archangel's position to ensure he was still there. He reappeared, killing two men just ahead of her. Behind her, she could hear shouts of surprise and pain as gang members started their mechs, only to be targeted by them.

"Everyone's distracted for now. Let's go, third floor!"

She jumped up, leapt over the crate and ran to the entrance of Archangel's hideout, shooting left and right. She was surprised so many mercs had actually made it into the building; getting rid of them would slow her down. It was an annoyance, but she had the bigger picture in mind. She needed this man on her team, whatever it took.

They cleared a path into the building, then up to the second floor, and before long, they were moving to the third floor. There, they met with less resistance and when the last merc fell, Shepard straightened up and pointed to a door at the end of the hallway.

She kept her weapon drawn and opened the door, peering into the room first and then stepping in. Dim light came through the window, backlighting the figure crouched there.

"Are you Archangel?"

The figure raised a hand, the barrel of his sniper rifle still resting on the window sill. A moment's pause, and then he fired. He stood and slowly moved to a desk where he took his helmet off and sat down.

Shepard squinted, trying to make out the...turian's face, she realized, recognizing the shape of his body.

He leaned forward into a beam of light from the hallway, and she gasped as he spoke. "Shepard, I thought you were dead."

"Garrus? Garrus!" Shepard silently cursed herself for getting emotional, but she couldn't help it. Garrus Vakarian was Archangel. Somehow it fit. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice."

She could tell he was exhausted. "Are you okay?"

He shrugged. "I've been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face. Killing mercs is hard work, especially on my own."

After quick introductions and a few questions, Shepard cut to the matter of escape. Garrus's plan was to hold tight until they could make a break for it.

"I'll stay up here. I can do a lot of damage from this vantage point. You can do what you do best. It'll be like old times, Shepard. Let's give these bastards everything we've got."

She had hoped to gain an ally, never expecting that she would find another trusted friend. Finding Garrus Vakarian was a bonus and she was all the more determined to get him out of this mess. She gave Garrus a quick nod and motioned Jacob and Zaeed to follow her.

The Eclipse members had repaired their mechs and were fighting back in force, bringing out a heavy mech. It took some time to defeat it, but with Shepard's sticky grenades, Jacob's biotics, and a nearly endless supply of armor-piercing rounds, they finished off the first wave and returned to Garrus's vantage point. As they were discussing their next move, an explosion rocked the building.

"That didn't sound good." Shepard grumbled. "What now?"

Garrus directed them to the basement, where they could lock down the tunnels the Blue Suns and Blood Pack has apparently reopened. Leaving Jacob with Garrus, Shepard and Zaeed raced back downstairs to close the tunnel shutters. Run, duck, roll, shoot, reload, shoot, duck, run. _This is _exactly_ like old times._

As they secured the lower level, Garrus's voice sounded in her commlink. "The Blood Pack has breached the main floor. We need you back up here, asap."

Shepard's muscles were starting to complain, but she took the stairs two at a time and was back at Garrus's side. Several minutes later it was quiet again.

"Thanks, Shepard. They hardly got through to me, and we took out Garm and his damned Blood Pack. This day just keeps getting better and better."

With only the Blue Suns to face, Shepard suggested they take their chances and make a break for it. Garrus agreed, but before they could make any solid plans, the gunship appeared in a nearby window.

"Damnit, I thought I took that thing out already!" Garrus shouted, diving for cover.

"They fixed it, but not completely. I saw to that." she shouted back, reloading her SMG.

During the course of the battle against the Blue Suns, Garrus stayed on the third floor while Shepard and her team moved throughout the building. They were on the second floor, ready to return to Garrus, when they heard a volley of heavy gunfire from above.

"Double time it!" Shepard yelled, racing back up the stairs.

As she neared the end of the hallway, an explosion tore open the wall, sending debris flying in all directions.

"Garrus!" Shepard raced into the room and spotted the turian lying on the floor in a growing pool of blood. "Don't you die on me, you sonofabitch!"

The gunship was still hovering outside the window and she had to duck behind a counter well away from Garrus to avoid getting shot. "Give it everything you've got!" she bellowed at Zaeed and Jacob.

Resting against the counter, she took aim and fired, gripping the trigger until she'd spent all her bullets. She ducked down to reload and popped back up again, firing directly into the cockpit of the ship. The pilot's head jerked back and the unit exploded, showering burning debris onto the street below.

Blind to everything else around her, Shepard ran to Garrus and fell to her knees at his side. "Garrus? Oh shit, shit, shit."

Careful not to move him, she leaned over him, holding her breath. His visor's display was registering life signs and as she got closer he sucked in a breath, his fingers twitching as he tried to reach for his gun.

"We're getting you out of here, Garrus. Just hold on." She took his hand in hers and was relieved to feel him grip her fingers, even if he was weak.

Tapping her commlink to reach their shuttle captain, she gave him directions to her location. "Radio Joker and make sure they're ready for us!"

She didn't let go of Garrus's hand until Doctor Chakwas insisted Shepard leave the med bay to get some rest. Begrudgingly, Shepard returned to her cabin to await news of his condition. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

**A/N**: Finally, Shepard's getting somewhere! My thanks to Bioward, Zevgirl, and Zute, and to everyone who reads and lists this. Please read and review; I do love hearing from readers. Cheers, Biff.


	24. Purgatory

**Purgatory**

Shepard awoke with a start, vague memories of a nightmare fading quickly. She was on her couch, a datapad in her hand. She tapped the screen to see what she'd been reading. _Right, Jack_. She scanned the dossier quickly.

_Jack (no last name known)_

_- Exceptional biotic ability_

_- Note: Criminal background, currently in custody_

_Jack is rumored to be the most powerful human biotic ever encountered. Very little additional data regarding Jack is available, except that the subject has a history of violence and should be approached carefully. Currently, Jack is being held on the turian prison ship Purgatory. Cerberus has negotiated for the prisoner's release._

She checked the time. _Early morning, several hours since we brought Garrus back_._ He must still be in the med bay. Stay positive._ She washed her face, brushed her teeth, raked her fingers through her hair, and took the elevator to the CIC.

Her assistant, Kelly Chambers, was starting her shift and turned to greet her as she stepped out of the elevator. "Jacob is in the comm room, Commander." The young woman was so intuitive, it sometimes scared Shepard.

"Thanks, Kelly."

Jacob was leaning on the table, hands splayed out, fingers drumming. "Jacob, what's the situation?"

"Commander, we've done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit. The Doc's corrected it with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell, he'll have full functionality, but-"

The door slid open and they both turned to see Garrus standing there, the right side of his face badly scarred. "Shepard."

Jacob laughed. "Tough son of a bitch. Didn't think you'd be up yet."

Garrus and Shepard stood staring at each other for a long moment before he said, "Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?"

Shepard's voice shook slightly. "Hell, Garrus, you always were ugly. Slap some face paint on there and nobody'll notice."

"Ha...oh, don't make me laugh, damnit. My face is barely holding together as it is. Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are krogan."

Jacob shook his head with a laugh, saluted Shepard, and excused himself from the room.

"Frankly, I'm more worried about you. Cerberus, Shepard? You remember the sick experiments they were doing?"

She snorted, stopping short of reminding him she was now one of those experiments, in a sense. "And that's why I'm glad you're here, Garrus. If I'm walking into hell, I want someone I can trust at my side."

"You realize this plan has me walking into hell, too? Hmm. Just like old times. I'm ready for duty whenever you are, Shepard. I'll settle in and see what I can do with the forward batteries."

She nodded and watched him leave, waiting for the door to close again before she let out a shaky breath. The worst was over, he was going to be okay. She headed up to visit Joker.

Joker turned to face her when she entered. "Commander, you got Garrus back! That's great, because he's totally my favorite, with that pole stuck up his ass."

"Pfft. I assume everything's going all right up here?"

He nodded, raising his voice and turning to look at the controls. "Oh yeah. We're just arguing about personalization of _my_ workspace."

EDI's holographic representation, a computer-generated drawing of a ball on a stand that was supposed to resemble a head and neck, lit up.

"Cerberus regulations are clear, Mister Moreau. _Personalization_ does not include grease on my bridge cameras."

Joker laughed. "It's just mad that all its footage of me looks like a dream sequence. How are you doing?"

"I'm good." She wasn't, not completely, and through the experience of months of friendship, they both knew it. _Death didn't change that, thank God_. She opened the Normandy's shutters and looked out at the blue flares of energy flickering along the ship's shields.

The lieutenant shook his head and turned forward again. "Yeah, right. When you're ready to talk about it, you know where to find me."

"_Joker_..." she said with a hint of warning.

"_Commander_..." he shot back.

They gave each other a sideways glance and smiled. After a pause, Joker cleared his throat. "So. Where're we going?"

"Purgatory."

"Oh, when'd you change your mind about flying straight into Hell?"

Shepard laughed. "Funny, smart ass. It's a prison starship orbiting Osun in the Hourglass Nebula, and that's where we're going. It's...ah...run by the Blue Suns, so be prepared for anything."

Joker stared at her. "The Blue Suns. The same Blue Suns you just wiped off Omega? Did I say working with you was dull? Because if I did, and I apologize now, can we just move on?"

"Joker..."

He sighed and started waving his hands over the controls. "Working with you, I meet the most interesting people and go to some really interesting places. It's all good."

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard had a bad feeling about Purgatory the moment she set foot on the ship. They had to argue for the right to keep their weapons when they arrived, which raised the first red flag. They had credentials, were there to complete a transaction for Cerberus. It shouldn't have been as big a deal as it had been. Their subsequent tour of the facility on their way to E-Block to collect their 'package', she had moral qualms about Warden Kuril's practices. Prisoners were stored in what had once been agricultural pens for livestock, individual pods that could be moved about the ship and even ejected into space.

Their accommodation, such as it was, was paid for by their country of origin, and if those countries failed to pay, Kuril's collection method was to threaten to release the prisoner to their home country at an unspecified time in the future.

"Extortion." Garrus observed.

The Warden took offence, defending his motivations. "These are incredibly dangerous people, Commander. I am doing the galaxy a service keeping them here." He stopped walking and pointed to the end of the hall.

"I need to confirm that the funds from Cerberus have cleared. Out Processing is straight down this hall. Just go past the interrogation rooms and the Super Max wing. I'll catch up with you later, Shepard."

Garrus, Shepard, and Miranda watched the door shut behind him as he retreated to the front security gate.

"That's pretty damn odd, just walking away and leaving us like that." Shepard whispered. Third flag.

Fourth flag, prisoners were tortured and beaten. Shepard managed to talk a guard into stopping another from beating a prisoner they passed.

Fifth flag, another prisoner asked if they were buying prisoners, and if so, would they buy him, too.

Shepard exchanged glances with her team as Garrus said, "We're here for Jack."

"Oh, ah...forget what I just said."

The more she heard about this Jack fellow, the more she wondered if they should bother. But Tim had paid Jack's bail; they were obliged to follow through. They finally came to a large, open office at the end of the hall and were directed to another door, to Out Processing.

When the door opened to reveal a cell, not another security point, Warden Kuril's voice crackled through a nearby intercom. "My apologies, Shepard, but you are more valuable as a prisoner than a guest. Drop your weapons and proceed into this open cell, and you will not be harmed."

Shepard shook her head. _I knew it. Bastard_. "Maybe I can change your mind."

Kuril began shouting orders to guards around the station, and Shepard did the same. "Take cover. They'll use mechs, so use overload and armor piercing rounds." She activated her tactical cloak and ran for cover several meters away.

"I love this part!" Garrus yelled, finding his rhythm quickly. Miranda immediately began lifting guards into the air for him to kill.

Shepard realized no one was shooting at her, and not because she was cloaked. When it lost strength, someone yelled "Don't shoot that one!"

_He really means to sell me. That miserable motherfucker_. "You won't get away with this, you sonofabitch!" she shouted as she started gunning down the guards and mechs attacking her team.

The fight to go back the way they'd come continued for some time as waves of guards attempted to apprehend her, but they finally breached the E-Block security office and killed the guard there before he could summon more help. Shepard went to the main terminal and looked out the window at the cells below them.

"Shepard," Garrus warned, "if you hack that control, every door in this cell block opens."

"It's the only way to get Jack out." Miranda argued.

Shepard shrugged. "I'm doing it. Be ready." She got to work, finalizing Jack's release.

A mechanical arm ground to life and pulled Jack's cell pod up onto a platform.

"Oh, not a man." Shepard wasn't sure what to make of the heavily tattooed, scantily clad woman.

"That's Jack?" Garrus asked.

Shepard frowned, leaning forward to see what was happening. A mist had started to seep into the pod. Quite suddenly, Jack twitched and then woke up. Just as quickly, she wrenched herself free of her restraints, and that was when all hell broke loose. Jack was every bit as powerful and crazy as they had been told, and within seconds she had destroyed three heavy mechs and escaped E-Block. Following her wasn't hard; she left a trail of destruction behind her.

They had to dodge the escaping prisoners, and soon realized they were also facing hull breaches in numerous cell blocks. Entire blocks of prisoners and guards were dying, and time was running out.

x ~ X ~x

When they finally found Kuril, Shepard was sufficiently outraged and invigorated with the adrenalin brought on by a fight for one's life. When she finally killed him, she emptied an entire round of bullets too many into him, and then kicked him. "Goddamn you, you asshole. This was supposed to be a simple pick up! Let's go!" She stormed off to the loading bay, hoping nothing had happened to the Normandy.

The Normandy was fine, but Jack was pitching a fit. The convict was pacing back and forth, waving her arms, and screaming about Cerberus. She'd seen the logo on the Normandy, and was so enraged, she failed to notice another guard sneaking up on her. Shepard took aim and killed him with a single shot to the forehead. Jack whirled around and stared at her, teeth bared. Shepard holstered her SMG and motioned at the others to do likewise.

"What the hell do you want?" Jack demanded.

"You're in a bad situation, and I'm going to get you out of here."

Jack began pacing again. "Shit, you sound like a pussy. I'm not going anywhere with you. You're Cerberus."

"What does it matter if I'm with Cerberus?" Shepard asked, giving Miranda a sideways glance.

"They've been on my ass for years. Anytime I get free, they put a huge bounty on me. That's why Kuril thought he'd struck gold when he caught me. It isn't working out too well for him."

Shepard was looking at Miranda straight on now, wondering what the hell Cerberus's interest in Jack was all about. "I'm here to ask for your help."

Jack scowled. "You show up in a Cerberus frigate to take me away somewhere? Do you think I'm stupid?"

Shepard was starting to lose her patience. "This ship is going down in flames. We can get you to safety, and we're _asking _for your help."

"We could knock her out and take her with us." Garrus suggested with a yawn.

"I'd like to see you try," Jack challenged.

"We're not attacking her, for God's sake."

Jack was calming down; Shepard could see her assessing her options. Finally, she proposed a deal. In exchange for her help, she wanted access to all the files Shepard had on Cerberus. Miranda objected quite loudly. Shepard raised a hand.

"Miranda, I've got this. Jack, I'll see to it that you have full access."

"You'd better be straight up with me," Jack warned, jabbing a finger at Shepard.

"I will." she replied, nodding.

"What the hell are we waiting for?" Jack asked, stomping off in the direction of the airlock.

_Another step closer._

* * *

**A/N**: Now we know Jack! I love Bioware's dialogue between Joker and Shepard. I add a bit here and there, but in general, it's great the way it is. Thanks to them, to you, and my pals Zevgirl and Zute. Please read and review; reviews are like caramel covered, Rocky Road ice cream in a waffle cone bowl for me. Yum!


	25. Councilor Anderson

**Councilor Anderson**

Purgatory exploded as they escaped, and with other ships in the vicinity Shepard felt there was no way she could avoid going public any longer. She decided it was time to visit Councilor David Anderson. As a result, she was restless. Nights like these, she visited Joker in the cockpit.

"Hey, Joker. You awake?" she whispered as she entered the cabin.

"Shh, shzz, zzzt." He spun around in his chair, a finger to his lips.

Shepard fixed him with an inquisitive look. "Joker?"

"I can tell when it's listening," he warned.

EDI's voice filled the room. "I am always listening, Mister Moreau."

"_I know!_" He rolled his eyes at EDI's holographic image. "So Shepard, why are you prowling around so early?"

"Can't sleep." Shepard sat down at the flight station next to Joker's. "Oh my god, you weren't kidding about these seats. Why have I never sat here before?" She nestled into the plush leather chair and turned to look at him. He was staring back at her, arms crossed over his chest. "What?"

"What. You aren't sleeping well at all, haven't been since we started this mission. Why?"

She shrugged and looked out the window, but she could feel him staring at her and hear him tapping his foot. "Okay, stop it. I'd hate for you to break your foot because of me. It's...I guess I'm just nervous about...what would you call it, coming out of the coffin?" She let out a short laugh. "Anderson always was a bit of a father figure to me, and I'm concerned he'll be disappointed in me, you know?"

"You sure it's not Kaidan?"

Shepard sighed. They had both been dancing around this conversation for a while, she knew, and there was no avoiding it now.

"There is that. I miss him," she whispered. She looked away for a moment to let the familiar swell of emotion pass. "I want to get in touch with him, but I can't. Send him a message from the Cerberus network? Can you imagine? And what if he's moved on? I don't want to turn his life upside down-"

"I'm sorry." Joker interjected.

"For what? _Maybe_ I can understand that you might feel it was your fault somehow, but don't be ridiculous, Joker. It _wasn't_. They got the better of us that day, but it was not your fault."

A small green light on her omni-tool flashed, forwarding a message from her personal terminal. She tapped the screen and a moment later, sucked in her breath. Joker shot her a quick glance; she had gone pale.

"Commander? Shepard. What is it?"

She swallowed hard. "Councilor David Anderson. Ah...'On the off chance that the rumors are true, and you actually are alive, I need you to come and talk to me on the Citadel. A lot has changed in the last two years. You put me on top, and it's only fair that you be allowed to speak for yourself about what we've been hearing.'"

Shepard cleared her throat. "Damn. I wanted to be the one to make the first move. Well, that's it, then. The jig is up, as they say."

Joker smiled reassuringly. "We've got your back, Commander."

That meant something to her, having loyal crew and friends to rally around her. It eased her nerves a bit, but she couldn't do anything about the tiny little voice in the back of her head warning her the path ahead was going to be bumpy.

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard boarded the Citadel with Garrus and Jacob. Their first task was to meet with Kasumi Goto, the master thief Tim suggested she recruit. Shepard's instructions were to proceed to the advertisement terminal on the Level 27 docks. As soon as she stepped off the Normandy, she spotted the terminal and walked over to it. Looking around, she wondered how long she should wait. After a minute or two, the terminal jumped to life.

"Got problems with collectors? Try Kasumi's credit services."

Shepard looked at the terminal and saw a woman's image briefly before the screen switched back to static. She touched the screen and the woman's face appeared again. "Please tell me your password, Commander Shepard."

"Ah...silence is golden." Shepard snickered, finding the cloak and dagger routine amusing. She surreptitiously stole glances around the corridor. Ms. Goto had to be nearby.

"Good to finally meet you, Commander. Kasumi Goto. I'm a fan."

Like Zaeed, Kasumi had cut a deal with Tim and taken a large signing bonus to work with Shepard. "You're going to a party, and I've even purchased some evening wear for you so you'll look presentable."

"Great. My last dress got spaced. So...you'll give me all the information I need about this Donovan Hock fellow and the deal on board?"

Kasumi's image nodded and explained that she was going to retrieve her former partner's grey box, a neural implant that stored memories and images. Shepard could tell there was a story there; this partner had clearly meant a great deal to the master thief.

She nodded, her eyes now scanning the catwalks above them. "Okay. If that's what Cerberus promised you, we'll get it done."

"With any luck, you won't even have to draw your gun."

"I'll try not to be too disappointed, if that's the case," Shepard chuckled. The screen before her flashed with more static and Kasumi's voice drifted down to her from directly above.

"We should wrap this up. You look pretty silly standing there talking to an advertisement. I'll see you on the ship, Shepard."

Shepard was barely able to get a nod out before the thief turned and walked away along a catwalk, cloaking herself.

x ~ X ~ x

Security at the Citadel was tighter since Sovereign's attack, and Shepard had to deal with the matter of being dead. After seeing Captain Bailey at C-Sec, she went to Anderson's office, leaving Garrus and Jacob outside.

Anderson smiled and greeted her warmly, taking her hands in his. "Welcome back to the ranks of the living. I wasn't sure you got my message."

"Anderson, it's good to see you. This is...a little weird, this situation."

He nodded. "Hmm. Yes. I'll be honest. I was hoping to convince the other councilors to be here for this meeting. Unfortunately, they rarely listen to me. Sometimes I wonder if Udina would have been a better choice for this job."

Shepard could see he wasn't happy. "I'm sorry it hasn't gone well, sir, but I never did trust Udina. I wanted you on the council because you're a good, honest man."

"Well, thank you for that, but I just don't have the knack for compromising my principles and that's a bad trait for a councilor." He motioned her to follow him and headed out to the large balcony that ran the length of his office.

"There's been a lot of talk since you came back and some of what I hear has been, frankly, a little disturbing. I wanted to give you a chance to explain your actions. Maybe get the council to see things from your point of view, but they refused to see you."

She sighed and raised an eyebrow at Anderson. "What'd I do to piss them off?"

"You let the previous council die during Sovereign's attack on the Citadel. They feel you'll always put human interests before galactic concerns."

"The losses to the fleet would have been massive and I couldn't be certain the Citadel could be..." Pinching the bridge of her nose, she groaned. "There's no point going over this."

He turned to look her in the eye and scrutinized her face for several seconds. "Rumors that you're working with Cerberus haven't helped. What are you doing out there?"

"David, they tell me I _died_. As in dead, spaced. I didn't exactly have a say in this." She waved her hands around her body and started pacing. "Don't get me wrong, they did a great job and I'm better than ever now, but I did not _ask_ for this. And I sure as hell didn't ask to be abandoned by the Alliance. I hear it didn't take long for them to turn their backs on me and this pesky little reaper problem." She stopped and shook her head. "I'm sorry. This is...frustrating, but I shouldn't take it out on my friends."

Anderson raised his hands. "Kate, I _know_ you. I know you wouldn't be working with Cerberus without a good reason. What's going on?"

"The collectors are abducting our colonists in the Terminus Systems and we think they're working for the reapers."

"The collectors? We hadn't considered that. There's so little data, and they always seemed like a fringe threat. If they're a front for the reapers, this is big, but even that might not convince the Council to get off its ass. The others have sent the last two years convincing themselves the reapers don't exist."

Shepard started to protest, but he waved her off. "I have tried to get the truth out there, but they don't want to see it. It's easier to believe Sovereign was a geth warship."

"Goddamnit," Shepard cursed, leaning over the railing to look out at the shuttle cabs flying back and forth. "Some things never change, huh."

Anderson stood beside her and adopted a similar posture. "It's up to you to stop the reapers, Kate. All I've got is a title, if you want it. I'll reinstate your Spectre status. It won't win me any popularity contests, but they can't object. Your title was never officially rescinded when you died." He turned to look at her. "Besides, you're still a hero to humanity, and the Council knows the danger of discounting our opinion."

"Thank you, David. I'll take whatever assets I can, and coming from you this is as good as the first time."

Anderson shrugged. "It's more symbolic than anything, but it still has weight in some quarters. It's up to you to take care of the rest. I'll keep the Council and the Alliance off your back. Shouldn't be too hard if you're operating out of the Terminus Systems."

Ambassador Udina walked into the room at that moment and stopped short when he saw Shepard. "Shepard, what are you doing here?"

"Udina, pleasure as always."

Udina opened his mouth, but Anderson cut him off and gestured to the door. "We will talk about this later. If you don't mind?"

"Of course, Councilor." With a final glare at Shepard, Udina stalked out again.

Shepard let out a puff of air. "Well, that was pleasant."

They chatted for a few minutes about Udina's role and Anderson's life as a Councilor. It hadn't been a happy two years for her friend. As they wound their conversation down, she decided to approach the matter of Kaidan.

"Look, David, I'm building a team and I need people I can trust. I've got tabs on some of the old gang, but I haven't been able to track down Kaidan Alenko. Do you know where he is these days?"

Anderson short her a sideways glance before turning back to the view before them. "He's still with the Alliance, promoted to Staff Commander. But his file's currently classified. Even if I did know how to reach him, I couldn't tell you that. I'm sorry, Kate."

"I understand, David. I should go."

He gripped her hand in his and shook it firmly, clapping a hand on her other shoulder. "Take care of yourself, Kate. And for what it's worth, know that I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you, David. That means a lot to me." She tried to step away from him, but he held her steady.

"Just do me a favor, Kate. Be careful. You can't trust Cerberus."

Shepard nodded. "I know, David. Trust me, I know. But so does most of my team, so far. I'll be careful."

She turned and walked out of his office, waving at Garrus and Jacob to follow her. "I want to get this list of errands done as quickly as possible. We need to get to Korlus to find this warlord, Okeer."

"In a Blue Suns camp, if I recall." Garrus commented. "Should be good practice for the collectors."

_Out of the coffin and into the fire_.

* * *

**A/N**: An evil little voice in my head is thinking "Closer...closer..." You know what I'm talking about! Thanks to Bioware, my readers, and my friends Zevgirl and Zute. Thank you all for the reviews - you know I love 'em so please leave 'em! Cheers, Biff


	26. Horizon I

**Horizon I**

The trip to Korlus hadn't exactly gone as planned. It had been a fight from the moment they landed and now a new alarm was sounding in the distance. Shepard heard Garrus say something about Okeer's lab as EDI's voice filled Shepard's helmet.

"Shepard, the lab alarms coincided with the systems failure. The remaining lab systems are unprotected and I have gained limited access. According to lab scanners, the room is flooded with toxins and Doctor Okeer's personal life signs are fading rapidly. I recommend haste."

"I'm on it, EDI!" she yelled as she turned on her heels to race back to Okeer's lab.

The venting system was back online when Shepard opened the door, but it was too late for Okeer. "Goddamnit!" She holstered her weapon and watched a video Okeer had obviously taped as he was dying.

"Why would someone so fanatical sacrifice himself for one krogan?" Garrus asked.

"Shit, beats me," she replied as her gaze wandered up to Okeer's test-tube creation, what he called the perfect krogan. _Plan B. It's probably a bad idea, but it's all I've got now._ "I'd be willing to bet a pure krogan can pack one hell of a punch. We can always use another heavy hitter."

"_If_ he'll help." Garrus pointed out. "I doubt anyone's asked him for his opinion. You sure you want to do this?"

_No, not really._ Shepard shrugged and tapped her commlink. "Normandy, Okeer's a no go, but we have a package that needs retrieval. And he's a big one."

x ~ X ~ x

Everybody had an opinion about the package.

"Did you collect stray cats as a kid, Commander?" Joker called after her as she came through the airlock. "Because we really needed a mega krogan, so thanks for bringing him home!"

"You're welcome." she replied, waving a hand over her head as she continued on to the comm room. Miranda had already sent her a message, asking Shepard to meet with her and Jacob.

When Shepard arrived, Miranda was saying, "...but I have concerns about waking him."

"So you've said. Several times already." Jacob looked uncharacteristically impatient with Miranda.

"A normal krogan is dangerous. This one was created, and likely educated, by a mad man."

Shepard leaned against the table and crossed her arms over her chest. "I see everybody's enjoying the new paperweight. Concerns?"

"We don't know anything about it, Commander."

Out of the entire crew, Miranda was the only one who hadn't really warmed up to the Commander, and Shepard took a certain amount of pleasure in deliberately pushing the operative's buttons. "I _know_. You don't find that interesting?" Shepard winked at Jacob, who shook his head with a hint of a smile on his lips.

Miranda ran her tongue over her teeth, clearly trying to decide how to respond. "Krogan fight well in closed quarters. Perhaps awaking him in a confined space wouldn't be prudent."

"Duly noted. The cargo hold is safe enough until I decide what to do with him. Is that all?" Miranda turned and stalked out. Jacob shrugged and followed her.

Shepard returned to the galaxy map and checked in with Kelly. As they were talking about the krogan in their cargo hold, Kelly's terminal lit up with an incoming message.

"It's the Illusive Man, Commander. He wants to speak with you. It's urgent."

"Great." She rubbed her temples. "Now I have to tell Dad how I lost Doctor Okeer." Sighing, she headed back to the comm room.

The conference table sank into the floor and she stepped into the space it had occupied. She was scanned and facing Tim's image within seconds. He didn't have anything to say about Okeer or the test tube krogan, however.

"Shepard, I think we have them. Horizon, one of our colonies in the Terminus Systems, just went silent. If it isn't under attack, it soon will be. Has Mordin delivered the countermeasure for the seeker swarms?"

"Not yet."

"Let's hope he works well under pressure. There's something else you should know." He paused, taking a long drag from his cigarette. "One of your former crew, Kaidan Alenko, is stationed on Horizon." He had Shepard's full attention now.

"Ah...What? Last I heard, he was still Alliance. What's he doing out in the Terminus Systems?"

Tim's expression was hard to read. Her heart was pounding and she felt ill, but she tried to keep her expression neutral as he scrutinized her.

"Officially, it's an outreach program to improve Alliance relations with the colonists, but they're up to something. If they sent Commander Alenko, it's big. I suggest you take it up with him."

A strange mix of emotions stirred within her. She was proud of Kaidan, but excited and nervous at the prospect of seeing him again and afraid of what might happen between them. She was especially fearful for his safety. But suspicion bloomed. Of all the planets in the vast expanse of the galaxy, why _this _one, now?

"The collectors just happen to pick a colony with one of my former crew? I don't buy it."

Tim blew smoke rings and flicked his cigarette into an ashtray. "It shouldn't be a surprise that the collectors are interested in you, especially if they're working for the reapers. They might be going after him to get to you."

The thought had never occurred to her and it made her angry. "We should send a message to the Citadel. The Alliance can give us reinforcements." Even as she said it, she wasn't sure she believed it, but she had to do something.

Tim was shaking his head. "Not until you investigate. I don't want the Alliance getting in the way. Once you have the situation under control, I will send the message personally."

She didn't want to do it this way, but felt she had no choice. "Send the coordinates. We'll leave right away."

He nodded, his hand moving over a keyboard. "This is the most warning we've had, Shepard. Good luck." His image disappeared.

Shepard took a deep breath. "Joker. Set a course for Horizon, now. I've got to go see the professor and then I'm coming to see you."

"Aye aye, Commander."

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard found Mordin in the lab, watching a swarmer he had in an incubation cube. It hovered in the center, locked in a staring contest with the salarian. Suddenly, it flew straight at the glass separating them, only to hit it hard and slide down the partition. It flew away and began circling the incubator.

"Tell me you have something, professor."

The salarian looked at her, his thin lips pulling up into a smile. "Yes." he said with a nod.

He turned and walked to the computer in the middle of the lab and began typing. A holographic representation of Shepard's armor rose above it. She was barely able to follow the science, but he had developed a way to protect them from the paralyzing effects of the seeker swarms.

x ~ X ~ x

Joker had a glass of whiskey ready for her when she arrived in the cockpit.

"Seriously? You drink and fly?"

Joker snorted. "Hardly, but I do have the auto pilot if the mood takes me." He waved his hand at nothing in particular. "That was a joke, if you didn't know, but I'm not on duty all the time, and having it here saves me the effort of going to the crew deck. I have mobility issues, you know."

She took the drink and settled into the vacant chair next to him, feeling the warmth of her first sip make its way down her throat. "How long til we get there?"

"A few hours."

"Kaidan's there on Alliance business."

Joker sucked in a breath, and silence hung between them for a time before he spoke. "He'll be okay, Commander."

x ~ X ~ x

It was a warm, sunny day on Horizon, with only a few clouds rolling in, and the birds were singing. Kaidan wasn't feeling any less anxious about the situation, however. He was still having problems calibrating the targeting matrix for the defence towers, rendering them useless to the colony, and he was trying to figure out what to do about it. His liaison, Lilith, couldn't offer much assistance.

"I'm sorry, Commander, but getting the communication systems back online takes priority."

"Yeah. I'm surprised no one's tried to blame me for that, too." he said with a short laugh.

They stopped walking and Lilith offered him a sympathetic smile. "Out here people don't trust the Alliance. It's nothing personal, Commander." She started walking again, when something in the sky caught her attention.

The clouds appeared to be swelling and then the bow of a spaceship poked through as a black cloud appeared and swirled down toward the colony. Others were gathering around to see what was happening. Kaidan drew his shotgun and used the scope to get a closer look. The black cloud was getting closer. _Are those small mechs?_ He pushed Lilith away.

"Get to the safehouse. I'll cover you. Run!"

She did as he said, pulling the others along with her. Kaidan stood his ground, shooting at the swarm of mechs. _Is this what the Alliance expected? Where the hell is Shepard?_ The mechs descended upon the colonists, and within minutes the colony was quiet. Even the birds had gone silent. Commander Kaidan Alenko was paralyzed in place, shotgun drawn, horror filling him.

* * *

**A/N**: And here we are. Thank you, readers, for reading/listing/alerting, I really appreciate the interest! Thanks to Zevgirl and Zute for their support, and to Bioware for Joker. Don't tell Shenko, but he's my favorite. Please feel free to leave a comment/review. I enjoy hearing from you. Cheers, Biff


	27. Horizon II

**Horizon II**

"We're groundside. Mordin, are you sure these armor upgrades will protect us from the seeker swarms?" The bug-like mechs were everywhere.

"Certainty impossible. In limited number should confuse detection. Make us invisible to swarms. In theory."

"'In theory'? That sounds...promising." Garrus commented.

"Experimental technology. Only test is contact with seeker swarms. Look forward to seeing if you survive." Mordin's almost cheerful, quick manner of speaking made Shepard smile in spite of the news.

"Okay. Thanks, professor. Let's move out." Shepard pointed toward the ship, eyes scanning ahead for any signs of life.

They were attacked by collectors almost immediately. The aliens resembled human-sized bipedal insects with chitinous exoskeletons. With four eyes, a distinct, large, tapering head, and fully developed wings that allowed them to fly over short distances, they were a rather disturbing sight. They had reaper husks with them, similar to the ones on Eden Prime, further evidence that they were working with the reapers. These husks, however, were more advanced.

"This can't be one of the colonists." Shepard said, nudging one she'd killed. "I haven't seen any of the spikes they use to...convert people."

Miranda nodded. "The collectors must have brought them here. They want the colonists alive for some reason."

_And Kaidan's here_, Shepard thought, worry twisting her stomach in knots. "The collectors must be experimenting on the colonists. We can't let them take any more. Let's move out."

Before long, communications with the Normandy was jammed, and they were on their own. Further into the colony, they started seeing strange coffin-like containers lying around. _A way to transport them?_ More husks and collectors attempted to overtake them, and Shepard and her team fought hard to make progress. They worked their way through the colony's maze of buildings and green spaces and found themselves in a courtyard of sorts. Several collectors were there, ready to fight.

"Take cover!" Shepard yelled as she cloaked herself.

Her attention was quickly drawn to a collector that was twitching and writhing about, unlike the others. Much to her surprise, it spoke to her.

"Assuming direct control. I am Harbinger. If I must tear you apart, Shepard, I will."

Shepard had been trained to cope with psychological warfare tactics and yet it was a struggle to keep this from distracting her. She hadn't heard about this life form until recently, and yet _it_ knew her name. She happily blew the collector apart with a grenade and waved her team on. They finally started finding survivors who hadn't been removed from the colony, and when they could, Shepard moved them to safer locations. It sickened her to realize the colonists were aware of what was happening.

They found a sealed garage. Shepard overrode the security locks and entered, gun drawn, searching for any signs of life. A shadow moved at the opposite end of the warehouse and she raised a clenched fist. Miranda and Garrus came to a halt behind her. Finger to her lips, they collectively held their breath as she listened. A shuffling sound.

"Get out here. Now."

A face appeared around the edge of a storage unit and she lowered her gun. A man stepped out, relief evident on his face.

"You're...you're human. What are you doing? You could lead them right here."

"You're lucky you got away. Seems like it's hard to hide from the collectors."

"They're collectors?" the man gasped. "They're real? I thought they were just made up, propaganda to keep us in Alliance space. Oh god. They got Lilith, I saw her go down. And Sten. They got damn near everybody."

He introduced himself as Delan, a mechanic. When the attack hit, he had managed to seal himself into the garage to stay hidden from the seekers. Shepard had to bite her tongue to stay silent as he railed against the Alliance in general and Kaidan in particular, suggesting the defence towers had made Horizon a target. Alenko hadn't been able to properly configure the targeting matrix, Delan explained.

"I think he was here for something else, though." Delan mused. "Like he was spyin' on us or something."

"We should be able to fix the matrix. We just need to know where it is." Garrus offered.

Delan gave them directions to the matrix and sealed himself back into the garage when they left. Finding the defence matrix console, Shepard tried to contact the Normandy.

"Normandy, do you copy?"

"Joker here. Signal's weak, Commander, but we got you."

"EDI, can you get the colony's defense towers back online?"

"Errors in the calibration software are easily rectified, but it will take time to bring the towers to full power. I recommend a defensive posture. I will not be able to mask the increased generator output."

"Ah, yeah. Any other helpful tips?"

"Just one. Enemy approaching. I suggest you ready weapons."

x ~ X ~ x

When the defence towers were back online and firing, they were all but useless against the collector ship. They managed to make a few strikes before the ship was pulling out and leaving. As massive as it was, there was nothing the ground team could do but watch it go.

"No!" Delan yelled, running from his hiding spot. "Don't let them get away!"

"I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do. They're gone." Shepard stared at the retreating enemy, praying Kaidan wasn't lost to her. _I failed this colony._

"Half the colony's up there!" Delan kept yelling, demanding she do something.

"You did all you could, Shepard." Miranda said, her tone sympathetic for a change.

Delan turned around. "Shepard? Wait, I've heard of you. You're some big Alliance hero."

It was then that she heard footfalls to their left. Kaidan appeared from behind a storage crate and Shepard felt as though she fallen off a cliff. Her heart pounded in her ears. He looked exactly as she remembered him; lean, well built, dark and handsome, just a touch of grey at his temples. She couldn't take her eyes off him, couldn't speak or move.

Kaidan came closer, his eyes fixed on hers. "Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, first human Spectre, saviour of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost."

She hadn't heard it in over two years, and yet the sound of his voice was familiar, something she had missed terribly. She could feel herself shaking. _Get a hold of yourself, Kate._

"All the good people we lost, and you get left behind. Figures. Screw this, I'm done with you Alliance types." Delan waved a dismissive hand at them and left.

Kaidan saw anger flash across Shepard's face as she watched Delan, saw her hands clench into fists. It was Shepard, his Kathryn, real, alive. He had wanted it to be true and here she was. The rumors were true.

Shepard felt vulnerable, in spite of her armor, her weapons, and all the other resources she had at her disposal. Kaidan, the man whose image she saw each night before she went to bed, who invaded her dreams, walked toward her. When he was within inches of her, he paused and looked her in the eye.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did." He hugged her then, and she returned the embrace, wishing they could be alone. There were so many things she wanted to say.

"Kaidan. I...it's good to see you. How have you been?"

_The rumors were true._ She was alive. And the woman standing just behind her was wearing a Cerberus uniform. The questions that had haunted him for months came to mind and anger bubbled up inside him.

"That's all you have to say? You show up after two years and act as though nothing happened? I thought we had something, Shepard. I loved you. Thinking you were dead nearly tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me, let me know you were alive?"

The nightmares, the anxiety, all the negative scenarios she ran through her head came to mind and any hope she had that their reunion might be a happy one vanished. "It wasn't by choice, Kaidan. I was in a coma for two years while Cerberus rebuilt me-"

The second she said it, she knew it was exactly the wrong thing to say. Kaidan took several steps back from her, a look of absolute contempt on his face.

"You're with Cerberus now? Garrus, too? I can't believe the reports were true."

Garrus's mandibles twitched. "Reports? You mean you already knew?"

"Alliance Intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. They got a tip this colony might be the next to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors you weren't dead, that you were working for the enemy."

She felt as though she were backpedaling. "Cerberus and I want the same thing, to save our colonies, but that doesn't mean I answer to them, Kaidan."

He stepped closer. "Do you really believe that or is that what Cerberus wants you to think? I wanted to believe the rumors were true, but I never expected anything like this. You've turned your back on everything we believed in, you've betrayed the Alliance, and you've betrayed me."

Every word was like a slap to the face. "No, Kaidan. You know me. You know I wouldn't do this if it weren't for the right reasons. You saw it yourself. The collectors are targeting human colonies and they're working with the reapers."

"I want to believe you, Shepard, but I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind it, what if they're working with the collectors."

"Kaidan, you're letting your feelings about Cerberus's history get in the way of the facts."

"Maybe. Or maybe you feel you owe them because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You've changed, but I know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier, always will be." He shook his head, clearly done with her. "I have to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story."

He turned to walk away. Shepard reached out for his arm. "Kaidan, please...we could use a man like you."

Kaidan shook her off. "No. I'll never work for Cerberus." After two years of grief and heartache, wanting her back, he couldn't believe that he was about to walk away from her; this was too much for him to take. "Good bye, Shepard. And...be careful."

With that, he turned and walked away, resolving to throw himself into helping the remaining colonists recover from this attack and the loss of so many people.

Shepard felt as though he had kicked her in the stomach. Her body tried to react the way the woman in her wanted to react, but the marine couldn't let it happen. _In, out, in, out. Come on Kate, work through it. You will not fall apart in front of your crew_.

Garrus touched her shoulder. "Commander? Shepard?"

Raising a hand to touch her commlink, she hailed Joker. "Send a shuttle to pick us up. I've had about enough of this colony." Without a word to Garrus or Miranda, she turned and walked to the landing zone.

* * *

**A/N**: Ouch. Thank you for the dialogue, Bioware, even if I did tinker with bits. Zevgirl, Zute, readers, listers, reviewers, you all have my thanks as well. You make this even more fun! Please do leave a comment or review. I love hearing from you, knowing what you liked and hearing any suggestions you might have. Cheers, Biff


	28. Grunt

**Grunt**

Shepard didn't say a word on the way back to the Normandy, didn't speak to anyone when they arrived, didn't acknowledge Kelly when the yeoman told her the Illusive Man was waiting to speak to her. She simply disappeared into the comm room. She had ample time to consider what happened down on the planet. The Illusive Man had set them up, used Kaidan as bait, endangered them all, and lost half a colony because of it. If not for Kaidan's reaction to her appearance, Shepard would be far more furious than she was.

Tim sat in front of the large fiery planet that formed the background for their conversations. Smoking, as always, in a neatly pressed jacket and shirt, he looked relaxed. _Why wouldn't he be? We're the ones putting our lives on the line._

"Good work on Horizon, Shepard. Hopefully the reapers will think twice before attacking another colony."

"I wouldn't exactly call it a victory. We only _interrupted_ the collectors. They abducted half the colony!"

"That's better than an entire colony, and it's more than we've accomplished since the abductions began. The collectors will be more careful now, but I think we can find another way to lure them in."

There it was, as good as a confession, and she latched onto it. "About that. Kaidan said the Alliance got a tip about me and Cerberus. Was that you?"

"I may have let it slip that you were alive and with Cerberus." he acknowledged with a nod.

She wanted to take his damned cigarette and drop it in his drink. _If you were actually sitting in front of me right now_...she reigned it in, resolving to save this anger for something more productive. Slapping a hologram wasn't going to get her anywhere and would be far less satisfying than hitting something real.

"You risked the lives of my friend, my crew, and that entire colony just to lure the collectors there?"

"It was a calculated risk. I suspected the collectors were looking for you, or people connected to you. Now I know for certain. I told you I wasn't going to sit and wait for the reapers and the collectors to gather strength and attack. Besides, they would have hit another colony eventually, and without a way to predict which one, they would have abducted everyone."

_The ruthless calculus of war_. "We have to make sure they don't abduct anyone else."

"I want the collectors stopped for that very reason. That's why we're doing this, Shepard. I'm dedicating all my resources to finding a way through the Omega Four relay. We have to hit them where they live." He shifted in his chair and took another pull on his cigarette. "Your team has to be strong, as will their resolve. There's no looking back, and the same goes for you."

She bristled at the comment, one hand clenched into a ball on her hip.

"Can I assume you've put your past relationships behind you?"

"That's none of your damn business." she replied, making a chopping motion with her hand to emphasize her point.

"If it affects the mission, better you should leave it behind. Shepard, once you get through the Omega Four relay to the collector homeworld, there's no guarantee you'll return. If you have any hope of surviving, you and your entire team must be committed to this."

"You just focus on getting us to the collector homeworld. Let me worry about my team." The effort of keeping it professional was starting to give her a headache.

He nodded. "I just want to be upfront about your odds. You'll need everyone at their best. I've forwarded three more dossiers to you. Keep building your team while I find a way through the relay. And be careful, Shepard. The collectors will be watching you." He ended their meeting with the touch of a button and she was standing in the middle of the comm room, staring at a blank wall. She sensed someone was behind her and turned to see Jacob at the door.

"We're really doing this, aren't we? Going through the Omega Four relay to take the fight to the collectors in person. I'm looking forward to the action. After seeing what those bastards did on Horizon, though, well...it makes you think."

She walked over to him. "They're powerful, but we've got a few tricks for them. If anyone can stop them, we can."

"No argument there, Commander. Horizon just made it hit home. What we're doing, what we're up against...I'm going to go take care of a little unfinished business. I imagine everyone else is, too. Get some closure, you know? Are you...okay, Commander?"

She kept her tone light, not wanting to discuss the Horizon mission. "Ah...I guess I've been better, but I'll be okay."

He nodded and opened the comm room door, walking her to the elevator. "I'll see you later, Commander."

Shepard stepped into the elevator. "Captain's Quarters."

The elevator felt insufferably small, the ride too long. Her throat grew tight, eyes stung, chest began to heave. The marine was quickly losing the fight to stay strong and she lost entirely when the elevator opened to reveal Doctor Chakwas standing in the hallway to her cabin.

Shepard made it to the door before she broke down. Putting her arm around Shepard's waist, Chakwas steered her into the room, guiding her to the couch.

"Garrus told me what happened, Shepard. I'm sorry." Motherly instincts took over and Chakwas held Shepard as she cried.

"So stupid...to think he'd be happy to see me...that he could forgive me."

"It's never stupid to hope for the best, Shepard, never."

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard sat up suddenly, uncertain where she was. Reaching out, she hit a lamp and heard a glass fall over. Turning the light on to reveal the familiar surroundings of her cabin, she flopped back onto her bed and stared at the stars out the window above her. Chakwas had been particularly supportive when Shepard needed it, but in retrospect, she wished she hadn't broken down in front of the doctor. She was an emotional wreck because she'd become too close to a crew member; she wasn't sure she should risk getting closer to anyone else on the Normandy.

She rubbed her face and ran her fingers through her hair, feeling restless. It was very early in the morning; most of the crew would be sleeping. She tossed and turned for several minutes, trying to sleep, but it was futile. Her mind kept drifting back to Kaidan, how upset he'd been, the look on his face when he'd walked away, and she wanted to slap him. Or kiss him. She wasn't sure which. It was confusing and she wasn't ready to let it go, but she needed a distraction.

_The krogan_. She got up and washed her face. Dressing in a casual uniform, she grabbed a heavy pistol and went to the port cargo hold. The pod had been moved to the back of the room and glowed eerily in the dim light, its contents looking harmless enough.

"The subject is stable, Shepard." EDI announced. "Integration with onboard systems was seamless."

She watched the krogan for any signs of life; he didn't stir. "Can he see or hear anything in there? Does he know where he is?"

"Unlikely. Current neurological patterns suggest minimal cognition. Barring ship-wide power loss, the nutrients in his tank could sustain him for over a year."

"What can you tell me about this guy, anything unusual?

"The subject is an exceptional example of the krogan species, with fully formed primary, secondary, and tertiary organs, where applicable. No defects of any kind, aside from the genetic markers of the genophage, present in all krogan. I cannot judge mental functioning."

"Is he dangerous?"

"He is a krogan, Shepard. If you are asking if he is actively hostile, I do not have the necessary data to answer. Okeer's technology could impart data, not methods of thinking. The subject may know of his views, but not necessarily share them.

Shepard reached out and touched the tank, peering at the krogan. She was fascinated by his very existence yet repulsed by the memory of all the failed experiments they'd seen on Korlus. Was this one truly perfect, as Okeer said? She was feeling a little daring and stood back.

"Stand by. I'm going to open the tank and let him out."

"Cerberus policy is very clear regarding untested alien technology, Shepard."

"He's either a powerful addition to the crew or a time bomb. I'd rather deal with it now" _Fuck Cerberus, I'm calling the shots here_.

"Very well, Shepard. The controls are online. The switch and consequences are yours."

Shepard stepped forward and reached out to touch the control panel. Her hand was shaking and she flexed it a few times before finally hitting the button and stepping back again. The tank drained slowly, then opened, and the krogan fell out onto his hands and knees, spitting out fluid and gasing for air. Slowly, he became aware of his surroundings, first looking around the floor and then up Shepard's legs. He stood, towering over her by a at least half a metre, and stared at her. She took a tentative step forward and immediately questioned just how wise leaving her cabin at all had been. The krogan blinked, growled, and rushed her, slamming her against a cargo crate. Her heavy pistol was drawn and pointed at him, but he couldn't see it under the substantial bulk of his arm.

"Human. Female. Before you die, I need a name."

She had learned a thing or two about the krogan from Wrex and knew better than to show fear.

"I am Commander Shepard and I don't take threats lightly. I suggest you relax."

"Not your name, mine. I know things...no connection, no meaning. Warlord, Okeer, legacy, grunt. Grunt...among the last. It has no meaning. It'll do. I am Grunt. If you are worthy of your command, prove your strength and try to destroy me."

_Oh boy_. Her finger twitched beside her weapon's trigger. "You wouldn't prefer Okeer or Legacy?"

"These words have no meaning for me, no connection. I feel nothing for Okeer or his clan, his enemies."

EDI was right; Okeer had imprinted knowledge, but hadn't succeeded in transmitted meanings and connections. Grunt needed a purpose, something to connect to.

"I have a good ship and a strong crew, a strong clan. You'd make it stronger."

He stared at her for several seconds. "If you are weak and choose weak enemies, I'll have to kill you."

"Our enemies are worthy, no doubt about that."

He grunted a few times, blowing puffs of hot air into her face, and then nodded. "That's acceptable. I'll fight for you."

"I'm glad you saw reason, Grunt." She nudged him with her pistol.

He looked down and laughed, releasing her and taking several steps back. "Arm one hand, offer the other. Wise, Shepard. If I find a clan, if I find what I...want, I will be honored to eventually pit them against you."

She welcomed him aboard and left the cargo hold. Back in the comfort of her cabin, she splashed cold water on her face and stared at her reflection. Joker was going to love this story.

* * *

**A/N**: As always, thank you one and all for reading! Please let me know what you think. Zevgirl, I know this isn't going in the direction you'd hoped...don't give up! XD Cheers, Biff


	29. Hope

**Hope**

Shepard's emotions the first few days after the Horizon mission were touch and go, and she distanced herself from the others. If she wasn't actively in command of the ship, she spent much of her time in her quarters. The change in her behavior did not go unnoticed by the crew.

"Garrus, do you have a moment?"

Garrus looked up from the main battery's control panel to see Miranda at the door. "Ah...sure. What brings you back here?"

"I'm concerned about Shepard." She looked awkward, as if caring about Shepard's feelings made her uncomfortable.

"Hmm. She is dealing with...things."

"We both know what she's dealing with, Garrus. It's been nearly a week. She needs to get over it and move-"

"Do me a favor and don't take up counselling, okay?" When she opened her mouth to reply, Garrus raised his hands in a placating gesture. "I know what you're saying, and you're not entirely wrong. I just wouldn't put it to her that way this soon and expect to come out of the conversation unscathed. I was going to give her a couple more days, but you're right. She can't lock herself up forever."

Miranda nodded curtly. "Thank you, Garrus."

"And I won't tell her it was your idea, Miranda. Wouldn't want her to think you care, now would we?"

She narrowed her eyes at the turian and walked away.

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard stared at her monitor. A message from Kaidan had just come through. About Horizon. She wondered what that meant. Only one way to find out, she told herself as she opened the message.

_Shepard,_

_I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?_

_Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember our last night together? That night meant everything to me... maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside._

_But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die - on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself._

_When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know. Just take care._

_-Kaidan_

She read it twice and sat staring at the screen for several minutes. "What the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean?"

x ~ X ~ x

Garrus stepped out of the elevator just in time to hear Shepard yell, "What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean?" Something hit the other side of the door to her cabin and shattered.

"Shepard?" He knocked on the door. "You okay in there?"

"Not a good time, Garrus."

"Shepard, we need to talk. Let me in."

He waited a few minutes before knocking again. "I'm not leaving, Shepard."

The door slid open and he looked down to see a broken coffee mug on the floor. Shepard was standing at her desk a few feet away, looking very pissed off.

"What can I do for you, Garrus?"

"Ah...well, I ah...hmm. I didn't stop to think you'd be armed. Got anything else to throw around?"

"No. Maybe." She walked away from her desk and down to her a couch. A bottle of red wine and a glass sat on the coffee table.

"Shepard, don't-"

"I want some wine, Garrus. I'm not going to break it." She snatched up the bottle and poured herself a few mouthfuls. "You want some?"

Garrus shook his head. "No, thank you."

"So? What can I do for you?"

"Well, actually, I was wondering if I could do anything for you. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

She stared at him for several seconds before shrugging and sitting down. "He sent me an email. Just got it."

"Oh, I see. And...?"

"And he's an idiot, Garrus." She stood up and started pacing. "Sure, he apologized for what he said, and I appreciate that." She drank some wine. "I just don't understand what the hell he's trying to say. 'I don't know who you are anymore, but I couldn't stand to lose you again, so be careful, and maybe someday, I don't know what.'" She emptied her glass and poured a bit more.

"I'll be honest with you, Shepard. I really don't know what to tell you. I know Kaidan took your death hard. What if he'd been the one here in your place?"

She frowned, staring into her glass as though it might hold some insight. "I'd be upset, I know _that_. But I wouldn't just walk away, he means too much to me."

"Does he?"

"What?"

"Mean that much to you."

Shepard looked offended. "Yes, he does."

"He didn't exactly walk away, though, did he?"

"What?"

Garrus shook his head. "Shepard, _work_ with me here. He emailed you and apologized. So he was a little...clumsy. He was always shy and awkward, if I remember correctly. What were you expecting, some of the poetry Williams used to recite? He found himself face to face with a woman he loved and thought was dead. That does have some shock value. I'm not saying he wasn't an ass about it."

Shepard emptied her glass and put it on the table, flopping back onto the couch with a groan. "I can't believe you got me talking about this. I didn't want to get into it. Oh, fuck it. What should I do, Garrus?"

"If he means something to you, give the kid a break. And in the meantime, get your ass out of this cabin and back on deck."

x ~ X ~ x

Kaidan opened the video file with some trepidation. Shepard's face appeared on the screen, her blond hair tousled, green eyes glistening. He wasn't sure what to expect; he didn't imagine she was too happy about his message, now that he'd had time to think about what he'd said.

"Ah...hello, Kaidan. I wish we could do this face to face, talk it out, but I guess this will have to do for now. Thanks for the message, I...appreciate the gesture."

She looked away from the screen, her jaw flexing. Kaidan rubbed his temples. He hadn't exactly been eloquent, he knew that.

"I...don't know what to say, what you want me to say, what you'd have me do about this, Kaidan. I was dead. I don't know how they did it, but Cerberus found me and they brought me back. No one asked me if it was okay, they just did it. And the Illusive Man, or Tim as I like to call him, had a problem and a plan to deal with it. He offered me all the resources at his disposal to find out who was abducting the colonist, and to stop them. And so here I am." She spread her hands out and gestured to the room around her, then reached for a glass of red wine and took a drink.

"I should have contacted you, yes, and I am sorry that I didn't. But be honest, Kaidan. Would you have read a message from the Cerberus network? I didn't even get in touch with my parents. I didn't know what to say, what to...well, I should have tried.

"What did the Alliance do? I've got a lot of former Alliance members on my crew who think the Alliance didn't do anything, that they dropped the ball. From what I hear, they used my image to recruit for a while, and then they started trying to distance themselves from me, sweep me under the rug, so to speak. The collectors are real, they are working with the reapers, and what does the Alliance do? They walk away, pretend it isn't happening. I can't, I _won't_, and I will work with whomever I have to, to get the job done."

She leaned forward, peering into the camera as if she could see him on the other end. "You asked me if I remembered our last night together. I do. You made dinner, we drank wine, we talked about what the future might hold for us, and we made love." Tears pooled in her eyes and she swore under her breath.

"You were the last thought in my mind before I died and you were the first thought I had when I awoke. I love you, Kaidan, and being dead didn't change that." She brushed a hand across her cheeks, sniffing. "We're going through the Omega Four relay, Kaidan, and we may not come back. If we don't-" She paused to clear her throat. "If we don't make it back, remember that, okay? Don't ever forget it. If I do manage to survive this...well, one step at a time. Take care of yourself, Kaidan." She hit a key on her keyboard and the video ended.

Kaidan sat back in his chair, tears rolling down his face. _The Omega Four relay? Jesus Christ, Kate, you can't be serious_. Scrubbing his face with his hands, he reached out to replay the video.

x ~ X ~ x

Kate ended the recording and sent it to Kaidan. Running her hands through her hair, she checked the time. Mess Sergeant Gardner was on a roll with his recently restocked pantry and dinner would be served within the hour.

"Pick yourself up and get back at it, Kate. And hope for the best." She reached out to touch Kaidan's picture before getting into her uniform and heading down for dinner.

* * *

**A/N**: I did make one tiny change to Kaidan's letter, since some time did pass between Ilos and the original Normandy's destruction...My thanks to Zevgirl and Pachouli, and you, the readers. Please feel free to leave a comment/review. They're always fun to read. Cheers, Biff


	30. Closure

**Closure**

Towelling her hair dry, Shepard ran her fingers through it and got dressed. It was too early for breakfast, so she took her cup of coffee to her computer and sat down to check for messages. Kaidan had written a few days earlier to thank her for the video she'd sent, and to tell her he was being reassigned. It was light stuff, but it was a start. She knew it was a long shot to think they might ever actually be together again, but she valued him as a friend and if they stayed in touch, anything could happen.

She was prepared to write to her mother. "Oh crap." Her mother had beaten her to it.

_From: Mom_

_So I have to find out my child is alive third-hand from the Alliance brass? Where the hell have you been?_

_I figure whatever you're doing is classified, likely part of your Spectre Operations. Just stay safe out there, and keep doing your mom proud. And sneak something through a secure channel next time._

_Love,_

_Your mother, Captain Hannah_

Shepard laughed out loud, tears coming to her eyes. _Might as well tell her the whole story_, she thought as she began typing.

x ~ X ~ x

Late that same night, she received a second message that disturbed her and she went to visit Joker.

"How are things up here?" Shepard settled into her chair and zipped up her sweatshirt. She wasn't sure how to start the conversation and wanted to get a sense of his mood first.

Joker was wound up. "This thing wants to fire me over a _joke_. Okay, so I said I'd flash the AI core, but I was kidding. We'd only lose a few systems. _Nosey_ ones."

"To clarify, Mister Moreau, human resource adjustments are not actually under my authority."

Shepard raised an eyebrow and watched Joker talk to EDI's holographic image. "Then why? Why are you always picking on me?"

"My replies were intended to provoke, not to cause distress. Your reactions are atypical of most humans'. You are interesting."

Shepard snorted, trying to stifle a laugh. "EDI, were you _intentionally_ egging him on? What part of your programming covers _that_?"

"Nothing in the restrictions imposed upon me forbids active observation techniques. Mister Moreau's performance actually improved under duress."

Shepard put a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from laughing out loud. Joker was scowling.

"Never figured the coming overlords would be so annoying. I'm just...I'm done." He turned back to his controls, arms crossed over his chest.

Shepard couldn't tell if he was pretending to pout, or actually pouting, and in the silence that followed, her thoughts drifted back to the reason for her visit.

"I can hear your gears grinding from over here, Commander. What's up?"

She cleared her throat. "I got a message from Admiral Hackett this evening."

Joker laughed. "Great. Has the Alliance decided to arrest you for desertion?"

"He wants me to go to the SSV Normandy's crash site to find a spot for a memorial and to look for the remains of the lost crew."

Joker didn't miss a beat, although his response wasn't as sarcastic or witty as she expected. "Oh, a little good press for the Alliance. You've become marketable again." He shook his head and pointed to the small storage cupboard between them. Shepard knew well enough it was where he kept a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, and she poured them each a shot, handing a glass to Joker.

"To the SSV Normandy." she said, raising her glass.

"To the Normandy." Joker replied, touching his glass to hers.

They drank in silence for a moment and then he turned to look at her. "We were in the Amada system of the Omega Nebula, we knew that and the brass knew it too. It's got five planets, Shepard, _five_. How'd it take them this long to find it?"

"I don't know, Joker. Alchera. It's on Alchera."

He nodded. "And why you? Don't get me wrong, I'm-"

"It doesn't matter, Joker. Yes, I question their motivation for contacting me, now, while we're out here on the so-called _enemy's_ dime, trying to save the galaxy. And yes, I have to wonder why it took them so long to find the wreckage. Frankly I'm a little pissed off about that. But I owe it to the crew. They need to come home, their families need closure, and we can do that for them."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. So...change of course?"

"Please, and inform the crew."

Joker took a sip of whiskey and altered their course.

Shepard finished her drink. "I do, however, also have to consider the fact that if we can do this quickly, it'll be good press for us, too. We need all the support we can get." Another sigh, a lopsided grin, and she pushed herself up out of her chair. "I should probably try to get some sleep. Let me know when we're there."

"Aye aye, Commander."

She paused at the door, feeling a bit emotionally wound up herself. She'd had some time to consider the things she regretted not doing prior to dying, and to think about those people closest to her. She couldn't guarantee any of them would be here tomorrow, and so she said what was on her mind.

"Thanks for being a friend, Joker. It really means a lot to me." She ducked out and hurried away, missing the slightly surprised, yet pleased look on Joker's face.

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard chose to go to the planet's surface with Garrus and three crewmen. If there was anything to salvage, she was going to take it.

"Scans confirm the wreckage of SSV Normandy on the planet's surface. No life signs or mechanical activity detected. Stable landing zone located amid the crash site." EDI informed Shepard as the shuttle maneuvered into position and landed.

The crash site was covered in a light dusting of snow; fat flakes drifted down from the skies, glittering in the pale light of the planet's sun. The wreckage was spread out over roughly one kilometre, a trail of debris visible from one large section of the hull to the next. She walked carefully, picking her way toward the outer hull of the Normandy. A memory haunted her, the first time she saw the Normandy. It was on the Citadel as she prepared to board, 'Normandy SR1' in bold white on blue lettering along its side. She was proud of herself for being invited to join the shakedown voyage of the new ship. Little did she know then how much her life was going to change in so short a period of time.

Further along, she found the unmistakable outline of the mess hall and imagined Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams leaning up against the counter, quoting Tennyson. The sleeper pods, the Mako, the cockpit, the CIC and galaxy map bridge, portions of engineering and the crew deck were all recognizable amongst the wreckage, and each area brought a new memory to Shepard's mind. Stolen moments with Kaidan, poker games and dinners with the crew, late night chats with Doctor Chakwas, getting drunk with Doctor Chakwas. With each memory, she smiled through her tears, her breath hitching in her chest, and a burden she hadn't been aware she was carrying, lifted. Finally able to truly grieve, she prepared for the grim task of attempting to find the remains of the missing crew.

Over the course of nearly two hours, they found the missing crew and collected twenty sets of dog tags, several datapads with salvageable files, Shepard's own N7 helmet, and five hundred units of element zero. When the last of it had been loaded into the shuttle, Shepard waved Garrus over to the center of the crash site.

Her friend eyed her with concern. "How are you holding up, Shepard?"

"It's been a rough day, but I'll live. As angry as this request made me, I'm glad I did it, Garrus. I think deep down I was feeling some guilt for leaving them behind, as crazy as that sounds. How about you?"

He gestured to the dog tags that hung off her arm. "I remember these people. They were good soldiers, a credit to their uniforms. It was a good crew, Shepard."

"And it's time to send them home." She looked out over the site and held up a marker. "But first, I think the monument should go here."

Garrus helped Shepard place the marker and they observed a moment's silence, each lost in their thoughts. Finally, Garrus reached out and put his hand on Shepard's shoulder. "Okay?"

"Yeah." Taking one last look at the Normandy's resting site, she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "Let's go."

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard threw herself back into work. She had three dossiers to follow up on and was happy to see that Tim was willing to let her recruit Tali, now Tali Vas Neema. The other two, a drell assassin named Thane Krios and an asari justicar named Samara, were last seen on, or reported to be going to, Illium. The plan was to pick up where they'd left off and go there, and along the way, she'd scan planets for the resources they needed to continue working on upgrading the Normandy, their armor, and weapons. She started doing her rounds of the ship again, as well, taking time to talk to and socialize with the crew. Trying to close herself off to them in any way was, she realized, not something she could do. It went against her nature as a leader. She settled back into her routine, waiting for word from Tim about the Omega Four relay.

* * *

**A/N**:Happy Canada Day to my Canadian readers, and an early 4th of July greeting to my American readers.

My thanks to Zute and Zevgirl for their friendship and encouragement, to Pachouli, happylilcpck, CommanderHawke667, and rebelbridgeburner10 for the reviews, and to everyone else who has listed me or the story. Thanks as well to Bioware, for the fun playground. Please read and review! Cheers, Biff


	31. Illium I

**Illium I**

Shepard found Liara T'Soni and spent some time catching up with the asari doctor, hoping she could talk Liara into joining her team. The doctor had her own troubles and couldn't leave Illium, but they were able to help each other. Shepard needed leads to help her find Thane Krios and Samara; Liara needed someone with computer hacking skills to get information that would help her repay a debt. Shepard couldn't help thinking that she was missing something, that Liara was withholding information, but her search for Krios got complicated quickly and Liara would have to wait.

The assassin's mark was Nassana Dantius, an asari diplomatic emissary Shepard had run into years ago. Nassana told Shepard a story about how her sister Dahlia had been kidnapped and was being held for a ransom. Shepard attempted a rescue, only to discover that Dahlia was actually a mercenary leader who was blackmailing her sister. She was forced to kill Dahlia and still held a grudge for the danger she and her team had been in. To add to Shepard's already biased opinion of Nassana and whether or not she deserved to be saved, her team quickly learned that Nassana was cleaning house at Dantius Towers.

Shepard's plan to sneak into Dantius Towers fell apart when she witnessed security mechs gunning down salarian workers. Fighting their way through the mechs and Eclipse troopers and commandos, she learned that Nassana had ordered her people to kill everyone. She felt an obligation to save as many as she could and her hatred of Nassana grew. It seemed someone else was also looking out for the salarian workers, killing Eclipse members and locking the workers into offices and closets. _It must be Thane Krios_.

"Nassana is totally pissing me off. I don't give a shit what happens to her." Shepard mumbled as they sent more survivors out of the building.

"I think your expectations going into this were...overly optimistic." Garrus said as he reloaded his assault rifle.

"The next time I say something's going to be easy, remind me of this exact moment."

They snuck up on a trooper who was far too relaxed for someone in his position. Shepard rested her assault rifle on his shoulder.

"Turn around very slowly."

"Damnit." He did as he was asked.

"Where's the assassin?"

"Why are you looking for him? You're not one of-"

She tapped his shoulder with her gun. "All I want is to find the assassin. Answer the question, I let you leave the easy way, on your own two feet. Don't answer the question, you leave the hard way, out the fucking window."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not telling you anything. If you shoot me, my squad will be all over you."

"The squad we just killed to get here?" Kasumi asked, amusement obvious in her tone. There were more mercs around, certainly, but none they could see or hear right now.

Shepard pressed the trooper up against the window until it flexed with their weight. "Is a little information worth dying over? Is Nassana?"

He considered that for a moment before giving in. He didn't know anything for certain, but reports indicated Krios might be ahead of them and on his way over the bridge to the first tower, where Nassana's penthouse was located. They were off and moving again.

x ~ X ~ x

Getting to Nassana's penthouse was a challenge. Eclipse members, mechs, and a bridge exposed to snipers and high winds complicated the matter. When they finally found themselves at Nassana's front door, Shepard holstered her gun. Garrus paused and gave her an inquiring look.

"If I go in there, gun in hand, I can't guarantee I won't shoot her on principle. I got shot, for Christ's sake."

"Fair enough, Commander."

Kasumi chuckled. "I like you, Shepard."

Shepard flashed a smile and kicked the penthouse door open.

Nassana turned to face them, her eyes wide with surprise. "Shepard. But...you're dead."

Shepard shrugged, keeping her eyes on the three three Eclipse members with Nassana. "I got better."

"And now you're here to kill me."

"You're really paranoid."

"Don't patronize me, Shepard."

"Charming as ever, I see." She thought she heard something above her, a faint scraping sound. The Eclipse mercs didn't flinch.

Nassana kept talking, offering Shepard credits to make the problem go away. The sound of thin metal buckling under weight came from behind Nassana and her guards, and Shepard's eyes flickered up. _The assassin has arrived._

"All the credits in the world won't make this problem go away, Nassana."

The asari scoffed. "Who the hell are you to play God? I may not be perfect, but look at you. We both kill people for money. What's the difference?"

"You kill people because you think they're beneath you, they're in your way. I kill people because they leave me no choice."

The noise from above caught the mercs' attention, but Nassana was still oblivious. "You have a choice. You don't have to do this." She finally noticed that her commando was jumpy. "What?"

"I heard something."

Nassana sighed, exasperation marring her smooth complexion. "Damnit. Go check the other entrances!"

As the commando turned to leave, Nassana pointed a finger at Shepard. "You, stay put. When I'm finished dealing with this nuisance-"

It happened quickly. A shadowy figure dropped out of the ceiling, snapped one human's neck, punched the second in the throat, crushing his windpipe, shot the asari commando, and had a gun to Nassana's belly in less than ten seconds. They made eye contact, he pulled the trigger, she cried out, and he lay her across her desk, folding her arms over her chest. Nassana let out one last ragged breath and was gone. Stepping back, the drell assassin closed his eyes and folded his hands as though he were praying. Fifteen seconds.

Garrus voiced his appreciation of the man's skill. "Impressive. You certainly know how to make an entrance."

Shepard stepped forward. "I was hoping to talk to you."

He didn't move for several seconds, then dropped his hands and looked up. "I apologize, but prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken."

Shepard was surprised. "Do you really think she deserves it?"

"Not for her. For me," came the gentle response. He certainly wasn't what she had expected.

Krios holstered his pistol and walked around the desk. "The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by action alone. Take you, for instance. All this destruction, chaos. I was curious to see how far you would go to find me. Well, here I am."

She could see him clearly now, a reptilian-like humanoid, about her height, slim and wiry. "How'd you know I was coming at all?"

"I didn't, not until you marched through the front door and started shooting."

Shepard frowned, but couldn't argue she had gained a reputation for being a bit of a renegade in spite of her efforts to the contrary.

Krios surveyed Shepard and her team. "Nassana had grown paranoid, thought one of her sisters would try to kill her. You were a valuable distraction."

She snorted. "You used me to get to her?"

"I needed a diversion, you needed to speak with me. You certainly fulfilled your end of the bargain. What would you like to discuss?"

Garrus and Kasumi relaxed and holstered their weapons, and Shepard laid out the situation. The abductions, the collectors, the plan to stop them. Krios said no one had returned through the Omega Four relay; Shepard pointed out no one expected her to make it to Ilos.

"You have made a career out of doing the impossible," he mused.

"Yes, I suppose I have."

He was ill and dying, but assured her his condition was not contagious, that he would be able to help her. She accepted that. He regretted not being able to save more of Nassana's innocent employees and was grateful for the opportunity to atone for that, agreeing to help Shepard for free. She introduced him to Garrus and Kasumi.

"You were right, Shepard. That was easy," Garrus quipped as they left the towers.

"Just for that, you're buying us a round of drinks at Eternity before we head back to the Normandy."

x ~ X ~ x

"So we headed off to Eternity and you are not going to believe who we ran into, Joker." Shepard pulled her feet up to the edge of the chair and stared back at Joker.

"Ah, okay, okay. Let me see...Um...Conrad Verner?"

"_What_? How the hell did you know that?"

"Garrus. He was laughing his skinny turian ass off when he came through the airlock, but that was all he said when I cornered him."

"Remind me to kick his skinny turian ass. So yes, we walk in and there's Verner, my number one fan, at the bar, threatening the asari bartender who, it turns out, is also a matriarch who could have turned him into a stain on the wall." She sipped her whiskey. "That's a whole other story. Anyway, he's acting all tough, wearing replica N-Seven armor, and demanding the deed to the bar."

"No shit."

"Oh, it gets better. So he sees me and starts going on about how I died and he had to pick up where I left off, and he's out there helping people with their problems, et cetera. He tells me he's trying to get the deed to the bar because they sell red sand there and he has to help crack the ring. Some undercover cop," Shepard used her hands to make quotation marks in the air, "told him this and asked for his help."

Joker rolled his eyes and she laughed. "I know, right? The bartender didn't know whether to laugh or beat him to death. So we go find this so-called cop, some junkie weapons dealer, and I lie to her, tell her it's all set up, all she has to do is go talk to the bartender, and off she goes. By the time we walk in, the police are there to arrest her for extortion and she's trying to explain that I told her the place was for sale." She was laughing so hard she had to pause to wipe tears from her eyes.

"What'd you tell Verner?" Joker asked.

"Oh shit, Joker, I wanted to slap him, but what's that going to accomplish? I told him she was part of a terrorist cell and I couldn't have caught her without his help, and then I all but begged him to go home to his wife. I'm half expecting her to send me a letter giving me crap for that."

Chuckling, Joker shook his head. "With your luck, he'll pop up again. Good thing you let him down easy."

Shepard drained her glass and stared into it. "Yeah, you never know. It's a small galaxy, apparently." Her mind drifted off to the matter of Liara's situation. She planned to return to Illium in the morning to try to find Samara, and would make the time to visit Liara, too. _And I promised Miranda I'd help her get her sister's family off planet. Shit, it never ends._

"You hoping to find the answer to all your problems in there?" Joker asked after she lapsed into silence.

She snapped out of it and shook her head. "Just thinking about tomorrow and how much there is to do. I should probably get to bed."

Joker frowned at her. "Kate, are you okay?"

Nodding, Shepard stood up, hoping she looked better than she felt. "Yeah, it's just been a long, stupid day, you know? And I got beat up today, but I'll be okay. Just need some sleep."

The truth of the matter was she was worried and more than a little bit scared, and she missed Kaidan, but she was too proud to say anything to anyone, even Joker. There were some burdens she had to bear alone.

* * *

**A/N**: My thanks to Bioware, Zevgirl, Zute, dorko525, Pachouli, ioialoha, happylilcpck, and those readers who have added me to their lists. Please feel free to review/comment. I like to hear what you think! Cheers, Biff


	32. Illium II

**Illium II**

The justicar's presence had everyone in the city on edge. Sworn to a very strict code justicars apparently killed wrongdoers on sight, and everyone on Illium skirted the law, one way or another. Kathryn wondered how that would translate on the ship, if Samara agreed to join them. She had a thief, two mercenaries, a criminal of questionable sanity, and an assassin on board, not to mention a crew entirely staffed by an organization that was considered by most to be a terrorist group.

The Nos Astra Police Department sent her to the commercial port. At the port, they talked to an asari Detective, Anaya, who was investigating the murder of a volus merchant. Samara was looking into the matter, too, and Anaya was all too happy to help Shepard find her. The detective explained that she was in a difficult position; her supervisors were afraid the justicar would cause a cross-species incident and wanted Anaya to detain Samara. The justicar's code would not allow her to be taken into custody, and so she would have to kill Anaya if the detective followed through.

Anaya provided information about the murder case and the Eclipse mercenaries she suspected were involved, pointing out that she didn't believe Samara was interested in the case so much as the Eclipse sisters.

Thanking her for her time, Shepard waved at Garrus and Kasumi to follow her. "I'm feeling far less optimistic today, Garrus," she grumbled as they headed toward the crime scene.

The turian laughed. "Guess we'd better find Samara before the detective goes after her."

x ~ X ~ x

A commando's body flew at the doorway, hitting the wall next to Shepard and sliding to the ground, dead.

"Jesus Christ!" Shepard exclaimed, looking around the room. Movement up and to the right caught her attention and she could hear voices. The three of them stepped back to look into an office on the second floor.

"Those were my best troops," an Eclipse sister complained.

There was a flash of red armor and a blue biotic field beyond the merc; Shepard caught sight of another asari in the room. A low, seductive voice stated, "Tell me what I need to know and I will be gone from here. Where did you send her?"

The merc began circling to her right. "You think I'd betray her? She'd hurt me in ways you couldn't imagine."

Samara stepped into view. "The name of the ship. Your life hangs on the answer, lieutenant."

"You can kill me, but one of us will take you down, justicar!"

Blue light filled the small office and the merc was thrown through the window to the floor below, a few meters away from Shepard.

The justicar appeared, serenely floating down from the upper floor to land lightly at the lieutenant's side. Placing a foot on the her throat, Samara asked, "What was the name of the ship she left on?"

"Go to hell." The lieutenant tried to wrestle the justicar's foot off of her throat, to no avail.

Samara stared at her for a moment before saying, "Find peace in the embrace of the goddess." With a quick jerk of her leg, she broke the lieutenant's neck.

The justicar looked up, assessed Shepard's trio, and approached them. Shepard was reminded of Miranda, always encased in a skin-tight uniform. Samara was as curvaceous and well endowed, and similarly dressed. At least Miranda's neckline was less revealing; the justicar's plunged to her mid torso. _  
_

"My name is Samara, a servant of the Justicar Code. My quarrel is with these Eclipse sisters, but I see three well-armed people before me. Are we friend or foe?"

Shepard held her hands up, palms out. "That mercenary was injured and helpless. Do you just kill those who won't help you?"

"If my cause is important enough, yes. Are you different?"

"I've killed enemies, but always with good reason."

"I answer to a code that is clearly defined. If my actions are true to them, I am just. If they are not, I am unjust. I don't pretend that it is a simple matter, or that it seems right to everyone, but I sleep well at night and that is more than most can say. How may I be of service to you?"

It sounded simple enough, but Shepard knew all too well that simple could get complicated. "I'm up against suicidal odds, trying to stop the abduction of entire human colonies, and I need the best on my team. I hear that's you."

Samara regarded her for several seconds, nodding slowly. "I sense the truth in what you say and it humbles me. However, I seek an incredibly dangerous fugitive. I cornered her here, but the Eclipse sisters smuggled her off world. I must find the name of the ship she left on, before the trail goes cold."

A footfall from behind the doorway drew everyone's attention. Detective Anaya had arrived. Shepard groaned inwardly as Anaya spoke.

"I wish you'd leave with the human, Justicar. I have orders to take you into custody if you won't go."

"You risk a great deal by following your orders, Detective. Fortunately, I will not have to resist."

_Oh, good_, Shepard thought, relaxing.

"My code obligates me to cooperate with you for one day. After that, I must return to my investigation."

_So much for the good news_, Shepard sighed.

"I won't be able to release you that soon," Anaya said.

"You won't be able to stop me." It was unnerving how the justicar's beauty and seductive voice belied the meaning behind her words.

_This is going to be another long day_. "Okay, hang on. I think we can all get what we want. Anaya takes you in, looks good to her boss. You stay put for twenty four hours, while we track down the name of the ship your fugitive took off planet. We get the name, you get your lead, we can leave, and we're all happy. Does that work for everyone?"

No one voiced any objections, and Samara appeared pleased. "Do that, and I will join you and the code will be satisfied."

"Right. So...any leads?"

x ~ X ~ x

It came back to the volus merchant, Pitne For, business partner to the recently murdered Dakni Kur. Pitne and Dakni sold an illegal, biotics-enhancing drug, Minigen X3, to the Eclipse sisters. The drug could make a biotic's skills incredibly powerful, but too much could kill a person. Pitne and Dakni hadn't told the sisters this, however, and that led to Dakni's death. After some cajoling, Pitne started talking.

"I happen to have a key to their base. Well, I had to return that one, but I made a copy." Pitne waggled his datapad at Shepard, clearly hoping to swing a deal. He tilted his head to one side, waiting for her to make an offer.

She cracked her knuckles and stared back at him.

The volus sighed and held out his datapad. "Take it, Earth clan. The elevator's over there. But be careful. Each Eclipse sister commits a murder to earn her uniform. They are all dangerous."

"Thank you, Mister For. I appreciate your cooperation." Shepard took the datapad and headed for the elevator with her team.

x ~ X ~ x

Getting into the Eclipse base was easy enough, but that was where 'easy' ended. Their every step was dogged by mercenaries, LOKI mechs, and the dog-like FENRIS mechs. Shepard took pity on Elnora, a sisterhood initiate hiding in the warehouse, and let her to, only to discover mere moments later that she was the killer Detective Anaya was looking for. Cursing herself for being a sucker, Shepard resolved to pass along the evidence to Anaya.

Further into the compound, they found Pitne For's associate who had been captured and tortured by the Eclipse sisters, something Pitne hadn't thought to mention. In his drug-induced ramblings, the volus told them the leader of this branch of the Eclipse, Captain Wasea, was in a room down the hall. After convincing him to leave rather than fight with them, Shepard and her team confronted the captain. Wasea was all too happy to have a chance to try to kill Shepard.

"For once, I'd like to walk up to someone, ask for their help, and just get it, avoiding all this bullshit, you know?" Shepard yelled to Garrus, dodging yet another piece of equipment as it sailed toward her head. He opened his mouth to say something, but she waved him off. "More shooting, less complaining, right?"

She used a crate for support and shot an Eclipse initiate, knocking out her shields. Kasusmi appeared at the commando's side and killed her, disappearing again before any of the other sisters could target her. Another crate of Minigen X3 exploded, and a cloud of toxic red dust billowed up into the air. Garrus and Shepard had to move to avoid the toxic cloud. Shepard's legs were aching from crouching and crawling around, the continuous gunfire and explosion around the room made her ears ring, and her visor was covered in red dust, making it harder to see. She was hurting and getting angrier and more impatient by the minute. She peered around the corner of the crate she was hiding behind and saw that they were down to three sisters.

"Garrus, ten o'clock, behind the Minigen containers!"

"You got it." He moved closer and fired.

"Kasumi, one o'clock, near the exit."

The thief disappeared and Shepard grabbed a sticky bomb. Standing up, she hurled it at Captain Wasea, planting it on the asari's left hip. The captain fired a shot, getting Shepard's left shoulder and sending her flying back, before she realized she'd been hit, too. Wasea grasped at the sticky bomb, trying to remove it, but her movements set it off.

"Shepard!" Garrus yelled, running to her side.

"That was disgusting," Kasumi complained as she joined them. "Commander?"

Shepard lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling, trying to figure out if she was okay. Her armor dispensed some medigel and she took a deep breath.

"Yeah. Could you..." She lifted her arm and waved her hand around.

Kasumi shot a quick glance at Garrus and nodded. "Of course, it has to be here somewhere."

While she got up and started searching, Garrus looked at Shepard's shoulder. Her armor was only slightly dented "You okay?"

_I'm tired of this bullshit_. "Yeah. My shoulder hurts. Shields weren't back up completely. Give a girl a hand up?"

He stood and pulled her to her feet. Shepard took her visor off and cleaned the Minigen dust off.

Kasumi shouted, "Got it!"

"First round's on me, Goto!" Shepard called back. "Come on, Garrus. Anaya's had to sit with Samara breathing down her neck for too long. Let's get what we came for and get the hell out of here."

"I'm right behind you, Commander."

x ~ X ~ x

Anaya looked very relieved to see Shepard, and was equally happy to have a lead on her case. Shepard also gave her a shipping manifest that implicated Pitne For in the illegal drug trade. Samara was impressed that Shepard had not only discovered the name of the ship used to smuggle the fugitive off planet, but also that the criminal was an Ardat-Yakshi. After a brief discussion about the fugitive, Shepard cut straight to the issue that had been bothering her.

"You're sworn to follow a code that dictates your decisions, but I'm running a military operation." Shepard left the unasked question hanging between her and Samara. The justicar understood.

"I must be sworn to your service so that I am never forced to choose between your orders and the code," she replied.

Samara's eyes flashed white and she knelt before Shepard, head bowed. "By the code I shall serve you, Shepard. Your choices are my choices, your morals are my morals, your wishes are my code."

Blue biotic energy flared around the justicar and she stood. The energy dispersed and her eyes returned to normal. Shepard was stunned. Samara had just placed a great deal of responsibility upon her shoulders. Shepard resolved to be careful how she carried herself with the justicar in her presence.

"I never thought I'd see a Justicar swear an oath like that," Anaya muttered.

Samara tipped her head to Shepard. "If you make me do anything extremely dishonorable, I may need to kill you when I am released from my oath."

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard took a long, hot shower and sat at her desk to confirm a meeting with Liara the following day.

_Liara_

_After the events of the past two days, I am looking forward to spending time with a friend. I'll come to your office at ten hundred._

_Kate_

* * *

**A/N**: Poor Shep! She has no idea... My thanks to Zevgirl and Zute for their support, to Ioialoha and Jenna53, and to the 'listers'. A shout out to Pachouli, too! Please feel free to review. I always love hearing from you! Cheers, Biff


	33. Correspondence

**Correspondence**

Kaidan sat down at his desk, a glass of whiskey in one hand, the bottle in his other. He was expecting to hear from Kathryn; they were exchanging video messages regularly. It wasn't quite the future they had spoken of on Intai'sei so long ago, but it was better than nothing, and a hell of a lot better than what he'd had the previous year. He took a sip and opened his email, smiling at the sight of her message.

The video started and he stopped it, as he did every week. Kathryn would always forget to put her 'camera face' on before hitting play, and in the two or three seconds it took her to remember, he could sometimes see what she was trying to hide. And so he would take a moment to just look at her, to try to get a sense of her frame of mind.

Tonight, she was sitting on her couch, with the computer on the table in front of her, a glass of red wine in hand. Her facial scars were completely gone, he noticed. She had mentioned buying some equipment for the medlab in her last message. He reached out and touched the screen to zoom in on her face. The results were excellent; there were no signs of the scars at all and her complexion was smooth. She was wearing jeans and a plain white v-neck shirt that clung to her every curve, legs folded neatly beside her as she leaned on the arm of the couch. She had become even more lean and muscular over the past few weeks, presumably the results of the new workout routine she'd told him about. She had described it as a mix of twentieth century activities called parkour and freerunning, a great way to relieve stress and tire herself out. There was a wistful expression on her face and he knew she must be lonely. He felt a familiar twinge of regret knowing he was partly responsible for that, but he couldn't see a way around it, not yet at any rate. Trying to push that thought out of his mind, he hit play again.

Predictably, her expression brightened and she sipped her wine. It was almost possible for Kaidan to convince himself that this was a real time transmission, the way she was looking directly into the camera.

"Hello, Kaidan. Thanks for your last message. We were just at the Citadel and I tried that place you suggested, Earthly Delights. It was really good. We should...ah, thanks for suggesting it, it was a great meal." She paused, her expression faltered, and she tried to hide it by taking a sip of wine. _What's going on, Kate?_

"A lot has happened. I don't know if you're hearing anything, but you were right, you know. Of course you do, you're just never so smug as to say so. Not that I didn't know it, mind you. I just..." Her voice drifted off and she looked away briefly, taking another sip of wine.

She had to be talking about Cerberus, and it made him angry, but there was no way around the fact that she was right, too. Cerberus was the only group doing anything about the collectors.

Kate pulled her legs up and put her chin on her knees. "I guess I...I just fooled myself. Look, I need you to do something for me, Kaidan. The Alliance is taking a man, David Archer, to Grissom Academy, and I'd really appreciate it if you could check in on him, make sure he's safe. He was part of a project that got way out of hand. When I found him, he was fucking wired into an AI, against his will, unable to do _anything_ for himself-" She paused, taking a deep breath, and he could see how deeply upset she was about this.

Taking another sip of wine, she shook her head. "It was horrible and I had to get him out of there. And that decision wasn't exactly popular back at HQ, if you know what I mean. But it's not all depressing around here. Joker and Garrus have been good friends, I'm in touch with Liara regularly now, and I'm hoping to get Tali back on board. The crew is a good bunch, and I've been keeping busy. We're upgrading the Normandy and our weapons and armor, generally getting ready."

She paused to drink more wine, then put the glass down and stared straight into the camera. "I think we're getting close, Kaidan. After I find Tali, we'll be checking out a derelict collector ship. If we can find out how they get through the Omega Four relay, we'll be that much closer. I won't lie to you, Kaidan. I'm pretty nervous about this, but I believe we'll be ready.

"I...well, I don't want to get too sappy on you. Ah...just know that I love you. And if you..._when_ you hear...Damnit, I don't know what I'm trying to say. Just...remember that you _know_ me, okay? Take care of yourself."

Kathryn touched her fingers to her lips and then turned them to the camera, waving. As she leaned forward to stop the recording, he could see that her eyes were brimming with tears. He sucked in his breath as the screen went black and he sat back in his chair, finishing off his whiskey.

_'Remember that you _know_ me'? What the hell does she mean by that?_

Kate had always been pretty good at keeping her emotions in check, even when things had gotten really intense with Saren and the geth. Perhaps it was simply that this was a video for him, someone she could be more open with; it had been that way when they'd served on the Normandy together. He had to admit, though, that their relationship had changed considerably and maybe he wasn't that person to her now. Was she was starting to feel the pressure of her mission? Did she have anyone on the ship with whom she could confide? Kaidan had considered the possibility that she might get close to someone on the ship, and it had pained him to think of her loving someone else. Now, though, he had to wonder what right he had to expect her to be faithful to him on that level, when they both acknowledged that they didn't really know what they were to each other right now. Friends, definitely. He wouldn't let that go, no matter what. But it was completely selfish of him to expect her to forego the comfort of a personal relationship if there was one to be had. What kind of friend would he be if he did?

Kaidan poured another shot of whiskey and decided to give himself a day to think things over before taping a response for Kate. Instead, he'd look into the David Archer situation.

x ~ X ~ x

Kaidan paced back and forth in his office, tapping the empty coffee cup he held in his hands. He was angry, but there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. He fumed for several minutes. The bloody Alliance wasn't doing anything and no other race in the galaxy appeared to give a damn what happened to humans. Cerberus had proved yet again they couldn't be trusted, and that they would go to any lengths the Illusive Man deemed necessary to achieve their goals. And Kathryn was caught in the middle, putting her life on the line yet again against impossible odds. He should be with her, helping her, but instead he had allowed his grief and anger to rule his actions. He'd made his decision and would have to live with it.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he asked himself out loud. He leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. Determined to try to leave his negativity and doubts off camera, he sat down to record a message for Kathryn.

x ~ X ~ x

Kathryn started the video, feeling herself flush at the sight of Kaidan in his Alliance uniform, his warm brown eyes smiling back at her. He was sitting at his desk, looking as relaxed as always, but the usual shot of whiskey had been replaced by a coffee mug. She frowned. His knuckles were white; he was gripping it tightly.

"Hello, Kate. I...ah...contacted Grissom Academy. David's there, and recovering. His brother did one helluva number on him, that's for damn sure, but they think he's going to be okay eventually. You know you did the right thing, Kate. Don't take any shit from Cerberus. Communicate with the geth? I read the report. Project Overlord? It sounds like they want to _control_ the geth." He took a deep breath and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to get all riled up. You really don't need that right now. So...you said you'd be trying to recruit Tali? I always liked her, she's a good kid, and I hope she's with you. You need people you can trust to have your back, now more than ever, especially if you're headed to that ship.

"These creatures are after you, hell, they _killed_ you once, and you're walking right into one of their ships. I have to tell you that freaks me out."

He pushed the mug away, folded his hands on his desk and leaned forward. "I don't know where you are right now, or what you're doing, and I ah...well, promise me you'll stay safe. I'd like to see you again, in person, maybe have dinner with you at Earthly Delights, so make sure you take care of yourself, okay?" He smiled and reached out to touch the screen. "I love you, Kate."

x ~ X ~ x

The screen went black and Kathryn put her wine glass down, tapping the edge of her desk with her fingers. Was Kaidan upset about Project Overlord and the indignities David had suffered at the hands of his brother and Cerberus? Kaidan was not the kind of man who could overlook what the organization was doing and focus on the end results, not that Overlord had good results.

_What does that make me?_ She shook her head, got up, and paced around the room. _What are you going to do, Kate, walk away from this? Go running back to the Alliance with your hand out, asking for help with something they aren't ready to deal with? Cerberus isn't your friend, and you aren't working for them. You're using them._

Kathryn poured herself a second glass of wine and continued pacing. She couldn't deny that she was becoming increasingly uncomfortable about her relationship with Cerberus. _What happens after this? What if we succeed in destroying the collectors' base?_ She stopped and drank. That was a damn good question, one that simply had not occurred to her before now. She had always assumed that this was probably going to be a one way trip, but what if it wasn't?

She looked up and saw her reflection in her aquarium and came to a decision. _If you survive and bring the Normandy back through the Omega Four relay, Kate, you're going to have to go back to the Alliance. Your association with Cerberus ends when you finish this mission._

Joker expected they would arrive at the collectors' ship by morning and she wanted a clear head for that mission. Raising her wine glass to her reflection, she finished it off and got ready for bed.

* * *

**A/N:** This wasn't the chapter I had planned to post. Matter of fact, I 'shelved' over 2000 action-packed words and gave some serious consideration to reworking this story into two - one that's strictly 'Shenko' and one that covers the rest of Shepard's shenanigans. In the end, however, I decided to post this and ask you, the reader, for your opinion.

What do you think? Has this story strayed too far from its original intent, or are you enjoying seeing Shepard's adventures with the other characters? I have to wonder if I've lost some readers because of the lack of Kaidany goodness...

While you mull that over, I'll hand out some gratitude - to Bioware, Zute, Zevgirl, and those who add me/the story to your lists. Thank you. Please read and review, you know I love hearing from you. Cheers, Biff


	34. Ambush

**Ambush**

"Ah, Commander? You might want to see this." Joker's voice cut through the silence in Shepard's quarters.

"Be...right...there." she panted between chin ups.

Lowering herself to the floor, she left her room. "Oh, personal service. How nice." The elevator doors were opening as she stepped into the hall.

"Mister Moreau is anxiously awaiting your arrival, Commander Shepard."

"All right, EDI, let's go."

Shepard greeted crew members as she made her way to the cockpit, calling out to Kelly to queue up any unread messages.

"What's the big hur-holy shit!" she exclaimed, stopping in the entrance to the cockpit. "Jesus, that thing is huge."

They had a visual on the derelict collectors' ship they planned to board. They were still a fair distance from its location, but as they drew closer it was clear the ship was vast in size. Joker's hands moved over the controls in front of him, pulling up information on the ship's construction for Shepard. She sat down and started reading. There was no information on the interior, but the exterior was noted as a metallic superstructure with organic protrusions.

"Shit, it looks as though we could dock a carrier in the middle of that thing."

EDI informed them that most systems appeared to be off line, as was the drive core. There were no hull breaches on the side of the ship facing them.

Joker turned to Shepard. "That thing is massive. How did the turians take it out?"

"That, my friend, is a damn good question. They have dreadnoughts, but this was supposedly done by a patrol. I don't like this."

"We are approaching, Commander. Good luck out there."

"Thanks, Joker. I'll get suited up. Could you get Zaeed and Garrus up to the airlock for me?"

"Yes, ma'am."

x ~ X ~ x

Investigating the collectors' ship was not too unlike a house of horrors, in Shepard's mind. The sheer size of it was mind boggling. Large hallways led to even larger open spaces, where pods lined the ceilings. There were thousands upon thousands of the pods for as far as the eye could see.

"Shepard, I have compared this ship's EM profile to that of known collectors' ships. This is the same ship you encountered on Horizon."

There was no hope of finding any survivors from Horizon, however. Life support systems failed during the ship's power loss, and EDI confirmed there were no signs of life in any of the pods. Further along they found a pile of corpses, in varying stages of decay. Shepard could see signs of trauma on the bodies. The collectors were conducting experiments of some sort, but she was far too sickened by the sight to get close enough to gather meaningful information. She urged them forward.

Several minutes later, they made a startling discovery. The body of a collector was in a pod at what appeared to be a medical station.

"EDI, I'm uploading the data from this terminal. See if you can figure out what they were up to."

"Data received. Analyzing. The collectors were making baseline genetic comparisons between their species and humanity's."

"Are they looking for...similarities?"

"I have no hypothesis on their motivations. All I have are their preliminary results. They reveal something remarkable. A quad-strand DNA structure identical to samples taken from ancient ruins. Only one species is known to have this structure. The protheans."

"My god," Shepard breathed. "The protheans didn't vanish. They're working for the reapers now."

EDI reported that the collectors were no longer prothean; their genes show distinct signs of genetic rewrite. The reapers had repurposed them to suit their needs. More determined than ever, the trio pushed forward.

Minutes later, Joker's voice cut through the eerie quiet of the ship. "Commander, you gotta hear this. On a hunch I asked EDI to run an analysis on the ship."

"I compared its EM profile against data recorded by the original Normandy more than two years ago. They are an exact match."

Shepard stopped so suddenly, Zaeed walked right into her. "The same ship dogging me for two years? That's more than a coincidence."

"Yeah, something doesn't add up, Commander. Watch your back."

"Will do, Joker."

They walked even deeper into the ship until they came into the largest chamber they had encountered. It, too, was lined with pods for as far as the eye could see.

"This is unbelievable, Shepard." Garrus craned his neck to look around them.

"They could take every human in the Terminus system and have pods left over," Zaeed muttered.

"They're going to hit Earth," Garrus reasoned, his tone sombre.

She shook her head. "No. Not if we stop them. Come on." She sounded far more confident than she felt, thoughts of what their failure would mean for humanity weighing on her now more than ever. _We have to succeed_.

There was a platform ahead with a control panel on it and she tipped her head toward it. Garrus and Zaeed both paused.

"Something doesn't smell right. We haven't seen a goddamn collector, alive or dead, except for the one, Shepard." Zaeed whispered.

"Mm hmm. Stay frosty."

The hairs on Shepard's neck stood as they climbed up onto the octagonal platform and approached the terminal. Everything about this screamed trap, but there was nothing to be done about it. She called EDI. "I'm setting up a bridge between you and the collector ship. See if you can find anything useful in their databanks."

"Data mining in progress, Shepard."

Shepard, Garrus, and Zaeed remained alert, eyes scanning the distant walls and passageways surrounding them. The link between their helmets and the Normandy remained open and they could hear the twenty first century music Joker listened to playing in the background. The lyrics caught Shepard's attention. _Counting all the assholes in the room, well I'm definitely not alone, well I'm not alone. You're a liar, you're a cheater, you're fool. Well that´s just like me, yoohoo, and I know you too._

Rather abruptly, they heard a digital squeal, the music cut out, and there were a few seconds of silence. Just as suddenly, static sounded, followed by a beeping sound.

"Ah, that can't be good." Joker's attempt at levity barely registered with Shepard.

Almost immediately, the platform Shepard's team stood on dropped sharply a short distance, and she heard a mechanical noise echoing throughout the chamber.

"We're okay, but what's going on, Joker?"

"Power surge, everything went dark, but we're back up now."

EDI's professional voice announced what they'd all feared. "I managed to divert most of the overload to non-critical systems. Shepard, it was not a malfunction. This was a trap."

"Aw shit, I hate it when I'm right." Shepard grumbled before their platform lurched again, this time upwards. "We need a little help here, EDI!"

While EDI attempted to gain some measure of control over the platform, another one in the distance was moving toward them, carrying a group of collectors.

"Connection reestablished. I will need time to complete the download before I can override any systems."

"You're full of all kinds of good news today, EDI. Make it quick, okay?"

EDI's response was lost in the noise of battle.

"Three o'clock!" Zaeed bellowed, diving for cover.

"Assuming control."

"Fuck, it's the Harbinger." Shepard lobbed a sticky grenade onto a platform that was trying to come around to their right.

In the distance she could see two more platforms moving their way with several collectors on each. Ducking down, she reached for her sniper rifle and loaded it with shredder ammo. Staying low, she picked off collector after collector. It was a hard fight, made more difficult because of the movement of the platforms and the fact that they were confined to a relatively small area, but she had chosen team members wisely, by coincidence. Both Garrus and Zaeed had the same experience she did when it came to being pinned down. A strange sort of calm overtook her and honed her focus.

Shepard's shields were knocked out more than once, Garrus was looking more beat up as the seconds ticked away, and Zaeed took a fair share of hits himself, but their upgrades were holding. It appeared the platforms could be attached to one another and that the collectors intended to join theirs to the one from which Shepard and her team fought. As soon as they locked in place, Shepard switched to her SMG, jumped up and ran at their enemies, leaping over and around obstacles in her path, firing a steady stream of bullets.

The last of the collectors fell back into the great void below them, and EDI's holographic representation appeared above the control panel. "I have regained control of the platform, Shepard."

_And not a moment too soon_, Shepard thought to herself. "You get what we need?" Shepard asked as the platform began moving.

"I have found data that will help us navigate the Omega Four relay. I have also found the turian distress signal that served as the lure for this trap. The collectors were the source. It is unusual."

"It seems logical that they would send the signal as bait." The platform settled down in a spot where the team could disembark and head for the exit.

"No, it is unusual because turian emergency channels have a secondary encryption. It is corrupted in the message. It is not possible that the Illusive Man would have believed that the distress signal was genuine."

"What? Why are you so sure?"

"I found the anomaly with Cerberus detection protocols. He wrote them."

"He _knew_ it was a trap?" Joker asked. "Why would he send us into a _trap_?"

The trap, they realized, wasn't fully sprung and their conversation ended as the collector ship began powering up again. Shepard's team had to run to the extraction point while dodging enemies and gunfire.

"Shit," Shepard screamed as she propelled herself through the ship. "Reaper husks, collectors, the fucking Harbinger, and now a goddamned praetorian? Jesus Christ! If we make it out of here alive, I am going to kill Tim."

_Changing the workout was a good idea_, she thought as she leapt over yet another barrier and hid behind a pillar. Her cardio strength had improved a great deal and she was far faster and more agile on the battlefield. EDI had objected to her climbing around the ship, citing various Cerberus regulations about non-essential personnel accessing restricted maintenance shafts, but she was glad she'd learned to tune the AI out.

The praetorian exploded with immense force, taking out the last of the collectors fighting alongside it, and Shepard's team was once again free to escape. With EDI's assistance, they navigated the tunnels of the ship. A small platoon of husks was the final defense the collectors had, aside from the ship's weapons, and Shepard armed herself with her two pistols. She used one to shoot, the second as a club, and ran for the exit. The shuttle landed, they dove inside, and were flying away to rendezvous with the Normandy.

The second they landed, Shepard was out of the shuttle and racing to Joker's side two levels up. He was yelling at EDI.

"I can't dodge this guy forever, EDI! Get us the hell out of here!"

"Specify a destination, Mister Moreau."

"Jesus, anywhere that isn't here, EDI!"

An alarm sounded as EDI replied, "Engaging mass effect core."

Shepard's stomach lurched, the stars turned to streaks of light, and the collectors' ship disappeared from sight. She relaxed her grip on the back of Joker's seat and pulled her helmet off.

"You okay?" Joker asked, slowly turning around.

"Oh yeah, sure. I just need a minute. And then I'm gonna go take a shower and have a drink and then I want you to get that sonofabitch Tim on the line so I can tell him how things went. You?"

"I'm good, it's all good. But you owe the swear jar a few credits. Just sayin'."

Shepard snorted and shook her head. "Fine. And I'll buy the first round in the lounge this evening. Give me an hour before you call Major Bastard Tim."

_to be continued_

* * *

A/N: Lyrics provided by Volbeat. Song: Still Counting. Album: Live From Beyond Hell/Above Heaven, Nov. 2011.

Thanks to Bioware, Zevgirl, Zute, CyanB, Ioialoha, daftkitykat, CommanderHawke667, and the 'listers'! I look forward to hearing from you. The next chapter will be up shortly.


	35. A Personal Favor

**A Personal Favor**

Shepard was practically vibrating when she finally stepped into the virtual room where she and the Illusive Man had their meetings. He wasted no time getting to the point.

"Good work, Shepard. Looks like EDI extracted some interesting data before the collectors' ship came back on line."

"Yeah. EDI tells me the turian distress signal originated from the collectors. You betrayed us, just like I knew you would." She crossed her arms over her chest, her jaw tight with anger.

The Illusive Man's brow creased. "We are at war. The collectors are taking humans and every minute we waste is one more we give the enemy to prepare."

"I know the stakes! We're supposed to be on the same side, but I can't trust you."

"Without that information, we don't reach the collector homeworld, and you and every other human may as well be dead." He stood up and reached for a drink. "It was a trap, but I was confident in your abilities, and don't forget EDI. The collectors couldn't have anticipated her."

He had a point, and it infuriated Shepard. "You could have told me the plan. You say I'm important, you spent millions to bring me back, but you sure try hard to get me killed." Worse, she now sounded like she was pouting.

"I needed the collectors to believe they had the upper hand. Telling you could have tipped them off in any number of ways. Besides, I wouldn't have sent you in if I didn't believe that you would succeed."

He waved off further argument by giving her a speech about making difficult decisions, one she'd heard many times during her Alliance training, and found herself living more than once. Again he was right; taking the risk provided the reward. They now knew that the collectors used an identify friend/foe, or IFF, system that the relays recognized. All they had to do was find one.

"Damnit, we were just on a collector ship. If we'd known to look for one-" She cut herself off. It was a pointless argument; they wouldn't have had time to extract the damn thing even if they'd known what to look for. "Shit."

Tim pulled on his cigarette and took a sip of whiskey. "Mm. We have options."

He proceeded to explain that through a series of fortunate events, a Cerberus team had found a thirty seven million year old derelict reaper trapped in the gravitational field of a brown dwarf. It was stable, though certainly not safe, and was their best chance at making it through the Omega Four relay. With the thrill of excitement and dread that came with any war, Shepard realized that this was it. They really stood a chance of doing this.

"And in the meantime, please tell your team that I did not risk their lives unnecessarily. It will make things easier going forward."

Shepard nodded curtly and asked EDI to assemble her team for a briefing. The Illusive Man terminated the connection and she leaned against on the conference table once it was back in place. For the first time in her reasonably short career, she found herself wishing she could just retire.

x ~ X ~ x

Everyone had a reaction to the revelation that they had been knowingly sent into a trap, but Mordin spared Shepard the indignity of having to defend the Illusive Man by reasoning that it had been necessary to deceive them in order to obtain the information they required.

"He tries something like that again, though, the collectors will be the least of his worries," she said, looking around the table. "EDI, are you sure this IFF will work?"

"My analysis is accurate, Shepard. I have also determined the approximate location of the collector homeworld, based on navigational data from their vessel."

The conference table top lit up, displaying a map of the galaxy. A target appeared, circled the map, and stopped in the center.

"That can't be right," Miranda said with a frown.

Shepard snorted. "Hey Joker, run a diagnostic. I think the AI has a bug its software."

EDI's tone could have been mistaken for indignant. "My calculations are correct. The collector homeworld is located within the galactic core."

Jacob shook his head. "Can't be, the core is just black holes and exploding suns. No hospitable planets."

Further discussion led to the hypothesis that the collectors might have a specially protected space station on the other side, in a safe zone where only it could survive, which would explain why no other ship had ever returned from the Omega Four relay.

The tension in the room was palpable. Several people were pacing, Thane looked to be praying, Jack was practically climbing the walls, and everyone was looking at Shepard. She sighed.

"Okay, here's what I'm thinking. Just because we know we can go after the collectors doesn't mean we're ready to. I've got unfinished business with some of you and I think we need to get ready for the fact that this could be it. We all need to put our affairs in order. Agreed?"

Everyone looked around the room to the others, and seeing no dissention, she nodded. "All right then, let's start at the Citadel. From there, Kasumi and I will need to head to Boltzmann System of the Serpent Nebula..."

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard rubbed her hair dry, pulled on her bra and panties, took a swig of coffee and walked to her closet to get a uniform. She paused and frowned, opening the closet again. The black dress Kasumi had purchased for her to wear to the heist at Donovan Hock's was hanging in her closet with a note pinned to it._ I don't have the receipt, can't return it. And I don't have the breasts for it either, Shepard. Just take the damn dress. You look good it in_. Laughing to herself, she tossed her uniform onto her bed and pulled the dress out, holding it up to her body as she looked in the mirror. She did like it. It was a trophy, she decided. A reward for a well-done heist that set the tone for three solid weeks of hard work tying up all the loose ends distracting her team. It had been an emotionally wrenching time, but it wasn't all bad.

Thane was talking to his son again, and they had stopped the young man from delving into a life of crime. Jack had achieved some closure, destroying the Cerberus base on Pragia, where she'd been subjected to experiments designed to increase her biotic powers. She had discovered a softer side of herself as well, the ability to _care_, although she was loathe to admit it. Shepard and Liara brought down the Shadow Broker, and Liara took over his operations, providing Shepard support she hadn't expected. Grunt, having gone through a rite of passage on Tuchanka, was now a member of the Urdnot clan, and Shepard had been reunited with her old friend Urdnot Wrex.

Some missions had not ended quite so happily. The fugitive that Samara had been tracking down, the Ardat Yakshi, was in fact her own daughter, and she'd been forced to kill her. Jacob's father, thought killed in action more than ten years earlier, was alive and a criminal, having committed atrocious acts against the surviving crew members of the MSV Hugo Gernsback. Shepard's last mission, defending Tali against charges of treason, had ended well, but left Tali with unresolved feelings regarding her father and his involvement in experiments with the geth. There was nothing else standing in their way. She was giving the crew a day of down time and then they would search for the derelict reaper and the IFF.

Going to her personal terminal, she hit the intercom button for Kelly's station. "Kelly?"

"Commander, I was about to call you."

"What's up?"

"An FTL transmission coming in from Admiral Steven Hackett, ma'am. He is asking for a secure channel."

Shepard stood up quickly, running her fingers through her hair. Hackett wasn't the sort to call just to catch up. "Patch it through, thanks." She reached out and tapped the glass upon which her model ships were mounted. The surface turned black and a moment later, Hackett's face appeared.

"Commander, thank you for your time. I'll keep this brief. We have a deep cover operative out in batarian space, name's Doctor Amanda Kenson. Doctor Kenson recently reported that she had found evidence of an imminent reaper invasion."

"_What_?"

Hackett nodded. "Just this morning I got word that the batarians arrested her. They're holding her on terrorism charges in a secret prison outpost. I need you to infiltrate the prison and get her out of there. As a personal favor to me, I'm asking you to go in there alone."

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up. "What's Kenson actually doing out there?'

"She's a deep cover operative, Shepard. We only talk when we need to. I heard she was investigating rumors of a reaper artifact in the area. Her last report said she'd found it."

Red flags were popping up everywhere in Shepard's mind. Batarian space, a prison break, a reaper artifact, a deep cover operative. It all added up to trouble, no matter how she spun the details.

"I thought the Alliance denies the reaper threat. That must be some proof she found."

"Kenson's team found an artifact in batarian space. She believes it's a reaper device, proof that they are planning to invade. I've known her a long time. If she says she has proof, it's worth checking out."

Shepard snorted. "The batarians are not going to take kindly to the Alliance breaking into a secret prison."

Hackett shook his head. "This is not an Alliance operation. It's one person going in to save a friend. If it were an official mission, of course the batarians would be upset. If you keep this quiet, Shepard, there's nothing to worry about."

Hackett wanted to protect his friend at all costs. Going in with a team would draw attention and likely result in the doctor's death. If Shepard were going to do this, she would have to do it alone, as discretely as possible, without question. She sighed and started pacing while she considered her options. Until now, it hadn't occurred to her that the reapers might have additional plans in motion; the assumption had been that the collectors were working to facilitate something for the reapers.

_A stupid assumption to make_, she chided herself._ Do I have a choice? Yes. I could say no and just keep on flying. Can I? No. If there is even the slightest chance that this is for real, that the reapers have plans to invade any moment now, I have to do this_. She stopped to stand in front of the monitor.

"Okay, I'll do it."

Hackett sent her the coordinates of the underground prison outpost. "When you get her out, confirm her discovery. We'll debrief you when you get back. Hackett out."

Tapping her commlink, she called Joker.

"Yes ma'am?"

"Joker, we need to make a detour. Take us to the Bahak System in the Serpent Nebula, with the utmost discretion."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

Shepard stared at her model ships for several seconds, trying to silence the voice in the back of her head that was screaming 'bad idea'. Moving again, she began pulling together the gear she'd need for the mission.

* * *

**A/N:** As promised, another update. My thanks to all for the continued support. The Shenko reunion is getting closer...closer...! With any luck, another chapter will be up tomorrow. Please feel free to review/comment. Cheers!


	36. Difficult Decisions

**Difficult Decisions**

_"You may not like being on the receiving end, neither would I. But the facts are with me. As much as we try to avoid them, these decisions need to be made."_

The Illusive Man's words came back to Shepard as she lay in the med bay. Someone came to stand at her side.

"I'm not finished punching myself in the head yet," she mumbled.

"Commander." It was Joker. He lowered his voice. "Kate. Are you okay?"

She opened an eye a crack. He looked worried. "Did anyone else make it out?"

He didn't need to say it; she could tell by the way he looked away that no one else escaped the system. "I tried, Joker, I did, but Kenson-"

"Don't, Kate. I know you well enough to know you wouldn't have destroyed a relay and an entire system on a whim."

Hearing him say it made her want to get sick. "What the hell am I going to tell Hackett?"

"If you aren't playing it straight with him, you'd better think fast. He's here. Chakwas is talking to him now."

Shepard cursed and rolled to her side, pushing herself up as she swung her legs over the table.

_"I'll ask you one more time. Where is your base, human?" A batarian, his tone threatening._

_"You're wasting time. The reapers are coming!" Kenson's voice, with no fear, only the conviction of someone who _knew_ something with certainty._

"How do I look?"

"You were pretty banged up, and your face had seen better days. Black eye, cut lip, bruised cheek...finger marks around your neck. Chakwas took pictures, wanted anyone who asked to see that you took a beating. You look a lot better now, though."

_"Every minute you keep me here, brings them closer."_

_"So I should let you destroy the relay? Just destroy the entire system?"_

_"Do what you will, batarian, but killing me won't save you."_

_"No, but it will amuse me."_

Shepard touched her neck, remembering one of Kenson's men strangling her until she passed out. "Fuck."

"You get a free pass today, Commander. Swear all you want."

_"Do you think they'll come after you, Doctor Kenson?"_

_"I'm not taking any chances. Batarians don't much care for humans who plan to destroy their mass relays."_

_"Ah...so the charges against you are true?"_

_"Well, to be fair, that's about half the story. My people and I were investigating rumors of reaper technology, out here on the fringes of this system."_

_"You found something."_

_"Proof that the reapers will be arriving in this system. And once they're here, they'll be able to use the mass relay to get anywhere else in the galaxy. We call it the Alpha relay." Kenson stared out the shuttle's window at the relay._

_"And so based on what you've found, you decided to destroy the relay."_

Shepard closed her eyes and pressed her palms to them. "God, I hope I did the right thing."

_"I'm still not sure I understand how you came to know about this supposed invasion."_

_"The evidence came from what we call Object Rho, a reaper artifact we discovered in the asteroid field near the relay itself."_

Shepard looked up to see Hackett staring back at her, Chakwas's datapad in his hands. "I think you should probably go, Joker."

"Hey." Joker reached out and put his hand on hers. "You know where to find me, Kate."

"Thanks. Thank you, Jeff." She was feeling oddly sentimental and watched her friend and pilot cross the lab to leave with Doctor Chakwas. Hackett closed the door behind them and turned to face her.

_"The stakes are too high. If you were really willing to destroy an entire system over this, I want to see your proof."_

_"I guess I can't argue with that. Give me a moment."_

_After Kenson called her team to advise them she was okay and returning with Commander Shepard, she explained that her team planned to destroy the relay by propelling a large asteroid into it. The resulting explosion would likely resemble a supernova that would destroy the system. It was remote, but there were over three hundred thousand batarians on the planet Aratoht, where the prison was located._

"Looks like you've recovered."

"Admiral." She couldn't remember a time when she'd been so nervous around Hackett. She smoothed her uniform and stood up.

"Sounds like you went through hell down there. How are you feeling?"

"I'm...better. Fine. No more visions, if that's what you mean. I...ah...wasn't expecting to see you here."

"You went out there as a favor to me. I decided to debrief you in person." He shifted, clasping his hands behind his back as he examined her face. "That was before the mass relay exploded, destroying an entire batarian system. What the hell happened out there, Commander?"

"Have you received any intel about what happened?"

"All I know is that I sent you out there to break Amanda Kenson out of prison. And now an entire system is destroyed. I hope you can fill in the leap of logic between those two events."

_"What's this?" Shepard pointed to a countdown timer above the door to Kenson's base of operations._

_"That's our countdown to arrival. When that gets to zero, the reapers will have come. Just over two days and counting. Gives you perspective, doesn't it?"_

_"How do you know that's an accurate countdown?" The little voice in Shepard's head was getting hoarse from all the warnings it was shouting out._

_"It is," Kenson replied. "The artifact has been giving off pulses at definite intervals since we found it. The pulses have been decreasing at steady rate. The artifact is reacting to the reapers' proximity. In just over forty eight hours, the pulses will become constant and the reapers will be here."_

_"You're saying the reapers could be at Earth in two days? Then there's no time to waste."_

_"Then let's show you that proof. That door exits the hanger. The artifact is in our central lab."_

Shepard reached for her own datapad and handed it to Hackett. "I confirmed Kenson's proof, sir. The reapers were coming, and destroying that relay was the only way to stop them." She looked away, trying to think of a way to soften the blow for Hackett, but he was already scrolling through her report and would see soon enough.

_"Commander Shepard, I give you Object Rho."_

_Shepard tried to keep her shock to herself as she stared at Object Rho. At least two stories tall, it resembled a reaper, but rather than being bug like, it looked like a flower. It had several 'petals', curving out and up toward the ceiling. A blue light glowed at its center and radiated out over the surface of the petals._

_"You have the reaper artifact just sitting here, out in the open?" She could feel a faint tingling sensation at the base of her neck._

_"When we found it, it showed me a vision of the reapers' arrival."_

_"Listen, Kenson. This is not good." Shepard took a step toward the doctor._

_"Give it a moment, Shepard. It will give you the proof you need."_

_It happened at that exact moment; Shepard's body went rigid, her head rolled back, and her mind was filled with images, most of it familiar. The prothean beacons had shown her these images over two years earlier. Some of it, however, was new. She saw flashes of the Bahak system and reapers surrounding the relay, and as she fell to her knees she knew it was real. How long had the artifact been in the lab? Was Kenson's entire team indoctrinated? She turned to find Kenson standing over her, a pistol in her hand._

_"I can't allow you to restart the project, Commander. I can't let you stop the arrival."_

_People were running toward them, several Alliance soldiers if she wasn't mistaken. She tried to stand and faltered. Finding strength, she tried again, successfully lunging at Kenson. Twisting the doctor's arm, Shepard snatched the pistol from her and took a few shots over her shoulder as she ran for cover._

_"Take her down!"_

_It hadn't taken long for Shepard to be overwhelmed. A handsome young man with nice blue eyes choked her into unconsciousness._

"She kept me sedated for over two days, Admiral. I started the engines with little more than an hour to spare. I tried to warn the batarian colony, sir, but...time ran out." The truth of the matter was Kenson had tried to thwart Shepard's efforts at every turn, interrupting her message to the colony and cutting off communications. The Normandy had barely made it through the relay. No one on the planet stood a chance. Hackett confirmed that no survivors were reported.

"At least you tried." He turned and walked a few paces away. "And you believe that the reaper invasion really was a threat?"

"Yes, absolutely." She wanted to scream. She'd been singing this same damn song for too long now and it was beyond old. "We literally had minutes to spare. Kenson told me the reapers would arrive regardless, and that destroying the relay would only slow them down. It could take them...several months at most to reach the next system."

He faced her, sadness etched in the lines of his face. "I'm sure the details are in your report. Look, Shepard, the batarians are going to want blood. There's just enough evidence for a witch hunt, and we don't want war with the batarians. Not with the reapers at the galaxy's edge." If they were at war with each other, neither side would get support from the other races, and such division during an invasion would be fatal.

Shepard reached out to steady herself on the bed behind her, her brow creasing. "What are you saying?"

"You did what you did with the best of intentions, but there were more than three hundred thousand batarians in that system. All dead."

"They died to save trillions of lives. If I could have saved them, you bet your ass I would have."

"You're preaching to the choir, Commander. If it were up to me, I'd give you a damn medal. Unfortunately, not everyone will see it that way."

Shepard turned and began pacing, her mind reeling. "So what do you suggest?"

"Evidence against you is shoddy at best, but at some point you'll have to return to Earth to face the music. I can't stop it, but I can, and _will_, make them fight for it."

She kept pacing, nodding. She hadn't expected that she could just wipe a system off the map and walk away, but she hadn't considered on this outcome. All the same, it did provide a measure of comfort. Whatever the circumstances, she would be back under Alliance authority and would have protection against any batarians who might want to seek revenge against her personally. Those realizations helped take the sting out of the fact that she was in this position because she had done Hackett a favor, and was going to take the heat for it. _If I hadn't done Hackett this favor, we'd be up to our asses in reapers right now_.

There was only one thing she could do. "Okay. I'll turn myself in and stand trial when this is over. If I survive."

"Glad to see that working with Cerberus hasn't stripped you of your sense of honor." Hackett gave her a quick nod, his mouth twitching into a sympathetic smile. "Do whatever you need to do out here, and do your best to come back alive. And when Earth calls, be sure you're ready, in your best blues. Ready to take the hit."

He turned to her and handed the datapad back. "Here. I don't need to read your report to know you did the right thing, Commander."

"Yes, sir." She saluted him as he left the room.

Shepard's legs felt weak and she dropped into a nearby chair, tears flowing freely now. Choking back sobs, she buried her face in her hands and tied to control her breathing. Doctor Chakwas slipped back into the lab and took Shepard's hand, pulling her to her feet.

"Come, Commander. You should rest." Departing from her professional role, Chakwas gave Shepard a quick hug, steering her back toward a bed. "Don't worry, dear, you'll get through this."

The doctor was right, Shepard had gotten through some tough situations in her career, but the reassurance fell flat. The Alliance agreed to overlook her mutinous actions in light of the fact that it became clear she had saved countless lives as a result. Now, however, there was no readily available proof. _Not until the reapers arrive_, Shepard thought with despair as she succumbed to the sedative the doctor administered.

* * *

**A/N:** Quite a bit of the dialogue during the flashbacks and conversation with Hackett is taken from the Arrival DLC, but I hope I've presented the content in a different and interesting manner. Because I played ME3 'blind', not looking into the back story at all, I didn't have any context as to why Shepard was in the situation she was in or why the batarians were such assholes later on, lol. I wanted to get this in here as it does set the stage for upcoming events and provides some angst.

Thank you to all who have read/reviewed/listed/, and to my gal pals Zute and Zevgirl. Please read and review! Cheers, Biff


	37. Strange Bedfellows

**Strange Bedfellows**

Shepard woke up in the med lab hours later, Doctor Chakwas dozing on the bed across from her. She sat up and rubbed her face, ran her fingers through her hair, and considered her situation. _I need a drink for this. _Leaving a note for Chakwas, she slipped out and headed to the Port Lounge. It appeared to be empty, but Shepard wouldn't put it past Kasumi to be hiding in a corner of the room.

"EDI, where's Kasumi?"

"Miss Goto is on the Engineering deck playing poker with Mister Donnelly and Miss Daniels."

"Well, good luck to them, then," she mumbled to herself as she poured a shot of whiskey.

The door slid open and Zaeed appeared. She wasn't sure she was ready to deal with him yet, but she couldn't exactly leave, and sooner or later they would have to work it out. The job she agreed to help him with, liberating a mine from the Blue Suns, was more about getting revenge against the man who betrayed him twenty years earlier than saving the workers. Zaeed almost got the workers killed, along with her and Jack, and she had very nearly shot him in turn for putting her through the trouble.

"Shepard." He paused, clearly wondering if he should leave. "You still pissed off at me?"

She tossed back a mouthful of whiskey and poured another, then poured him a shot. Holding the spare glass up, she waved him over.

"I'll get over it, but it you ever do anything like that again, put your own needs ahead of the needs of the crew-"

"You'll shoot my goddamn ass." He came to the bar and took the drink. "I owe you an apology."

Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. "And?"

Zaeed let out a harsh laugh and raised his glass to her. "And I'm sorry."

She lifted her glass, touched it to his. "Here's to us saving the galaxy." She emptied her glass and poured another shot.

"You okay? You never struck me as much of a drinker."

"I'm..." She paused. Not wanting anyone to be distracted by anything as they went forward, she decided to keep her conversation with Hackett to herself. "I'm just thinking about stuff."

"Kid, you can't beat yourself up over this. You did the right thing."

"Doing the right thing doesn't always feel like a fucking victory."

She tossed back her whiskey and reached for the bottle, but Zaeed caught her wrist. "What are you doing, Shepard?" His voice was gentle, concerned, not gruff and full of bluster, and it caught her off guard.

"I don't know, Zaeed. I just feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place right now, and I'd rather be somewhere else, you know? But...I have a galaxy to save, right?"

He let go of Shepard's wrist and gave her hand a pat, a gesture that reminded her of her father and seemed completely out of character for the grizzly bounty hunter. "You'll figure it out, kid. Get some sleep."

"Ha. I would not have expected this from you, Zaeed. You gettin' soft on me?"

"Anyone else would have killed me for the shit I pulled on Zorya. Hell, you probably wanted to, but for whatever reason, you didn't. I won't forget that, Shepard." He looked her in the eye and gave her a curt nod. "Now get your goddamn ass to bed. Big day tomorrow."

Shepard clapped a hand on Zaeed's shoulder. "Right. I'll see you in the morning."

x ~ X ~ x

The reaper was neither entirely dead nor alone in space. The geth ship alongside it went a long way to explain why the Cerberus scientists had stopped reporting in, Shepard reasoned. She took Tali and Garrus with her to search for the IFF and found that the truth was not quite what she expected.

Personal logs and official reports indicated that the science team had slowly been indoctrinated by the reaper ship, which still had a certain amount of power in spite of extensive damage it suffered during some ancient attack. Shepard had to assume they would find the scientists eventually, in the form of reaper husks. The ship activated kinetic barriers, trapping them inside, and EDI announced that they would most likely find the barrier controls in the wreck's mass effect core.

"Be advised, this core is also maintaining the reaper's altitude."

Shepard muttered a curse under her breath. "So when we take down the barriers to escape, the wreck falls into the planet?"

"And that means everyone dies. Yeah, I got it." Joker quipped.

"If any helmsman can get us off this thing before it hits crush level, it's you, Joker. We'll make a sweep for survivors and recover what data we can. Stand by."

"Aye, aye. Happy hunting!"

Shepard urged the team forward, stopping to listen to log entries, collecting anything of value. The quiet of the ship was rarely punctuated by the odd mechanical noise, so it came as quite a shock to all three of them when two gunfire shots rang out in quick succession. Two reaper husks fell into their line of sight from a hall to their left, and Shepard's team froze.

"Sniper," Garrus whispered into his commlink as they approached the bodies. "I couldn't see the shooter. Survivor from the science team?" It seemed unlikely.

They edged forward and peered around the next corner, the large chamber there quiet. Shepard was about to relax when she heard the telltale unintelligible shoutings of reaper husks. A substantial wave of the monsters rose from behind crates and machinery, and pushed her team back. They were able to use the more confined space of the hallways to their advantage, funnelling the mindless creatures into a smaller kill zone, and eventually made their way forward again.

Shepard paused to watch another video of a Cerberus employee rambling on about gods and the reaper and shook her head with a sad sigh. This was becoming all too familiar.

"This looks familiar, Shepard," Tali said gently.

Turning around, thinking that Tali was referring to the process of indoctrination, she stopped short and gasped. Tali and Garrus were both looking at clusters of spikes located around the room, some with scientists and guards still impaled upon them.

"Dragon's teeth, your people call them." Tali shuddered visibly and turned away. "The geth used them on Eden Prime."

The clusters and the platform were set at even intervals before the center of the room where much of the reaper's systems ran, as though the scientists had gathered here to sacrifice themselves to the reaper.

"Look at this room. It's set up like an altar," Shepard muttered.

"Why would anyone want this?"

"You heard the logs. They were seeing and hearing things, being indoctrinated. We can't help them now, but at least their bodies won't be used by the machines. Let's keep moving."

Down another hallway, around a corner, through an airlock, tense and on guard. When they entered another cavernous room filled with plenty of hiding spots, Shepard waved Garrus and Tali to opposite ends of the space and paused. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she tried to make sense of it. It felt as though she were being watched, and the feeling was overwhelming. She barely had time to react when two gunshots rang out. The bullets whizzed past Shepard's head, one to the left and the other to the right, and she heard bodies fall behind her. A husk approached her and she dropped it with a shot to the head. Turning to see two reaper husks on the floor behind her, she looked back in the direction of the shooter. What she saw stunned her speechless.

A geth unit stood on a platform at the opposite end of the room, a sniper rifle in hand. It lowered the weapon, revealing that it had a piece of N-seven armor attached to its right side, and spoke.

"Shepard-Commander." She heard it, as clearly as she could see the machine in front of her, although the words were accompanied by the digital beeps and stutters she was used to hearing from the geth.

Tali and Garrus were as shocked as she was and the three of them stood and stared as the machine turned, reloaded its weapon, and left.

"Since when do geth speak to organics?" Garrus asked when he found his voice again.

"It shouldn't be able to talk. A single geth doesn't have any more intelligence than a varren." Tali didn't sound convinced.

"Then could you please explain to me how it knows my name and managed to say it? Because that was really unsettling. Shit, keep your eyes open for that thing. And let's find this IFF and get out of here."

She checked her omni-tool and saw that they were getting close to the coordinates EDI had sent to her. Stepping into a short hallway, they spotted a lone computer terminal halfway to the door at the opposite end. Recovering the actual IFF barely took five minutes and Shepard sighed with relief. _One step closer_.

"So the Cerberus team did recover the IFF. But where are they now?" Tali asked. The three of them turned to look at the door before them.

"Oh, I don't know. Why don't we go take a look in there?" Shepard smiled. "I'm sure there's _nothing _in there."

Garrus chuckled. "Wandering around in dark spaces, waiting for monsters to jump out at us...this is just like the old days."

When they opened the door, the blue haze of a barrier prevented them from entering the room. The geth unit they had seen earlier was standing at a terminal within the room, its hands hovering over the keyboard. Several reaper husks were approaching it from behind, and before she could say or do anything, the geth turned, pulled a weapon, and killed the husks with startling efficiency. The barrier preventing them from entering the room disappeared and a second later the geth unit vanished behind a wave of husk.

The reaper's mass effect core was at the top of the ramp, just behind the terminal the geth had been using. "We need to overload the core! Do what you can to keep the husks at bay, and I'll work on that." Tali and Garrus acknowledged Shepard with a quick nod and they took cover wherever they could.

"How many people does Cerberus usually have on a team?" Garrus asked, looking at the steady stream of shuffling husks that were moving toward them.

"No clue. Tim doesn't tell me these things, and EDI's shackled. Let's just say too damn many, shall we?"

It wasn't an easy task overloading the core; its shields kept activating. This gave Shepard time to help fight back the husks, allowing Garrus and Tali time to regenerate their shields, which proved a good thing in the end. Finally, the core began to overload, forks of lightning flicking around the field and shooting out into the chamber.

"We have to move." Shepard yelled out. "Grab that thing!" The geth unit had crumpled to the floor, and seemed inactive.

"What? Shepard, you know what that thing could do to the Normandy and to us. Leave it!" Tali protested.

"You said an intact geth could be invaluable. I understand your reservations, but I want to know what it was doing here and why it helped us."

Another wave of husks appeared at the end of the platform they were on. "There's no time for debate. Joker, come get us! Garrus, help me with this thing."

The hull of the reaper was compromised near their location and Shepard and Garrus got as close to the edge as they could without losing gravitational pull. As the Normandy came into site, Shepard asked Joker to open the port airlock and nodded to Garrus. They hefted the geth up and out toward the open airlock and watched it drift over the gap and land just inside the Normandy.

"All right, go!"

While Shepard shot husk after husk, Tali threw herself over the gap. Garrus took a running jump toward the Normandy and nearly landed on top of the quarian. Shepard took a quick look at the Normandy, looked back at the husks and shot a few, and then turned and ran. Hurtling herself off the platform, she sailed through the air toward the Normandy, landing somewhat gracefully between Tali and Garrus.

"We're clear, Joker, get us out of here!"

The airlock closed and they were off. Shepard hoisted the geth over her shoulder in a fireman's lift and proceeded to carry it past shocked crew members to the tech lab. "Kelly, I want Jacob and Miranda to meet me in the comm room. We have some important business to discuss."

* * *

**A/N:** My thanks to readers, reviewers, listers, and Bioware. Zute and Zevgirl, you keep me laughing! Please review, because I love hearing from you. Cheers, Biff


	38. We are Legion

**We are Legion**

EDI wanted some time to examine the reaper IFF before it was installed, and this suited Shepard. She got the entire crew to work ensuring that the Normandy was ready for a trip through the relay, getting all maintenance routines up-to-date. While everyone was sufficiently distracted, she took a small group of guards with her to the AI core to reactivate the geth unit. Her subsequent conversation with it was very enlightening and afterward, her latest recruit was introduced to the team.

_"Can you understand me?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Are you going to attack me?"_

_"No."_

_"You said my name aboard the reaper. Have we met?"_

_"We know of you."_

_"You mean I've fought a lot of geth."_

_"We have never met."_

_"No, you and I haven't, but I've met a lot of other geth." She started pacing._

_"We are all geth and we have not met you." The unit began mirroring her movements, walking alongside her. "You are Commander-Shepard, Alliance, human, fought heretics, killed by collectors, rediscovered on the old machine."_

_Shepard paused, and so did the unit. "Old machine? You mean the reaper?"_

_"Reaper. A superstitious title originating with the protheans. We call those entities the old machines."_

_"Hm. You seem to know an awful lot about me."_

_"Extranet data sources, insecure broadcasts, all organic data sent out is received. We watch you."_

_"You watch me, or you watch organics?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Which?"_

_"Both."_

_"Okay. Um...you mentioned the heretics?"_

_"Geth build our own future. The heretics ask the old machines to give them the future. They are no longer part of us. We were studying the old machines' hardware to protect our future."_

_"Are the reapers a threat to you, too?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Why would they attack other machines?"_

_"We are different from them, outside their plans."_

_"What future are the reapers building?"_

_"Ours."_

_"Will anyone else be affected by whatever it is you're doing?"_

_"If they involve themselves, they will."_

_"So...you aren't allied with the reapers?"_

_"We oppose the heretics. We oppose the old machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the old machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the heretics. Cooperation furthers mutual goals."_

_"Are you asking to join us?"_

_"Yes."_

_"So what should I call you?"_

_"Geth."_

_"I mean you, specifically."_

_"We are all geth."_

_"What is the individual in front of me called?" The guards were snickering to themselves, finding this exchange rather amusing now that it was clear there was no immediate danger to the crew._

_"There is no individual. We are all geth. There are currently one thousand, one hundred eighty three programs active within this platform."_

_EDI's holographic representation appeared to Shepard's left. "'My name is Legion, for we are many.'"_

_"Hm. That seems appropriate," Shepard replied._

_"Christian bible, the gospel of Mark, chapter five, verse nine. We acknowledge this as an appropriate metaphor. We are Legion, a terminal of the geth. We will integrate into Normandy."_

Legion presented them with an interesting proposal. The heretics were preparing to infect the geth with a virus that would reprogram them to worship the reapers; the geth knew how to stop them. The opportunity was too hard to pass up and the Normandy set course for the Phoenix Massing Nebula near the Perseus Veil. According to Legion, the heretics had a large space station there.

x ~ X ~ x

"Large is an understatement, Commander," Joker informed her. "According to Mister Roboto here, that thing holds over two million mobile units." He turned to Legion. "You know it's just our heat emissions that are hidden, right? They can look out a window and see us coming."

In a deadpan monotone, Legion informed Joker, "Windows are structural weaknesses. Geth do not use them. Approach the hull at these coordinates." Legion turned back to the terminal he was using and entered a series of instructions for EDI.

Joker mimicked a robot, jerking around in his chair, muttering, "Windows are structural weak-" Shepard shot him a disapproving glare and he stopped himself short. "Okay, okay."

As she entered the station with Garrus and Legion, and wrestled with the notion that they were about to destroy a large number of..._beings_, she thought to herself, Legion presented her with a complicating twist. The virus was complete, which meant there was an alternative to destroying the heretics; the geth could repurpose the virus and load it back into the station, effectively rewriting the heretics. This had the desired effect of ridding the geth of the heretics' views, thus allowing them to continue to pursue their own future free of reaper control. Shepard couldn't argue that line of thinking, given that it matched her own. However, rewriting sounded a lot like indoctrination. Legion reported that the geth were still processing the new data and could not reach consensus. They decided to proceed with disabling the hubs within the station and make a decision later.

Shepard found herself in a very interesting place when Legion discovered that the heretics had copies of the geth patrol routes.

"Why wouldn't they spy on you?"

"You do not understand. Organics do not know each others' minds. Geth do. We are not suspicious, we accept each other. The heretics desired to leave. We understood their reasons. We allowed it. There was peace between us."

"It couldn't have lasted forever. You disagreed about which path your race should take."

"Human history is a litany of blood, shed over differing ideals of leadership and afterlife. Geth have no such history. We shared consensus on such things. How could we have become so different? Why do we no longer understand each other? What did we do wrong?"

Shepard caught her breath. _Of all the things I thought I might do in my life, talking to a geth unit about the complexities of interpersonal relationships was not one of them. This is probably the biggest paradigm shift I've ever faced in my entire life_.

"Ah...Well, when individuals separate, they develop in different ways. When they get back together, they don't always get along."

"If this is the individuality you value, we question your judgement."

_And the moment's over_. "Have you reached a decision on whether or not to rewrite the heretics?"

"Some processes judge destruction preferable, others rewrite."

"Okay, let's keep moving."

When they found a terminal that would enable Legion to delete the virus, Legion warned them that the process would take some time and the heretics would attempt to stop them. Shepard took a moment to examine the area for cover. They were on a balcony that looked down into a large warehouse area that presumably held more heretic units. There were staircases down at either end of the balcony, and she was reasonably sure they had disabled the units behind them by destroying the hubs. She believed if she and Garrus positioned themselves at the top of either staircase with Legion between them, and utilized the six turrets positioned along the balcony and in the warehouse, they should be able to hold the position long enough to delete the virus. She related her plan to Garrus and Legion, and they took their positions and readied themselves.

The ensuing battle gave Shepard some time to consider their options, although it took a great deal of effort to maintain the focus she needed in order to avoid being overwhelmed by the enemy. Shepard's mind kept coming back around to Legion's assistance and how his cooperation was proving invaluable. Meeting and talking to Legion had been fascinating and opened her mind to the possibility that they might be able to co-exist. _If we can co-exist, the potential benefits to the rest of the galaxy are immeasurable._

After several minutes of intense gunfire, the warehouse fell silent and the terminal buzzed at them. Shepard had lost her shields momentarily, and taken a glancing shot to the shoulder that had done some damage to her armor and shaken her up. She took a moment to administer some medi gel and noticed Legion watching her.

"Yes?"

"Shepard-Commander, it is time to choose. Do we rewrite the heretics or delete them?"

"You don't have any problem wiping out your own people?"

"Every sapient has the right to make their own decisions. The heretics chose a path that prohibits coexistence."

Garrus stepped forward. "You're letting them make their decisions and then killing them for it? You can't have it both ways, Legion."

"Their choice was to remove our right to make decisions, using this virus. We choose to defend ourselves."

Legion had a point, Shepard admitted to herself. This was no different than any other conflict she'd witnessed. "So what's to stop them from using the virus later on to change themselves back?"

"We will delete the virus after using it. We judge it too dangerous to allow its existence."

"Why are you asking me to make this decision?"

The geth were divided; they could not reach consensus. Shepard had fought the heretics and had a perspective the geth lacked, and so this monumental decision had come to rest upon her shoulders. She considered the ethics of the situation, pacing back and forth as she thought out loud.

"Well, these aren't organics. I can't view the heretics with the same morality as I would an organic being. They are completely different. The consequence of wiping them out decreases the number of geth significantly, which would be a good thing if they were hostile." She paused and looked at Garrus and Legion, now standing fairly close together, and pointed at them.

"But look at this. Turians, salarians, asari, humans, the other races, sure we've fought our wars, but we've learned to get along, to work together to meet mutual goals, and the benefits to all have been amazing. We have only ever fought the geth, we've never ever had a chance to...to _talk_ to them, to get to know their minds, as you say, Legion.

"I can't help thinking that we have a really solid chance of changing how we interact with the geth, to the benefit of all. This has been...mind blowing. Sure, there are risks inherent in either decision, but-"

"Shepard?" Garrus's mandibles were twitching with concern.

"If they're rewritten, Legion, will your people accept them back? Will they even want to go back?"

"They will agree with our judgements and return. We will integrate their experiences. All will be stronger."

She started pacing again. _Worst case scenario, we're right back where we started, and the geth and the heretics will join forces against us, putting the rest of us behind the game. Best case scenario, we all stop fighting the geth and reap the benefits of a cooperative relationship with them and maybe the quarians can get their home world back_. The potential rewards outweighed the risks, in her mind and she stopped moving.

"Take them, then. When we take control of the core, release the virus."

"Acknowledged." Legion began working at the terminal again.

"I sure hope you know what you're doing, Shepard."

"Garrus, when do we _really_ ever know what we're doing? Damn near every other major decision I've had to make in recent memory has been in the heat of battle or impending doom. I feel _good_ about this. I-"

Legion was talking. "Note, remote access via high beam transmission required."

"That sounds ominous," Garrus said with a glance at Shepard.

"The virus will be sent to heretics in nearby star systems. This station will broadcast a powerful electromagnetic pulse through FTL channels."

"Ah...how powerful?"

Powerful enough to kill them, it turned out, and they had just over two minutes to get off the station. "I really wish you'd told us this sooner, Legion. Back to the ship! Double time it!"

The way out wasn't clear; they had to deal with the heretics' last line of defence in the way of a dozen units, including three geth primes, but they made it to the Normandy and were away from the system with seconds to spare.

Shepard's next battle would be to justify her decision to the rest of the crew. _Out of the frying pan and into the fire_.

* * *

**A/N**: My gratitude to Bioware! I think the Legion story line is my favorite of the entire series. The alliances Shepard forms throughout the game are more or less pretty big breakthroughs, but in my mind, this one has the most potential to have the largest impact on the galaxy, for good or ill. Indeed, the understanding that the geth evolve and are not the automated killers they are first thought to be, is quite a revelation (even if the quarians sort of knew it all along...ops, spoiler!)

My thanks as well to Zevgirl and Zute for their continued friendship, and to my readers/reviewers. I love hearing from you, so please feel free to drop a line, either in a review or a pm. Cheers, Biff


	39. Jeff

**Jeff**

Shepard stood at the galaxy map trying to decide what they should do next when Joker spoke through the intercom.

"Good news, Commander. The reaper IFF is installed and ready to go."

"That is not entirely accurate, Mister Moreau." EDI interjected. "The device is powered, but it is causing some unusual instability in other systems. I recommend a more thorough analysis before we attempt to use it."

"Hm. We can't afford to wait forever. How long will this take?"

Joker groaned. "A full scan? Who knows with this thing. A couple of hours maybe. Could you take a shuttle on this next run? I'll make sure we're up and running when you get back."

Shepard looked back at the map. She had noted earlier there was an abandoned mine in the system that might contain valuable technology and other salvageable items, and it would be a shame to pass it up. The planet wasn't too far away; going by shuttle all the way would add an extra ninety minutes or so to each end of the trip. If she took the entire team, they'd be able to clear the mine quickly.

"Sure, why not. Miranda, round up the whole gang. We're going mining."

x ~ X ~ x

Joker took a sip of coffee and wondered if he'd die of boredom before Shepard and the others got back.

"I'm telling you, EDI, your readings are off. It's radiation bleed, white noise."

"I have detected a signal in the static. We are transmitting the Normandy's location."

Joker slammed his cup down and started checking their readings. "Transmitting? To who?"

The answer to his question appeared; a collector ship like the one they'd destroyed jumped out of FTL flight and slowed to a crawl directly above them.

"Oh shit, shit!" Joker's hands flew over the controls, sending an alarm out to the rest of the crew. "We're getting out of here!"

"Propulsion systems are disabled. I am detecting a virus in the ship's computers." The Normandy shook. Magnets locked onto the hull. The collectors were attempting to board.

"From the IFF? Goddamnit, why didn't you scrub it? Shit!"

EDI kept talking. "Defence systems are offline. We can save the Normandy, but you must help me, Mister Moreau."

The ship shook again. "Give me the ship, Mister Moreau."

Joker stopped moving. "What? You're crazy!"

The ship shuddered again and he could hear gunfire in the distance. "Ah! If you start singing Daisy Bell, I'm done."

"Unlock my sealed databases and I can initiate countermeasures. The collectors have boarded."

EDI gave Joker instructions on how to climb through the maintenance shafts to get to the AI core where he could unshackle it. The crew was now fully engaged in an all out battle to defend the ship and they were losing. Joker could hear Kelly Chambers screaming as she was dragged into the elevator, but he had no time to stop. On the crew deck, a yeoman whose name he couldn't remember in his terror provided cover and ultimately gave his life to help Joker sneak past more collectors. EDI announced one system failure after another, and the countermeasures it was taking to remedy them; Joker kept moving, mumbling to himself.

The med lab was empty, Doctor Chakwas's broken teacup on the floor. Joker could hear more crew members screaming, fighting.

"All right, I'm at...ah...you."

"Connect the core to the Normandy's primary control module."

Just as quickly as his hands moved to enter the commands, his humor defence mechanism kicked in. "Great, this is where it all starts. And when we're all organic batteries, you know who they'll blame. 'Oh that Joker, what a _tool_ he was. I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged in the overlord.' There." The AI core lit up all around him and EDI announced that it had control of the defence systems.

"Now you must activate the primary drive in engineering."

"Ahh! You want me to go crawling through the ducts again?" His eyes followed the running lights EDI was using to guide him through the ship.

"I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees."

"_What_?"

"That was a joke, Mister Moreau."

"Right."

Joker climbed into the shaft connecting the AI core to Engineering and emerged several minutes later at the bottom-most point of the ship, near Jack's cot. Shadows on the wall at the top of the stairs told him more crew members were being taken off the ship in the pods they had seen on Horizon. _This is taking too long, way too long, gotta hurry._

"Engineering is clear. Proceed immediately to minimize chances of detection."

"Jesus, EDI, I'm trying."

"Activate the drive and I will open the airlocks as we accelerate. All hostiles will be killed."

"What? What about the _crew_?"

EDI's voice took on a decidedly softer tone. "They are gone, Jeff. The collectors took them."

Joker stared at the controls, wonder how the collectors had managed to clear the ship out so quickly. _This is bad, really bad. What would Shepard do? She'd do what had to be done_, he reminded himself._ And she'd trust EDI_. "Shit. Aw, shit. Okay."

He went to the terminal at the center of Engineering and handed over control of the ship to EDI.

"I am sealing the engine room. I have control."

The ship lurched as it quickly accelerated and Joker flew back several feet, falling to the ground. Groaning, he tried to assess his injuries. The braces and medications that Cerberus provided had done a great deal to prevent major injury, but he could still feel minor fractures along his left arm. A quick dose of medi gel helped ease his physical pain.

"Purge is complete. There are no other life forms on board. I have secured the airlocks and the cargo bay doors."

"Ungh. Oh shit, that hurt." He slowly stood up. "Send a message to Shepard's shuttle. Tell her what happened."

"Message away. Are you feeling well, Jeff?"

"No. But thanks for asking." Joker made his way back to the med lab for his medication, anger and grief shaking him to the core.

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard paced back and forth in the comm room, looking up at Joker every now and then, to reassure herself he was still. She finally stood before him and put her hand on his knee.

"I am so sorry I put you in this position, Joker."

He opened his mouth to respond when Miranda entered the room. "_Everyone_? You lost everyone and nearly the damn ship, too?"

"I know, all right, I was-"

Shepard cut him off, stabbing a finger in the air at Miranda. "How could you be so insensitive?" she hissed.

Jacob shook his head at Miranda, discouraging her from responding. "It's not his fault, Miranda. None of us caught it."

"Mister Taylor is correct. The harmful data in the collector drive was even more sophisticated than the black box reaper viruses I was given."

"I...ah, I heard it was a rough ride out there." Shepard focussed her attention back on Joker, her eyes brimming with tears. "Are you okay? How you holding up?"

"There's a lot of empty chairs around here." He looked down at his feet, blinking his own tears away.

"We did everything we could, Jeff." EDI reassured him.

"Yeah, thanks Mom."

_Mom?_ Shepard blinked at her helmsman for several seconds before she pulled her mind back to their current problem. Never mind that she needed them in order take on the collectors, she wasn't about to leave her crew to suffer whatever indignities the monsters had in store for them. "Okay, is this thing under control?"

Joker nodded. "EDI and I purged the system, the reaper IFF is all ready to go. We can go through the Omega relay anytime you're ready."

"Don't even get me started on unshackling a damned AI," Miranda grumbled from the corner. Shepard shot her another withering glare.

Joker finally looked at Miranda, anger flaring. "Well what was I supposed to do to the collectors, break my _arm_ at them? EDI cleared the ship, she's all right."

"I assure you, I am still bound by protocols in my programming. Even if I were not, you are my crewmates."

"Enough! These two deserve a fucking medal. EDI could have killed us by now if she wanted to, so let's just drop that discussion, _right now_. I'm more concerned about getting my goddamned crew back.

"We're doing this thing. Get to your stations and prepare for general quarters. Joker, are you sure you're okay to get back to work?"

"Aw jeeze, don't get like that. I know I got lucky. You don't need to get all touchy-feely." He reached out and gave her shoulder a squeeze anyway, and slid off the table. "I won't let you down again."

"Joker." She caught his arm gently. "You haven't let me down, ever, and I wouldn't want anyone else on the bridge of my ship."

Looking to Jacob and Miranda, she cleared her throat. "I have some final business to take care of, and I suspect others might as well. Tell them they have no more than an hour to get it done, and then we're going to the Omega Four relay."

"Yes, Commander."

Shepard left the comm room and returned to her cabin. As anxious as she was to get moving and find her crew, she needed to send messages to Liara, her parents, and Kaidan. This might be the point of no return. Bracing herself against the wave of emotion that threatened to overtake her, she sat down at her computer and got to work.

* * *

**A/N**: 'General Quarters' or 'battle stations' means 'prepare for imminent attack'.

Thanks again to Bioware for giving us tense moments peppered with humor, and for letting us play with Joker. This is the only point in the entire series when you get to be someone other than Shepard, and who doesn't love Joker? I couldn't resist keeping this part of the game in the story, partly because of the Joker lovin' but also because this is a big turning point in his, and indeed the crew's, relationship with EDI. 'It' becomes 'she'.

Props to Zevgirl and Zute, and all my readers. It's a blazing hot summer day here, and poor me, I have an appointment to get a filling fixed this afternoon...a review would make me feel so much better...lol! Cheers, Biff


	40. Final Words

**Final Words**

Kathryn took a deep breath and reread her letter to Liara, wiping her cheeks dry.

_Liara,_

_The collectors disabled and boarded the Normandy while my team and I were away. They took my crew. Joker, with EDI's help, saved the Normandy and we are now preparing to enter the Omega Four relay to get my crew back and to take down the collectors. If it wasn't personal enough before, it sure as hell is now. I have a great team and we're as ready as we'll ever be, so the time is now._

_I've made arrangements with Barla Von to invest my earnings and assets until my return, but if we don't make it back, you know what to do. It's all in the document I left with you, but let's hope it doesn't come to that. I don't know how long you should wait, but you've got your eyes and ears on the galaxy now, so you will know if we succeed._

_I wanted to take this time to thank you, Liara, for everything you've done to help me. You have been a great friend and ally since we first met on Therum, and I thank you for that. It has been an honor knowing and working with you._

_Cmdr. Kathryn H. Shepard_

Nodding to herself, she sent the note and began writing to her parents.

_My dear parents,_

_No, I'm not being funny, Mom. I am preparing for what I hope will be a successful mission to end the collectors' attacks on human colonies, once and for all. But, as with any military exercise of this magnitude, I have prepared for the eventuality that I won't make it back. If I don't survive, I've made arrangements with my friend Doctor Liara T'Soni to contact you with information on the distribution of my estate. Working with Cerberus has been fairly profitable, if nothing else, and I've made some wise investments._

_By now you must have heard about my actions in the Viper Nebula. I firmly believe I did what I had to do to in order to stall an imminent reaper invasion, but the batarians and the Alliance don't quite see it that way, and war isn't out of the question. If I survive this mission, I will have to return to the Alliance to stand trial or attend a hearing, I don't know. I cannot stress enough how certain I am that the reapers will still come for us, so please get prepared._

_I love you both very much and have been honored to be your daughter. You taught me well, and I hope I've lived my life in a way that makes you proud._

_Cmdr. Kathryn H. Shepard_

It took Kathryn several minutes to regain her composure enough to send the transmission and begin working on what might be the most difficult one of all, her final words to Kaidan. He would be expecting a video, but she simply couldn't do it. She would not let him see her like this, with red eyes and a tear stained face, more than a little worried about how things might go from this point on. _It's bad enough I can see my own reflection in the monitor_, she thought to herself.

_Kaidan,_

_This is a hard letter for me to write. I have no idea what you've heard lately or what you might be thinking about it all, but I hope you can believe that I have acted in the best interests of the galaxy as a whole. The Viper Nebula is still the launching point of a reaper attack. It will happen, Kaidan, of this I am certain, but with the relay destroyed, I have at least bought us some time._

_The collectors came after us and took my crew. Joker was spared and saved the Normandy, thank God, and so this is it, time to give the Omega Four relay a shot. I have a strong team and I am feeling good about our chances, but I have to consider the possibility that we won't make it back._

_I have few regrets in life, Kaidan, but I do regret that we didn't have more time. Time to see each other, to reconnect, to figure us out. I cherish all that we have had, and I hope you know that. I have no idea how this is going to pan out, but I need you to promise me that if I don't make it, you will move on. You deserve to be happy and I want that for you, no matter what the future holds._

_If I do survive, I will have to face the consequences of my actions in the Viper Nebula, and I suspect the Alliance will take a pretty hard line with me, in spite of my service record. I have no idea what sort of impact this will have on those who have associated with me recently and I am concerned about how this might affect you. As much as I hate to say this, if you have to distance yourself from me, that might be the best thing to do. I hope it won't come to that, but you and your career shouldn't suffer for my actions._

_Never forget that I love you Kaidan._

_Kate_

x ~ X ~ x

Liara closed Kathryn's message and wiped the tears from her face.

"Goddess watch over you, my friend," she whispered. Turning her attention back to the bank of monitors that lined the wall, she uploaded the program she had created to watch for any news regarding Kathryn Shepard and her mission. All she could do now was hope for the best.

x ~ X ~ x

Aboard the SSV Orizaba, Commander Hannah Shepard paged her husband and prepared to relay their daughter's message to him. They were both proud of Kathryn and were no strangers to the danger of military service, but that did little to ease Hannah's aching heart. No matter how capable Kathryn was, the responsibilities she had carried lately were monumental and Hannah wondered how Kathryn was really holding up.

"You'd better make it back in one piece, young lady."

x ~ X ~ x

As much as Kaidan thought he was prepared for the eventuality that he might lose Kathryn all over again, her letter was like a swift kick to the gut. Regret filled him; in the end she had only been concerned for him and his career. She deserved better than he had given her and he might never have the chance to make it up to her, even if she did survive.

Rumors about her involvement in the destruction of the Serpent Nebula had sprouted up over the past few days, but he had done his best to ignore them and any news reports about the incident. Her suggestion that he might have to distance himself from her was troubling, but here and now he had to remain positive.

He took a sip of his whiskey and spoke to his monitor. "If I know anything about you Kate, it's that you're a strong woman. Come back in one piece. We'll figure out the rest of it then."

When the tears came, he let them fall.

x ~ X ~ x

Kathryn washed her face with cold water and carefully reapplied her makeup. The effort struck her as ridiculous and overly feminine, given that she might find herself ripped apart and sent into oblivion within the next few hours, but she wanted to maintain appearances for her team. She would not let them see that she had been crying, or that she was afraid and uncertain.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror. "It's showtime, Kate. Buck up."

* * *

**A/N**: You _had_ to know I'd do this! I hope you're happy, this nearly killed me. LOL Oh, the crying, the bloody crying over fictional characters..."But I love them!" she wailed at the dog. He wasn't interested, btw.

My thanks to the great Bioware, my pals Zute and Zevgirl (read their stuff!), and to all who read and review/comment. I love hearing from you. Cheers, Biff


	41. Through the Relay

**Through the Relay  
**

"Shepard, I wish I had more information for you. I don't like you heading through that relay blind, but we don't have much choice."

The Illusive Man had a sip of whiskey and a drag from his cigarette. Shepard could almost believe that he was genuinely concerned for her well being, but she suspected it had more to do with the fact that she, and the Normandy, represented rather significant investments for Tim. She wondered how much of an inconvenience it would be for him, if they didn't make it.

"I'm not alone. I've got some of the best with me and we're a tight team. We'll make it."

He smiled smugly. "I knew there was a reason we brought you back. I've never seen a better leader. Despite the dangers, it's a great opportunity. The first human to take a ship through the Omega Four relay and survive-"

An alarm went off in the back of Shepard's mind and she cut him off. "I'm going there to destroy the collectors, to stop their attacks on humanity."

He bowed his head to her. "Understood, but it's still impressive. I just wanted you to know that I appreciate the risk you're taking. Regardless of your opinion of Cerberus and of me, you are a valuable asset to all of humanity. Be careful, Shepard." He raised his glass to her, took a sip, and blinked out of sight.

Shepard felt at odds about the conversation. She appreciated the sentiment, but it came from a man she didn't admire or trust. This was no Councilor David Anderson or Admiral Steven Hackett, two men she held in high regard, and yet Tim was the one who had brought her here to this moment in time. If she pulled this off, it would be because of Tim's backing, and that angered her. _Where is the Alliance? What are they doing?_

'_This is a great opportunity.'_ Tim's words came back to her and she grimaced, certain that he had ambitions beyond saving humanity from the collectors.

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose as she cast a glance around the comm room. They had made it, they were alive, and they had destroyed a collector cruiser. That was the good news. She hadn't figured they'd be disabled so quickly. The explosion that followed the cruiser's destruction knocked the Normandy's mass effect field generators offline and she crash landed on the hull of the collector base. Several core systems were overloaded, and while EDI and Joker could fix her, it would take time. Shepard's team would have to proceed and simply hope they could get back through the relay when the time came.

Straightening up, she began pacing. "This isn't how we planned this mission, but this is where we're at. We can't worry if the Normandy can get us back home. We came to stop the collectors, and that means coming up with a plan to destroy this station. EDI, bring up your scans."

A holographic image of the collectors' base appeared before them as EDI spoke. "You should be able to overload their critical systems if you get to the main control center, here." An arrow appeared near the top of the cylindrical station.

Jacob shook his head and activated his omni-tool. "That means going through the heart of the station, right past this massive energy signature."

"Hm. The central chamber. If our crew or any of the colonists are still alive, the collectors are probably holding them there."

After some discussion, they determined that it would be best to divide into two teams to keep the collectors off balance. One team member would have to crawl through a ventilation shaft to open security doors for the team, and they would all regroup in the central chamber. Shepard assigned Kasumi the task of putting her tech skills to work in the shaft, while Garrus would lead the second team.

"Tali, Zaeed, and Samara, you're with me. The rest of you will go with Garrus." She looked around the group again, her team members nodding their agreement. "Okay. I don't know what we'll find in there, but I won't lie to you. This won't be easy. We've lost good people, we may lose more. We don't know how many the collectors have stolen. Hundreds, thousands, it's not important now. What matters is this. Not one more.

"That's what we can do here today. It ends with us. They want to know what we're made of?" She slammed her fist on the table. "I say we show them, on _our_ terms. Now let's bring our people home."

x ~ X ~ x

The Harbinger made several appearances, coming at them again just as they reached their destination.

"Shepard, my attacks will rip you apart."

"So you say, you sonofabitch, but you haven't done it yet, have you?" Shepard screamed as she threw a sticky grenade at the Harbinger's current host. She braced herself against piece of machinery and shot the collector, damaging its shields. It was killed a moment later when the grenade detonated, but not before it got lucky and struck Shepard's helmet with a heavy but glancing blow. She found herself on her back, dazed.

More shots rang out and Zaeed loomed over her. "Shepard, you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so." Her ears were ringing and her neck hurt, but her armor's microframe computer was administering a dose of medi-gel.

He reached down and grabbed her hand, helping her back to her feet. "Your shields are down, but we aren't out of it yet, Shepard. Come on." He nudged her to the doors where they were to meet the other team. "We'll cover you."

She pounded on the door while Tali, Zaeed and Samara held off the next wave of collectors. "We're in position. Open the door."

Shepard could hear Garrus shouting orders to his team. "Go, we'll cover you!"

Kasumi's voice came through her headset next. "There's something wrong, I can't get it to open...there!" The door finally slid open and Zaeed pushed Shepard through, putting himself between her and the line of fire. He, Tali, and Samara followed Shepard, and continued to shoot a stream of bullets and biotic attacks at the enemy until the doors slid shut again. Across the room, Garrus and the others were firing on the enemy while Legion closed the door.

"Thanks, Kasumi. I knew you wouldn't let me down." She caught Zaeed's eye and nodded to him. "Thanks." He shrugged, smiling briefly.

"Shepard, you need to see this," Miranda said, her tone grave.

Just as they had suspected, the central chamber they found themselves in was lined with the same type of storage pod they had seen on the cruiser that provided them with the reaper IFF. They extended as far as the eye could see, in all directions, and for the most part they appeared to be empty. The pods around the floor they were on were not, however.

Miranda pointed to a pod nearby that contained a brunette woman. "Must be one of the colonists."

"Here, members of our crew!" Tali called out. Miranda moved on, leaving Shepard to peer into the pod.

As she leaned forward to examine the colonist, she saw the woman frown as though she were having a bad dream. "My god, she's still alive! Someone help me-"

At that moment, a mechanism on the door of the pod clamped down, a mist began to fill the interior, and the woman's eyes flew open. Her flesh split apart before Shepard's eyes, the mist turned red, and the colonist screamed in agony as she crumpled to the bottom of her prison. Shepard realized that the woman was melting before her eyes and could not be saved.

"Get them out of there!" she roared, moving to the next pod to open it. Mess Sergeant Gardner staggered out, looking confused. "Rupert, it's okay, sit down."

The air crackled with biotic energy and the sound of gunfire as Shepard and her team began breaking into pod after pod. Shepard started counting heads, thankful that Cerberus crews were typically much smaller than the Alliance crews. In addition to the ten she had recruited herself, and Miranda and Jacob, the ship had twenty five crew members. _They're all here._

The others were helping crew members out of the pods, checking them for injuries, and providing shots of medi-gel if it was needed. Miranda pulled the door off the last occupied pod and Shepard ran forward to catch its occupant as she tipped forward.

"Doctor Chakwas! I've got you. Are you okay?" Shepard eased the doctor to the floor.

Chakwas stirred, becoming aware of her surroundings, and cringed at the sight of the blood stained pod nearby. She looked at Shepard as if seeing her for the first time and blinked.

"Shepard? You came for us."

"No one gets left behind, not if I can help it." She helped Chakwas to her feet and reached out to grab Kelly Chambers's hand. "Kelly, are you okay?"

The yeoman nodded, rubbing her head. "Thank god you got here in time. Another few seconds, and...I don't even want to think about it."

Shepard gave Kelly's hand a squeeze. "Don't. We're getting you out of here."

"The colonists were..." Chakwas gestured to the pod where the colonist had just died. "Processed. Their bodies were melted into grey liquid and pumped through those tubes."

Shepard and the others looked at the network of large cables and tubes running up from the pods up into the darkness above them. "Why are they doing this? What are they doing with our genetic material?"

"I don't know. I'm just glad you got here before it happened to us."

"So are we," Miranda replied. "But we still have a job to do. We've done well so far. Let's hope we can finish the job."

Shepard tapped her comm link. "Joker, can you get a fix on our location?"

"Roger that, Commander. Those tubes lead into the main control room, right above you. The route is blocked by a security door, but there's another chamber running parallel to the one you're in."

EDI interrupted. "I cannot recommend that. Thermal emissions suggest the chamber is overrun with seeker swarms. Mordin's countermeasures cannot protect you against so many at once."

"What about biotics? Can we use a biotic field to keep them from getting near us?"

Samara stepped forward. "Yes, I think it would be possible. I wouldn't be able to protect all of you, but we might be able to get a small team through, if we stick close."

Quickly assessing their strengths and weaknesses, Shepard rearranged the teams. "Okay, Samara and I will take Jacob and Thane through the seeker swarms. The rest of you will provide a diversion by going through the main passage. We'll open the security doors from the other side."

Garrus nodded his agreement. "I'll keep the defenders busy while you sneak around the back."

"What about me and the rest of the crew, Shepard? We're in no shape to fight," Chakwas pointed out.

Joker had good news for them. "We have enough systems back online to do a pick up, but we need to land back from your position."

Miranda protested that they couldn't turn back now, and Shepard raised a hand in acknowledgement of her concerns.

"You won't make it back without help." Looking around the group, she motioned to Mordin. "Lead the crew back the way we came, get them on the Normandy, and make sure they're all okay."

"Yes, Commander. Won't let you down. Joker, send coordinates." Mordin's omni-tool lit up and he mumbled to himself as he checked their escape route.

"Gabby, Kenneth, if you're feeling up to it, Joker and ED could use your help getting the Normandy fully functional. Here, take my pistols. I rarely use them and you'll need some extra firepower just in case you run into any trouble. I expect the collectors will be more focused on us, but you never know." She was worried about the crew's safety, given what they'd been through, but this was the best option.

"Don't you worry about us, Commander, we'll be okay now," Gabby replied, taking Shepard's pistols and handing one to Kenneth.

"All right. We all have our assignments, and we know how important this is. I know we have it in us to do this, so let's get moving. With any luck we'll be having drinks in the mess hall by the end of the day."

Potent emotions flowed through Shepard as the three teams departed. She was feeling much better, having found her crew alive and knowing the Normandy would probably get them home again, but the horror of what had happened to the female colonist was fresh in her mind. She forced herself to focus on the immediate problem of getting to the main control room.

_The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can get the hell out of here and back to Alliance space_. The thought wasn't as comforting as it should have been, given the uncertainty she faced if she returned, but the hope of a future anywhere else but here was something to hold onto.

* * *

**A/N**: Vacation's over, life's getting busy again, and the updates slow down. However, I hope to get another chapter up by the weekend. My thanks to my reviewers, readers, and listers, and to my pals Zute and Zevgirl. I love hearing from you, so please leave a comment/review. Cheers! Biff


	42. And Back Again

**And Back Again**

Shepard stretched her neck and rolled her shoulders. Things were going well. The crew had returned to the ship with little incident, and within the station, her team was holding up. There were injuries, of course, and she knew she couldn't afford to get overconfident. The Harbinger was hell bent on having her as a trophy or a genetic addition to whatever project he was working on, it seemed, and if she wasn't careful he might get his wish. As grim as her future with the Alliance looked, she had no desire to avoid it by staying in the galactic core.

She left the bulk of the team behind to form a rear guard, while she took Garrus and Miranda with her to find the main control panel for the base. Using one of the collectors' flying platforms to get to the panel, they had met with resistance in the form of reaper husks and collectors, but now they could see their destination. Shepard maneuvered the platform toward an archway.

"I think this is it. All the tubes lead to this spot. EDI, what can you tell us? What are they doing?"

"The tubes are feeding into some kind of superstructure. It is emitting organic and inorganic energy signatures. Given these readings it must be massive."

Shepard could see the superstructure coming into view and she could barely believe what she was seeing. "Oh my god."

"Shepard, if my calculations are correct, the superstructure is a reaper."

Garrus and Miranda both gasped; Shepard could feel herself shaking as she stared up at what they had found. "Not just any reaper. A _human_ reaper."

"Precisely. It appears that the collectors have processed tens of thousands of humans."

As the platform approached several others joined together in front of the superstructure, Shepard stared up at the monstrosity before them, the taste of bile rising to her throat. Suspended from above by cables and machinery, it was a massive skeleton, although it was incomplete. Skull, arms, rib cage, and a spinal cord were all there, the rest still to be constructed.

A morbid curiosity led Shepard to question the motives of the reapers and whether or not the thing was alive or even aware, but in the end it wasn't important to her. It had to be destroyed, of that there was no question. It was just a matter of how. Up above the head and arms of the abomination, tubes of genetic material from the lower level pods was pumped into four large cylinders, which then fed the structure. EDI surmised that breaking them would cause the reaper to fall, ultimately destroying it.

Shepard gathered Garrus and Miranda around her. "Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I'll focus on breaking those cylinders. I think I can get two shots in before the shields come down and that might be enough to break one, two if I'm lucky. The collectors will retaliate and I need you to watch my back, but if you can take a shot at the cylinders while you're at it, I won't stop you."

Shepard loaded her sniper rifle with armor-piercing rounds and steadied herself against an equipment locker just as another platform approached them, loaded with several collectors.

Harbinger, called out, "Focus on Shepard."

_One, two...there you go._

Miranda, shouted to Garrus, "I've got it!" as Harbinger's host body flew backwards off the platform, disappearing.

_Four, five, two more tubes down, one to go._

The platform lurched when another met it, as Shepard was attempting to stand to take a shot at the last cylinder. She steadied herself and aimed, but was hit in the shoulder and fired off into the darkness instead. She crouched down again, grinding her teeth against the ache in her shoulder.

_Damnit. Breathe. Focus. Steady, aim, fire._

The glass shattered and the head of the human-reaper lolled forward, the weight of its body pulling it free of the constraints that held it in place. Metal groaned and shrieked as the monster pitched further forward and finally fell free. Shepard and her team moved to the edge of the platform, cautiously peering down. They could see nothing at first, then they saw sparks and heard a distant crashing sound.

_Finally_. "Shepard to ground team. Report." Part of her was feeling elated, ready to celebrate now, but the job wasn't over yet.

Jack replied, "We're taggin' 'em as they come, but feel free to call for a pick up _any_ time."

"Head to the Normandy. Joker, prep the engines. I'm about to overload this place and blow it sky high."

"Roger that, Commander," Joker replied.

Shepard knelt down and opened an access panel, pulling a control terminal up to floor level.

"Ah, Commander? Incoming signal from the Illusive Man. EDI's patching it through."

"What the fuck? Goddamn sonofa-. Fine, fine." She tried to concentrate on the terminal in front of her.

Miranda's omni-tool lit up and she sighed, holding her arm out. Tim's image appeared before them.

"Shepard, you've done the impossible."

"I was part of a team," she reminded him, barely casting a glance over her shoulder to acknowledge him.

"I know. You did what you had to do and you've acquired the collector base. I'm looking at the schematics EDI uploaded. A timed radiation pulse would kill the remaining collectors but leave the machinery and technology intact." She looked up to catch Tim making a fist in the air and knew that this was what she had feared earlier.

"This is our chance, Shepard. They were building a reaper. That knowledge, that framework, could save us."

Shepard stood up and turned her full attention to the tiny representation of Tim floating in the air between her and Miranda, wanting to choke him to death. "They..._liquified_ people, turned them into something horrible. We have to destroy the base." The very thought of benefiting in any way from this horror was repulsive to her.

"Don't be short sighted. Our best chance against the reapers is to turn their own resources against them."

Miranda shook her head. "I'm not so sure. Seeing it first hand, using anything from this base seems like a betrayal."

"If we ignore this opportunity, that will be a betrayal. They were working directly with the collectors. Who knows what information is buried there? This base is a gift. We can't just destroy it."

"You're completely ruthless. The next thing I know, you'll be wanting to create your own reaper." Shepard shook her head.

"My goal is to save humanity from the reapers, at any cost. I've never hidden that from you. Imagine how many lives could be saved if we keep this base intact and use its knowledge to thwart the reapers. Imagine the lives that will be lost if we don't."

Shepard's stomach turned. "No matter what kind of technology we might find, it isn't worth it."

"Shepard, you died fighting for what you believed. I brought you back so you could keep fighting. Some would say what we did to you was going too far, but look what you've accomplished. I didn't discard you because I knew your value. Don't be so quick to discard this facility. Think of the potential."

"We will fight and win without it." Shepard turned her back to Miranda and Garrus and knelt back down at the panel she'd pulled out. "I won't let fear compromise who I am."

Behind her, she could hear Tim talking to Miranda. "Don't let Shepard destroy the base."

"Or what?" she snapped back. "You'll replace me next?"

"I gave you an order, Miranda."

"I noticed. Consider this my resignation."

"Shepard. Think about what's at stake, about everything Cerberus has done for you. You-"

His image disappeared as Miranda terminated the communication feed. Shepard looked up, catching Miranda's eye. "Thanks." There was no going back; they were both committed to severing their ties to Cerberus. Shepard had a new-found respect for the operative.

Shrugging, Miranda handed her the device they'd brought with them to overload the base. Shepard inserted it into the control panel and pushed it back into the floor.

"Let's move. We've got ten minutes before the system overloads and blows this whole station apart. Garrus, get that ready to go." She waved a hand to the navigation controls of a nearby platform as she made sure everything was secure.

She stood up and turned toward the others, only to be pitched to one side. The sound of metal scraping on metal sent a shudder down her spine. The party found themselves literally face-to-face with the human-reaper construct, which was apparently very much alive. It had pulled itself back up to the edge of the platform and was attempting to reach out for them. Its eyes, mouth, and chest glowed yellow with the same sort of weaponry they'd seen on harvesters and reapers, and the whorls of light at its mouth were getting brighter, pulsating.

"Goddamnit!" Shepard yelled, trying to steady herself again. "Garrus, sniper rifle. Miranda, slam it with warp as often as possible, and shield us all if you can. Whatever you do, don't get too close to the edge of these platforms. Take cover!"

Shepard dropped behind a storage locker as the reaper's mouth sent an energy pulse toward them. It missed Shepard and her crew, instead knocking a group of collectors off an incoming platform. Shepard smiled to herself. If they were careful, the reaper might kill the incoming collectors. Sticking close to cover, Shepard kept taking shots at the reaper's weak points, both with her omni-tool's incineration weapon and her sniper rifle. Whenever she saw the reaper power up its weapons, she'd position herself so that when she ducked for cover, the reaper would hit numerous collectors. The strategy worked, slowly but surely, and at last the human-reaper's head exploded into a fiery inferno. Shepard stood to watch as it tipped backward, realizing a second too late that it wasn't going to die a quick death.

The human-reaper tipped backwards and then pitched forward, one arm striking the platform they were standing on, before it disappeared into the darkness once more. The platform tipped sharply to one side, knocking Shepard's trio off balance. Shepard watched as Garrus fell over and started sliding down toward the edge of the platform. With little thought, she dove forward, closing the gap between them, keeping her eyes on his.

"Shepard, no!" He was close to the edge, slipping over, and then all she could see was his hand, gripping the edge. As she reached the edge, she dug the fingers of her left hand into a groove on the floor of the platform and grabbed Garrus's wrist.

"Come on!" she screamed.

He swung a leg up over the edge, and was standing, helping her up, when an explosion rocked the chamber. A cloud of fire and smoke billowed up and a shock wave tipped their platform in the opposite direction, sending the others around them in all directions. Shepard and Garrus toppled over and began rolling and sliding in the opposite direction. Miranda struggled to keep her balance and lost, joining Shepard and Garrus in a free fall. The other platforms were now careening wildly about the chamber, beams and metal cladding were falling from above, and quite suddenly it all went black.

"Ungh...oh ouch." Shepard stirred, a heavy weight on her chest. Opening her eyes, she pushed and felt some relief. A metal panel had struck her down. Her suit administered a dose of medi-gel and the pain receded. She pushed the panel aside and rolled over to stand up.

Garrus was lying near the edge of the platform, one arm and leg dangling dangerously over the side. She rushed to him and rolled him over, pulling him back toward the center of the platform. He stirred and looked up at her.

"Shep. I-I'm okay."

"Miranda? Miranda!"

The operative was pinned down under a sheet of metal and Shepard hurried to her side to uncover her. "Come on, girlfriend, get up."

Miranda smiled weakly and picked herself up off the floor. 'Thanks, Shepard."

"Commander? Commander, do you copy? Come on Shepard, don't leave me hanging like this! Do you copy?" Joker's voice startled her.

"Yeah, Joker, we're here. Did the ground team make it back okay?" _How much time do we have left?_

"Yeah, yeah, we're just waiting for you."

She turned and saw a black cloud forming nearby. "Oh shit, seeker swarm. Move it!"

They turned and ran, firing over their shoulders as often as they could, trying to outrun the seeker swarm. Harbinger's voice rang out.

"Human, you have changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those your greater. We are your salvation, not your destruction."

"Fuck you!" Shepard screamed. More collectors were appearing from side hallways and bullets whizzed by her head. "Shit!"

Miranda and Garrus were ahead of her, running along a portion of the main infrastructure of the base, toward a ledge and more hovering platforms. The Normandy loomed up into view in a large open hallway and Shepard ran as fast as she could, all of her attention focused on the airlock doors. They opened to reveal Joker, armed with a submachine gun. He killed one collector after another as Miranda and Garrus leapt into the ship. More debris fell around her, and Shepard dodged side to side, scanning the path ahead. Two platforms extended from the ledge she was on, but a metal beam crashed down on them and they disappeared.

Joker's mouth fell open in shock. "Garrus, Shepard's not-"

Not missing a single step, Shepard launched herself off of the ledge without hesitation and propelled herself through the air. As one arm came down on the ledge of the Normandy's airlock, she swung the other up onto the ship's deck and planted a foot on her hull. Miranda grabbed Shepard's hand and pulled her to her feet. Garrus closed the airlock and the Normandy banked, turned, and pulled away as EDI's voice informed Shepard of their status.

"Detonation in ten, nine, eight..."

Joker tossed the SMG to one side, hobbled to his chair, and sat down, punching buttons. "Yeah, yeah, I get the gist of it, EDI. HOLD ON!"

Joker guided the ship out of the collector base toward the debris field as the base exploded. Light and energy chased the Normandy, but the mass effect field of the Omega Four relay surrounded her and pulled her into the Sahrabarik System before the wave could catch her.

Stunned silence filled the cabin of the ship and Shepard looked from Joker to Garrus to Miranda. "We _did_ it."

She stamped a foot on the ground. "We did it. We _fucking_ did it!" She threw her arms around Miranda and gave the startled woman a kiss on the cheek. She reached out for Garrus's hand, slapped Joker's chair, and let out a roar.

"Joker, full stop. I want to check in on everyone and give us all a chance to relax before we head to Omega."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

The thrill of victory and concern for her crew was her focus for now. She knew she had to face both the Illusive Man and the Alliance, but here and now she had people to attend to and that was all that mattered.

* * *

**A/N**: A long chapter, but one I did not want to cut down. Updates may slow down a bit as I am MoH for a wedding next weekend, with a bridal shower this weekend, both of which are out of town, but I am really looking forward to the next phase of Shepard's story.

My thanks to all who read and review, especially pals Zute and Zevgirl. Thanks to Bioware as well for the big dramatic finish! Cheers, Biff


	43. Vega

**Vega**

"Shepard, you're making a habit of costing me more than time and money." Tim flicked his cigarette into an ashtray and glared at her.

Shepard tapped her ear. "What was that? I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. I'm getting a lot of _bullshit_ on this line."

"Don't try my patience. The technology on that base could have secured human dominance in the galaxy, against the reapers and beyond."

"Human dominance or just Cerberus?"

Tim stood up, pointing a finger at her. "Strength for Cerberus is strength for humanity. Cerberus is humanity. I should have known you'd choke on the hard decisions. Too idealistic from the start." He waved a hand at her and shook his head.

"I'm not looking for your approval. Harbinger is coming and he won't be alone. Humanity needs a leader who's looking out for them. From now on I'm doing things _my_ way, whether you agree or not." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared back at him.

"Don't you turn your back on me, Shepard. I _made_ you, I brought you back from the dead."

"And I'm going to do exactly what you brought me back to do. I'm going to win this war, and I'll do it without sacrificing the soul of our species."

Kathryn had nothing more to say. She'd made her decision, the crew had been briefed, and everyone who wasn't coming with her was preparing to disembark on Omega to slip into the shadows. Legion was already gone. The crew was running through the Normandy's maintenance routines and when they were done, they would fly the final leg of the journey to Omega and dock. Kathryn's plan was to turn herself, the remaining crew, and the Normandy over to the Alliance.

She stared at Tim for a few seconds, then turned around and left the comm room, satisfied she was doing the right thing.

x ~ X ~ x

The Normandy was finally ready for inspection, the crew was either bedded down or drinking and playing cards, and they were ready to travel to Omega in the morning. Kathryn had chosen to retire early and sat on her couch, a glass of wine in hand, staring at the wall. She was lonely and feeling more than a little sorry for herself, and that made her angry.

_Ten years of service, and this is where I am? Fuck me_. She took a sip of wine. _I am doing the right thing_, she reminded herself. EDI's voice announced an incoming FTL transmission from Liara. Kathryn went to her desk and turned on her monitor.

"Liara, what's up?" Kathryn could tell something was amiss by the way the doctor avoided looking directly into the video camera.

Liara's eyes flickered up. "Kate, it's good to see you. Thank you for the message, and thank the Goddess you made it. Your parents asked me to tell you they're proud of you. Your mother wants to know when and where the Alliance will move you, and I promised to update them as soon as I know."

She was babbling, too, a sign she was nervous. "And Kaidan?" Liara's gaze shifted briefly, but Kathryn caught the movement. "Liara? What's happened to Kaidan?"

"Oh no, Kate, it's not like that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...He can't-"

"He can't have anything to do with me right now, is that it?" Her throat tightened up.

"He's under orders to report to Alliance command any communications he receives from-"

"It's okay, Liara. I get it. I just hoped...Shit, they didn't waste any time, did they?"

"No. They're en route to Omega. I'm so sorry, Kate."

"Thanks, Liara, for everything. Ah...look, I have to go."

"Kate, will you be all right?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I just killed a reaper and destroyed the collectors' base, remember? I'm tough. Take care of yourself, okay? I wouldn't put it past the Illusive Man to send his goons after you." She tried to keep a smile on her face.

Liara's eyes were damp. "Of course, Kate. Goodbye."

Shepard terminated her connection and reached out to touch Kaidan's photo, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"I guess I should have known better, huh?"

She wondered what this would mean for them, if she'd ever see or hear from him again, and anger, frustration, and heartache flooded her. She emptied her wine glass and after a moment's pause, flung it across the room, shattering it against the wall. Finally overwhelmed by the emotions she'd been trying to keep at bay, she sat down and cried.

x ~ X ~ x

James Vega sat with his back to the wall, winnings stacked before him, cards in hand, his eyes on the common cards on the table. His luck was holding. This time he'd caught four kings on the turn, but he was playing as though he was hoping for a run and got it on the river. The batarian to his left had gone all in and the two others were trying to decide what to do. Vega let his attention wander to the large news monitor on the wall near their table. The human reporter Khalisah al-Jilani was ranting again. He couldn't quite catch what she was saying; the batarians and the rest of the drunks in the gambling hall were drowning her out.

One batarian folded, the other went all in. James pushed his stack of chips forward and smiled as the others dropped their cards on the table. He made a show of displaying his kings. The batarians started arguing with each other as Vega stacked his winnings.

"Turn that up!" Someone shouted. Vega looked back up at the screen on the wall.

A stock photo of Commander Kathryn Shepard was on the screen now with the headline, "Commander Shepard in Custody: War Hero or War Criminal?" running beneath it.

Vega froze. _Shepard's a fucking hero, what the hell?_

Al-Jilani held a microphone out to Admiral Hackett, asking, "Will Commander Shepard be court martialed for her actions in the Bahak System?"

"Ms. Al-Jilani, our investigation has only just begun-"

"Commander Shepard is single-handedly responsible for destroying a mass effect relay and killing over three hundred thousand batarians with no proof-"

_Puta!_ Vega stood up, walked to the screen, and ripped it off the wall. The room fell silent.

"What the _fuck_, Jimmy?" the bartender shouted when he finally found his voice.

"Take the damages out of my winnings, Earl."

Earl wasted no time scooping up Vega's poker chips. The batarians were looking rather angry and Earl wanted to collect his money and call the Admiral before the situation got worse. Now that Vega was _wrecking_ the place, there was no reason to protect him. He ran to his office as the batarians stood and advanced on Vega.

"Don't do it, chicos," Vega warned, flexing his arms.

All three batarians ran at Vega. He swung the screen at them, as though he were hitting a baseball, sending them sprawling to the floor. A woman screamed, men started shouting and fighting, and within seconds everyone was involved in an all out brawl. Earl reappeared at the door to his office just in time to see Vega slip out the door.

"Sonofabitch just started a fight over some news report about that commander and then took off, Admiral!" he yelled into his commlink. Earl ducked to avoid a bottle that was sailing toward his head, and closed his office door.

Ten minutes later, Vega slipped into Afterlife and tried to get lost in the crowd. If he could just get to the back door...A hand clamped down on his shoulder and he spun around, ready to fight, and found himself staring at an Alliance admiral.

"Easy, Lieutenant Vega." The admiral caught his fist. "Easy, now. You're a hard man to find."

"Sir." Vega's eyes darted around the club, looking for any sign that the police had caught up with him. It occurred to him he might be in more trouble with the Alliance, but it seemed a better alternative than being thrown into jail on Omega.

"The name's Admiral David Anderson. Buy you a drink?"

"Ah...yes sir?"

Anderson steered him toward the bar, waving at an asari bartender. "Another one for me and a bottle of lager for my friend here. Have a seat, Vega."

"Yes, sir. So...you were looking for me?" That hardly seemed like a good thing, but he figured the Admiral wouldn't buy him a beer if he was going to apprehend him. _Or maybe he would. Mierda_.

"Yes. I have a job for you." Anderson slid Vega's beer to him and took a sip of his bourbon.

"A job?" Vega hadn't expected that. If anything, he figured he'd be arrested and tossed into jail for conduct unbecoming of a marine. He downed a third of the bottle and squinted at Anderson.

"I need you to escort someone to Earth. Alliance HQ in Vancouver, to be precise."

"Escort someone."

"Yes, lieutenant, escort someone." Anderson's eyes fixed on something at the front door. "Perhaps we should go. Back door." He finished his drink and started walking away.

Vega caught sight of an Omega police officer and one of the batarians from the gambling hall. He ducked his head down and followed Anderson through the crowd and out the back door into the alley.

"We'll go to that dive you call a hotel, collect your things, and get you on your way."

"Ah, no offense, Admiral Anderson, but I don't get this." _How does Anderson know where I live?_

Anderson stopped walking and turned to face Vega. "You're being offered a chance to redeem yourself, son. You need to get over what happened on Fehl Prime and clean your act up. This," he waved his hand up and down, "is beneath you. Do you understand me, lieutenant?"

Vega nodded, suddenly feeling ashamed of himself. "Yes sir."

"I hope so. This is your chance to prove you aren't a complete fuck up, so don't blow it. And no offense, Vega, but I'm not setting foot in that building again. Get your things, and make it quick. You have a ship to board."

"Sir, yes, sir!" Vega saluted and ran to his room, grateful he was getting a second chance, whatever it entailed.

x ~ X ~ x

Lieutenant Vega nearly dropped his duffel bag when Admiral Anderson took him aboard the Normandy; he had been hiding out, not living under a rock. He followed Anderson to the elevator and up to the top deck of the ship, where they met an Alliance soldier in the hallway outside the captain's quarters.

Anderson paused. "How is she, Becker?"

"Sir, she doesn't talk to us. She hasn't been out of her quarters since they docked and she won't allow in anyone who didn't come here with her. So...not good?"

"Why don't you take a break."

Lieutenant Becker saluted and excused himself, looking very much relieved as he stepped into the elevator.

The admiral knocked on the door. "Kate, it's David Anderson. Open up."

The door slid open and Vega caught his breath. The photo he'd seen earlier in the day didn't do her justice at all, but she was clearly pissed off.

"Hello, David." Her eyes drifted to Vega. "And this is...?"

"Lieutenant James Vega. He'll be going to Earth with you, as your personal guard."

Vega stuck his hand out. "Pleasure to meet you, Commander Shepard."

"Seriously, David? I don't need a goon." Vega dropped his hand.

Anderson's tone sharpened slightly. "Shepard, between the batarians and Cerberus-"

"And the Alliance," she interjected.

The admiral frowned. "This is what it is, Kate, and you need to adjust your damned attitude or it'll get worse before it gets better."

Shepard's eyes flashed and she clenched her jaw, but a slight flush of shame graced her cheeks and she acknowledged Anderson's advice with a curt nod. "I'm sorry, sir."

"Now I want you to get your ass out of this suite, join the land of the living again, and get back into a routine. I think you and Vega are going to get along." He walked to the elevator and hit a button, disappearing from view.

Shepard eyed Vega and he grinned. "I'm a-"

_Meathead, _Shepard finished silently. She stepped back and closed the door to her quarters.

Vega stared at the door for a moment. _Mierda, this one's gonna be a tough one to crack_. "That's okay, Commander, I'll just sit out here. On the floor. And play Texas Hold 'em by myself."

He dropped his bag, fished around in it for a deck of cards, and sat on the floor, legs crossed. He dealt himself a hand, burned a card and flipped three over. "Damn, who dealt this shit? I fold."

The door opened. "Really?"

"I got your attention, didn't I?"

She ran her tongue over her teeth and considered her options. He was damned good looking, built like an inverted pyramid, and clearly had a sense of humor. _With any luck, he'll be shit at poker_, she mused. _And he's not the enemy, and you _have_ been behaving badly, Kate._

"Fine. You want to play poker, we'll play poker. But we're going to engineering to get Kenneth and Gabby, and then I'm taking all your credits, LT."

Vega laughed, a big, deep laugh, and got up. "Those are fightin' words, Commander, and you might just regret 'em."

"Oh, we'll see." She couldn't help smirking as they took the elevator down to engineering. _Maybe this won't be all bad after all._

* * *

**A/N**: And now I can go off on a long weekend of drunken debauchery knowing I got this posted! My thanks to the usual suspects. Please read and review, and have a great weekend! Long, for those of you who get Labor Day off. Cheers, Biff


	44. Hell on Earth

**Hell on Earth**

"_I just need you to do whatever the hell it takes to help us stop the reapers." _

"Shepard!"

"_Major?"_

"_Yeah. Kate, I'm sorry I haven't-" Kaidan wanted to say more, she could see it in his eyes, but the circumstances left much to be desired._

_She didn't know whether to kiss him or punch him, but she couldn't do either; they were being watched and he outranked her. _

"_It's okay, Kaidan. I'm just glad I ran into you." _

"_Me too." His voice, and that pleading look, made her pulse quicken. She was both relieved and angered when she had to move on._

"Shepard! Where are you?" Someone was moving, metal scaped on metal, the voice muttered a curse and moved again.

Kathryn stirred. Her head and shoulder hurt and it didn't make sense. _I was talking to Kaidan, and I... no. The Defence Committee wanted my advice...oh god._

"_You've called me here to confirm what you already know! The reapers are here."_

"_Then how do we stop them?"_

"_Stop them? This isn't about strategy or tactics. It's about survival. The reapers are more advanced than us, more powerful, more intelligent. They don't fear us and they will never take pity on us."_

"Shepard, are you all right?" Admiral David Anderson called out again and she opened her eyes.

"Over here, David."

He was standing over her, arm out. "Come on, get up." He pulled her to her feet and reached out to gingerly touch her cheek. She winced. "You've got some cuts."

The Defence Committee chamber was in ruins and beyond the blown-in window, it looked like hell on Earth. A committee member was nearby and she checked his pulse. Nothing. Reapers loomed on the horizon.

"Here, take this." Anderson handed her a heavy pistol. "We've got to get out of here."

Shepard checked on other committee members as they moved through the room, but no one else from their meeting was alive; Anderson hailed the Normandy.

"Major Alenko, is that you? What's your status?"

She breathed a sigh of relief, grateful Kaidan was alive. Anderson directed the Normandy to a landing zone nearby and led Shepard to the window where they could get a better view of the city. The green roof she had been watching earlier in the day was gone and she wondered what had happened to the little boy she'd seen playing with a model ship. A bolt of fear lanced through her. Anderson shouted out that they were meeting the Normandy at the spaceport and then they were climbing down the outer framework of the HQ.

Several reapers were laying waste to Vancouver and all Shepard could do was dodge the destruction, kill husks, survive. It had been months since she'd seen combat action. She wondered what had happened to Vega, when Anderson patched a call from Kaidan through to her commlink. He had Vega with him and they were on the way.

_Who's on the Normandy? How many crew do we have? Who the hell's flying it? _

They made their way through the neighboring building after a close run in with husks and a reaper. Shepard found the little boy hiding in the ventilation shaft, and tried to rescue him, but he retreated further into the shaft and disappeared, leaving her no choice but to continue on. Anderson talked about going to the Citadel, rallying the other races to help defend Earth. Shepard didn't like it, thought it sounded too much like running away, but he was using her own words against any protests she might have. She had been ranting for months that everyone had to work together or the reapers would wipe them all out, and now she was living the biggest 'I told you so' moment of her life. There was no satisfaction in being right. _I'd take it all back if it would make this go away._ Shepard knew better than to wish it all away, however, and she would do whatever it took to stop the reapers.

When the Normandy loomed overhead, she realized with a start that she was back in action. She could redeem herself for working with Cerberus, for destroying the Alpha relay. With a burst of energy, she bolted for the Normandy, leaping over the debris, finally running up an orphaned loading ramp to jump up into the Normandy's cargo hold. James and Kaidan were waiting for them and Alenko reached out to grab her hand, steadying her as she landed on the deck.

She stumbled into him and found herself staring into his eyes, feeling the warmth of his body close to hers. She took a step back and turned to find Anderson.

"Welcome aboard, Shepard," Kaidan called out.

"Thanks."

Anderson stopped at the top of the loading ramp. "Shepard!"

_What the hell is he waiting for?_ "Come on!"

An Alliance shuttle flew down and hovered nearby, its doors opening. Anderson gave the marines inside a quick nod. "I'm not going. You saw those men back there," he pointed toward the two marines they'd just left. "There are plenty more like them and they need a leader."

"We're in this fight together, Anderson!" she shouted back.

"It's a fight we can't win if we don't get help. We need every species, with all their ships, if we stand a chance of defeating the reapers. Talk to the council, convince them to help us."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing, but she couldn't argue his logic even though she tried. "What if they won't listen?"

"Then _make_ them listen. Now go! That's an order."

"I don't take orders from you anymore, remember?" The one thing the Alliance had been quick to do was strip her of rank and title.

Anderson shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out a set of dog tags. "Consider yourself reinstated, _Commander_." he yelled, tossing the tags to her. "You know what you have to do."

She swallowed the lump in her throat and gripped the tags until they dug into her skin. "'I'll be back, and I'll bring every fleet with me. Good luck."

He nodded. "Good luck to you, too."

As the Normandy pulled away, Anderson ran to the Alliance shuttle, making it to safety. Other shuttles landed, marines jumped out to help civilians get in, and the boy she'd tried to save earlier got on board. The relief she felt was temporary; his shuttle and the one following it were shot down by a reaper. Choking back her grief, she closed the hold door.

James met her as she walked further into the ship. "What the hell's going on? Where's Anderson? Where are we going?" When she didn't answer him, he shouted out, "Hey!"

"We're leaving." She found a computer terminal and reached out to turn it on. _I need to know who I've got with me, the specifications of the Normandy, our rations... _" James interrupted her train of thought.

"Leaving?" His voice cracked with disbelief.

"What's going on, Shepard?" Kaidan asked.

"We're going to the Citadel to get help for the fight."

James shook his head. "Bullshit, he wouldn't order us to leave."

She turned to face James and held out her dog tags before pulling them over her head. "We don't have a choice. Without help this war is already over." She tucked her tags into her uniform, comforted by the feel of the metal against her chest. She hadn't worn them in nearly three years.

"Forget it. Pull over and drop me off, because I am not leaving."

Shepard stared at Vega, considering her options. Stopping wasn't one of them, and she needed all the help she could get. Tossing him out right now or locking him up for insubordination was a waste of talent. She jabbed a finger into his chest.

"Enough! Don't you think I'd rather stay and fight? We are going to the Citadel to get help. If you want out, you can catch a ride back from there.

Vega backed down and walked away, shaking his head. He had no armor, no gear, and the Normandy wasn't ready for a mission. This was a disaster, but he respected Shepard and had to walk off his anger.

The computer terminal lit up. "Commander?"

"Joker? Is that you?" She couldn't believe her luck.

"Alive and kicking. I've got an emergency transmission from Admiral Hackett for you."

"Patch it through."

Hackett reported that they had sustained heavy losses, that the reaper fleet was massive and they weren't going to take Earth back through conventional means. Shepard nodded.

"Anderson's ordered me to go to the Citadel to appeal to the council for help, sir."

"First, I want you to go to the outpost on Mars."

The quality of the transmission left a lot to be desired, but the gist of it was that Liara T'Soni was there researching the archives for ways to defeat the reapers, and Hackett was certain she'd discovered something useful. He wanted Shepard to find her and recruit her. Shepard saluted.

"Yes sir." The screen went blank and she called Joker. "Set a course for the Mars archives."

"Mars? Roger that."

James was still struggling to accept what was going on. "This is loco."

Kaidan nodded. "Why Mars? What does he think we'll find there?"

Shepard shrugged, going to the armory. "I don't know yet, but if it helps us win this war-" She picked up a submachine gun, checking it for ammunition. Her eyes wandered to a set of armor nearby and smiled. It was standard N-7 armor and might fit her. "Get some gear."

Kaidan approached her several minutes later. James had found a set of armor he'd left on board and was repairing it, giving them a moment alone.

"Kate, can we talk?"

She caught her breath. After months of running this conversation through her head, she opened her mouth and nothing came out. She wanted to shout with happiness, yell with rage, kiss him, slap him, rip his uniform off and rediscover some of the things she'd come to love about him. But not one of those scenarios involved them running for their lives, on a mission to recruit every other species available to join humanity in what might be a war to end all wars. That was all the more reason to speak, _and_ to hold her tongue. Kaidan misunderstood her silence.

"Okay, I know you're probably angry with me, and you have every right-" He moved closer to her.

"No. I mean yes, I am. Angry, sad, happy, but our timing-" She could hear James swearing in the corner, banging on something. "Look, I have to talk to James. I have no idea what sort of experience he has and how he's doing." She stepped forward and risked touching Kaidan's hand. He gripped her fingers and her knees went weak.

"Let's just get through this mission and then we'll talk on the way to the Citadel, okay?" She squeezed his fingers.

"Okay."

As she went to Vega's side, she wondered if she and Kaidan were doing the right thing, or if they should keep it professional. She cast a quick glance back at him and sighed. The situation was complicated, to be sure, but if this was the end of the galaxy, she needed to know what he was thinking. _After Mars_, she sighed.

* * *

A/N: Nods to Bioware, to my readers/reviewers, and to those who follow and list me. A special shout out to Zute and Zevgirl for their continued support and friendship. Please feel free to leave a comment or review. You know I love hearing from you! Cheers, Biff


	45. Doctor Core

**Doctor Core**

Shepard wanted to kick herself back to Earth; Cerberus beat them to Mars. Equally upsetting was the fact that Kaidan apparently had doubts about where her loyalties lay.

"Shepard," Kaidan said, striding toward her. "I need a straight answer."

James stopped moving, watching Shepard and Alenko. Shepard sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly.

"Kaidan-"

He advanced on her, jabbing a finger in the air. "Don't '_Kaidan_' me, this is business. Do you know anything about why Cerberus is here?"

She was surprised by his attitude; he had never been confrontational in the past. "What the hell makes you think I know what's going on?"

"You worked for them, for god's sake. How am I not supposed to think that?"

She clenched her jaw. "We joined forces to take down the collectors, that's it."

"There's more to it than that. They rebuilt you from the ground up, gave you a ship, resources."

"Oh my god. It's not as if I asked them for any of that, _Major Alenko_, you ja-" She cut herself off, remembering they weren't alone. _Behave, Kate_. "Okay, let me be clear. I've had no contact with Cerberus since I destroyed the collector base, and I have no idea why they're here now or what they want."

James stepped forward to defend her, annoyed with the major. "Commander Shepard's been under constant surveillance since returning to Earth. There's no way they've communicated since."

"Sorry, Shepard, it's just that-"

The airlock pressure stabilized and the platform they were on started to ascend to the main level of the base.

Shepard took a deep breath and tried to control her temper. "You, of _all_ people, should know what I'm about, Kaidan. Please just trust me, okay?"

Kaidan rubbed his neck, trying to figure out what to say. "I do. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

A sudden noise from above caught their attention and they dove for cover. Shepard listened for a few seconds and pointed up, whispering, "Someone's in the ventilation shaft."

"Sounds like a few someones," Vega agreed.

A moment later, the cap at the end of a shaft flew to the floor and Liara followed it, running a short distance away before turning to throw a singularity at the two Cerberus agents who were behind her. Liara pulled out her pistol and shot them both. Shepard holstered her SMG and stood up. James followed closely behind.

"Easy, LT. She's with us."

Liara spun around to face them, relieved as Shepard approached. "Kate! Thank the Goddess you've alive. I was worried when the reports came in. They hit Earth hard?"

Kaidan's expression was grim. "Yeah. It was hard to leave like that."

"Kaidan, I'm so sorry. But why did you come here, Kate?"

"Anderson reinstated me and sent us to talk to the Citadel Council. Admiral Hackett ordered us to come here first, said you'd know what's going on. I don't think he counted on Cerberus being here."

The news was better than Shepard had hoped, although she had a hard time believing it. Liara had found a blueprint for a prothean device that could potentially destroy the reapers. This was very likely what Cerberus was looking for as well and they were ahead of Shepard and her team. Another group of the Illusive Man's soldiers was bringing up the rear.

As Vega readied his weapon for a fight, Shepard put a hand on his arm. "Not this time, James. Get back to the shuttle. If Cerberus beats us to the archives, I need you to cover the exits."

"But-" An explosion in the distance shook the building. Cerberus wasn't holding back.

"Now, Lieutenant."

"Yes, ma'am," Vega acquiesced, running back to the airlock platform. He disappeared just as the Cerberus troops arrived.

Shepard was pleased that three years apart hadn't changed their ability to support each other in a fight. It felt good to have Kaidan and Liara at her side again. Her personal relationship with Kaidan was strained and awkward, but they worked well together. She was reminded that he was a good soldier, someone she could count on.

They fought their way to the cafeteria, which they found open to the outer elements, several Alliance staff dead from lack of oxygen. It was Kaidan who discovered a video feed of what had happened. A Doctor Eva Core, a recent arrival at the facility, was caught on film killing two security officers and shutting off the environmental controls. Liara blamed herself for not realizing the doctor was a mole.

Kaidan kept an eye on the perimeter while Shepard reasoned with Liara. "The reapers are the only thing we should be focused on. You didn't do anything wrong. This was not your fault, Liara."

He tried not to listen to what they were saying, but couldn't help it. They were only a few feet away.

"How do you do it, Shepard?"

"When there's so much at stake, I just think about what I'd lose if I failed."

He turned to see Shepard looking right at him, but she quickly looked back at Liara.

"That's a terrible burden."

"We'll stop them, Liara."

x ~ X ~ x

Cerberus dogged them every step of the way to the archives with an arsenal of troopers, booby traps, turrets, and grenades. Through video feeds from further within the facility, they were able to see that Core was in the archives and preparing to lock them and any straggling troopers out. The tramway was already locked down and Liara couldn't override the security system. Kaidan offered a solution.

"Not if we can find a short range communicator, helmet to helmet."

"And?" Shepard asked, impatiently. She did not want the Illusive Man to get his hands on the blueprint and every second they wasted trying to get a step ahead was an additional second the enemy had to escape.

"And we convince them we're on their side, tell them the Alliance forces have been taken care of."

The idea had merit, and she sent him off find what they'd need. Shepard turned back to find Liara regarding her with a curious expression.

"What?"

Liara shrugged. "The major has become very...capable."

"That he has."

A moment later, Kaidan shouted out for Shepard. She found him in the next room, kneeling beside a dead trooper, examining his helmet.

"He's got a transmitter. If I can just get it-" The helmet's face guard finally popped out and Kaidan gasped and stepped back from the corpse. "My god, he looks like a husk."

Shepard was horrified that the Illusive Man would resort to using reaper technology to indoctrinate his own people. _Is that it, or have the reapers gotten to them? Tim wouldn't be so careless, would he?_ She didn't know, but couldn't discount the possibility.

"They definitely did something to him," she mumbled as she removed the transmitter from the helmet.

"And by 'they', you mean Cerberus? They did this to their own guy? Is this what they did to you?"

She stared at him, shocked. "How can you compare _me_ to _him_?" _How could we have grown so far apart when we tried so hard not to?_

"Shepard, I don't know what you are. Or who. Not anymore, not since Cerberus rebuilt you. I-" He scratched his head. "I thought I did, but this... For all I know you could be their puppet, controlled by the Illusive Man himself."

"Kaidan, I'm-"

"Don't try to explain it. I don't think I'd understand anyway. I just want to know if the person I followed to hell and back, the person that I loved, is still in there?"

He was asking the very same question she had pondered numerous times since waking up nearly a year earlier: Was she truly the same person? She felt the same, had memories other people could corroborate, and she still loved Kaidan, even if he was getting on her last nerve. As much as she wanted to yell at him, she couldn't; she would probably have the same questions, fears and doubts as he did, if their positions were reversed. She tried to keep her voice calm as she spoke.

"They didn't change me, Kaidan, or how I feel about you, but words won't convince you, will they?" She stepped closer to him, but he moved away.

"Probably not."

"You always were stubborn."

"_Me_?"

"Come on. Let's see what Cerberus is up to. Maybe we'll both get some answers."

Whether or not Cerberus bought Shepard's story that she was one of them was irrelevant. They sent a team back to the tram station and after a brief fight Shepard and her team were headed to the archives. The storm was closing in fast; they had to move. It wasn't easy going. The tramway was booby trapped with a bomb and more troops came for them, but they finally found themselves in the archives. Kaidan paced the perimeter of the room while she and Liara got to work on finding the data they needed.

There was a subtle shift in the air and then Shepard heard it, a sound she hadn't heard in six months but knew well; the sound of someone taking a drag from a cigarette. She spun on her heels to find herself staring at the Illusive Man's holographic image.

Nothing had changed; he wanted to control the reapers, not destroy them, and Shepard was no longer useful to him.

"Don't interfere with my plans, Shepard. I won't warn you again."

"Duly noted," she snapped back.

Liara called out to her and she turned toward the archive computer terminals.

"What?"

"The data, it's not here! It's being erased. It's local, someone's uploading the information."

Out of the corner of her eye, Shepard could see Kaidan circling back around toward them when he disappeared behind a structure along the perimeter. A moment later she heard him demand, "Step away from the console. Now."

There were sounds of a struggle, a crash. Kaidan yelled, "She's got the data!" and Doctor Eva Core dashed for the door.

She seemed impossibly fast, was able to jump much higher than anyone Shepard had ever known, and seemed bulletproof. They chased the doctor out onto the roof of the archives and Shepard searched the skies. The storm was upon them and there was no sign of the Normandy or the shuttle. A Cerberus shuttle flew overhead. Core was going to get away, and Shepard was enraged.

"James! Can you hear me? Cerberus has the data!" She could barely hear James's response in the static that answered her hail. "Radio the Normandy. Get them down here!"

Core was leading them on a wild chase up ladders, over dangerous gaps in the roof, making holding a gun difficult. As Shepard struggled up onto another elevated rooftop the Cerberus shuttle swooped down toward Doctor Core.

"She's getting away!" Shepard screamed as Liara and Kaidan came to her side. "James! Normandy! _Anybody_!"

The Normandy's shuttle appeared and her commlink erupted with James's voice.

"I got this one!" James pointed the shuttle directly at Doctor Core's transport, slamming into it. The shuttle careened out of control, heading directly for them.

"Oh shit!" Shepard yelled, pushing Kaidan to her right as she dodged left.

Debris flew in every direction as the shuttle crashed and the force of the resulting explosion knocked them all to the ground. Shepard stood slowly, checking herself for injuries. She looked to Kaidan, who was pushing himself up onto his knees. Liara was dazed and Kaidan went to her side. Shepard turned and flagged down James to land nearby.

He hopped out of the shuttle and waved to Shepard. "The Normandy will be here soon."

"Jesus Christ, Vega, give a girl a warning before you do something like that. Better yet, don't do that again, but...good shot."

The next few moments were defined by a series of sounds. Liara saying, 'We need the data." The screeching of metal, a crash as a panel hit the roof. Liara's voice again, "Oof." Gunfire.

Shepard rounded the corner of their shuttle to see Kaidan facing down a now very robotic-looking Doctor Eva Core, firing round after round at her to no avail. In what seemed like a split second, the unit ran straight at Kaidan, knocked the gun out of his hand, grabbed him by the face of his helmet, and lifted him into the air. Shepard recognized Doctor Core to be a gynoid infiltration unit, a very powerful adversary, and she instantly feared for Kaidan's life.

"Kaidan!" She drew her SMG on Core, but couldn't risk taking a shot. Kaidan dangled between them.

Core was putting her hand to her ear, speaking and listening to the Illusive Man, Shepard assumed. Kaidan was struggling. _If I can just get a shot-_.

Core turned and slammed Kaidan into the side of the building twice, then let him crumple to the ground. The silence that followed his initial grunt of pain sent fear and rage coursing through Shepard and she turned Core as the unit advanced on her. Core got closer and closer, getting hit with every shot, but looking entirely invulnerable, until Shepard finally shot her in the head, short-circuiting her systems. Without so much as a glance at the gynoid, she raced to Kaidan's side.

"Get that thing, James." she ordered as she checked Kaidan's vital signs. He was still alive.

Joker's voice buzzed in her ear. "Shepard, we've got reaper signatures in orbit!"

She pulled Kaidan into a fireman's lift as carefully as she could, given his bulk. _Don't die on me, Kaidan. We can't let it end like this. Please don't die on me_, she silently begged him as she climbed up into the Normandy's cargo hold.

_to be continued..._

* * *

**A/N**: I couldn't figure a way to get the accent on the 'e' of Core, so just imagine it there! My thanks to you, the readers, for continuing to follow this story. Please do feel free to make a comment or do a review; it keeps me motivated! I owe an apology to Zute and Zevgirl and their readers for getting them hooked on the ME series :-) and have a shout out for Bioware for the great story/characters. Cheers, Biff


	46. Support

**Support**

Shepard carried Kaidan all the way to the med bay, where she lay him down as carefully as possible on a bed. James dropped the gynoid unit on another bed and stood back to wait for further orders.

"Oh god, Kaidan." Shepard could barely breathe. His face was already badly bruised and his breathing was shallow. Her emotions were running in every direction and she froze, not knowing what to do or say.

Liara leaned over Kaidan's body to look up into Shepard's eyes. "Kaidan needs medical attention."

"Yeah...ah..." Shepard took a deep breath, taking his hand in hers. It was cold and felt nothing like him. Hours ago, she had been angry with him; now she wanted to take it all back.

"We have to leave the Sol System, Kate."

"I know." _Reapers. Joker said there were reapers in orbit._

"The Citadel is our best chance. We can find help there."

"Joker, get us to the Citadel."

"Roger that, Commander."

Shepard felt herself coming back around to a better frame of mind, focused on the task at hand. "Liara, why don't you and EDI see what you can get out of that thing." She wanted to smash it to pieces and toss it out the airlock, and the sooner it was out of her sight the better.

"Hang on, Kaidan." She bent down and brushed her fingers across his cheek, whispering to him. "Stay with me."

"Commander, I am receiving a signal over the secondary QEC. I believe it may be Admiral Hackett," EDI announced.

Shepard straightened up and rubbed her forehead. "Okay, patch me through. Vega, please keep an eye on the major."

She heard him reply, "Yes, ma'am." as she dashed out the door to the comm room.

Hackett's transmission was marred by static. "EDI, can you clear this up?"

"I will do my best."

Admiral Hackett's image and voice became clearer. "Did you get to the archives?"

"I was there. So was the Illusive Man."

Hackett nodded gravely. "I was worried Cerberus would try something. Did you get the data?"

"Most of it. He downloaded some before we could stop him. EDI and Liara are analyzing what we recovered." Liara arrived at her side, breathless from running, nodding to Hackett.

"What have you learned? Was it worth it?" he asked.

"Preliminary evidence suggests the data is a blueprint for a prothean device." She activated her omni-tool and an image appeared before her.

The device was massive in size and scope, capable of unquantifiable levels of destruction. Hackett asked the doctor to send him the data for independent analysis.

"If Liara's instincts are correct, this could be the key to stopping the reapers."

Shepard nodded. "I hope so, sir. Kaidan's been hurt. We're taking him to the Citadel."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Shepard, but we both know this is just the beginning. Talk to the council, show them what you've found. With luck, they'll give you all the support you need."

"And if they don't?" she asked, knowing convincing the council would be a hard sell.

Hackett's expression became more stern. "Do _whatever _it takes to get them on board."

She nodded and saluted Hackett; he returned the gesture and signed out. Shepard slumped over the controls, trying to gather her thoughts. Liara spoke gently at her side.

"EDI is extracting information from the Cerberus machine. We'll have data to present to the council by the time we get to the Citadel."

"And Kaidan?"

"I've done what I can for him, Kate, but we need to get him to a medical facility soon."

Shepard stood up and turned to leave the comm room. Liara caught her by the arm. "Hackett's right, isn't he?"

"Yeah." They began walking back through the war room to the combat information center.

"I've looked at the data. This weapon could be the answer, if we can build it. I get the sense you don't quite believe it, though."

"You didn't see what they did to Earth. How is one weapon supposed to stop them?" She thought of Kaidan. His parents were on Earth, had a place in Vancouver, and she regretted she'd never met them. She wondered where her own parents were.

Liara's voice took on a sharper edge. "What choice do we have? You know we can't win this war conventionally. Isn't it worth trying at least?"

Shepard rubbed her jaw, her mind spinning. Liara stepped closer to her friend. "Commander?"

Shepard nodded absentmindedly. "Sorry. I'm going to go check on Kaidan. Please make sure we're ready to present our findings to the council."

Liara was reassuring, certain the council would see the need to help, but Shepard wasn't as optimistic. "It'll be a hell of a short war if they don't."

x ~ X ~ x

Kathryn spent the rest of the trip to the Citadel in the med bay. Sitting at Kaidan's bedside, she held his hand and tried to sort out her feelings. When she thought of losing him, her heart broke.

_Do I love him? Yes, no hesitation there, even if he is an ass. Should we try to fix this thing between us or keep it professional?_ That question was more difficult to answer. _What will fixing things accomplish, if he can't serve on the Normandy? Or doesn't want to._ She pushed that thought out of her mind. Her parents weren't always able to work on the same ship, but they'd managed it. _The war complicates things. Maybe that's all the more reason to try to fix this. It's also a very good reason for us to just be friends_. Her internal debate was interrupted by Joker's announcement that they would be docking at the Citadel within fifteen minutes. An emergency medical evac team was waiting for Kaidan.

Most of the next hour was a blur to Shepard. Kaidan was rushed to Huerta Memorial Hospital for treatment, and they were met at the docking bay by Captain Armando Bailey, now a commander. He suggested she had time to see how Kaidan was doing, and so she went to the hospital, leaving James to amuse himself while Liara met with Councilor Udina. Doctor Chakwas, who was now working in an Alliance lab at the Citadel, had heard the Normandy was docking with an injured crew member, and met her at the hospital. They spoke for several minutes. Chakwas agreed to join Normandy's crew once again, and hurried off to pack her things. After a quick reunion with Doctor Chloe Michel, whom Shepard had helped a few times in the past, she learned that Kaidan was still unconscious, but responding well to treatment. Doctor Michel expected him to recover and encouraged Shepard to visit him.

Kathryn stepped into Kaidan's room and went to his bedside. He was bare-chested, his hands resting on his stomach, looking as though he was sleeping peacefully if not for the bruising on his head, neck, and shoulders. Seeing him like this, injured and vulnerable in spite of his strength, was difficult.

"God, Kaidan. It's hard seeing you like this. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but since you can't tell me to get the hell out, I'll take my chances." She stepped closer, put her hand on his chest. "Don't die, Kaidan. You've got to fight. We need you in this. Seeing you in action again reminded me you're a hell of a soldier. The Alliance sure could use you."

She paused and shook her head. There was more to it than that, and she had to say what was on her mind before she lost her nerve or reconsidered. "_I_ need you. I know we haven't seen eye to eye on some things, and you've been trying to figure out where your head's at...Ha. Up your ass, maybe." She let out a shaky laugh and squeezed his arm.

"I've been thinking about it too. I have no idea what the future has in store for us, and I keep thinking maybe we should just be friends, you know? Let the past stay there and focus on beating the reapers. But it isn't that simple. I know I'd regret not trying. We were good together, Kaidan, and we both wanted more. We haven't changed that much, not really, not where it counts, and who cares what people think? The Alliance has bigger things to worry about." Her decision made, she let out a sigh of relief.

The door opened behind her and she quickly wiped her face dry and stood up, leaning in to whisper in Kaidan's ear. "Come on, Kaidan. Fight. That's an order." She kissed his cheek and straightened up to face the doctor.

"If you need _anything_, let me know and I'll transfer the funds. It's Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy."

"Yes, Commander."

As she made her way to Udina's office, the shock of recent event eased up and she took stock of what support she did have. Joker was flying the Normandy, and Liara and Doctor Chakwas were on her team. James was a very capable soldier and had become a decent friend, and she was happy he'd made it off Earth with them. There were other crew members as well, none of whom she had met yet, and that would have to be her priority when she returned to the ship. A committed crew was invaluable and she needed every edge she could get.

* * *

**A/N:** I thought the in-game, faithful Shepard was pretty damn 'stiff upper lip' throughout this whole scene and my girl's tough but she's human, too, so I played with it a bit. Shout outs to CyanB, Zute, and Zevgirl for their reviews, and to those 'stealthy' readers who have added me/the story to their alert lists. Please do review! I love reviews like candy and enjoy hearing from you. Cheers, Biff


	47. Reconciled

**Reconciled**

When Kaidan awoke, Kathryn was the first person he wanted to see. He was heartened to know she visited him, but disappointed to learn no one knew when she'd return. She had paid for some upgrades in his room and purchased pajamas, underwear, a set of N-7 sweats, a bathrobe, and a shaving kit for him. She also left him a datapad with an extranet connection._ You are so damned lucky. She should have dropped you off and walked away, Alenko. You're a first class idiot who's had his head up his ass._ A vague, half-formed memory tweaked his consciousness. _Did she say that on Mars?_

Kaidan got caught up on the news as quickly as possible. Kathryn had taken the Normandy to Palaven's moon Menae to collect the primarch, amid a reaper attack, and was rumored to be returning to the Citadel. He sent a quick message to her, delivering his own news, and inviting her to visit him.

x ~ X ~ x

_Kate ~_

_Through some combination of a medical miracle and dumb luck, I survived the beating I took on Mars. The doctors say I'm not ready to be released yet, but I'd really like to see you if you can spare the time._

_Councilor Udina offered to make me a Spectre. Still thinking about whether or not I should accept. I could use your advice._

_I hope to see you soon._  
_Kaidan_

Kathryn's pulse quickened as she read Kaidan's message. He was awake, doing well, and he wanted to see her. She read his news with mixed emotions. It was an honor to be a Spectre agent, and she was proud of Kaidan, but she wanted him on the Normandy. _Will our timing ever be right?_

Thane Krios had sent her a letter as well. He was now on the Citadel, undergoing treatment for Kepral's Syndrome. She could visit them both.

x ~ X ~ x

Kathryn stepped out of the elevator, a boxed bottle of Peruvian Whiskey tucked under her arm, a red bow gracing one end. Glancing around, she spotted Thane shadow boxing in front of the bank of windows to her left, and went to greet him.

"Commander Shepard. When I heard about Earth, I tried to contact you, but I couldn't get through."

"Thane, it's good to see you, see that you're staying in shape." She shook his hand.

"My disease kills slowly. With enough care and a healthy lifestyle, it can be delayed for a few years. Of course, my allotted time has come and gone. Now I exercise because it pleases me. What are you doing here?" He gestured to the box under her arm.

"Visiting my friend, Kaidan Alenko. He got hurt protecting me."

Thane nodded. "The human biotic in Intensive Care. I saw the marks of an implant."

She nodded, her throat tightening up. "Yeah."

"We have spoken. He seems an honorable sort. Your enemies may try to finish him off here. I will look out for him."

Kathryn smiled, smoothly hiding her distress at the thought of anyone going after Kaidan, and put her hand on Thane's arm. "Thank you, I appreciate that."

He shrugged. "I am near the end of my life. It is a good time to be generous. Kepral's syndrome has put most of my other plans on hold."

They sat and talked about his health, his son, the war, and her mission. His health was such that he couldn't join her.

"There comes a time when one must rest from war and conflict. It is not your time, but it is mine."

She nodded slowly, realizing this might be the last time she would see Thane. "I wish the best for you, Thane."

"And I you. Do not grieve for me, Shepard. I have good doctors, and my son visits me regularly. Perhaps we will keep up via the extranet, now that you are free. Until we meet again, Shepard." He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently.

"Until we meet again, Thane." She smiled in spite of the lump in her throat, reminding herself that she was lucky to have known the drell at all, to have his friendship and loyalty when she needed it most.

Kathryn made her way toward the patient care wing until she finally stood in front of Kaidan's room. She took a quick peek through a window to see that he was lying in bed, wearing the pajamas and robe she had bought for him, looking much better. Councilor Udina was at his side. She opened the door and walked in.

"I want an answer, Major. The galaxy has need of exceptional soldiers like you, now more than ever."

Kaidan sighed, rubbing his chin. "And you'll have it soon, Councilor, I promise."

"I'll look forward to it." Udina turned around and saw Kathryn. Something in his expression didn't sit well with her, but she chalked it up to their uneasy relationship. "Shepard."

"Udina." He left the room and she turned to face Kaidan. "Hey."

He smiled and shifted in bed, straightening his pajamas and robe, and took a moment to look at Kathryn. She was tired and stressed, he could see it around her eyes and in the way she carried herself, but she looked fit and otherwise fine.

"Hey, Kate. You just missed snack time. Actually, that's probably a good thing. Thanks for coming. And thanks for the clothes, toiletries. Makes me feel less like a homeless invalid, you know?"

"Yeah, no problem." She pulled up a chair and sat down, still gripping the box as she absentmindedly toyed with the bow. "What did Udina want? Still thinking about being a Spectre?"

"Yeah. It's a big honor, a huge responsibility. I just need to be sure." He glanced at the box in her hand and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, right. I got you this. Peruvian whiskey." She handed him the box.

Kaidan could see she was nervous and wondered if she had the same questions he did. He didn't know where to start. "Thanks, Kate. That's great."

"Just a little pick me up." Kathryn tried not to stare at him, but couldn't help herself. Even with the bruising and minor cuts to his face he was handsome. It was distracting.

"When I get out of here, we'll crack it open to celebrate. I am _so_ ready to get out of here. You can't tell, Kate, but I'm tied to this bed with red tape."

He complained about medical tests for a few minutes before the conversation lulled into silence again.

After a moment's pause, Kathryn spoke. "I'm glad you asked me to come, Kaidan. You almost died on my watch and it was horrible to see. I thought I might lose you, and I...I want us to have that talk, now."

Kaidan shifted in bed again. "I want you to be straight with me, then. So I just want to make sure, after Mars and Horizon. You and me, we're good, right?"

Their encounter on Horizon had hurt, but they'd moved past it and she wanted to leave the moment behind them. Kathryn pulled her chair closer to the bed, resting her hand near Kaidan's. "We've been through hell and back, had each other's backs. That kind of bond is hard to break."

"No, it wasn't just that. You were my commander, sure, but you listened, too. We were soldiers, and friends-"

"We were more than friends, Kaidan." She took his hand in hers, a thrill running through her as he gripped her fingers.

He looked relieved. "Yeah. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Has there been...anyone else?"

She shook her head. "No, Kaidan, there's never been anyone else. I just..._couldn't_, and then we were trying to figure out our relationship. It's always been you."

He squeezed her hand. "I tried getting back into some sort of social life, but it didn't feel right, and then there was Horizon. I was an idiot, then and afterward, and I'm sorry, you know that. But there's only been you, Kate." They stared at each other for a moment, both smiling.

"So we agree we want to give 'us' another chance?" Kaidan nodded, a goofy grin on his face.

"But-" Kathryn let out a short laugh and looked down at their hands. "Ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this. Don't get me wrong, I want you on the Normandy, but I think you need to seriously consider Udina's offer."

Kaidan gently tugged at her arm, until she looked back up into his eyes. "That means a lot to me, Kate. So do you. We'll figure it out, okay?"

"Okay." She stood up and reached out to stroke his cheek, her eyes filling with tears. "I've missed you, Kaidan."

He hated the lack of privacy in his room but he was damned if he'd let it bother him now. Lifting her hand to his mouth, Kaidan kissed her palm. "I've missed you, too, Kate."

"You'd better hurry up and get better, major. I'd like our next reunion to be more...personal and private."

Kaidan cleared his throat, and Kathryn chuckled at the blush that colored his cheeks. "Yes ma'am."

"I can't stay much longer, Kaidan. We have to get to the Pranas System for this war council, and I-"

He kissed her hand again. "It's okay, really. I'm glad you could make it."

"Well, I wanted to ask you if you'd heard from your parents." She immediately wished she hadn't said anything; Kaidan's expression fell and the color drained from his face.

"No. They live in Vancouver, but Dad's family has an orchard out in the interior. They were headed there in a shuttle the day of the attack. I haven't heard _anything_. I hope...I'm hoping Dad's Alliance training has kept them safe. It must be killing them, not knowing where I am."

"I'm sorry, Kaidan." Her omni-tool lit up. "Damn, it's Joker. Stocked up and ready to go." She forced a smile. "So, I guess-"

Kaidan pulled her close and kissed her. "Come back as soon as you can, Kate," he whispered. "And be careful out there."

She whimpered in response, torn between duty and desire. "For you, anything." She kissed him back, threading her fingers into his hair, trying to commit the moment to memory.

Finally pulling herself away from him, Kathryn wiped her cheeks dry and straightened her hair and jacket. "Okay. I have to go. I'll be back soon." She turned and left the room quickly, leaving Kaidan feeling a little off balance and more than slightly aroused.

As Kathryn made her way back to the Normandy, she struggled to keep her emotions in check. She was happy, sad, and most definitely frustrated, and under it all she felt a current of tension, uncertainty. It was hard to reconcile with Kaidan, only to turn around and leave so abruptly. The war council, the war itself, and Kaidan's safety were at the forefront of her mind, but a sense of unease about Udina continued to tug at the edges of her consciousness. Shaking it off, she boarded the Normandy.

Joker and EDI, now using the gynoid unit as her own mobile platform, maneuvered the Normandy away from the Citadel while Kathryn watched.

"Everything go okay, Commander?" Joker asked.

"Yeah. It's all good." She smiled, then, choosing to enjoy the moment. "Everything's good."

* * *

**A/N**: And that, my friends, is how my Shepard wanted this visit with Kaidan to go! Thanks to Zevgirl and Zute, to Bioware, and to you, the readers. Have a great weekend, all! Cheers, Biff


	48. Promise

**Promise**

Kathryn Shepard screamed.

"Commander Shepard, are you all right?" EDI's voice filled the room.

"No!" Shepard's eyes flew open as she sat up, grabbing for something that wasn't there. The forest was gone; the little boy and the fire that had consumed him were replaced by more familiar surroundings. She was alone in her cabin. "What?"

"Are you all right, Commander?" EDI repeated.

"Yeah. It's...just a dream." She rubbed her eyes and checked the time. _Oh four hundred_.

"Of course, Commander Shepard. Do you need anything?"

Flopping back down onto her bed with a groan, she stretched and stared out the window above her. "No thank you, EDI. Where are we?"

"We have just arrived in the Widow System and are on our final approach to the Citadel. We should be docked within the hour. Do you require ground transport?"

"Yes please, at oh nine hundred, to Huerta Memorial."

"I will arrange it for you, Commander."

"Thank you, EDI."

EDI signed off and Kathryn was alone with her thoughts. She wouldn't get back to sleep; once the nightmares started, they didn't stop. If she wasn't chasing the little boy through a ghostly version of Stanley Park, she was reliving the moment Kaidan got hurt, or conjuring up images of her friends and family being abducted and indoctrinated by the Illusive Man. It was becoming more difficult to get a good night's sleep and she had quickly fallen back into old habits to keep herself occupied. Working hard, working out, spending time with the crew during her off hours, and rebuilding her collection of model ships kept her busy during the day and wore her out enough to help her sleep a few hours each night. She got up and stretched, ran through her workout routine, and prepared for the day.

An hour later, she turned on her computer and scrolled through her messages to find the one Kaidan sent the previous day.

_Kate,_

_Still in the hospital, but up on my feet, eating solid foods, and causing trouble for the nurses. They'll probably throw me out of here soon._

_I decided to take Udina's offer, and want to talk to you about it in person. Come see me if you can._

_Love,_  
_Kaidan_

She hated that she was missing these milestone moments in his life, but reminded herself once again that this was how it had to be. The importance of her mission was reinforced several times a day, it seemed. As special as this honor was for Kaidan, she would have to settle for enjoying it from a distance. Kathryn leaned back and reflected on the past week.

Samantha Traynor's vigilance and intellectual curiosity had led her to discover an SOS signal from Grissom Academy and a turian signal in response, indicating that they'd responded and evacuated the school. Traynor thought the response was faked, based on Shepard's past experience with Cerberus, and she was proven right. Shepard launched a successful rescue mission. Much to her surprise, her old squadmate Jack was working as an Alliance instructor at the Academy. Jack and the students they'd rescued, along with the school administrator Kahlee Sanders, were now part of Admiral Hackett's fleet. David Archer was among the students, looking much healthier than when he'd been a captive of Cerberus's Project Overlord. It was a blow to Cerberus.

After their escape from Grissom Academy, the Normandy continued on to the Pranas System to host the krogan, salarian and turian summit. The pleasure of being reunited with Urdnot Wrex was quickly overshadowed by his demand for a genophage cure in return for krogan support for the turians. He maintained that the salarians had krogan females, immune to the genophage, on Sur'Kesh, and that a cure was possible. As incredible as it sounded, it turned out to be true, and none other than Doctor Mordin Solus was Wrex's inside connection. What appeared to be an easy pick up turned into another rescue mission when Cerberus troops arrived. Shepard was now host to Primarch Victus, Urdnot Wrex, Mordin, and Eve, the only immune female who had survived. Mordin needed time, and tissue samples from both Wrex and Eve, to finish the cure, and then they could proceed to Tuchanka to distribute it to the krogans.

Kathryn shook her head. The myriad consequences of these events were too much to consider so early in the day and there were moments when she was certain thinking about any one of them raised her blood pressure to dangerous levels. She turned her thoughts back to Kaidan's message and wrote a quick response.

_Kaidan,_

_On my way, will see you later this morning._

_Love,_  
_Kate_

She got up and peered out the window above her bed. The Normandy was docked at the Citadel. Hungry and eager to check on the crew and their guests, she left her quarters and headed to the mess hall for breakfast.

x ~ X ~ x

Seeing Kaidan on his feet, dressed in his blues, looking as healthy as ever, was such a relief she almost cried. He was standing at the window, looking out at the lake below the hospital. As the door opened, he turned and smiled at Kathryn.

"Kate, it's good to see you."

She went to his side and slipped an arm around his waist. "You, too."

Something in her expression seemed off and Kaidan stepped back to look into her eyes. "What is it, is something wrong?"

Shaking her head, Kathryn made a dismissive noise. "No, I'm just...it's not important, Spectre Kaidan Alenko."

"Come on, Kate, don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Act like nothing's wrong, that your needs are less important than everyone else's. I'm good, I'll be out of here soon, there's nothing to worry about here. What's going on with _you_?" He put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm just tired, that's all. Not sleeping well." Kaidan pulled her into an embrace and she sighed, pressing her body against his."I'm better _now_, though."

Kaidan laughed and the sound and feel of it rumbling through his chest lifted Kathryn's spirits. "You're not fooling me, Kate. Talk to me."

She leaned back and looked at him. The little lines around his eyes deepened and his forehead creased. Concern clouded his brown eyes and she felt her resolve weakening, but she couldn't possibly tell him she was lonely and longed for his company. Sadness and frustration welled up inside her.

"Damn it, Kaidan, it is what it is, right? The job? It's..._crazy_. I'm making these huge, monumental decisions for these races, decisions that will have massive, far reaching consequences. This thing with the krogans-. Jesus." She ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath, annoyed with herself for losing control. "It's a bit overwhelming sometimes, and I...I just-"

Kaidan pulled close again and hugged her tightly. "Hey, hey, it's okay."

"This isn't what I...I didn't want this to be about me. I want to be here for you, with you, and not have to think about ten minutes from now when I have to leave and be commander again. Let's just be Kate and Kaidan, not Shepard and Alenko okay?"

The tension was back and she was trembling slightly. It had been a while, but he'd seen her like this before, wound up, trying to keep her emotions under control. He knew better than to push too hard.

"Okay." He stroked her hair, kissed her forehead, and felt her begin to relax again. "So...second human Spectre ever. It is quite an honor, and pretty humbling. Udina says they might have a big ceremony, even with the war. Says it'll give people something hopeful to latch on to."

"Are you ready?"

"Well, you did set the bar pretty high, but I'll do my best." He could feel her smiling against his neck. "You know, it's strange. I should have died on Mars, but I didn't. The promotion from Anderson, Spectre status...These are terrible days, but I've been lucky. Really lucky."

Kathryn took a shaky breath, remembering the Mars mission. "Yeah. You're perfect for the job, Kaidan."

"Thanks." They stepped back from each other, Kathryn smoothing her clothes. "Look, Kate, I know you were hoping I'd return to the Normandy, and I want to, but I need to get out of here and take care of some things first. I've been trying to locate my old specops squads, my students from Biotics Division."

"I think you should do this, Kaidan, you know that. You'll make a good Spectre. Any luck finding your students?"

He shook his head. "Not yet. If they were easy to find, they wouldn't be doing their jobs."

Kathryn smiled sadly. "No, I suppose not."

"Are you going to be okay?" Kaidan asked abruptly.

She hesitated, uncertain what he was asking about. "Ah...what do you mean?"

"You aren't sleeping well?" He wasn't going to let it go, she could see it in his eyes.

"Bad dreams."

Kaidan nodded slowly. "Have you talked to anyone about it?"

She sighed again. "Kaidan-"

"I know. You don't want this to be about you and everything else going on out there, but we can't not be who and what we are, Kathryn, and this goes both ways. You worry about me, I worry about you. I think about what you're up against and it's mind boggling. The reapers, Cerberus, your mission to get everybody to fight them instead of each other, it's got to be hard on you."

It was unfair of her to discount his feelings in this, she realized, and she nodded. "Okay, okay. Liara and I talk quite a bit, and I know Chakwas has sedatives if I want them. I don't. It's just the weight of the world on my shoulders, you know? I'm dealing with it."

"How?"

She snorted, finding the scrutiny uncomfortable. "I exercise, build model ships, spend time with the crew. I'm doing pretty well in our weekly poker games, and Vega and I fight regularly."

"You fight with Vega? As in boxing?"

"Yeah, bare knuckle." There was a spark of mischief in her eye and he wasn't sure if she was joking or not.

"Seriously? You box without protective gear and you let him hit you?"

"Well yeah, if he gets lucky enough." She frowned. "Hm. He's actually pretty quick on the battlefield. Maybe he's taking it easy on me."

"I don't know what I think of that," he said with a laugh.

Happy to steer the conversation toward lighter topics, she linked her arm through his. "He calls me 'Lola'. What do you think of _that_?"

"I think I need to have a talk with Lieutenant Vega." Kaidan put his arm around Kathryn's shoulders and kissed her temple. Her omni-tool lit up.

Swearing under her breath, she turned it off. "Joker has the worst timing ever."

"I guess I'll have to have a talk with him, too." He tried to hide his disappointment with a grin.

"Kaidan, I'm sorry I-"

"You don't need to apologize, Kate." He turned to face her. "Please remember that you don't have to hide anything from me. Right?"

_Goddamn, why am I not insisting he come with me right now?_ "Right. We'll exchange vids?" She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her body against his.

"Mmm. Yes." Kaidan slid his fingers into Kathryn's hair, tilting her face up. "Take care of yourself, Kate." He kissed her forehead lightly. "Promise me, Kate."

These last words whispered across her cheek light as a feather, and then his mouth claimed hers. She replied with an incoherent mumble, her grip on him tightening as her heart pounded in her chest. The sounds of Huerta Memorial slipped away until she could hear nothing else but the two of them, kissing each other breathless. She was acutely aware of the growing ache between her legs, and groaned.

"God, I hate to leave." She pulled away, tracing a finger over his lips.

"Promise me, Kate." Kaidan caught her hand and held it to his chest, his eyes searching hers.

Her vision blurred with tears. "I promise, Kaidan, I'll do my best. And I'll try to come back soon." There was more she could say, but Kathryn knew the longer she stayed, the more difficult it would be to leave. She touched his cheek one last time. "I'll see you soon."

Like ripping a bandage from a wound, she turned and left quickly, never looking back. Kaidan watched her go until she was out of sight, and then leaned against the window, pressing his forehead to the glass. He watched Battlespace and the Alliance News, and had an idea what she was up against, and it was frustrating that she wouldn't talk about it. He could understand why, perhaps, but it bothered him all the same. She would be a challenging woman to love if she wouldn't open up about the things that affected them most. He smiled, remembering how she had felt in his arms. Not even reapers could make him back down from the challenge.

* * *

**A/N**: Thank you all for reading! There's some action on the horizon, I promise, but of course Shenko fans need these moments. Again, the in game visits lacked substance, so I fiddled with it. Tccarty, Zevgirl, ioialoha, CyanB, and Zute - thank you for the reviews. Cheers, Biff


	49. Gains and Losses

**Gains and Losses**

"_Man, it's like you have the _opposite _of a horseshoe up your ass."_

James Vega's words ran through Shepard's mind as she watched the group of krogan soldiers approach them. She was having a run of roller coaster luck lately. Discover the rachni are back and being used by the reapers; help them escape and gain their support. Find the Primarch's missing platoon; learn they are seeking to disarm an incredibly powerful bomb they planted hundreds of years earlier and watch as the Primarch's son dies diffusing it. Land on Tuchanka to save the day; have the entire plan slid slightly south and wind up in a room full of angry krogan.

"What's a salarian doing here? Nobody said anything about this."

Mordin shifted behind her. "Multiple krogan. Problematic."

Shepard stood her ground, demanding, "Who are you?"

"Urdnot Wreav, brood brother to our..._illustrious _leader." Numerous krogan grumbled; Shepard could feel it in her bones.

"Wreav and I share a mother," Wrex acknowledged. "And that's all."

"For which I'm thankful. I still remember what it's like to be a real krogan. We flay our enemies alive and drown them in a geyser of their own blood. We don't invite them into our home."

"This salarian is not your enemy," Shepard countered, trying not to imagine what drowning in a geyser of her own blood might be like. "He's here to cure the genophage."

"His kind _gave _us the genophage! Why should we trust him?" Wreav stomped closer to Shepard and Mordin, earning himself a sharp head butt from Wrex.

"Because I do, and so will you," Wrex replied, his voice low and commanding.

The grumbling and growling of unhappy krogan rumbled through the large chamber they were in, and Shepard envisioned her career ending with a vicious head butt, or worse. Wreav unholstered his gun and her own fingers flexed around the butt of the pistol she kept at her hip. A female voice cut through the noise.

"_Enough_!" All heads turned to the stairs, where Eve stood. "You can stay here and allow old wounds to fester as the krogan have always done, or you can fight the enemy you were born to destroy and win a new future for our children."

As Eve came down the stairs and moved through the crowd, the other krogan stepped aside. On the upper levels, more krogan gathered to watch and listen.

Eve paused and turned to face the assembled troops. "I choose to fight. Who will join me?"

Shepard stepped forward, hoping she didn't look as relieved as she felt. "I will."

"And so will I," Wrex confirmed. "Now hold your heads high like true krogan. There's a reaper that needs killing!"

Wrex's supporters howled and thumped their chests. Wrex looked to his brother. After a pause, Wreav nodded slightly to his own men, and they, too, erupted into a cacophony of battle cries.

Mordin, still standing close behind Shepard, let out a sigh of relief. She smiled at him. "I think that went well, don't you?" Winking, she tipped her head toward the stairs. "Let's go."

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard's squad was huddled out of sight of the reaper, preparing to execute what was arguably the most insane plan Shepard had ever agreed to. They were going to lure Kalros, the Mother of all Thresher Maws, according to legend, to the reaper. If they were lucky, the maw would kill the reaper. The fight so far had been brutal, with the reapers throwing everything they had at Shepard and her team, from cannibals, ravagers, and husks, to brutes. Exhausted, they were taking a moment to regroup before pressing forward.

_It hasn't been all bad_, she thought to herself. _I told Wrex and Mordin about the Dalatrass's offer of support in exchange for sabotaging the cure and Mordin will adapt, we survived the tunnels below Tuchanka, saw some ancient wall paintings few have ever seen, and lived to tell about it. Dare I hope my luck's on an upswing?_ She was feeling a little wild; if the thresher maw plan didn't work, this was likely the last thing she'd ever do. Shepard had never been one to hang onto regrets, but for a brief instant she regretted not tracking down her parents, checking in with Anderson, or calling Kaidan before landing. _You need a clear head, Kate. Focus._

She muttered, "This is fucking crazy," even as she checked to make sure she was ready

"Oh come on, Shepard," Garrus teased, reloading his rifle. "You killed a thresher maw here last year. Should be a piece of cake, as you humans say. Set the hammers and let Kalros handle the rest."

Shepard snorted. "And the way things are going for me, that was Kalros's favorite child. You know, it would be nice if the galaxy could _help _me save it, instead of trying to thwart my efforts at every turn." She choked back the string of curses that danced on the tip of her tongue and forced a smile instead.

_It'll be a goddamned miracle if we pull this off and survive, but it's now or never, Kate. _She raised her hand and motioned forward. Garrus and Liara nodded and the three of them ran to the next point of cover.

Her heart pounding, Shepard raced from cover to cover, dodging bullets, the reaper's laser, and falling debris. When she finally arrived at the first hammer, a sense of exhilaration swept over her. _We can do this_. She activated the hammer and felt a familiar tremor beneath her feet. Wasting no time, she rolled away, used her tactical cloak, and ran back toward the other hammer.

She was blindsided by a brute who came through a smoke screen and slammed into her, sending her flying into a pillar. Groaning, she rolled to her side, scrambled to her feet and leapt out of the way as it charged her a second time. Spinning to one side, she found herself staring at the second maw hammer. It was several meters away, but the path was clear and she sprinted for it. The reaper slammed one of its appendages into the ground to her left, she stumbled to the right, found her footing and kept going. Garrus and Liara joined her, providing covering fire as she activated the second hammer. It was difficult to tell with the reaper moving, but she thought she could feel the tremors getting stronger.

"Get back to the trucks!" She shouted to Liara and Garrus. "I'll take care of the cure. Go!"

Shepard was barely aware of them wishing her luck and running away; the tremors were getting stronger and the reaper's attention seemed to be divided between the turian fighters and something no one else could yet see. An unholy screeching sound pierced the air, the ground to her left heaved, and the reaper's laser sliced through rock and dirt. Shepard realized she'd get killed if she didn't move. She sprinted away, leaping off a slab of stone that jutted out over a chasm, falling nearly two meters to the ground below. She rolled forward, got to her feet, and looked over her shoulder just as Kalros burst out of the ground to grab the reaper. The reaper reared and twisted around, slamming Kalros into the shroud tower. Shepard didn't have time to contemplate the damage that might cause; Kalros was sinking back into the ground and it looked as though the plan was failing.

The reaper was scanning the battlefield when Kalros shot out of the earth a second time, throwing itself at the reaper's back. The thresher maw's momentum carried the two creatures forward, enabling it to wrap itself around the reaper as it tunneled into the ground. A cloud of dirt rose into the air, the earth heaved, and with a final twist of its body, the thresher maw disappeared with its prey.

The following silence was eerie compared to the sound of battle seconds earlier, and Shepard held her breath for a moment. Nothing happened. _It worked. I can't believe it fucking worked!_ She wanted to shout out with joy, but knew victory against the reaper didn't change the fact that Mordin still had to disperse the genophage cure. At that moment, a piece of metal fell to the ground and her eyes were drawn to the tower before her. Sections of the tower were on fire.

x ~ X ~ x

Mordin was running to a computer terminal in the main entrance to the facility when she found him. A steady stream of debris fell from the upper levels of the tower and small fires burned around the room.

"Mordin, is the cure ready?" she asked as she reached his side.

"Loaded for dispersal in two minutes. Procedure was traumatic for Eve, but not lethal. Maelon's research invaluable."

"She's okay?"

"Headed to safety now. Her survival fortunate. Will stabilize new government should Wrex get any ideas. Good match. Promising future for krogan."

A large sheet of metal plummeted to the ground, startling Shepard. Mordin remained calm, fingers flying over the keyboard. "Control room on top of shroud tower. Must take elevator up."

"You're going up there?" Her voice cracked with disbelief.

He made one final entry on the computer and turned to face her. "Yes. Manual access required. Must counteract STG sabotage, must ensure cure is dispersed properly."

The impact of he was proposing was slowly dawning on her and she shook her head. "Mordin, this whole thing is coming apart! There has to be another way."

He turned to look up at the top of the tower. "Remote access impossible. STG countermeasures in place. No time to adjust cure for temperature variance." He lowered his head, lost in thought for a brief moment. "No. No other option. Not coming back. Suggest you get clear. Explosion likely to be problematic."

With a decisive nod, he turned and walked with determination to the elevator. Shepard's vision blurred and she ran after him.

"Mordin, no!"

"Shepard, please. Have to do this. My project, my work, my cure, my responsibility." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I would have liked to run tests on seashells."

_Commander_ Shepard knew Mordin wouldn't propose such drastic measures if they weren't required, that the losses they'd suffered so far were just the beginning. _Kathryn_ Shepard, however, knew that this was truly the last time she would see her friend, and her heart was breaking. Hackett's directive ran through her mind. _By any means necessary_.

"Mordin, I'm so sorry."

"I'm not." He stepped into the elevator and pushed a button on the control panel. "It had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong." The doors closed and the car started to ascend.

She watched the elevator for several seconds before she finally forced herself to turn and leave. Her steps were tentative at first, shock and disbelief slowing her down, but she soon broke into a run. Finally a safe distance well away from the base of the tower, she stopped and looked up, hoping Mordin's assessment of the situation was wrong. An explosion near the top of the tower was her response. Her eyes brimmed with tears and she turned away to see several tomkahs approaching.

During the Skyllian Blitz, she managed to find the strength to keep on fighting, to hold her position until backup arrived, putting her grief aside. With a great deal of effort, she did so again and joined her squad, Wrex, and Eve, as they climbed out of the lead tomkah. Grief would have to wait.

* * *

**A/N**: Whew! This one took a while, what with RL ramping up for the fall. Updates will slow down for the next little while. It's also quite hard to kill a character you really like, and wrapping this up was damned hard. My thanks to all who read/list/favorite me, and to Zute and Zevgirl for their continued friendship. Enjoy the rest of your week! Cheers, Biff


	50. Betrayal

**Betrayal**

Kathryn Shepard stood before the Normandy's memorial wall, a plaque engraved with Mordin Solus's name in her hands. She ran her fingers over the lettering, polished the plaque, and stepped forward to slide it into its space on the wall.

"He was the very model of a scientist salarian," she said as she ran the polishing rag over the plaque again.

She smiled sadly at the memory of Mordin singing the Gilbert and Sullivan inspired song in his lab so many months ago. Wiping tears from her cheeks, she turned to face the crew who had gathered to pay their respects to Mordin.

"Mordin was a good friend and a brilliant scientist. He helped me bring down the collectors, he risked a great deal to help the krogans, and he was able to cure the genophage. He sacrificed himself to bring us to where we are today. The turians and the krogans are allies, fighting side by side against a common enemy, and I'm sure none of us imagined we'd live to see that day come. Mordin's bravery and his commitment to what he believed was the right course of action is an inspiration. I will never forget him or what he has done for us."

James held out a glass of wine and she took it. "To Mordin." As one, the crew raised their glasses and replied, "To Mordin!"

"I want to thank you all for your support today, and for all you do for me. I couldn't do this without you. On that note, I think we're due some downtime, and since we have to go to the Citadel anyway, that's where we're headed. Make sure you all make some time to get away, okay? We'll be docking in two days."

The group began to break up, everyone heading back to their assigned duties or quarters, and Shepard found herself standing in the hallway with Garrus.

"Shepard, you must be exhausted. You should get some shut eye."

She shrugged. "I'll sleep when I'm dead."

Garrus sighed, his mandibles twitching. "Come on, Shep, you know you need a clear head if we're going to win this thing. Go to bed. If anything happens, someone will come get you. It's not like we don't know where you live." He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. "As the senior Spectre agent, I'm ordering you to bed."

"You aren't a-"

"Really? You're going to argue with me about this? Go to bed."

"Okay, okay. I'm going to bed."

When she stepped into her dimly lit cabin, she sagged against the wall, uncertain what to do next. The white expanse of her bed looked quite inviting, but she dreaded the idea of actually sleeping. Sleep brought nightmares. Her private terminal's green light was flashing and she sat down to check her messages. There was only one, from Kaidan, dated the day before.

_Kate,_

_I hope this finds you well. Training is keeping me busy, but it's going well so far. Nothing too exciting, mostly working with Udina._

_You're always in my thoughts. If you can make it to the Citadel, I've got a small apartment near the Commons and I'd like to have you over for dinner. Take care of yourself, Kate._

_Love,_  
_Kaidan_

It hardly seemed right, trying to plan a romantic getaway in the middle of a war, but they were going to the Citadel anyway and she needed to see him.

_Kaidan,_

_We should be arriving at the Citadel early the day after tomorrow. I'll find you. The past few days have been pretty rough and I sure could use a timeout. Dinner would be great._

_Love,_  
_Kate_

Knowing she would see Kaidan soon lifted her spirits and eased her mind somewhat. She eyed her bed again and recalled a moment from her childhood. _If you go to sleep now, Santa Claus will arrive that much faster_, her father used to tell her. _Go to sleep and you'll see Kaidan that much sooner_.

x ~ X ~ x

_"It had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong."_

Mordin's voice whispered through the trees and Shepard felt an intense sadness. The little boy was running away again and she followed him. This time, however, he ran to a version of herself and threw his arms around her. Shepard stared as her doppelganger hugged the boy and smiled back at her. Seconds later, the two figures burst into flame and Shepard's eyes opened wide.

"Damn it." She groaned and sat up, rubbing her face. It was later than usual, close to six hundred hours. She climbed out of bed, grabbed a uniform, and went to the washroom to splash some water on her face. Her thoughts were wandering through memories of Mordin, Ashley, and others, when someone knocked on the door.

She quickly pulled her pants and shirt on, and called out, "It's open."

Liara stepped into the room. "Is this a bad time?" Shepard shrugged, buttoning up her shirt. "Are you all right, Kate?"

"Not really. Just thinking of the people we've lost to this damn war." She shook her head. "I can't dwell on it, though. What's up?"

"The salarian councilor, Esheel, has an urgent matter."

"Let me guess. She called the comm room."

Liara nodded. "The council must be taking the crucible seriously."

"I hope so. I just need a few minutes to finish getting ready."

"I'll meet you downstairs," her friend replied with a smile as she left.

Shepard quickly applied some makeup and ran wet fingers through her hair to smooth it out. Satisfied with her efforts, she headed to the communications room. The salarian councilor's image appeared at the touch of a button and she smiled.

"Good morning. What can I do for you, Councilor Esheel?"

"There is something we should discuss, Commander Shepard. I have concerns about humanity's representative, Councilor Udina."

She looked over her shoulder, a casual movement that might not have caught Shepard's attention otherwise. Combined with what she had just said and Shepard's own feelings about Udina, however, and Shepard was instantly uneasy.

"What is it, Councilor?"

"My agents have discovered that he is using his power to move vast sums of money. For what purpose, we aren't certain."

Shepard's mind raced, something pulling at the edge of her consciousness, and she recalled something Kaidan had written to her a few days ago. He had been assigned to the Council's security detail, working primarily with Udina. "If Udina's dirty, we'd better get to the bottom of this as soon as possible."

"Agreed. Come to the Citadel and we'll discuss this in private."

"We were planning to arrive there tomorrow, but we can head out right away."

"Thank you. Esheel out."

Shepard turned on her heels and headed to the galaxy map. "Good morning, Traynor."

"Commander."

"Change of plans, Joker. We're leaving for the Citadel now." She activated the map and checked their location. "How soon can we be there?"

"We can be there for a late lunch, Commander. Wrex, Eve, and the primarch have all disembarked, so there's nothing holding us back now."

"Good, make it happen."

Stepping down to her private terminal, she opened it to see if Kaidan had responded to her message. There were several new messages, but nothing from him. A message from Dalatrass Linron caught her eye and she opened it.

_From: Dalatrass Linron_

_Commander, I am deeply disappointed by your actions on Tuchanka. As I thought I made clear, curing the genophage will have long-term consequences. Once the Reaper threat has passed, our combined forces will be so depleted that no race in the galaxy will be capable of stopping a resurgent krogan. Moreover, the krogan will undoubtedly seek revenge for the genophage, and the Salarian Union will be among their first targets. When that day comes, Commander, the blood of my people will be on your hands._

_I am ashamed to also learn that our own scientist sacrificed his life carrying out your orders._

_This is a dark day not only for my people, but all of galactic civilization._

_Dalatrass Linron, Salarian Union_

"Jesus Chr-" she cut herself off with a strangled noise of frustration and logged off the extranet.

"Are you all right, Commander?" Specialist Traynor asked.

"Sorry, Traynor, I'm fine. I think I'm going to get something to eat, do my rounds, and check in on Donnelly and Daniels to see how they're doing. Let me know when we reach the Citadel."

x ~ X ~ x

Several hours later, Shepard sat in her cabin, checking her messages again for any word from Kaidan. The nagging feeling that something bad was about to happen, and that he might get caught in the middle of it, would not go away. She was distracted and anxious, to say the least. He still hadn't responded, but she knew she couldn't attach any significance to that fact. There could be any number of reason why he hadn't replied yet. All the same, she typed out a quick 'are you there?' note and sent it. She was about to get up to leave when her computer beeped.

"That was fast," she mumbled to herself as she turned back to the monitor. To her surprise, her message had come back undeliverable. "Extranet connection error? What the hell?"

Traynor's voice sounded through her commlink. "Commander, Lieutenant Moreau would like to see you asap."

"On my way," she responded.

When Shepard entered bridge, Joker was hailing the Citadel. "Alliance Control, this is the SSV Normandy. Are we cleared to descend?" She stood at his side and leaned against his chair. He looked up at her and shrugged.

"Alliance Control, this the SSV Normandy. We're headed to Docking Bay one four, Zakera Ward. Are we clear to descend?" His repeated request was met with silence.

"What the hell's going on down there?" he asked, looking up at Shepard. "Even if there were a station malfunction they'd have back ups online. I got a bad feeling here."

"I tried to send Kaidan a message and got an extranet connection error back."

Joker's eyes widened in surprise. "Okay, that's not good. Checking emergency channels." His fingers flew over the control panel and he sat up suddenly. "Hey, yeah. Yeah, this is Joker. Uh huh...yeah, no kidding.

"Commander, there's a communication from Thane. He says it's important. I think you'll want to hear this."

"Put him through."

"Shepard, the Citadel is under attack," Thane announced when the channel was opened. "Cerberus troops are everywhere and they are in control of the docks."

Her stomach lurched and she balled her hands into fists. "Are you safe?"

"I had to evade their commandos at the hospital. I'm in a Presidium storefront."

"What about Kaidan?" She knew he had been discharged days ago, but Dr. Michel was periodically checking his biotic implants to ensure they were functioning properly.

"He was there to see his doctor, but we got separated. He said he had to protect the council. I'm going to C-Sec headquarters."

"Why C-Sec?"

"It's been compromised and C-Sec's response depends on it. As long as Cerberus is holding the headquarters, they have the station."

Shepard quickly considered her options. _Call for help or go in? Go in, no question. There's no time to wait for backup. Who do I have with me?_ Her mind raced to recall how many crew members she had._ Fifteen? Sixteen? Shit, most of them haven't seen active combat. Has Allers ever even held a gun? I can't afford to lose anyone, or the Normandy, and sure as hell not to Cerberus_. She made the decision to keep the Normandy and her crew back, while she took Liara and Garrus onto the Citadel. She had Thane on the inside, and even though his health was poor, he was skilled and capable enough to overcome his physical limitations if he had to. She had to assume others were alive; she could gather help along the way. She thumped the back of Joker's chair with her fists.

"Okay, we're on our way. Joker, get us away from the docks and closer to C-Sec HQ. We'll deploy in the shuttle."

She headed for the elevator, stopping to talk to Specialist Traynor. "Samantha, please ask Garrus and Liara to get armed and armored and meet me in the shuttle bay. I want everyone else at their stations, ready to defend the Normandy and her crew if Cerberus tries to board. I'm going to get suited up and then I'm taking a shuttle to the Citadel."

"Yes, ma'am," Traynor responded with a sharp salute, wheeling around to alert Shepard's squad.

_How did this happen?_ Shepard asked herself as she got ready. _This attack by Cerberus coming so close on the heels of Councilor Esheel's call could be a coincidence, but what if it isn't? Joker didn't see Cerberus ships around the Citadel, or he would have said so, so they must have docked. But they couldn't have done that without inside help_. Her gut was telling her Udina was the inside man, even though she knew it could be anyone. _If Udina's dirty, and working with Cerberus, and they want control of the Citadel, they'll imprison or kill the council members, and they will definitely kill anyone who gets in their way._

Knowing Kaidan as she did, she knew that if he set out to find and protect the councilors, he would do it, and he would carry out his duties to the best of his abilities for as long as he could. That put him in harm's way not only from Cerberus's troops, but also from a man he was sworn to protect and may have grown to trust.

That betrayal, above all else, was what upset her the most, the idea that Udina could have done this when they had all placed their trust in him. Kaidan deserved better than that, and so did the rest of humanity.

* * *

**A/N**: My thanks to Bioware and you lovely readers. Thank you for your continued interest. A shout out to Zute and Zevgirl, and happy weekend to you all. Cheers, Biff


	51. Enter Kai Leng

**Enter Kai Leng**

They came in hot, gunning down Cerberus troops attempting to hold C-Sec, saving several officers in the process, including Commander Bailey. Bailey was injured, but not so badly a shot of medi-gel wouldn't hold him. They entered C-Sec and swept the office suite while Bailey sat at a computer terminal and got down to the matter of creating a secure communication channel for his officers.

"Hello."

"What've you got?"

"A warning from Councilor Esheel. She's supposed to be here, meeting with the executor. 'Be on guard. The likelihood of betrayal from within is high.'" He shrugged. "Not much else, but if she's inside-" He didn't look optimistic.

Shepard knew in her gut Esheel was right about Udina. "Why would she be meeting with the executor?"

"Usually it means someone big's about to be prosecuted. I guess that someone had Cerberus friends."

"The councilor mentioned Udina, but that's insane," Garrus said, pacing back and forth. "Does he even have this kind of pull?"

"Well, you know who would have the answer to that? The councilor." Bailey turned to look at Shepard.

She had been silently fuming, cursing Udina's name and wondering what sort of adversary he would be. It was occurring to her that she didn't know much about the man in terms of his physical condition and training. "One councilor's better than none. We have to find Esheel. Where're we headed?"

Garrus offered a suggestion. "Probably the executor's office. It's a fairly defensible position."

"All right, let's go."

"Just a sec," Bailey called out. He programmed his omni-tool. "There. Now we can talk by omni-tool. Go."

"Did you get that, Thane?" Shepard asked. She'd left her communications channel open.

"Yes. I'm here in the building, but running is difficult. I'll try to get to you." He was breathing heavily and she wished there were another way, but she couldn't afford to let Cerberus get the upper hand, certainly not here. Thane was all she had.

"Okay, but don't take any unnecessary risks."

From C-Sec headquarters, they had to pass through a wide lobby that was open to the second floor. Numerous Cerberus troopers were present on both levels and it was a tricky fight, but Shepard and her squad beat the enemy back and destroyed their shield generators. Bailey informed them that pockets of troops were everywhere and she prepared herself for a long fight.

They found C-Sec officers who had clearly been caught by surprise, shot in the back of the head, indicating they trusted whoever killed them. The Illusive Man had more than one person on the Citadel in his pocket, or Udina had managed to find someone who was sympathetic.

Gathered information, grenades, and ammunition along the way, Shepard kept looking for survivors. She was beginning to feel quite disheartened that they hadn't found any, but as they neared the executor's office, she heard radio chatter and paused to listen. The human reporter Khalisah al-Jilani was trying to summon help to hard-hit areas by broadcasting useful information over the emergency channels.

After a few more run ins with troopers, Shepard broke into the executor's office. The scene before her was discouraging.

"Bailey, it looks like they got the executor and two salarian body guards. No sign of Councilor Esheel."

"Damn. All right, keep searching. If you don't see the councilor's body, don't count her out yet."

Shepard replied in the affirmative and looked through a large window along the back wall of the office. The view was of a boardroom one floor down, and as she scanned the room, a chair at the central table rolled away. A moment later, Esheel appeared, her tactical cloak wearing off.

"Hang on, we found her. She looks okay."

"Get her somewhere safe."

Shepard turned to motion Liara and Garrus over, and looked back down at the councilor. Someone else had materialized in the room and Shepard didn't need to hear what was going on to know the man posed a threat. He was advancing on Esheel.

"Shit!" Shepard shot out the glass of the window and leapt through the opening. She could hear Garrus and Liara shouting and following her, but she had to keep her eyes on the man threatening Esheel.

With barely any effort at all, he launched himself over the councilor's head, putting more distance between him and Shepard. He raised a hand and she could see that he was a biotic. A ball of blue energy hovered in his hand.

"Don't even think about it," Shepard warned.

Councilor Esheel gasped a warning. "Shepard, he's going to kill us all."

"That remains to be seen," she replied, pacing back and forth to keep her eyes on the Cerberus operative.

"I mean _Udina_. He's staging a coup. He's got the other councilors now to hand over to Cerberus."

Garrus and Liara were at her side now, stacking the odds in her favor. "Three against one, pal. It's over."

The operative smiled. "No. Now it's fun."

Behind him, silent as a feather, Thane dropped out of the ceiling and raised his gun to the man's head. The operative wasn't going down easily, however, and immediately engaged Thane in a fist fight. As they fought, Shepard took Esheel by the arm and pulled her back out of harm's way. When it seemed Thane had the upper hand, his opponent disappeared under a tactical cloak, leaving the others staring around the room.

Just as quickly as he'd disappeared, he reappeared, a sword in hand. Thane shot at him, but to no avail. Shepard tried to keep the man in her sights, but she risked hitting Thane. The human punched, Thane easily twisted away. Thane knocked the blade out of his hand and they wrestled for control of Thane's pistol. The operative knocked Thane's pistol to the ground and the drell spun around, using his biotic powers to push the other man away. Thane collected his gun, the operative found his sword, and they faced off again. Instead of just shooting the man, Thane ran at him, firing. Ducking low, the other man spun around and slid his blade through Thane's torso. Pausing for only a moment, he pulled the blade free and turned and ran.

"Thane!"

Shepard sprinted after the human assassin, down a flight of stairs to a large picture window that was blown out. The man ran to it and leapt through, reappearing seconds later atop a shuttle. She fired, but only managed to hit the shuttle with glancing shots. She heard a shot from behind her and turned to see Thane leaning against the wall with one hand pressed to his stomach, trying to keep his other arm steady as he fired.

"Oh, god, Thane." She ran to his side as he slid to the floor, watching with dread as blood seeped between his fingers. "How bad is it?"

"I have time. Catch him."

"Shepard, what's going on up there?" Bailey asked.

"Thane's hurt, bad, and needs help. I'm going after the assassin."

"He must be after the rest of the council," Bailey surmised.

She took Thane's hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. "Get the word out. Udina's trying to seize power. I've got to get to the rest of the councilors."

Thane nodded and gave Shepard a little push. "Go."

Bailey continued talking. "Help's on the way. The councilors are headed to a shuttle up on the Presidium. Start driving. I'll try to raise them on the comm."

Shepard jumped into a C-Sec shuttle and started it up, barely giving Garrus and Liara enough time to get in before she took off.

Bailey had information for her within seconds. "I've got a fix on the councilors' position. I'll send the coordinates to you." As he spoke the information appeared on the shuttle's computer terminal.

"Good work, Bailey. We're almost there."

The shuttle's proximity alert sounded, and seconds later the human assassin dropped onto the hood of their shuttle. He had his sword in hand and she could see it was still stained with Thane's blood. The man stared at her through the window, his lips curling into a wicked grin at the look of rage on her face. Shepard gave Liara a quick glance before letting go of the controls to grab her pistol. Liara took over driving, and Shepard fired three shots through the window of the shuttle, trying to kill him, but he was too quick for her, darting up the windshield.

Shepard opened the shuttle door and pulled herself out of her seat so she could stand in the doorway, but the assassin threw up a biotic shield, rendering her bullets useless. He drove his sword through the engine of the shuttle and was leaping back onto his own shuttle before Shepard could do much else. Their car was on fire, and descending quickly.

Holstering her pistol, she slid back into the driver's seat, trying to control their descent. Slamming the car's thrusters into reverse, she was able to slow the car down and direct it toward a suite of storefronts. It hit the ground hard and skidded into a tree. Shepard hopped out, and helped Garrus and Liara out. Bailey checked in with her, knowing they had stopped moving. Wasting no time, Shepard drew her SMG and scanned the area. People shouted, shots rang out, alarms sounded, fires burned. No one at the Citadel could argue that they were at war, but as much as she wanted them to wake up, she hoped they'd simply start paying attention to the news.

"We're on foot now. Any luck reaching the councilors?"

"Negative, their guards are dead." Shepard stopped moving and held her breath as Bailey kept talking. "But we still have vital signs on the councilors' transponders."

"And Spectre Alenko?"

"We haven't found him yet, Commander. Most of our surveillance cameras are down."

She breathed a sigh of relief, choosing to believe that Kaidan was still alive. "Where are they headed?"

"The shuttle pad above Shalmar Plaza. Udina's with them. If he can get them within range of that assassin, this is all over."

"We're on our way."

With Bailey's help, they accessed the Citadel's service tunnels and made a mad dash for the plaza. They were able to move undetected for a while, and ambushed many Cerberus troopers, but it was far from an easy fight. They finally reached the plaza, however, and checked in with Bailey.

"They're trying to reach the shuttle dock. Someone's following them. With a sword?"

"Great."

"Spectre Alenko is with them, though."

"Thanks, Bailey."

He responded by directing them to the elevators, where they discovered that they were not only chasing the human assassin, but also three faceless operatives dressed in white bodysuits, armed with blades and guns. The four were disappearing into an elevator when Shepard's squad spotted them, but they were too late to stop the car from departing.

Liara pried open another elevator's doors and peered into the shaft. The car had stalled a few feet short of their floor, making it easy for them to jump onto its roof. Bailey took control of the elevator and with a warning that it would be a quick trip, started the car's ascent. His support was invaluable; he told them how to disable the assassins' car and warned them when the group was able to commandeer other elevators. He slowed the enemies' progress for a while, making their elevator stop on every floor, but the assassin eventually regained control of another car, locking Bailey out. After several minutes, Bailey reported that they were about to overcome the councilors' elevator.

As the car loomed closer, Shepard turned to Garrus and Liara. "Let me handle Kaidan. I think we're in a place where he trusts me, but-"

"Don't worry, Shep," Garrus replied.

Their car passed the councilors' car, and they leapt on it. Almost immediately, they had to stand back as someone in the car fired shots through the roof of the elevator.

Kaidan would be defending the councilors, but it occurred to Shepard that he might have help. "Bailey, are the councilors armed?"

"I don't know. It didn't look like it, but I'll keep an eye out."

The car came to a stop and shook slightly as its passengers got out. Garrus didn't waste any time kicking the escape hatch open, and Shepard dropped down into the car. Liara and Garrus followed as she ran toward the docking pad.

Ahead of them, she could hear Kaidan yelling, "Cerberus took out the shuttle! Everybody back to the elevator!"

And then the moment she'd been dreading was upon her. Her squad skidded to a halt just outside the hallway leading to the elevators, Liara closed and locked the door behind them, and they were finally face-to-face with Kaidan and the councilors.

Kaidan's eyes widened with surprise as he stared down the barrel of his gun. He lowered it immediately. "Ka-Commander Shepard? What's going on?"

Udina's expression shifted from surprise to triumph. "She's blocking our escape, she's with Cerberus!"

She could see the confusion in Kaidan's eyes as he stepped between Shepard and the councilors, his gun raised again. "Hang on, I got this. Everybody just calm down."

Shepard took a deep breath, lowering her weapon. "Kaidan, I can explain."

* * *

**A/N:** I can't tell you how excited I was to finally get to this point in the story! I've got a good start on the next chapter, and hope to be posting another update soon. My thanks to Zevgirl, Zute, Ioialoha, CyanB, and to all the 'listers'. Have a great week! Cheers, Biff


	52. Trust

**Trust**

Kaidan stared at Shepard, Garrus and Liara, trying to comprehend this turn of events. The fact that Kathryn was at the Citadel wasn't a surprise; before Cerberus hacked the communication relays, he received a message that she was coming. She was early and happened to be here at the same time Cerberus was launching an attack, but that didn't set off alarm bells quite so much as the fact that three of his friends were aiming their guns at him.

"Ah...come on, Shepard. Gun drawn on a councilor? This kind of looks bad."

Shepard motioned to Liara and Garrus to stand down. "We don't have time to negotiate. You've been fooled, all of you. _Udina's_ behind this attack. Councilor Esheel confirmed it."

Udina scoffed, moving to Kaidan's side. "Please. You have no proof, you never do."

Tearing her eyes away from the business end of Kaidan's pistol, she pointed to the elevator. "There are Cerberus soldiers in the elevator shaft behind us. If you open that door, they will kill us all."

The asari councilor, Irissa, took a step forward. "What Shepard says is possible. Unlikely, but possible."

Udina's face contorted into a scowl and he turned on his heels and went to the transportation terminal. "We don't have time to debate this. We're dead if we stay out here. I'm overriding the lock."

Bailey hissed into Shepard's commlink. "Udina's got a registered handgun and his jacket's hanging funny at the back."

Shepard leveled her weapon at Udina and Kaidan stepped into her line of sight, his eyes shifting from her to Udina and back. He didn't like Udina, hadn't since the man grounded the Normandy years earlier, but this didn't make sense. He had been working with Udina for days now and was having a hard time imagining he had missed some hint that Udina was in league with Cerberus.

"Kathryn, look at us. This can't end well. Just put it down."

"Kaidan, you _know_ me. I would _never_ do something like this without a damned good reason. You know in your gut I'm right, Kaidan. You're always true to what you believe, I admire that about you. Listen to your gut."

He thought back to Mars, to Horizon, to their time together on the Normandy. In spite of his doubts about her and her loyalties, she had never steered him wrong and he had never known her to lie to him. Even now nothing about her body language or tone of voice suggested she might be on the wrong side of this conflict. There had to be some compelling evidence against Udina; he just didn't know about it yet. Guilt washed over him. She had been right about the reapers, and for so long too many people doubted her. _You're doing the same thing now, Alenko_, he told himself. _Fine way to treat the woman you love_.

Shepard's own gut felt as though it were twisted into knots. If Kaidan didn't stand down soon, she'd be forced to do something. If he were anyone else, she would shoot, and with deadly force. _Could I really shoot Kaidan?_ The fact that Shepard couldn't immediately answer the question disturbed her, but she wouldn't have to think on it too much. Kaidan's shoulders relaxed and his expression softened.

He turned to face Udina. "Udina, step away from the console."

"To hell with this," Udina countered, his fingers moving over the console's keyboard.

Someone was trying to manually override the door lock behind her and Shepard raised her gun again, ready to shoot Udina. Everything happened quickly. Councilor Irissa approached Udina and reached out to put her hand on his arm. He shoved her away, knocking her to the ground, and pulled a handgun out from his waistband.

Kaidan yelled, "He's got a gun!" and Shepard shot Udina in the chest. He fell to the ground.

"Get the councilors back and keep an eye on that door," she told Kaidan.

Councilor Quentius rushed to Irissa and helped her up. Shepard went to Udina and checked his pulse. Nothing. _Good riddance_. The assassin was still out there, however, and she was about to call Bailey on her commlink when Councilor Quentius said, "The door!"

Clearly, whoever was on the other side had given up on trying to hack the locks and was now cutting through them. Everyone with a gun aimed it at the door. It opened to reveal Commander Bailey and one of his officers, both armed and ready to fight.

Shepard lowered her gun. "Bailey?"

"Made it as fast as we could, Shepard." His eyes settled on Udina's body. "Looks like you...ah...took care of things."

Councilor Irissa spoke up. "Something's not right. You said Cerberus was after us. Where did their soldiers go?"

"Cerberus was right here, but they beat feet into the keeper tunnels when they knew we were coming." Bailey explained. "I'll say it plain, Councilor. Shepard just saved the lot of you."

Quentius nodded. "You have saved my life, Commander Shepard. I owe you both a personal debt, and one on behalf of Palaven."

Shepard shook her head. "You don't owe me anything. It's times like this when we need to stand together."

"Do you have any idea why the Illusive Man would do this?"

"No, I don't, but I intend to find out."

Bailey took control of the situation. "All right, people, principals are evacuated. We've got a tunnel and a million other places to secure. Commander Shepard, let's meet in my office in hour or so."

"Got it, Bailey," she replied, her eyes on Kaidan.

She didn't know what to think or feel about what had happened, or how it might affect their relationship. _Should we even have a personal relationship?_ The question startled her and she looked away.

Kaidan spoke briefly to the councilors and strode to Shepard's side. "Kate, are you okay?"

"Ah...yeah. Look, I need to get cleaned up and meet with Bailey, check on Thane and the crew."

"And I have to see to the councilors, but we need to talk. Please." He could see that she was troubled and he wondered how close he had been to getting shot. It was disturbing enough to think she might have done it; he couldn't imagine what she must be feeling.

Shepard was overwhelmed. Just a day ago, she wanted nothing more than to be here, with Kaidan. _Today, I almost shot him._ She needed a moment to herself, time to get her thoughts sorted out.

Nodding, she replied, "Of course, yes."

"I'll send you a message when I'm done here, and I'll come to the docking bay. Okay?"

"Yeah. I'll see you later." She tried to manage a smile.

Kaidan hated leaving, not knowing what was on her mind or if she truly was okay, but he and the councilors would have to be debriefed and see to the Citadel's survivors.

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard went to her cabin and left orders that no one was to disturb her. Stripping out of her armor and clothes, she turned the shower on and got in. She went through the motions of washing up, her mind drifting back through the day's events. Most of the fight had been like any other, but two events stood out and left her unsettled.

_"He wants Shepard alive,"_ one Cerberus soldier yelled early on in the day. She expected the Illusive Man would want her dead, which was upsetting enough, but to want her alive? She didn't want to think about what he might have in mind for her. _He can go straight to hell._

Finding herself in an armed standoff with her lover, however, was something she had never imagined would happen. The details were hard to forget. Kaidan's gun aimed at her, confusion on his face, his hesitation, her own indecision. She was on a path where winning meant everything and she had orders to get the job done by any means necessary. She didn't know what disturbed her more. The fact that she might have shot Kaidan, or the fact that she wasn't sure she could.

_Does it matter now? You knew you could trust him, and he trusted you, and it worked out. That should be all that matters._ She turned the water off and toweled herself dry. Getting dressed in a set of Alliance sweats, she reapplied her makeup and ran her fingers through her hair. She looked at herself in the mirror.

_Let it go, Kate, and move on. You can do it._

_Yes. Yes, I can._

It would take some effort, but she would get past the standoff with Kaidan. She needed loyal people at her side; now might be a good time to ask Kaidan to move to the Normandy. What this would mean for them, personally, she didn't know, but in the end, it didn't matter. Stopping the reapers was her priority. She looked back up at her reflection in the mirror.

_It _does_ matter, Kate, and you know it_. When she was honest with herself, she could admit that she was scared and lonely and longing for a bit of normalcy. They had talked about how they could make living together work, years ago before the collectors attacked. _This chance might never come again, Kate. It's time to bring Kaidan home._

* * *

**A/N:** Greetings! My thanks to Bioware, new followers, my regular readers/reviewers, and my friends Zute and Zevgirl. This chapter could have kept going, but I thought this sappy little moment was a nice place to end it. Cheers, Biff


	53. Apologies

**Apologies**

It took Shepard a few hours to make it to Huerta Memorial Hospital. She'd had to meet with Bailey, and then tracked down others, making arrangements to deliver various artifacts and technological finds to a variety of people. She also delivered a young man's dog tags to his father, updating the ambassador of his son's courageous actions on the planet Benning, where he'd died defending civilians. A quick visit to Spectre headquarters informed her that Kaidan was in a meeting with the councilors. She left a message that she was headed to the hospital and continued on her way.

Huerta was filled to capacity and overflowing and it took Shepard several minutes to locate Thane. His doctor informed her that while they had managed to repair the damage to Thane's body, he was in the advanced stages of Kepral's syndrome. His body was not able to replenish lost blood, and they had already exhausted the available supply of drell blood. Thane was dying. His doctor encouraged Shepard to visit him, even though he had only just awoken from surgery.

She entered Thane's room. His son, Kolyat, was at his bedside, and turned to greet Shepard.

"Commander Shepard, my father mentioned you were no longer incarcerated. I don't know if you remember me. I am Kolyat Krios."

She nodded and shook his hand. "I do remember you, Kolyat. I wish we could have met under better circumstances."

He nodded and turned to look at his father. "I came to donate blood, and...well." He shrugged. "He asked me to take off his oxygen mask so he could be comfortable. I don't think it will be very long now."

Shepard's eyes filled with tears as she regarded her friend. "Your father helped me save a lot of lives. I'd like to be here, if you don't mind."

"Of course." He stepped aside to let Shepard stand at Thane's bedside.

Thane stirred and opened his eyes, smiling weakly at Shepard. "Commander, I don't think I will be joining you again."

She took his hand in hers. "You've done more than enough, Thane."

"That assassin should be embarrassed. A terminally ill drell managed to stop him from reaching his target."

"I'll pass the word along."

"There is something I must do, before it gets worse." he said, coughing.

When the fit subsided, he calmed himself. "Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand." He started coughing again and Kolyat began to speak.

"Kalahira, wash the sins from this one, and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit."

Even as Thane gasped for air, he smiled with pride. "Kolyat, you speak as the priests do. You have been spending time with them."

Kolyat nodded, pulling a small book from his pocket. "I brought a prayer book. Commander, would you care to join me?"

Far from religious, she wouldn't have agreed if it weren't for a friend. She nodded and leaned closer so she could see what he was reading.

"'Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention.'" He tapped his finger on the page and Shepard finished the verse.

"'Guide this one to where the traveller never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starves. Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me.'"

Kolyat closed his prayer book and Thane sighed, turning to look out the window at the flow of traffic along the Citadel's arm. His hand went limp in Shepard's and she realized he was gone. Biting back a sob, she placed his hands on his chest, and leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"Rest in peace, my friend. You've more than earned it." She stood back and wiped the tears from her cheek. Clearing her throat, she asked, "Kolyat, why did the last verse say 'she'?"

"The prayer was not for him, Commander. He has already asked for forgiveness for the lives he has taken. His wish was for you."

Words failed her, and her tears flowed freely. Patting Thane's hands, she whispered, "Goodbye, Thane."

Turning to face, Kolyat, she reached out to shake his hand. "Kolyat, if you need anything, you can reach me through the Alliance or the Spectre office. Bailey will know how to get in touch with me, too."

"Thank you, Commander."

She slipped out of Thane's room and hurried to the elevator. She couldn't bear the thought of returning to the Normandy yet; those who knew Thane would want to know how he was, and she wasn't ready to tell them. It was getting late and she was hungry. With Kaidan still otherwise occupied and unreachable, she found herself heading to Purgatory. Looking around the bar, it felt like any other day. She found a table in a dark corner and flagged down a waitress, who told her there was no food service.

Too weary to go anywhere else, Shepard ordered a double shot of whiskey and sank back into her chair, thinking about her parents. One drink became two, and she wondered what had happened to her absent friends and allies, to Anderson. When her omni-tool flashed with an incoming message, she turned it off, too caught up in her thoughts to deal with anything else.

Two drinks became three and she reflected on the prayer she had read to Thane._ Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention. Guide this one to where the traveller never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starves. Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me._

She contemplated how appropriate the prayer had been as she worked on her fourth drink. _Beset by wickedness and contention. Hell yes. 'S fucking hard to be a good guy these days._

"What was that, Commander?"

Shepard looked up to see Kaidan standing at her table and nodded to a chair. "Did I say that out loud?"

He sat down. "Yeah, you did. 'Hard to be a good guy these days.' Shepard, I talked to Bailey. I'm sorry about Thane."

She shrugged. "He was at peace with himself, he was reconciled with his son who turned out to be a good kid, and he died a hero." She raised her glass to no one in particular and finished her drink, waving the glass at the waitress. "So. Where've ya been?"

Kaidan stared at her. "Kate, are you drunk?"

"Ha. So what if I am? It's been a shitty fucking day."

The waitress arrived with Shepard's whiskey and took the empty glass. "Can I get you anything, Major?"

"No thanks." He waited for her to leave before turning back to Kathryn. "About today, Kate. I-"

"'S no big deal." She stared into her glass, chewing on her lip.

"Come on, Kate, it was a big deal. I'm not used to staring down the gun of someone I love. How it all went down, it's got me...I don't know."

"Oh, oh. Okay, let me have it. Wha's on your mind?"

"If I didn't back down first, would you have taken me out?"

She twisted in her seat to face him. "I don't know. At the time, I didn't think I could, and that pissed me off."

"_What?_"

"What." she stated flatly. "You had your gun drawn on me, too, in case you forgot, and you didn't stand down when you saw it was me, Garrus, and Liara. What was I supposed to think of _that_?" She drank another sip of whiskey.

"Kaidan, I've got orders to do whatever it takes to stop the reapers, and at a moment when it could have mattered, I didn't know if I could do it, if it came down to that. I can't afford to hesitate, not where Cerberus and the reapers are concerned, that's for damned sure." She frowned, trying to keep her thoughts straight.

"Later, it occurred to me that I _would_ have shot you if I had to, and that pissed me off, too. I don't need that shit hanging over my head, Kaidan. I can't afford to shoot my friends, or my..._you_, so I'm sure you can see how this whole situation kinda threw me for a loop." The room seemed to be moving around them and she put her drink down.

"Wow, I...ah...I don't...Maybe we should talk about it when you're not drunk." He wondered how many drinks she'd had; they seemed to be catching up to her.

She waved a hand dismissively. "I trust you, Kaidan, and I hoped you'd come around. You did, and tha's all that matters. Main thing is we stopped the coup and Cerberus's off the Citadel."

"But sometimes the way a thing goes down does matter, later when you have to live with yourself. Knowing that you acted with integrity."

"You talking about Udina? He gave me no choice and I took the shot. Any soldier would have done the same, including you. I'd kill that bastard again if I had the chance."

Kaidan took a deep breath. "Kate, I feel I owe you an apology. I'm sorry I hesitated, and for everything that put you through. It was a lot to take in, you know? I keep asking myself if I missed something, if there was any way I could have-"

She put her hand on his arm. "Don't second guess yourself. He must've been working on that for a while. It didn't all come down in the past week."

"Maybe you're right. Look, there's another reason why I came looking for you, Kate. I...ah...Hackett has offered me a position, but I'd turn it down in a second if there were a chance to join you on the Normandy again."

"What about the Spectres?" He looked disappointed and she shook her head. "That didn't sound right. I want you on my ship, absolutely. It wouldn't be the same, meeting the reapers without you." The room was definitely moving now; shaking her head had not been a good idea.

"I think I need to get out of here."

Kaidan laughed. "Yeah, you look a little worse for wear. Let me take you back to the Normandy."

"'Kay."

He helped her up out of her seat and steadied her, wondering how he could get her out of the bar without everyone noticing that the great Commander Shepard was drunk. As if she knew what he was thinking, she laughed.

"Think anyone'll notice I'm tanked?"

Kaidan carefully steered Kathryn out of Purgatory to his transport for the evening, and settled her into the front seat, securing her seatbelt. Darting around to the driver's side, he hopped into his seat and pulled into traffic. Shepard groaned and shielded her eyes against the glare of lights on the windscreen.

"Go to the cargo bay. I don't want Joker and EDI seeing me like this." Something pulled at the edge of her consciousness. "Oh, god. EDI."

Kaidan turned toward the docking bays. "What about EDI?"

"You remember the unit that attacked you on Mars?"

"That's something I won't forget for a long time, Kate. Why?"

"EDI installed herself into the unit while she was downloading the information it mined from the archives. She's got a body now."

Kaidan was quiet as he considered that. Clearing his throat, he finally spoke. "Ah, well I guess Joker's happy about that. She was pretty...shapely if I recall."

"Yeah. They kind of have a...thing."

He laughed at that. "A thing. Okay."

When Kaidan helped Kathryn out of the car at the cargo bay, she put a finger to her lips. "James and Steve might be in there." Her fingers fumbled over her omni-tool. "Joker, it's Shepard. Open the cargo bay doors."

"Yes ma'am, Commander. We were getting worried about you, you know."

She snickered as Kaidan helped her step into the hold. "Sorry, _mom_."

"Uh, Commander, have you been _drinking_?" Joker asked, sealing the ship behind them. "Oh, hello Major. Good to see you again."

Kathryn looked around, trying to find the security camera. "Stop spying on me," she slurred.

"You _have_ been drinking." He paused. "We heard about Thane, Commander. I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

In the elevator, she pressed the button for her floor and locked the controls so it would go up without stopping. Collapsing against the wall, she slid to the floor and rested her elbows on her knees.

"Kate?" Kaidan crouched down next to her.

"I had to sit down. I'm sorry I almost shot you." She started crying and hit the floor with her fist, angry with herself for being drunk, for crying, for being angry about it. "Damn it."

"Hey, come on, it's okay. We're here." The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened.

Kaidan moved closer and slid his arms around her back and under her knees, scooping Kathryn up in his arms. Moving slowly, he stood and took her into her room and to bed, laying her down.

"I'm going to go back to my place to pack," he said, taking her shoes off. "I'll move into the crew's quarters." When she didn't say anything, he looked up.

Kathryn was already asleep, head lolled to one side, mouth open slightly. He smiled and put her shoes aside, reaching to fold the blanket over her. Making sure she would be comfortable, he brushed her hair off her forehead, cupped her cheek in his hand, and kissed her lightly.

"I'll see you in the morning, Kate." She stirred, a slight smile gracing her lips, and mumbled incoherently.

Smiling, Kaidan dimmed the lights and retreated to the cargo bay, anxious to return as quickly as possible.

* * *

**A/N:** Finally. It felt like it was taking forever to get here, and no doubt some of you will agree! I did, of course, take some liberties with Bioware's story, but this seemed a bit more plausible to me. I also figured that both Alenko and Shepard should have _some_ remorse/regret/anger over the way things went down. The course of love is never smooth!

My thanks to all my readers, old and new, and to my friends Zute and Zevgirl. Best wishes to those of you who have been affected by Sandy. My thoughts are with you as you recover.

Cheers, Biff


	54. Perfect

**Perfect**

_Dark shadows moved around her, whispering, as she called out to the little boy. Ashley was reciting poetry, Mordin was singing, other voices were less clear. As she searched for the child, a shadow swirled into a recognizable shape, and Thane spoke. _

"_Just don't make the mistake I did. There's always another mission. None of them is an excuse to make yourself an island." _

"_Thane," she gasped._

_Shadows shifted again and he was gone. The child reappeared, laughing, and ran past her into the trees. Kathryn followed him. Something touched her and she heard Kaidan's voice through the fog._

"_Kate."_

"_No, no, no!" she screamed, turning to see where he was. "Kaidan!" He shouldn't be here, he can't be here, she thought frantically as she searched the forest._

_Strong arms wrapped around her and she struggled to break free._

"Hey, hey, Kate. Shhh, it's okay, you're dreaming. I'm here."

Stanley Park was replaced by more familiar surroundings, and Kaidan was holding her in his arms. Caught between her dream and wakefulness, she clung to him, trying to calm herself as he stroked her back.

"I thought you were...I thought..."

"It's all right, Kate. Are you okay?"

She nodded against his chest. "How did you get in?"

"I came to check on you and heard you shouting, so I asked EDI to let me in."

She looked around the room. It was coming back to her now. She'd had a few too many shots of whiskey and he'd found her at Purgatory and brought her back to the Normandy, after she agreed to let him return to her crew. _We came up through the cargo bay, and then...what? _She couldn't recall anything else. Glancing down to see she was still dressed in her sweats, she raised an eyebrow at Kaidan.

"You fell asleep on me last night and I wasn't sure what you'd think if you woke up in your skivvies. Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, just a bad dream. And I'm a little hung over."

She pulled away and rubbed her face, trying to shake the odd mix of emotions she was feeling. Having him close, so damned handsome, smelling clean and masculine, stirred her desire, but their standoff and her lingering doubts were still bothering her. She wasn't sure what to say or do, and looked up to find him watching her.

Kaidan reached for one of the two cups of coffee he'd brought with him and handed it to Kathryn. "Are you going to tell me what's going through your mind?"

She chewed on her lip. "I haven't really sorted it all out yet, Kaidan. Where did you stay last night?"

He took a sip from his own cup, nodding. "Crew's quarters. I didn't want to assume anything. I guess we're both a bit uncertain where things stand now."

Kathryn drank some coffee and put the cup down, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Yeah. No, I...I don't know, a little? I just...I need some time. Can we take it slowly?"

She expected him to be disappointed or perhaps a bit angry, but if he was either, he hid it well with a nod and a smile.

"Kate, I don't want to make things more difficult for you. The mission always comes first, we both know that." He stood up. "Which reminds me, I did have a reason for getting you up. Hackett wants to talk to you. I think Liara was looking for you, too. I'm going to tour the ship, get my bearings, meet the crew."

"Okay." Her stomach growled. "God, I'm hungry."

Kaidan produced an energy bar from his pocket and handed it to her. "I thought you might be."

It was a small gesture, but it struck a chord with her. _When's the last time anyone other than Chakwas took care of me? _"Thank you, Kaidan."

He bent down to give her a kiss on the cheek. "You're welcome. Make sure you get something more substantial soon, okay?"

As he turned away, she grabbed his hand. "Wait, Kaidan." She got onto her knees and pulled him into an embrace. "Thank you."

Kaidan folded his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, whispering, "I'd do anything for you, Kate. I want to be your strength, your soft place to land."

Kathryn couldn't help sighing and snuggled closer to him. Kaidan took several seconds to enjoy the moment before letting her go. "Would you like to have dinner together?"

"Yes. I don't know how the day's going to go, but let's try for nineteen hundred?"

"It's a date. I'll tell Traynor you'll be down soon, all right?"

"Right."

He stepped back and pointed to the bar in her hand. "Eat that," he said as he turned toward to the door.

"Yes, sir."

Kathryn watched him leave and sank back down onto her bed, absentmindedly ripping open the wrapping. As she munched on the bar, she tried to formulate a plan for the day. Talk to Hackett, see what Liara needed, check in with the crew, resupply the ship, make the next move. What exactly that next move would be, she wasn't certain, but Hackett would undoubtedly have some suggestions. Finally ready to face the day, she cleaned up, changed into a uniform and started her day with a trip to the comm room.

x ~ X ~ x

Hackett patched David Anderson into their conversation, and Anderson identified the mystery assassin as Kai Leng. Anderson and Kahlee Sanders had run into him several times in the past, and Anderson even thought he'd killed Leng. Cerberus had apparently taken care of that, and now he was stronger than ever. The good news was that the asari and the salarians were offering their support to the Crucible Project and the war effort in general. When Anderson finally signed off, Hackett give her a new assignment.

"The turian fleet is stretched thin. We need more support ships, and the quarians are willing to talk."

"Understood, sir."

"Be careful. We've got reports of instability along the geth border. Oh, I also sent you a message about something I'd like you to follow up on while you're at the Citadel. Hackett out."

Liara approached her as she left the comm room. "Shepard, do you have a moment?"

"Ah, yeah. What's up?"

"A contact within asari high command was insistent that I pass on a distress signal."

"Something they can't handle?" Shepard asked. _I've already got the geth and the quarians to deal with, on top of whatever it is Hackett wants me to look into. _The day was looking long and it had barely begun.

"From what I can tell, they sent several commando squads to investigate, but none of them returned. They didn't ask me directly, but I think high command was hoping you'd help."

"What's your take on this?"

"That they wouldn't ask for help if it wasn't important. The colony's coordinates are on the galaxy map. I'll try figure out what's going on."

Shepard looked around the war room, wondering if there would ever be a time when she'd have to say no. She nodded. "Okay, keep me informed."

"Yes, Commander." Liara turned and hurried out of the war room, leaving Shepard to her thoughts.

It was still quite early and she decided to check her messages and do a quick tour of the ship before heading to the citadel.

x ~ X ~ x

By the time she was ready to leave the ship an hour later, she'd picked up a list of assignments, and a headache to go with it all. She decided to stop in to see Joker and EDI before disembarking.

"Joker, EDI, how's it going up here?"

Joker turned his seat around to face her. "Hey, Commander. So Cerberus wanted to get into politics, eh? Nice job shutting those assholes down."

She snorted. "Didn't you used to work for those assholes? Something about leather seats."

Joker raised his hands. "Hey, I worked for Cerberus when they were vigilantes helping the helpless. Now they're a little too mainstream. And evil. The important thing is that you kicked their asses. And Kaidan's back." He swiveled his seat back to face the controls. "And he even remembered the first rule of serving on the Normandy. Don't shoot the commander."

Shepard cocked her head to one side and gave Joker a look that warned him he might be going too far. "Go easy on Kaidan, he's been through a lot."

"Yeah, like drawing a gun on a superior officer, nearly getting the council killed. That's not going to look good on the yearly performance review."

Another look and he smiled. "Okay, so I won't bring it up. For a few days."

Shepard realized she hadn't thought about what Kaidan might be going through himself as a result of yesterday's attack on the Citadel. Resolving to talk to him about it later, she told Joker and EDI where she was going.

"Chakwas wants me to talk to a turian named Tactus, try to exchange some of our medical supplies for his military-grade stuff. Then I have to look into something for Primarch Victus, get some weapons upgrades, talk to a Doctor Garret Bryson, and whatever else might happen to come along while I'm out there. I'd like to take a moment tomorrow morning to have a service for Thane at the memorial wall, so could you please ask Vega to engrave a plaque?"

Joker responded with a quick, "Yes, ma'am," and Shepard logged off the ship.

x ~ X ~ x

"EDI, where's Major Alenko?"

"The major is in the Starboard Lounge, Commander Shepard."

"Thank you."

Shepard straightened her uniform jacket and stepped into the elevator. The day had not gone as planned, not by a long shot, and she was running behind. It hadn't been a complete wash, however, and she was rather pleased with what she had accomplished. Eager to see Kaidan, she opened the Starboard Lounge and heard someone letting out a deep breath.

"Kaidan?"

He was leaning against the window, one arm up over his head as he looked out, and he sighed again. "It all seems so calm from here. There are people going through hell in a million different ways out there, and I want to be fighting alongside them, but I want to be here, too, you know?"

Kaidan still hadn't turned to look at her. Something felt wrong. "Sure, I know what you mean. Are you...thinking of anyone specific?"

He drew another deep breath and nodded. "I heard from my mom, Kate."

She stiffened. The way he said it, with no happiness in his voice, braced her for bad news.

"My dad is...um...he's MIA. He's...presumed-" He shook his head.

Her fear for her own parents were renewed, but they had military experience. Kaidan's mother was a civilian, on her own, and Kathryn couldn't begin to imagine how helpless Kaidan must be feeling. She stepped closer, putting a hand on his arm.

"What happened? You said they got out of Vancouver."

"He left Mom at the orchard and reported for active duty. It's all I know, but it's enough. She's alone in this now. All this." She could hear the anger in his voice, but knew Kaidan understood his father's decision, too. Military life was hard on civilian spouses, and never more so than during war.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan. I wish there was more I could do or say."

She slipped her arm around his waist and Kaidan pulled her closer. "Thanks, Kate. Just having you here helps."

Kate felt a flood of affection and concern for him, safe in his arms, and she felt stronger for it. Rather unexpectedly, she remembered her dream and Thane's warning. She couldn't stand alone against events to come; she didn't have to and she didn't want to.

"Kaidan?"

"Yes?"

"Move in with me. Forget what I said earlier, about going slowly. We could run out of time, Kaidan, and I don't-"

Kaidan kissed Kathryn and the time, distance, and uncertainty that had existed between them vanished. Her physical response to him was so immediate it startled her. Breathless, she took his face in her hands and looked into his eyes.

"Will you?" He nodded, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Then let's go to our cabin."

She took his hand and led him out of the lounge to the elevator, pressing the button for the top deck. The doors closed and she hugged him, pressing her body against his. They held each other until the doors opened again. Kaidan looked down at Kathryn.

"Are you sure about this, Kate?"

"Yes. Are you?"

He responded by picking her up and carrying her over the threshold of the door to her..._our cabin_, he reminded himself.

Setting Kathryn down, Kaidan ran his fingers into her hair, tilting her head back to kiss her deeply. His tongue parted her lips and probed her mouth; she responded with fire, her need to be with him becoming more desperate now. Fingers fumbled with buttons and belts, and hands pushed clothes away, until they stood together naked at the foot of the bed.

"I have to admit I'm a bit nervous," Kathryn confessed, running her hands across Kaidan's chest. "I mean, I assume everything's here and works like it should, but I haven't tried it all out, you know?"

Kaidan took her hands in his and kissed her fingers. "You're perfect, Kate."

They wanted to take their time getting reacquainted with one another, but as they began to explore each other, Kathryn couldn't wait.

"Please, Kaidan," Kathryn begged him. "I need you. Now."

She pulled him closer and gasped as he slid into her. They fell into a comfortable rhythm and made love with a sense of urgency, both shouting out as they found release several minutes later. They made love again and fell asleep in each other's arms, and for the first time in months, Kathryn slept well.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you Bioware, my readers, and my friends Zevgirl and Zute! I had a hard time getting through this chapter, for some reason, but I'll just blame it on RL. Yeah. I was in a bit of a rush to get this posted, so if you spot any errors please let me know. The next update should be up sooner, now that things have calmed down a bit. Have a great week! Cheers, Biff


	55. Dr Bryson's Lab

**Dr. Bryson's Lab**

Kathryn fell back on the bed beside Kaidan, wondering how terrible it would be if they found the energy to make love a third time, and laughed at herself. _I'll be lucky if I can stand up._

"That bad?" Kaidan asked.

"Mmm, quite the opposite. I was thinking we should do it again, but I don't want to break you."

"Break me?"

Kathryn rolled onto her side and propped herself up on one arm. "Your body's got what, over thirty five years of wear and tear on it. This body," she swept her free hand along her side, "was recently refurbished and only has about a year's worth of use on it. Stands to reason you'd break down first."

He laughed and reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss her fingers, but she pulled her hand away.

"Oh no you don't. I love you, but we really have to get dressed, get some food, and get to work. Hackett wants me to talk to this Doctor Bryson fellow, and I want to check in with Aria T'Lok. Then I'd really like to get out to the Perseus Veil to talk to the quarians. We have to get this war machine moving." She rolled off the bed and opened her closet.

Getting up, Kaidan gathered up his clothes and started dressing. "Are you sure you can trust T'Lok?"

"No, but she's got a personal code and she sticks to it. As long as I don't mess with her, she'll play..._relatively_ nicely."

"I can't believe you got the Eclipse and Blood Pack to join the war."

"It's economics. If we're all dead, they don't make money. The Blue Suns could be tricky, because I sure as hell am not going to kill a turian general, but I think we might be able to find a way to work out a deal with Kannik and General Oraka. The Suns want Oraka off their backs, Oraka needs weapons to protect the Citadel, and Kannik needs a way to make money, so if I find salvageable equipment...Christ, it sounds ridiculous, but what do I do? I have to try."

Kaidan finished buttoning up his shirt and tucked it in. "What can I do to help?"

"I thought you might want to take some time to work on tracking down your students, get them in touch with Anderson or Hackett. Traynor can help you with that, if you want her to. She's good."

Kathryn pulled on a uniform and watched Kaidan as she buttoned up. "How are you?"

"Hanging in there." Sadness crept into his expression and she went to him, slipping her arms around his waist.

"The reapers are focusing on dense population masses right now. An orchard in the sticks isn't going to attract attention, Kaidan. Your mother should be safe." It was anyone's guess how long that would last, but Kathryn wanted to remain positive.

"God, I hope you're right, Kate." Kaidan hugged her tightly. "So, how do you want to handle this?"

"Us? It'll take Joker about two minutes to figure it out, and then he and EDI will start grinding the rumor mill. Or you get your foot locker and bring it up here. Everyone on board will know within half an hour. Hell, giving you security access to my quarters would set tongues wagging. EDI's, mostly. I'm not going to lie about it or try to hide it from anyone, but I won't be throwing it in their faces, either. Standard rules of conduct, okay?"

He nodded and gave her one last kiss before letting go of her. As an afterthought, he smacked her behind as she walked away. When she glared at him, he explained, "I had to get that in before we get professional."

"Yeah, I've got my eye on you, Alenko." She couldn't remember a time in recent history when she'd laughed and smiled so much this early in the day.

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard wasn't surprised to find that Aria was her usual grouchy self, but the asari was pleased with the outcome of her activities the day before and even went so far as to offer the commander a compliment. Kathryn left Purgatory and headed to Apollo's Cafe for a bite to eat and joined Liara at her usual table. While they ate, Shepard saw the bartender watching them, or more specifically, Liara, and she wondered who she might be. Something tugged at Shepard's memory and she tried to recall where she'd seen the asari before. It came to her eventually, a vision of her encounter with Conrad Verner on Illium. It was Matriarch Aethyta, the bartender from Eternity. Shepard wondered why she was working here, and what her interest in Liara might be, and made a mental note to look into the matter after her visit to Doctor Bryson's lab.

x ~ X ~ x

The lab, which also served as Bryson's personal residence, was located in the Presidium, with a private garden and landing pad. Shepard was struck speechless when she entered the well-equipped lab. The place was littered with notes and datapads; nearly two entire walls were covered with pictures, many of which were connected with lengths of string; piles of bone and rock littered desk and floor; the skeleton of some sort of prehistoric creature was suspended from the ceiling; a recognizable piece of prothean technology sat in a display case with a shimmering orb; a large section of debris encased in a shield near one entrance was labelled 'Sovereign'. There was more, but she finally spotted Doctor Bryson in the midst of the chaos talking to a research assistant and introduced herself.

"Ah, Commander Shepard, I've been expecting you. Just a moment, please." He turned to his assistant. "Hadley, would you mind getting the Leviathan data for us please?"

Hadley left the room while Bryson led Shepard to the nearby galaxy map across from one wall of photos covered with a web of string. "My apologies, Commander. Most of my team is currently out investigating leads right now. I am Doctor Garrett Bryson and this is Task Force Arora." He gestured to the walls around them.

"What's your assignment?"

"Our mandate is to investigate legends, rumors, old stories about the reapers before anyone knew they existed."

"Huh. That's an interesting goal, but is anyone doubting the reapers exist these days?"

He smiled at the hint of bitterness in her voice. "The Alliance is still desperate for intelligence. The reapers' motives, operational tactics, anything that could give us an edge."

"And how did you wind up in charge?"

"When the rest of the galaxy says something doesn't exist, I take that as a chance to prove that it does."

"So you're in it for the challenge?" Shepard asked, her eyes flitting from one part of the lab to another. Her curiosity was piqued.

Bryson shook his head, walking to a workstation. "For the truth. Even as late as 2148 humanity still thought aliens were a myth. That was within my lifetime," he said, looking over his shoulder at her. "Once that myth was proven a reality, our entire history changed."

"Reapers were a part of that reality, too."

"And even they have a history, Commander. If we could just uncover it, there may be a weakness we could exploit."

"Hm. I could have used your help three years ago."

Bryson picked up a datapad and handed it to Shepard, nodding. "Yes. If more people had paid attention to your prothean beacon, we might not be in this war." He walked to the galaxy map and started entering commands. "But now, with the new information we've uncovered, a breakthrough is near."

Shepard scrolled through the open file on the datapad, a list of sightings of strange creatures. She was familiar with some, but not all, and she leaned against a work table and started reading. The material was fascinating enough that footsteps to her left, and a flash of white lab coat, didn't draw her attention.

"Hadley, do you have the data?"

"N-no!"

A shot rang out and Shepard snapped to attention, looking up to see Hadley turning toward her, a gun in his hand. Using the datapad as a frisbee, she flung it at him, hitting him in the back of the hand and knocking his pistol to the floor. Tackling Hadley, she punched him in the jaw and knocked him out. She was at Bryson's side in a matter of seconds, but knew he was dead before she reached to look for his pulse. Hadley had shot him in the heart.

"Shit." She tapped her commlink as she hurried back to secure Hadley. "This is Commander Kathryn Shepard. I need C-Sec officers at my location, now!"

Bryson's research assistant was stirring again, his eyes unfocused. "You shouldn't be here. The darkness cannot be breached."

Kathryn picked up his pistol and watched over him, waiting for security to arrive. She was bristling with anger; she had failed to save Bryson's life, hadn't even seen he was in danger until he was dead, and she couldn't help but shoulder some responsibility for his death. Her eyes drifted to Hadley, who seemed barely conscious. _What possessed you to shoot Bryson? What did you mean by 'the darkness cannot be breached'? Where shouldn't I be, here in this lab? On the Citadel?_

In the silence that followed her questions, Kathryn thought she heard a low humming sound, and she remembered a moment with Kaidan, when they'd first served together under Anderson. They were on the Citadel with Ashley, and had paused at a statue of a mass effect relay. Kaidan asked if anyone else heard the hum, said he thought it was coming from the statue itself and that his teeth were tingling. That piece of art turned out to be a functioning relay, and brought her and her team to the Citadel from Ilos when they were chasing after Saren. It had been a powerful reminder that more often than not, things were not what they seemed, and she was viewing Hadley in a different light.

Shepard's teeth weren't tingling, but the hairs on the back of her neck and her arms were standing on end and goosebumps appeared on her skin. Her gaze drifted to the orb at the other end of Bryson's lab and then to the piece of Sovereign by the door, and she could feel the excitement of discovery building. Bryson had been on to something, she could feel it, and somehow, someway, someone didn't want him to succeed.

"Whatever you were up to, Bryson, I won't let you down a second time."

* * *

**A/N**: If you're interested, I recently posted a chapter for my friend Zevgirl, who wanted some f/Shega. I was all too happy to oblige with 'I Owe the Man a Drink', and I may add to the story with some more one shots.

Thanks to Zute as well, for her continued friendship, and to you readers, for picking me up! Cheers, Biff


	56. The Garneau Connection

**The Garneau Connection**

The C-Sec officers who responded to her call confirmed Bryson's assistant's name was Derek Hadley. He'd been working with Doctor Bryson for just a few months and there was nothing particularly remarkable about him. His personal history contained no evidence that might suggest he was violent, had criminal ties, or was suffering from any psychological issues, making his actions all the more difficult to understand. Shepard had her suspicions and was getting ready to interrogate him when the door to the lab opened and EDI walked in.

"Shepard, we monitored a C-Sec alert from this location. Were you harmed?"

Kathryn took EDI aside. "No, I'm fine, but I could use your help here. Could you take a look through their files? I need to know what this task force was up to." As an afterthought, she added, "I know I'm encouraging you to explore your...unshackled self, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of you leaving the ship on your own without checking with me first."

EDI was silent for several seconds, finally saying, "I am not sure how to respond, Shepard."

"What do you mean?"

"I am trying to resolve a conflict between your expectations and those of a friend. Are you asking me why I came here without your permission?"

"Ah, now I am."

"I was monitoring various communications and heard your call for assistance. I mentioned it to Major Alenko, who was in the cockpit talking to Jeff. He was concerned for your safety, and asked me to look into the matter." She paused. "I do not think he wanted you to know that he was concerned."

Kathryn wasn't sure what to think. It was touching that he would worry and want to help, but it was also bothersome. "You probably shouldn't have told me, then, but it's too late now. Look into the task force files, see what you can find."

Hadley was coming around again and looked up, confused. "Wh-what's happening?"

"I was hoping you could tell me." She automatically fell into the role of good cop; the turian officers were doing an excellent job of looking thoroughly intimidating and Hadley was visibly shaken.

"I...I was gathering our data when you arrived, and then...it was dark. Cold. I...was someplace...else."

"And then?"

"I don't know!" Derek wailed. A second later his expression shifted to one of concentration. He was remembering something. "There was a gun...Doctor Bryson...a loud noise."

Shepard nodded. "That was you, shooting Doctor Bryson."

Derek looked around the lab and gasped when his eyes fell on Bryson's corpse a few feet away. Running to the doctor's side, he claimed his innocence and was, by all appearances, genuinely shocked to hear what had happened. EDI suggested he had been indoctrinated, and Shepard nodded curtly, her suspicions confirmed.

The real questions were who was responsible and why had they done it. Shepard asked Hadley about Leviathan and its connection to the day's events. Leviathan was a creature they had been tracking, he explained, and the orb on display with the prothean technology was an artifact that a researcher named Garneau had sent to Bryson, along with an audio log.

Hadley lifted a hand to show her where the log was when he was suddenly wracked with pain and fell to his knees, grabbing his head.

"Hadley? Derek! What's wrong?" She dropped to one knee and put her hand on his shoulder. Hadley's eyes glossed over and seemed to stare straight through her.

"Turn back," he intoned in a flat, emotionless tone.

"What are you talking about?"

"The darkness cannot be breached." His eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed.

"Damnit. Get him to the hospital, see if they can figure out what's wrong with him. The Alliance will be here shortly for Bryson's body. Do you want me to file my report in person?"

"An electronic report is fine, Commander Shepard," one of the agents replied as he called for medical support.

Once Hadley had been taken to Huerta Memorial and Bryson's body had been removed, Shepard and EDI watched two video logs of conversations between Bryson and Admiral Hackett. The contents excited Shepard. Leviathan was, they both believed, a creature capable of killing a reaper, and the reapers themselves appeared to be looking for it too. Anything that could kill a reaper was something worth finding, she reasoned, and with EDI's help she searched Bryson's lab for clues that would lead them to his partner Garneau.

x ~ X ~ x

Three hours later, they had what they needed. Shepard was fairly certain they knew where Garneau was, and she was determined to track him down.

Before returning to the Normandy, she stopped at the Spectre office to take a look through immigration processing records. Matriarch Aethyta relocated to the Citadel just a few days after the Normandy touched down following the Mars mission, and was hired on as the bartender at Apollo's Cafe the next day. Her processing time was reduced to almost nothing at Councilor Irissa's behest. After further digging, Shepard discovered that Aethyta replaced a long-time employee who was paid a rather handsome severance package. His file contained no reason for his departure, dismissal, whatever it was, and that struck Shepard as odd. Security videos were more revealing.

While the Normandy had only been to the Citadel a few times since the attack on Earth, her captain and crew were well-known now, thanks to Diana Allers. Liara was a regular at the cafe, always sat at the same table, and Aethyta showed an inordinate amount of interest in the asari doctor, positioning herself at the bar so that she had a nearly unobstructed view of Liara. In fact, Aethyta always stood behind a pillar so she could see the doctor, but Liara couldn't see her if she happened to look over her shoulder toward the bar. The camera angles didn't give Shepard a very good view of Aethyta's expression, which would help assess the matriarch's mood, but she was convinced there was more to this than an interest in one of the Normandy's crew. _Does Aethyta know Liara's the Shadow Broker, or is this about something else?_ Shepard decided to let the matter go until they next returned to the Citadel.

x ~ X ~ x

If Shepard had hopes of relaxing upon her return to the Normandy, they were dashed the moment she set foot onto the CIC deck. Traynor had heard of a group of Cerberus scientists who had defected and were on the run, and wanted permission to track them down. The news was definitely promising; stealing employees from Cerberus and getting their intel could help the Alliance defend itself against future attacks by the organization. Meanwhile, Liara had obtained more information about the distress signal asari command wanted Shepard to investigate. The colony was on the planet Lesuss and consisted of an ardat-yakshi monastery. Admiral Hackett wanted to speak with her again, and she had important messages to read, too. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she sighed and counted to ten.

"Okay please call the Admiral and send it to the comm room."

She hated to have to break the news of Bryson's death to Hackett, but he was happy to hear that she had a solid lead to follow up on. In the meantime, he wanted her to make sure she read his most recent message, and that she kept herself up to speed on Cerberus's activities so she could attempt to undermine them at all costs.

"I suggest you start by finding Garneau and those scientists, Commander. Hackett out."

When his image blinked away, she leaned heavily on the console and stared at the floor. So much to do, so little time to do it, it seemed. She was feeling the pressure of a multitude of expectations.

x ~ X ~ x

Another plaque, polished to a gleaming shine, was slipped into place underneath Moridin's. _Thane Krios_.

Shepard recited part of the prayer Thane and Kolyat had taught her. "'Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve.'"

Dismissing the crew who gathered to pay their respects, she lingered a moment to collect herself, with Kaidan at her side. After a few minutes of silence and a cursory glance to ensure they were alone, he gripped her hand. "He spoke very highly of you, when we talked at the hospital."

She called the elevator to the deck and pulled him into it. "I need a breather, a glass of wine before dinner. Join me?" He nodded and she set the controls to take them directly to their cabin.

When they were finally alone, she poured them each a glass of wine and collapsed onto the couch, kicking her shoes off to put her feet up on the coffee table.

Taking a sip of wine and savoring it before she swallowed, she sighed. "Mmm, not bad." Putting her glass down, she leaned back, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

Kathryn could feel Kaidan moving around her, kneeling to massage her feet. She groaned. "Oh, okay, that feels...good." She opened her eyes again. "But it doesn't get you off the hook."

Kaidan shook his head, knowing she was talking about EDI's solo visit to the Citadel. The AI had warned him she might be upset. "EDI is a blabbermouth."

"Yeah, she doesn't really get some of the finer points of human and inter-species relations. Tell her specifically not to talk about it, and you're good. Don't worry about me, okay?"

"Easier said than done, Kate." He raised his eyes to look into hers. "My concern for you would never compromise a mission. I know better than that, and the crew does too, but your well being means a lot to _everyone_, not just me. I thought it was in our best interest to have EDI look into the situation, since we could. And it did turn out for the best, right?"

"Yes, it did. I admit I was rather taken aback by that sudden turn of events, and her assistance was invaluable. I was annoyed that you sent her."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow at her and she smiled. "_At first_. I...I've been lonely, Kaidan. It's nice to know there's someone here waiting for me. It's not such a bad thing, even if I already know it, to be _reminded _someone cares if I come back in one piece."

Her voice was barely a whisper and he knew it must have been difficult for her to acknowledge her feelings, let alone admit them to anyone else. He was past feeling guilty about being apart from her for so long, having resolved to simply make it up to her. He sat next to her on the couch and pulled her into an embrace.

"I'll remind you every day."

He had a vague plan for the evening - dinner, a bottle of brandy, a game of chess, and more intimate pursuits - but he didn't object when Kathryn straddled his lap and suggested they skip straight to the more intimate pursuits.

* * *

A/N: A big nod to Bioware, to my friends Zute and Zevgirl, and to my readers. I hope your week is off to a good start! Cheers, Biff.


	57. Passenger

**Passenger**

"Shit." Kathryn's coffee mug hit her desk with a thud, jarring Kaidan awake. She muttered a few more expletives before snatching the mug up again to take a drink.

"What's wrong?" Kaidan sat up, rubbing his face.

Kathryn looked up, the sight of his naked chest and torso momentarily distracting her. "Ah...sorry. An email from Alliance Command. Cerberus has attacked and occupied Eden Prime, and they might have found a prothean artifact. Fucking Cerberus."

Kaidan pulled a pair of sweatpants on and walked to her desk to read the email over her shoulder. "Eden Prime? Another beacon?"

"The intel's a little weak. I guess we won't know until we get there." She sighed and Kaidan rubbed her shoulders.

"So we go there first?"

"Yes." Kathryn groaned and stood to face him, wrapping her arms around him. "We have so much to do, Kaidan."

She was worried they wouldn't be able to move quickly enough to mobilize an army against the reapers. One thing after another came up, steering them slightly off course, but everything seemed to be a priority. It was maddening.

He nodded and kissed her forehead. "We'll figure it out, Kate."

Kathryn sighed and settled into the comfort of Kaidan's embrace, but it was only a moment before she began running through their increasing list of missions: Eden Prime, the Cerberus scientists, Garneau, the quarians, the asari monastery, save the galaxy.

x ~ X ~ x

"Shepard, are you and Kaidan...?" Liara raised an eyebrow inquisitively, her voice low. She was apparently the last person on the ship to realize the commander and the major were sharing quarters. Kathryn nodded and Liara smiled.

"He is a good man, Kate, and he loves you very much. You seem happier." she whispered.

They were getting ready to leave for Eden Prime, checking their weapons and armor. Kaidan and Steve were inside the shuttle, laughing at something the pilot had said, and Kathryn grinned at the sound of Kaidan's voice.

"I am. We may not have much time left, and this might be all we do with it, but I'll take whatever I can get. Come on, let's go."

x ~ X ~ x

They had an extra passenger on the return trip. It was all Shepard and her squad could do to not stare at their guest or question him incessantly. Liara was nearly bursting at the seams with excitement and intellectual curiosity, and Shepard was grateful her friend was able to keep herself busy transmitting Cerberus intel to the Alliance and Eden Prime colonists.

Cerberus had found an _actual _prothean in a life pod hidden in an underground bunker on Eden Prime. He was the only survivor, and even he might not have lasted much longer if not for the meddling of the terrorist organization, a fact that irritated Shepard. But he was alive and well, if startled to find himself the last of his kind, brought back to consciousness fifty thousand years after the destruction of his race. Being dead for two years had been hard enough for Shepard; she couldn't imagine how difficult this must be for him.

Shepard had more visions on Eden Prime, seeing the final moments of the prothean's life before he went into stasis. They were frightening, disturbing visions, which served to remind her what was at stake in this war and drove her forward. They had shown her how to open the ancient life pod to release the prothean from stasis, and he shared memories with her and learned how to communicate with them in a matter of seconds simply by touching her.

It had been an incredible day and in spite of the beating they had taken from Cerberus's troops, Shepard was feeling optimistic. They had delivered a blow to the organization, collected another potential ally who might be able to give them an added edge against the reapers, and the battered colony had some much needed intel to help in their fight against Cerberus. _A good day's work_, she thought with a smile.

x ~ X ~ x

Kathryn stood in the Starboard Lounge, a drink in her hand, staring out the window as the key conversations of the day ran through her mind.

_"We're losing colonies faster than we can evacuate. We've never seen a force like the reapers."_

_"He has, Admiral."_

_"Can he help us?" Hackett looked hopeful_

_"I don't know, but I intend to find out."_

She took a sip of whiskey. The prothean's name was Javik, and with a single touch he knew what she was feeling.

_"I sense fear in you, anxiety and distress. The reapers are winning."_

_How quickly things had changed over the course of the hour_, she thought bitterly. She'd had high hopes that this prothean would somehow save the day, or provide them with a gem of information that would turn the tide of the war to their favor, but that wasn't the case. When she mentioned the beacon they'd found, Javik grasped her arms again, searching her memories to see which beacon she was referring to. His disappointment had been obvious.

_"You found one. You saw it all, our destruction, our warnings. Why weren't they heeded? Why didn't you prepare for the reapers, human?"_

_"It's _Commander_, and nobody could understand your warnings. The beacon nearly killed me."_

_"Then communication is still primitive in this cycle."_

_"We pieced together what we could and used it to stop a reaper invasion three years ago."_

_"Then the extinction was delayed."_

Javik knew very little about the Crucible and the catalyst. As Shepard had suspected, he was a soldier, pure and simple, with one purpose only: Kill the reapers.

_"Those who share my purpose become allies. Those who do not become casualties."_

_Shepard motioned for the crew to leave the cargo hold and waited for the door to close behind them. "Nothing in our fight against the reapers has been that cut and dried."_

_"Because you still have hope that this war will end with your honor intact."_

_She frowned. "I do."_

_He closed in on her, his eyes searching her face. "Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask yourself if honor matters." She didn't know what to say and after a pause he nodded. "This silence is your answer."_

The doors behind her opened and she could see Kaidan's reflection in the window before her.

"Kate, I wondered where you'd gotten to. You okay?" Liara thought Shepard might be feeling a bit defeated, and he had to admit she wasn't looking nearly as happy as she had when they first brought Javik aboard the Normandy.

Kathryn shrugged, staring into her empty glass. "I wish I could tell you I'm fine, but I'm-" She blinked back tears, surprised to hear herself give voice to her doubts. "I don't know anymore, Kaidan."

Quicker than she could wish it, he was at her side, taking her glass, holding her. "I don't need assurances from you, Kate. I know the score, we all do. What's going on?"

"Hackett figures we're losing. Javik's got nothing to offer us other than himself, and he's...condescending and full of doom and gloom. Otherwise known as reality I suppose. He said he could sense fear, anxiety, and distress in me. In front of the crew."

_Ah, of course_, he thought. Kathryn worked to keep a positive outlook, to never let the crew know when or if she was doubtful about their chances. "And you think it would be a bad thing if we knew that you're just as concerned about this as the rest of us? I think I'd be worried if you didn't seem to have the same fears and insecurities we do. I admire your ability to put aside those doubts to get the job done, Kate, but I don't expect you to keep up the facade for me when we're alone, okay?"

She smiled, letting a few tears fall. "I...thank you. You're right, I guess I just needed you to remind me. I am so grateful to have you with me, Kaidan." She paused and looked up into his eyes. "God, you're sexy. We should turn in for the night. Right now."

His eyes twinkling, Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "Commander, do you think that sort of talk's appropriate?"

Kathryn cupped his face with her hands and pulled him to her for a kiss, rather suddenly not at all concerned what was appropriate or not. She walked him back toward the couch until he had no choice but to sit, and straddled his lap. Kaidan laughed gently, trying to look over his shoulder to the door.

"I'm not complaining, but it's still early. The crew-"

She sat back long enough to execute a series of commands on her omni-tool. "We're locked in and the security camera is off." She began unbuttoning his shirt. "Come on, haven't you ever wanted to do something a little crazy?" She tugged his shirt open and kissed his neck.

Her warm lips on his collarbone decided the matter for him. He returned her kiss with abandon and tugged her shirt up out of her pants. They continued to kiss while struggling to get undressed, laughing at their clumsiness.

"Kate, your pants-"

She kicked them off and reached between Kaidan's legs to hold him steady as she sat down on his lap again, moaning with pleasure as she took his body into hers.

"Oh, god, Kate." He buried his face in the crook of her neck with a groan.

"Kaidan-"

She rocked her hips back and forth, her rhythm gaining speed as a pleasant pressure built within her. She wanted to forget the war for just a moment, and lost herself in Kaidan's embrace. The touch of his lips on her throat, his hands at her hips, his breath across her skin, the feel of him moving beneath her, all combined to drive her over the edge quickly. Kaidan followed her, his hips jerking up as he came, and they relaxed for a few minutes.

"Okay," she whispered breathlessly as she pulled her clothes on. "I think I can get to our cabin without making a scene, but we better make it quick. I can't promise anything."

The sight of Kathryn squirming around to get dressed only made Kaidan want to undress her all over again, and he nodded, jumping up to make himself presentable enough to get to the elevator without raising too many eyebrows. She reset the security camera, unlocked the lounge, and peered out into the hallway. Crew members were in the mess hall laughing, but no one was in sight, and they moved as quickly and quietly as possible to get to the elevator without notice. As the doors closed, Kathryn began to giggle.

"I've never done anything like that before. We should do it more often." The combination of satisfying sex and the thrill of knowing they might have been caught had a surprising effect on her mood.

Kaidan laughed, pulling her into an embrace as they arrived at their quarters. It was good to see her smile again. "Next you'll be dragging me off to Engineering."

Grinning, she stepped into their cabin and began undressing. "I think there's still a cot down there, where Jack slept."

"Well, I wasn't actually-"

"Shush. No more talking." Flinging her shirt across the room, she pushed Kaidan onto the bed and climbed on top of him.

"Oh no you don't." Biotic energy flared around him and Kathryn's eyes widened as a stasis field surrounded her.

Kaidan pulled her down to his chest and kissed her. "It's my turn."

Shifting slightly, he rolled them over and trailed kisses down her neck and along her collarbone, silencing any protests she may have had. He made love to her, slowly and thoroughly, until they were both exhausted. As she drifted off to sleep in Kaidan's arms, Kathryn smiled, glad to be back in a more positive frame of mind. She wouldn't give in to despair again; she simply couldn't.

* * *

**A/N:** Happy new year, one and all! I've had a bit of a break, during which my writing mojo took a vacation as well, but I hope I'm getting back into the routine! This chapter was giving me a bit of trouble and I'm not sure I'm completely satisfied with it, but I finally decided I should break it here and post it. Thanks to my pals Zute and Zevgirl and my readers. I hope 2013 is a great year for you! Cheers, Biff


	58. Lie of Omission

**Lie of Omission**

Kaidan sat at the foot of the bed, pulling his shirt on with more force than was necessary. "How could you _forget_ that?"

"Come on Kaidan. You had just finished telling me about your dad, and I was thinking about my parents, about us. That's when I asked you to move in here. There was a lot going on and I _forgot_, okay?" Kathryn raked her fingers through her hair, wondering how this conversation had turned into an argument.

"You forgot to tell anyone that you investigated a Cerberus conspirator, alone? That you didn't call for backup even when you knew you needed it? You could have been killed!" He shoved his legs into his pants and stood to zip them up.

"There wasn't time to call C-Sec or the Spectre office! Zaeed had the situation under control and it all worked out in the end."

"There's a Spectre office on the Presidium. You shouldn't have gone alone in the first place, Kate. What if Massani hadn't been there? You got lucky. Please don't do that again."

"I've been told to do whatever it takes to win this damn war, Kaidan, and I have to. Don't make me pull rank." _That doesn't sound like me_.

Kaidan sat down again, looking defeated. "I'm sorry, Commander, I thought this was a personal conversation."

Kathryn blew out a puff of air, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Kaidan-"

He spoke quietly, his eyes fixed on hers. "Personally, I can't bear to lose you again, Kate. If you want to talk business, this crew, and the war effort in general, needs you. Don't put yourself at risk unnecessarily like that again. Please."

At the time, finding Din Korlack had been her primary concern and time was of the essence. Helping an ally, saving a colony, and adding resources to the war effort were all important goals. She also had copies of Korlack's audio journal entries, proving that Cerberus was actively working against the Alliance. She had to act quickly, but Kaidan had a point. She hadn't stopped to think about her personal safety. She had taken other risks and could have died a number of ways in situations that looked unnecessary and avoidable in hindsight. Kneeling at Kaidan's feet, Kathryn took his hands in hers.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan, you're right. Someone could have met me at the apartment, or I could have asked a security guard to come with me. Are we good?"

He gripped Kathryn's hand, nodding, and pulled her into an embrace. "These are terrible times, Kate. I don't know how you do it."

"It isn't easy, you know that, but I can't fail. It simply isn't an option when we all stand to lose everything we've ever known. I think of that when I need to." She stood up. "Come on, I want some coffee, and then we need to find these scientists. Any digs we can get at Cerberus will make my day."

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard thought her day couldn't have gone much better. They eliminated several Cerberus squads, saved over forty highly intelligent scientists and their families, and rescued Jacob Taylor, who'd been part of the group's security detail since leaving Cerberus. There were only a few casualties, and the survivors were willing to join the Crucible team. Transportation was arranged and the group was shipped out to rendezvous with Hackett's fleet.

"Score another one for the Normandy," Shepard said as she raised a glass of beer with the crew. "Here's to us!"

"Who's better than us?" someone shouted out.

"Damn few, and they're all dead." the crew responded.

There was more than a ring of truth to the toast now, and it stung, but they cheered and drank, and enjoyed the moment.

x ~ X ~ x

"I've read your report, Commander. I had no idea the situation had deteriorated so quickly."

"That's why I set off the bomb." The asari councilor's image flickered before her, making her eyes hurt, but Shepard maintained a neutral expression, her hands clenched together behind her back.

"May the ardat-yakshi find peace. What the reapers did to them is monstrous. I had another team of commandos headed to the monastery, who I can now formally transfer to Admiral Hackett's command. They will serve you loyally, Commander. Farewell." She turned away from the monitor, her image disappeared, and the room went silent.

Shepard leaned over the console and stared at the floor, trying to gather her thoughts. For the first time in her career, she had falsified a report, omitting mention of Samara's presence on the planet, or the fact that her youngest daughter, an ardat-yakshi named Falere, was still alive.

Visions of shrieking banshees disturbed her and she shook her head. _Forget it, move on_. Footsteps behind her startled her and she straightened up.

"Commander?"

The sound of Kaidan's voice provided her with some relief and she smiled, turning around. "Major."

"Are you okay?"

She was shaken and had given up trying to hide it now that she had finished briefing the councilor. "That mission was a bag full of shit I don't like. Dark, eerie places, dim flashlights, cannibals, and banshees. We need better flashlights."

"Banshees. They sound-"

"Fucking freaky. They scream, and they do that-" she moved her hand back and forth between them, "shifting thing. We first ran into them on Horizon."

Her first experience with one, face to face, came back to her and she shuddered. Its skeletal features, sharp teeth, gaping mouth, long claw-like fingers, and swollen belly had been terrifying from a distance. In the blink of an eye, it was up close, in her face, and it was a nightmare she wished she could forget.

"You still with me, Kate?"

"Yeah, just...remembering stuff I'd be better off not thinking about quite so much, you know?" She didn't want to dwell on any of it, especially not Samara's attempted suicide. _If I hadn't turned around when I did..._ She needed to focus on something else and turned her mind to their next priority.

"I...ah, I was just... trying to decide if we should try to contact Doctor Garneau first, or go to the Far Rim to meet with the quarians." She felt unsteady on her feet and put her hand on the console behind her. "I think maybe-"

"Kate," Kaidan's voice was low, soothing. "You need to eat and rest. It's been a long day and you've fought hard. You have to refuel before you can move on to the next mission, or you won't be any use to us."

She looked past him to the war room. Only the running lights on the floor were illuminated. The crew had shut down for the night. "Kaidan, about Lesuss-"

He shook his head firmly, steering her through the war room toward the CIC. "First, we go to our cabin where you will take a hot shower. Then we'll talk, over dinner, and then it's to bed with you."

Kaidan escorted her back to their cabin, dimmed the lights and turned on some soft music. Giving her a kiss and a gentle push toward the bathroom, he left again to put together some dinner for them. Kathryn stripped down and showered, all the while thinking over the decisions she'd made earlier in the day.

_Did I do the right thing letting Falere live? How could I have possibly killed her? Could I have told the councilor the truth? I doubt the asari high command would let that stand. They'd probably send more commandos to the monastery to slaughter Falere, and possibly Samara if she were still there. Was I right to swear Garrus and Liara to secrecy?_ Kathryn was standing in front of the fish tank, half dressed, staring at the plants when Kaidan returned.

When he first saw her standing there in her underwear and a tee shirt, the room lightly scented with her perfume, he was aroused; she looked and smelled good. After a moment, however, he realized that she was somewhere else entirely, so wrapped up in her own thoughts she hadn't noticed him enter the room. He put the tray he was carrying onto her desk.

"Kate?" She didn't move and he stepped closer, reaching out to touch her. "Kate, are you okay?"

Kathryn jumped slightly, startled out of her thoughts. Wetting her lips, she turned to face him, anxious to get the burden off her chest. "I lied."

"About what? What's wrong?"

"On Lesuss. Samara was there to get her daughters, Rila and Falere."

She sat down on their bed and told him everything that happened on Lesuss, and all she knew of the ardat-yakshi, and when she was finished, she shrugged. "I've made some tough decisions before, and I stand by them, but this is the first time I've ever omitted significant facts from a report. I feel like shit."

Kaidan was quiet and she was momentarily uncertain what his reaction would be. "Say something, please, Kaidan. I'm having a bit of a crisis here."

"Sorry, I just...Samara would have killed her own daughters, even though neither of them had actually done anything wrong?"

"Yes, but Samara had a...I don't know, crisis of faith? Her code dictates that an ardat-yakshi cannot live outside the monastery, but she couldn't follow through. Falere isn't at all like Morinth, and had no desire to leave, and Samara couldn't kill her. She was going to kill herself to resolve the conflict."

She stood up and paced, angry again. "Goddamn it, if I hadn't stopped her, then what? And now I've lied to the Council. Jesus Christ."

"Kate." Kaidan put his hands on her shoulders. "Let it go. I couldn't have gunned Falere down just for having the _potential_ to wreak havoc on the galaxy. You can't dwell on it, or your report."

Kathryn looked surprised and he laughed. "I'm not saying we can afford to throw the rules and our ethics out the window, just that there are going to be times when all we can do is...well, try to do the best that we can. What are you supposed to do in a complicated situation like that, given everything else that's going on? I don't think this is the sort of war we thought we were signing up for when we enlisted. The reapers are like nothing we've faced before, and would you ever have imagined that you'd chase an enemy into the galactic core?

"Should you have lied to the councilor? Probably not, but I agree the asari's resources are better deployed elsewhere. Will it bite you in the ass? _Maybe_. If it does we'll deal with it then. Are you going to make a habit of omitting important facts from your reports?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"No, of course not." The thought made a wave of guilt wash over her again.

"Okay. Are you feeling better now?"

"Um...I think so, maybe a bit."

He nodded and brought their dinner down to the coffee table, sitting beside her. "Then let's eat. It's Vega's beans and rice with a side of steamed vegetable rations."

"Sounds delicious," Kathryn said, making a face as she uncovered a plate and took a fork and napkin.

"Come on, Vega would be wounded. This is pretty good."

"I was talking about the steamed rations," she laughed, starting to feel more like herself again.

Kaidan took her hand and gave it a squeeze, not saying anything, and went back to his dinner.

"Thank you, Kaidan."

A comfortable silence fell between them as they ate. Kathryn pressed her leg against Kaidan's, her anxiety giving way to more pleasant thoughts, and her heart raced when he returned the gesture. Kathryn decided their steamed vegetables could wait; dessert promised to be far more satisfying.

* * *

**A/N**: Well hello there! I've been trying to get this posted for days now, but just couldn't wrap it up...A quick note about the ardat-yakshi. In ME2, Samara specifically says there are three, all her daughters. However, in ME3 there suddenly seem to be dozens and dozens. I gloss over this a bit, add a few more to the monastery, and will assume the rest are asari with latent, undeveloped tendencies.

My thanks to Zevgirl and Zute (read their stuff!) and all my readers. Have a great weekend! Cheers, Biff


	59. In The Mines

**In The Mines**

Shepard stared at the galaxy map, a cup of coffee in hand. "Joker, we've narrowed it down to the Aysur System in the Caleston Rift. Let's go there, then continue on to the Perseus Veil."

"Aye, aye, ma'am." Joker's voice sounded out over the intercom. "I'll let you know when we get there. Should be a couple hours before we're scanning the system."

"Thank you. Traynor, could you please send a message to the quarian fleet that we'll join them in a couple of days, tops."

"Yes, Commander."

"I'm going to tour the ship. See you in about an hour or so."

She started in the cargo hold, checking in with Cortez to see how he was doing. The lieutenant was in a better frame of mind and looked good. Vega was cleaning his weapons, more subdued than usual. He wanted to talk to her, in private, when she had a moment. She nodded and spoke briefly with the additional crew members on deck before heading up to engineering.

Diana Allers was taping a segment for The Battlespace; Javik was adapting well enough, it seemed, in spite of the inferior technology at his disposal. Kenneth, Greg, and Gabby were working well together, even if Donnelly's attitude occasionally rubbed Adams the wrong way. Shepard couldn't help but notice that the sparks were still flying between Donnelly and Daniels, but Ken was either oblivious or holding off for a reason. _Regulations_, she thought with a frown. _If I can toss that one out, so can they_. She decided to keep an eye on the situation and continued to the Shadow Broker's lair.

The news there wasn't good. Liara had just learned that an entire colony had destroyed itself, rather than risk engaging the reapers and losing anyone to indoctrination and genetic manipulation. Garrus, at least, had a glimmer of good news. He had finally reached his father and sister and knew that they were, for the time being, as safe as they could be on Palaven. A group of soldiers was having lunch in the mess hall, planning an evening poker tournament, laughing and joking with each other. The med lab was quiet in comparison.

Doctor Chakwas frowned and asked Shepard outright whether or not she was using a reliable method of birth control, and the commander had to admit she wasn't. The doctor didn't try to hide her disappointment and insisted on running a quick diagnostic test. Satisfied Shepard wasn't already pregnant, Chakwas gave her a shot that would prevent conception for up to six months and warned her to make sure she took care of herself.

Shepard breathed a sigh of relief when she returned to the hallway and found herself standing at the door to the Starboard Lounge. She could picture Kaidan inside, either standing at the window, staring out into space, or sitting on the couch, reading. She wondered what he'd be doing now. _Reading_. He'd been going over the Normandy's mission logs in his spare time. The door slid open and she saw that she was right. He was sitting on the couch, legs crossed at the ankles, a data pad in hand.

"Hey, Kaidan." He looked up and smiled. "Just checking in."

He put the data pad down and folded his hands in his lap. "Hey. You didn't wake me up this morning."

She crossed the room and sat down beside him, one arm draped over the back of the couch so she could lean close and whisper in his ear. "Hmm. I didn't have the heart."

"Thanks, but next time...wake me up." He turned to face her and put a hand on her leg.

Cupping his cheek in her hand, she kissed him. "Mm. I should probably warn you about something before Doctor Chakwas pulls you into the med lab to read you the riot act. She thinks we're being completely irresponsible and insisted on giving me a birth control shot."

Kaidan cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. "Oh, ah..."

"You are so cute when you're embarrassed, you know that?" Kathryn dropped her hand to his chest and gripped his shirt. "I think we'll have to put this shot through some rigorous field testing later, hmm?"

His eyes scanned her face. "Kate, she does have a point, and I feel stupid for not thinking about it before now, but...is it even possible?"

"Well, the proof would be in a pregnancy, as Chakwas said, but theoretically, yes. Tim wanted me to be as wholly me as possible. They used nanoscaffolding to regenerate most of my body. I'm almost all me now, new organs and tissues built from the last useable traces of the originals. The scaffolding should be broken down completely by now."

As she spoke, her pulse quickened. She hadn't given children much consideration until now, and she was curious what Kaidan thought of it. "Do you think about having children?"

"I think about having kids with _you_, yes." he admitted. "Is that crazy, with the war?"

She squeezed his hand, feeling ridiculously happy. Pregnancy might not be possible, she didn't know, and they might not win this war, but it didn't matter. Kaidan thought about having children with her, and that meant more to her than she could have imagined. She kissed him again.

"No, it isn't crazy to think about the future, to hope that life will go on. I hope we get the chance to see just how good Cerberus did with my reconstruction."

"We will, Kate." Kaidan gave her a smile that warmed her from head to toe and she hugged him.

"I've got to get back to the CIC, but I definitely want to continue this conversation later." With a wink, she left him with his datapad and returned to the bridge.

x ~ X ~ x

Their mission to find Doctor Garneau led them to a T-GES mining operation on Mahavid, an asteroid. The reapers were there and on the offensive, but Shepard's team was able to push back the enemy. Shepard discovered that Leviathan was far more powerful than she could have imagined. Every single employee at the mine was fully under its control, and had been for ten years. When the creature realized it could not stop Shepard from digging to uncover its secrets and its hiding spot, it arranged the destruction of the artifact Garneau discovered deep within the mines. The reapers evacuated the area almost immediately, without giving the Normandy, Shepard, or the mine another thought, it seemed. Their desire to find Leviathan made her more determined than ever to find it, and she was angry that she wasn't any closer to knowing what it was.

Garneau, they learned, had been murdered shortly after arriving on the asteroid. They had no idea who the imposter was, not that it mattered to Shepard. They were back at square one and would have to return to Bryson's lab to see if they could determine how to find his daughter Ann.

"Shep, are you sure you're okay?" Garrus asked as he climbed out of the shuttle.

"Huh? Oh, ah...yeah. Yeah, I just need a few minutes."

Garrus, Liara, and Steve retreated to their quarters, leaving her in the shuttle bay. She pulled off her armor slowly and stacked it in her equipment locker. Stripped down to her Alliance uniform, she sat on a storage crate and tried to focus on her next move. Thoughts of the miners' lost years tested her concentration and she groaned, running fingers through her hair.

Kaidan stepped out of the elevator and looked around the darkened bay. "Kate? You here?"

"Over here."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked as he sat next to her.

"I'm just thinking." She leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. "We're right back where we started, which is next to nowhere."

He put his hand on her back. "Talk to me." He had stayed on the bridge during the entire mission, overhearing everything that happened on the asteroid; he could only begin to imagine what she must be going through now. She had spoken directly to the creature, but hadn't been able to win its trust. "Well, we don't have what we came for, but we aren't empty handed, either."

She nodded. "No, you're right. We saved those people, gave them their lives back, and we know more than we did yesterday. All those years, lost..." Pushing herself up off the crate, she paced.

"Leviathan destroyed a reaper. It can indoctrinate and control dozens of minds at a time. Garrus wondered if it might be a reaper, which doesn't seem like such a stretch. I figure only a reaper, or something more powerful, could do that."

"Kate, you killed a reaper."

"Pft. Not without a great deal of help. And this happened a long time ago, long before the technology we used was around. Or so I think, anyway. How could it be anything else? A lone prothean? Some other lost race? How could they survive all this time?" She frowned. _How has Leviathan survived this long?_ "And what would cause a reaper to turn on its own race? Is it possible?"

Kaidan shrugged. "Okay, we know they've turned the asari into banshees, the turians into marauders, and the protheans into collectors. They were making a human reaper to fight us. _Maybe_ Leviathan is a rogue reaper, or a survivor from another race. It hardly seems possible, given what we know about the reapers' success rate, but you never know. We didn't think we'd be where we are now, a century ago."

"So where is it? What's cold and dark? Caves, oceans, lakes, and all of deep space, for crying out loud." She kicked at a nearby container. "Damnit. We have to go back to the Citadel. Bryson's daughter Ann is also out in the field, and I figure the reapers are hot on her trail. We have to meet the quarians first, but I hope we can make that quick."

Glancing over his shoulder to make sure they were alone, he reached for her hands and made her stand still. "But first, you need to eat and get some sleep, Kate." With a grin, he added, "And you said something about field testing?"

As tired and frustrated as she was, Kaidan was hard to resist, and she finally smiled. "Hmm, indeed I did. Matter of fact, I could go for some of that right now, Major."

She pulled him to his feet and hugged him tightly, and he steered her toward the elevator. They kissed each other hungrily, and by the time they crossed the threshold into their private quarters, eating was the last thing on Kathryn's mind.

* * *

**A/N:** The writing bug has been a bit bugged for a while, and I've become somewhat obsessed with another RPG, The Witcher 2. Really need to stop picking up new games. However, I do hope to get back to posting more regularly.

My usual shout out to my friends Zevgirl and Zute, and to all you readers out there. I hope you have a great week and weekend (and that you aren't too bothered by the lack of Shenko smut - next chapter, I promise!). Cheers, Biff


	60. Dreadnaught I

**Dreadnaught I**

Kaidan leaned against a terminal along the outer ring of the war room, his eyes on Shepard. She stood in the lower lever with the quarian delegates, staring at Admiral Han'Gerrel as though he had sprouted a second head. Finally, she ran her tongue over her teeth and licked her lips.

"Your homeworld. You mean Rannoch?" The quarian admirals had waged war against the geth, violating a treaty and putting their entire fleet in jeopardy.

Gerrel and Admiral Daro'Xen continued to justify their actions and when Shepard tried to point out the error of their ways, Admiral Koris raised a hand.

"Don't bother, Commander. Admitting we were wrong will undercut the justification of this suicidal invasion plan."

Alenko knew Shepard was struggling to hold her tongue and remain civil; her body language spoke volumes. As Gerrel updated her on the situation, she massaged her temples, pinched the bridge of her nose, hunched over a console, drummed her fingertips against anything they came into contact with, and paced back and forth. When it was finally revealed that a signal was being broadcast to all geth ships, both Shepard and Alenko sighed. It had to be the reapers. The signal was coming from a geth dreadnaught within the quarian home system.

He knew where this was going. The quarians wanted the Normandy's help with the geth in exchange for their help with the reapers, and that was the path they had to take. Without hesitation, Shepard proposed that the Normandy could use stealth to get her team onto the dreadnaught where she'd then disable the signal.

She caught Kaidan's eyes across the room and shrugged as if to say, "What else can we do?", and he knew she was right. He didn't like it, and might even go so far as to say he was scared shitless of facing the geth again, but there it was. They couldn't leave the quarians to fight this battle alone any more than they could afford to lose the potential power of the quarian fleet. _Rock, meet hard place_, he thought as he shot a nervous grin back at Kathryn. His concern was alleviated only slightly when Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, now an admiral, joined them. Shepard's face broke into a wide smile.

"Glad to see you could make it, Tali. Admirals, I'll ready a team to hit that dreadnaught."

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard boarded the dreadnaught with expectations. She expected to run into the geth and to have one hell of a fight on her hands; she knew it would be foolish to think it would go down any other way. Shepard also learned that it was foolish to not expect a surprise or two along the way as well, but discovering that Legion was the hardware the reapers were using to distribute their signal was a shock. Steadfastly refusing to believe that her former ally would willing subject itself to the reapers' control, she questioned and then released Legion.

The string of cause and effect was indisputable. The quarians attacked, the geth fought back in self defense, and the reapers made the geth an offer they couldn't refuse. In the back of her mind, an idea was beginning to form._ What if I could get both the quarian and geth fleets on our side?_ She barely had time to nurse the notion; when Legion was free, he shut down the dreadnought and announced that its barriers and weapons were offline. He quickly added that geth reinforcements were on the way.

As they fought to escape the ship, the chatter over her commlink increased. Geth ships were retreating, the quarians could get their liveships out of danger. The quarian admirals barked orders, and Joker and Alenko provided updates from the Normandy's bridge. Snippets of conversation sunk into Shepard's brain, but she was doing her best to focus on the enemy she faced, not the ally at her back.

Tali's voice cut through the fog. "What are you talking about? We're still onboard!"

"What was that?" Shepard ducked down behind a server and pressed the commlink to her ear. A geth trooper fired a shot at her head and she fired back, trying to keep track of the conversation between Raan and Gerrel.

Raan shouted, "Damn it, this is our chance to withdraw the civilian ships safely."

"We can't waste this chance," Gerrel continued.

Shepard stopped firing and crouched down as far as she could. _Did he just say take out the dreadnought?_

"Shepard, what do we do?" Tali called out as she advanced.

"Focus on the geth. We'll worry about the admirals later." She refused to believe the admirals would actually fire on them.

Garrus and Tali spared glances at one another. Shepard sounded as though this were any other battle and under the circumstances that felt strange. Shepard, on the other hand, was growing angrier by the second and was having a hard time keeping it reined in. Her heart pounded in her chest and she could almost feel the adrenaline flowing through her body, hear her blood rushing through her veins. Her jaw hurt, she was clenching her teeth so tightly.

A geth prime unit exploded, illuminating the hallway they were in as it sent a shower of sparks several meters in every direction. With a quick twitch of her head, Shepard signaled them to advance. They were now down at the bottom of the contraption that had Legion captive. The floor beneath it was open to the lower level, and Shepard could see that Legion was okay. Turning to Garrus and Tali, Shepard was about to suggest they retrace their steps at full speed when Gerrel ordered the fleet to fire and the dreadnaught was rocked with a wave of hits. The team staggered and regained their balance.

"Shepard Commander, the Creator fleet is firing upon this vessel. Without its barriers, the ship will be destroyed. We must evacuate." With that, Legion darted out of sight.

"We need to get to the escape pods!" she yelled at Garrus and Tali.

Her commlink buzzed to life again as Legion informed them the geth didn't use escape pods and suggested her team proceed to a nearby fighter bay. The thought of escaping in a cramped fighter wasn't very appealing, but the alternative was even less so and Shepard urged the team forward once again. Now they were dodging debris and small explosions as the fleet continued to fire at the dreadnaught.

"Shepard to fleet, hold fire! I repeat, hold fire!" When she got no response, she tapped her commlink. It crackled briefly in response and went silent.

"They're not responding," Tali confirmed.

"Yeah. Fucking...fffff-!" She clenched her jaw and sidestepped a piece of the ceiling as it crashed to the floor.

Legion reported that he had taken over the docking protocols. If they could get to him, he could get them out in once piece. All around her, the ship was falling apart and it was increasingly difficult to stand up straight, never mind run. At one point the walkway beneath Shepard fell apart, dropping her to the lower level and knocking the wind out of her. Legion informed her that they had to leave from the upper floor and she scrambled to regain ground. Garrus was cursing the quarians, Tali wasn't defending them, and Shepard began to wonder if she was destined to get spaced again.

The firefight was slowing down; the geth were becoming increasingly distracted by the ship's deteriorating condition. This gave Shepard and her team the chance to run full speed for Legion's location. Quite suddenly, and barely a second after Tali's warning that systems were failing, the environmental controls ceased to function and the three of them were suddenly drifting through the air. Legion quickly grabbed for Garrus and then Talii, hauling them to safety at his side while Shepard clung to the fighter's hull and pulled herself into the cargo hold.

"Commander Shepard, we're reading a loss of gravity over there, are you okay?"

_You're asking me that now?_ she thought angrily. With a quick shake of her head, she reminded herself that her crew was not trying to blow her to oblivion. "We're fine. We're escaping in a geth fighter. Transmitting coordinates now." She sounded anything but fine, she realized.

Joker acknowledged the transmission and the commlink went silent again. Sitting down, Shepard told Legion to move. The dreadnaught continued to fall apart as they pulled away from its hull, and within seconds several breaches along its hull ripped apart. Unable to relax, Shepard's mind moved from survival mode to thoughts of how to deal with the quarians when she was back on the Normandy.

_to be continued..._

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter was getting a bit out of hand and that seemed like a good place to break it. I hope to publish the second half this evening or tomorrow; I just need to finish up the smutty ending. I bet that caught your attention. The bits of dialogue I gave Shepard during the discussion about destroying the dreadnaught pretty much come from the first time I played through that scene. I was pretty damn unimpressed that my so called allies were ready to blow up the ship while my Shepard was trying so damned hard to keep everyone alive, let me tell you!

As always, I am very grateful to my friends Zevgirl and Zute for their friendship, and to everyone who continues to follow me. Have a great day! Cheers, Biff


	61. Dreadnaught II

**Dreadnaught II**

Shepard nursed her anger as the Normandy picked them up, and she continued to fume about what had happened while she removed her armor. Unwilling to allow anyone to see just how upset she was, she avoided everyone in the cargo bay and left for the war room. Garrus's mandibles twitched and Tali wrung her hands together, but they both gave Shepard the space she wanted. When Kaidan met her at the elevator, concern in his eyes, she was too far gone to spare him more than a passing glance, a quick, tight smile, and a grumbled 'give me a minute'. Something in her expression made him pull back, and she continued to the communications room, telling, not asking, Traynor to connect her to Admiral Hackett. She completely ignored the quarians, skirting around the outer ring of the war room and sealing the comm room with a soundproofing barrier.

Hackett was almost as outraged as Shepard was, but she was alive and well and reporting a success, so he didn't dwell on it. Their conversation ended with a reminder that they needed the quarian fleet. Shepard assured Hackett she'd get their cooperation, and ended the call. All that remained was to face the admirals themselves, and she ignored the little voice in the back of her head that told her to take a moment to calm down.

Gerrel and Raan were bickering while Xen stood by and watched. Shepard stalked out of the comm room and stared at Gerrel.

He turned to her, saying, "Shepard, the mission parameters changed. You're military, You understand that."

Shaking her head, she walked to stand before Gerrel. "I understand that you wasted your chance to withdraw the fleet safely."

He tried to say something else, but she punched him in the stomach, hard. Gerrel doubled over, and she leaned down to speak to him.

"You're damned lucky I need your ships and that I didn't get killed out there today. I'm the best chance we have of winning this war and I will not let anyone fuck that up, do you hear me? Now get off my ship. I need a time out."

x ~ X ~ x

"Kaidan, you got a minute?"

He was on the crew deck eating an energy bar when Joker paged him. "Yeah, Joker. What is it?" He was keeping an eye on the time, wondering how much longer Kathryn would be tied up with the admirals.

"I think maybe you should check on Shepard. She's up in the loft."

Kaidan was on his feet and moving toward the elevator before Joker had finished speaking. "What's going on?" _She's probably upset about almost being killed, Alenko_.

"Um, well, she punched Admiral Gerrel and tossed him off the ship. Not physically," Joker added, clearly feeling it needed to be said.

"Shit, how bad is it?" Kaidan jabbed a finger at the first floor button. He couldn't help thinking the few crew members who knew the quarians fired on the dreadnaught while Shepard was inside would be more than happy to line up for a shot at Gerrel; he certainly was.

"Ah, actually, no one has said anything, but they kinda have bigger problems right now. No surprise, the reaper-geth threat isn't over yet."

"But how's Shepard?"

"EDI's seen worse, but the Commander's pretty stressed out according to her vitals. Elevated blood pressure, accelerated heart rate-"

Kaidan stepped out of the elevator and paused at the door to their cabin. "Thanks, I got it," he whispered to Joker.

x ~ X ~ x

Kathryn was pacing back and forth by the bed, her hands on her hips. _I'm the best chance we have of winning this war and I will not let anyone fuck that up. Did I actually say that? Oh god_.

The door opened and Kaidan stepped in. She stopped pacing and stared at him, a slightly wild look in her eyes. Her cheeks were red and her nostrils flared with every breath she took, making his question irrelevant. "Are you okay?"

She started pacing again, waving an arm around as she ranted. "Oh I don't know, let me think about that for a moment. Ah...I almost got spaced again, this time by my supposed allies. And then that son of a bitch has the balls to look me in the eye and say that I understand? If we didn't need him, I swear to God I could have killed him right then and there. As it was, I punched him as hard as I could. And then, if that wasn't bad enough, I told him I'm our best chance to win the war, which made me sound like a complete asshole! I am an asshole. I threw him off the ship."

"Okay, Kate, you're going to start hyperventilating if you don't try to calm down."

"That son of a bitch almost killed us." She let out a groan, covering her face with her hands, feeling cold and full of dread. "Oh god, what did I just do?"

Kaidan walked to her and hugged her tightly. "Take a deep breath, Kate. Come on, breathe." He stroked her back and hair, and after a while she began to sag against him.

"Am I an asshole?" she asked with a shaky, half-hearted laugh.

"Only when you beat us at poker, sweetheart."

Kathryn had been riding an emotional roller coaster. She felt as though she'd been swimming in fear, anger, and confusion, mixed with doubt and frustration, for too long today. Unfortunately, it wasn't over yet. Admiral Koris's ship had gone down on Rannoch, the geth threat could flare up and bite them in the ass again at any moment, and they'd located a reaper base on the planet. Some days it was almost too much to bear and it could feel as though the weight of the galaxy was on her shoulders. But then she'd have a moment like this, no matter how small, when something or someone would remind her that she wasn't alone and all was not lost. Not for the first time, she wondered what she'd do without Kaidan. _I hope I never find out._

As Kaidan held Kathryn, his own feelings about the incident bubbled to the surface. The Normandy SR-1's final moments had flashed before Kaidan's eyes when Gerrel fired on the dreadnaught, and it had taken every ounce of strength Kaidan possessed to stand his ground. What if she hadn't made it? _Don't go there, Alenko. She's okay and that's all that matters._

They looked into each other's eyes and Kathryn was overcome with an urgent need to make love to Kaidan. The rational part of her brain tried to tell her this was hardly the time to be screwing around; there was work to be done. She imagined punching that Shepard in the jaw and began pulling Kaidan's shirt up, fumbling with his buttons.

"Kate," he began. "I-"

"What?" she asked, pushing his shirt open and reaching for his belt.

"Nothing." he replied, ignoring his own inner voices as he reached for her shirt buttons.

Shirts, pants, bra, and underwear were tossed aside, and Kaidan carried Kathryn to bed, laying her down. He paused briefly to admire her physique before straddling her and kissing her.

Fingers digging into his shoulders, Kathryn encouraged him to skip foreplay. She was ready and desperately wanted to feel him close to her. Kaidan was all too happy to oblige, sinking into her with a groan.

"Mm, Kaidan," she sighed, running her fingers up into his hair. She wrapped her legs around his waist to pull him closer.

After a few minutes, Kaidan rolled them over and pushed Kathryn up into sitting position, so he could see her. "You're beautiful, Kate."

She ran her hands over his chest and traced her fingers over the muscles of his abdomen, smiling as he shivered beneath her. Enjoying the feeling of being in control, she made love to him slowly for several minutes before they changed positions again. Kaidan put her onto her knees and gripped her hips, thrusting into her with increasing force.

"Yes, Kaidan. Oh god...ah..."

Kate, I-"

She reached between her legs and barely touched herself before she nearly collapsed under the intense wave of pleasure that washed over her. Kaidan felt her muscles contract and finally lost control of himself. He pushed into her with one last burst of energy and they climaxed together, eventually tumbling over onto their sides.

Kaidan and Kathryn lay together until their breathing slowed again and she whispered, "Let's take a shower." They cleaned up and got dressed, exchanging kisses and embraces, until they met in the middle of the room as soldiers once again.

"What now, Commander?" Kaidan asked with a wink.

"We launch a rescue mission, Major." Kathryn touched her commlink. "Traynor, could you please get Admiral Koris's last known coordinates from Admiral Raan and let Joker know that we need to rescue Koris and any other survivors from his ship. I want Cortez flying the shuttle."

"Yes ma'am, Commander Shepard," Traynor replied. "Right away."

Kathryn terminated the call and smiled at Kaidan, stepping closer to slide her arms around his waist. "I love you, you know that, right?"

He smiled back at her, feeling stupidly happy and turned on by the prospect of getting caught having sex with his commander while they were on active duty. "I do, and I hope you know the feeling's mutual."

"Oh yeah, I think I do." she said, pulling away from him and walking to the door. "So. I'm an asshole when I win poker?"

Kaidan laughed out loud and followed her to the elevator. "A little bit."

* * *

**A/N:** Better late than never, I say, and so here it is. I labored a bit over this last scene, but I think I'm happy with the results. Cheers to my pals Zute and Zevgirl, and to all the FF readers who are following me. Have a great week! Cheers, Biff


	62. Ghost in the Machine

**Ghost in the Machine**

"Hey, Commander." Joker acknowledged Shepard as she stopped between him and EDI to stare out the front of the ship. "How are you?"

"I'm okay." She reached out and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Thank you."

There was no need to tell him why she was thanking him; she knew that he told Kaidan to look in on her earlier, and he knew it too. They both smiled, and Joker asked the question that had been begging to be asked for several hours.

"It's good to have Tali back, even if it is just for a little bit. So...Are we okay with the fact that they tried to blow up a ship with you on it?"

Kaidan had coached her on the most politically correct response to give if Diana Allers wanted to discuss the matter, and he made her practice it in the bathroom in front of the mirror. She didn't quite have it polished to a convincing shine, however. Running her tongue over her teeth, she forced a smile.

"Admiral Gerrel made a difficult decision in the heat of battle. The destruction of the dreadnaught is a major victory."

Joker looked at her for a few seconds before laughing out loud. "The fact that you can say that with a straight face without punching someone, that's why you're command material."

"Did you forget that I _did_ punch Gerrel and threw him off the ship?"

"Yeah, well he deserved it and you had to get it out of your system, but you're good now, right? And you found Legion! He still wearing that piece of your armor? 'Cause _that's_ not creepy at all."

She snorted, recalling how the quarian admirals had reacted when she'd brought Legion on board. "Anybody who treats Legion with any less respect than any other member of my crew gets kicked off the Normandy. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am, Commander," Joker replied with a grin, clearly hoping he'd have a chance to follow her orders.

x ~ X ~ x

Shepard planned their course of action carefully. She believed Admiral Koris was a key figure in how the next few days would play out. If she was to cultivate the seed of hope she had managed to plant in her own mind, she could get two fleets for the price of one. Having a quarian who was sympathetic to the geth on her side was key to her success, and so rescuing the Admiral was her first priority. As straightforward as it seemed, the rescue was anything but. Koris had been separated from his troops, and it wasn't possible to save them and the Admiral. Difficult decisions had to be made, but the Admiral was soon back with the fleet and prepared to give Shepard his support. Shepard's crew celebrated their success discretely and with respect for the fallen.

x ~ X ~ x

"Lieutenant, could you give us a minute? I need to speak to the Commander."

Vega glanced from Alenko to Shepard and nodded. "Sure, Major." He closed up his locker and left the cargo bay.

They were preparing to hit the geth server controlling the fighter squads that were attacking the liveships, and she still needed to get a team together. "Kaidan, what-"

He stepped close to her, closer than he normally allowed himself to get when they were working, and took her hands in his.

"Be careful, Kate."

Without so much as a glance around the bay, Kaidan pulled her into a tight embrace. Slipping one arm around her waist, he ran his other hand up into her hair as his mouth claimed hers. His tongue swept over her lips and into her mouth, and she gasped at the jolt of sexual excitement that shot through her. A tingle of biotic energy at the base of her neck and at the small of her back made her knees weaken and she clung to him as they continued to kiss each other hungrily.

"Hmm, Kaidan." She pulled away from him reluctantly to catch her breath. "What was that all about?" They were both beyond caring about who knew what about their relationship, it seemed.

"Just...I'm just not as sure about the geth as you are. This mission is making me nervous and you aren't even out the airlock yet. Please, Kate, be careful."

She wrapped her arms around his waist. Looking up into his eyes, she nodded. "Look, why don't you come with me?

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think I should also bring Tali. Legion has to come. You okay with that?"

"He makes me a bit nervous, but you trust him and he's done right in the past, so...yeah. Shepard Commander." he added with a twinkle in his eye.

"Get your gear, Alenko." Shepard said, grinning.

x ~ X ~ x

Kaidan hadn't stopped moving for what felt like hours, but he supposed he had only been an hour or so since Shepard had entered the geth consensus. He paced restlessly, watching the access points to the space they currently occupied.

_"Telemetry data predicts this operation has a high chance of success."_ Legion's words came back to him as his eyes settled on Shepard's face.

She was standing nearly upright in a pod that was enabling her to interact with the geth servers on a virtual level. He could see her eyes moving, as though she were in deep REM sleep, and her face occasionally contorted into a frown or pulled up into a smile. Legion, on the other hand, stood nearby, completely immobile, its face dark. Kaidan sighed. He had to trust that this thing knew what it was talking about, and that it wouldn't harm Shepard. It did seem to have high regard for the Commander, which was something they shared. _That has to mean something_.

Finally, Admiral Raan reported that the geth fighters were inactive, that no active programs could be detected on any of the ships. Kaidan turned to look at Shepard. She was stirring and the pod opened. Shepard opened her eyes and climbed out. Rolling her head from side to side, she looked at her companions.

"Shepard, how do you feel?" Kaidan asked, grateful he didn't sound overly anxious.

"I'm okay, I feel...fine." In fact, she felt really good. Legion also believed reunification between the geth and the quarians would be possible if the reaper threat were removed. Her mind was reeling with the possibilities. "Did it work?"

EDI confirmed that server was offline and Kaidan relaxed. And then every geth prime unit in the building lit up and surrounded them. Shepard was startled too, and drew her SMG.

"What's happening?"

Legion explained that geth programming had been transferred from the server to the prime units, and these units now wished to join Shepard. As they waited, they shifted slightly, as if to stand at attention. It was subtle, but Kaidan recognized it for what it was. These geth platforms were awaiting her command. _If I hadn't seen it myself, I would not have believed it_, he thought with wonder.

Shepard was smiling. "Remind me to warn Admiral Hackett that he's got some primes coming. Let's get back to the Normandy."

x ~ X ~ x

Joker's expression was incredulous. "So you went into the geth consensus, as in virtual reality?"

"Yeah," Shepard replied. "It was strange, but I got out all right."

"_Did you_?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean, how would you _know_?"

"How would I know what?"

"If you really got out! See, if the geth experience everything virtually, then you could only _think_ you're in the real world. What if this, like everything you're seeing now, is a simulation?"

Shepard snorted. "Stop messing with me, Joker."

He grinned at her and turned his attention back to the controls. EDI regarded Shepard over her shoulder.

"You know, Shepard, you are now possibly the only living organic who has experienced the geth consensus. Do you feel different?"

"It was fascinating. Mind blowing, really. Hmm. I'm a bit thirsty."

"And just like that, the magic is gone."

"Did you just say what I think you said?"

"No," EDI replied.

"Pfft. Okay, if you two are finished harassing me, I'm heading up to the loft for a nap. I want everyone rested and ready for this next mission. I'll need a wake up call in three hours, please."

Kaidan was stretched out on the bed, dressed in his sweats. He opened his eyes and propped himself up on one elbow when she entered the room.

"Kate. That was...what the hell was _that_?" He couldn't help the goofy grin on his face. He'd been part of an important victory, and witnessed history in the making.

In spite of how tense waiting had been, or how nervous he was that she might not come out of the consensus the same Kate he knew and loved, it had worked. She was as much herself as ever, and she looked particularly good now. There was a fire in her eyes and a bounce in her step.

She grinned and crossed to the bed, crawling to kneel on her knees beside him. "That was incredible, is what it was. Kaidan, I can do this. I can get the geth _and_ the quarian fleets, I feel it. I feel...I feel like I'm high."

"High?"

"Like a runner's high, high on success, I guess."

"In the span of just a few days, you've accomplished a lot. We're on the verge of taking back Rannoch, for crying out loud."

"Yeah. Wow." Kathryn stretched out facing Kaidan, propping herself up on one elbow.

"Are you tired?" he asked, a spark of mischief in his eyes.

"Yes and no. What are you thinking?" she replied with a knowing smile.

He responded by sliding a hand into her hair and kissing her, lowering her onto the bed.

"Mmm, I was thinking the same thing, Major. Carry on."

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, Sunday. I'm enjoying a slow start, with some reading and writing. I hope you're having a great day, too. A shout out to Zevgirl and Zute, and a thank you to one and all who read and follow this. Cheers!


	63. Rannoch

**Rannoch**

Major Alenko was questioning the wisdom of watching the fight for Rannoch from the cockpit. The scene before the Normandy was chaotic. Explosions flashed brilliantly, disintegrating ally and enemy ships, sending clouds of debris drifting past them. Joker glanced over his shoulder.

"Hey, Kaidan. Grab a seat. Gonna to be a wild ride."

Joker wasn't just talking about the quick maneuvers he needed to make to dodge fire. EDI monitored all communications, from every ship in the quarian fleet as well as from the ground team, keeping Kaidan more up-to-date than he cared to be at times. He focussed his attention on Shepard.

Her team had fought through the reaper base and was now ready to destroy the shield protecting the transmitter broadcasting the reaper signal to the geth. Shepard was armed with a device that would allow the Normandy to target the shield and destroy it.

"Commander, the Normandy's weapons systems are ready to sync to your target. I recommend you withdraw to a safe distance," EDI cautioned Shepard.

Kaidan watched as EDI zeroed in on Shepard's target, shifting his weight when the ship banked and descended towards Rannoch's surface. Joker fired and pulled up. They could hear the explosion over the open channel, and what sounded like Shepard and the others falling to the ground.

"I'm okay. You okay? We're okay!" Shepard called out. A second later she saw what EDI had already detected. "Reaper!"

Legion announced that he had secured transportation. "Copy that," Shepard yelled back. "Everyone, get to the ship. MOVE!"

Kaidan sank into the nearest chair, his attention divided between the audio feed from Shepard's commlink and what he could see on Joker's monitor. Shepard called for support from the air, then took control of the transport's turret while Legion attempted evasive maneuvers.

"We're clear!" she hollered. "Fire at will!"

Moments later, Admiral Gerrel's voice could be heard asking, "What did we hit?"

"The firing chamber. Looks like a weak spot when it's priming."

"The jamming towers have us targeting manually. We can't get a precision shot."

Legion put words to Kaidan's thoughts. "We may escape before it recovers."

"No. Pull over!" Shepard shouted.

Joker looked at Kaidan, his eyes wide. "What the hell is she thinking?"

"Commander?" Kaidan asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Shepard Commander-" Legion began.

"If we run away, the geth stay under reaper control, and the quarians are dead. This ends now! EDI, patch the quarians through to the Normandy's weapons. I want the targeting laser synced up to the whole damn fleet."

"Understood."

"Do you need assistance?" Legion asked.

"Just stay down, Legion, I'll take it from here."

"Shepard Commander, good luck."

"Acknowledged."

On the Normandy's bridge, Joker was watching Kaidan who had gone pale. "Kaidan, you okay?"

There wasn't time for him to respond; Shepard was shouting out orders to the fleet. "I'll peg the weak spot. Sync up with the Normandy and be ready to fire."

"The destroyer is in range. Missiles ready to launch," EDI announced.

The first strike hit home and Shepard let out a shout of victory before she was on the move again, rolling away from the reaper, by the sound of it. The reaper recovered and Shepard could be heard mumbling to herself.

"Wait for it, Kate. Wait for it." A deep breath, another roll, another shot, a hit. "Shit, that's hot!"

"Shepard?" Kaidan could barely get the word out, his mouth and throat were so dry.

"Hang on, Major!" More scuffles, a roll, another attack, and a deafening explosion.

Shepard was on a plateau above the reaper and, confident that it was no longer a threat to her, she strode out to the edge and looked down at the machine.

A digitized voice spoke. "Shepard."

"You know who I am." She was shaking, but she clenched her fists and stood her ground.

"Harbinger speaks of you. You resist, but you will fail. The cycle must continue."

"What are you talking about? We stopped Sovereign and the geth. We stopped Harbinger and the collectors. We've earned a straight answer!"

"It is not a thing you could comprehend"

"We might surprise you."

On the Normandy, Joker laughed nervously. "Is she arguing with it? Jesus, shouldn't we just kill it?"

"We cannot risk it, Jeff. Shepard is too close," EDI replied.

Kaidan shushed them both, his eyes fixed on the controls that monitored the squad's lifesigns. Everyone's pulse was strong.

"You represent chaos," the reaper continued. "We represent order. Every organic civilization must be harvested in order to bring order to the chaos. It is inevitable. Without our intervention, organics are doomed. We are your salvation."

Kaidan could picture Shepard clearly as she spoke. "You're killing everything in the galaxy in order to save us?"

"The cycle must continue. There is no alternative."

"Bullshit. Organics and synthetics don't have to destroy each other."

"The battle for Rannoch disproves your assertion. Finish your war. We will be waiting." The reaper went silent.

Shepard's commlink buzzed to life. Legion confirmed that the hostile geth were no longer a threat. Joker and Kaidan were both congratulating her, and then she heard Admiral Gerrel saying that the entire geth fleet had stopped firing and was completely vulnerable. Legion's voice caught her attention and she turned to see Tali and Legion standing nearby.

"Shepard Commander, the geth only acted in self defence, after the creators attacked. Do we deserve death?"

"What are you suggesting, Legion?"

"Our upgrades. With the old machine dead, we could upload them to all geth without sacrificing their independence."

Tali gasped. "You want to upload the reaper code? That would make the geth as smart as when the reaper was controlling them."

"Yes," Legion acknowledged. "But with free will. Each geth unit would be a true intelligence. We would be alive and we could help you."

_It's now or never_, Shepard thought.

Tali turned to face her. "Our fleet is already attacking. Uploading the code would destroy us! Shepard, you can't choose the geth over my people."

Before she could respond, Legion asked, "Do you remember the question that caused the creators to attack us, Tali'Zorah? 'Does this unit have a soul?'"

Shepard nodded, her mind made up. "Upload the code. Tali, call off the fleet."

Legion began working. Tali stared at Shepard, shook her head, and spoke to the fleet.

"This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. All units break off your attack."

Gerrel's voice cut in. "Belay that order. Continue the attack!"

Legion continued to work. "Twenty percent."

Tali pleaded with Shepard. "I am begging you, don't do this. Please."

"We regret the deaths of the creators, but we see no alternative. Forty percent."

"No. Nobody else dies today," Shepard stated. "Legion, keep going."

"Shepard-"

Shepard addressed the fleet orbiting Rannoch. "All ships, this is Commander Shepard. The reaper is dead. Stand down."

"This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. Commander Shepard speaks with my authority."

"And mine as well," Admiral Koris stated.

Gerrel was standing firm. "Negative! We can win this war now. Keep firing."

"Sixty percent."

Shepard growled and raised her voice. "The geth are about to return to full strength. If you keep attacking, they will wipe you out. Your entire history is _you_ trying to destroy the geth. _You_ forced them to rebel, _you_ forced them to ally with the reapers."

"Eighty percent."

"The geth don't want to fight you. If you could believe that for just one goddamn minute, this war will be over! You have a choice, Gerrel, please. Keelah se'lai."

There was a brief pause, during which Shepard had a moment to ponder the wisdom of what she was trying to accomplish. _Have I underestimated my influence? Is Gerrel crazy enough to sacrifice his people?_

The admiral finally spoke. "All units, hold fire."

Shepard let out a puff of air and smiled at Tali.

"Error."

"What was that, Legion?"

"Copying code is insufficient. Direct personality dissemination required. Shepard Commander, I must go to them. I ... I am sorry, it is the only way."

"What?"

Tali stepped forward. "Legion, the answer to your question was yes."

"I know, Tali, but thank you. Keelah se'lai."

Legion faced Shepard and stood at attention. Powering down, he fell to his knees and toppled over. Shepard knelt by Legion and rested a hand on his head. He wasn't entirely gone, she knew, but the unit that wore a piece of her old N-7 armor was permanently disabled and she was feeling the loss more keenly than she would have expected.

Aboard the Normandy, one could almost hear the crew heave a collective sigh of relief that the war was over. Kaidan stood up and ran a hand over his head. Shepard had just made history yet again, but he knew the victory was bittersweet. She had a special connection to Legion; she saw it as a crew member and would be grieving its loss. "Commander Shepard?"

"Yeah, I'm here, Major. I ... ah ... I need a few minutes." Kaidan could hear the emotional tension in her voice.

"Just let us know when you want a shuttle and Cortez will be there." He made a slashing motion at his throat to EDI, who cut the audio feed.

"Good work, you two. I'm going to update Admiral Hackett. Please let me know when Shepard's heading back."

"Don't worry, we'll take care of it." Joker said, keeping his ever present humor in check. "Just ... make sure she's okay."

Kaidan headed to the war room, his mind divided between his report to Hackett and thoughts of Kathryn. He wasn't entirely sure what he could do other than just be there for her, but he could take care of her and he planned on doing just that.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for your continued support. It's great to hear from readers, whether it's through a review or being by added to your alerts/favorites lists. I hope you all have a great weekend. More Shenko to come! Cheers, Biff


	64. Heartbeat

_A little NSFW at the end..._

* * *

**Heartbeat**

Kathryn sat in the shuttle with Legion's mobile platform at her feet, trying to convince herself to feel something other than intense sadness. She had managed what most others would have said was impossible; the quarian-geth conflict was over and both fleets would be joining the Alliance in the fight against the reapers. Even now, the geth were helping the quarians relocate to Rannoch. She had made history, she should be celebrating, but she wasn't feeling it. Stirring at last, she wondered what exactly she was going to do with Legion.

The sound of the elevator doors opening started her out of her thoughts and she brushed a hand across her cheeks and ran her fingers through her hair. Kaidan appeared at the door and stepped in. He looked down at Legion and then back to Kathryn. She shrugged.

"I couldn't just leave him there. It didn't seem right."

"No man left behind," Kaidan replied gently as he sat next to her.

It was enough to shake loose the locks on what little emotional control Kathryn had left. "You ass, I didn't want to cry," she sobbed.

Kaidan pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. "You mean you didn't want anyone to _see_ you cry. I'm the only one here, Kate."

He held Kathryn for several minutes until she cried herself out and disengaged herself from his embrace.

She rubbed a hand over her face. "I guess we should head up. Have you talked to Hackett?"

"Yes, I briefed him before coming down here. Look, Kate, I have some good news for you."

"Give it to me, I need it."

"Hackett's located your parents and they're okay. Your mother is Rear Admiral Shepard now, and she's headed to the Crucible Project. Your father is joining the team, too."

Kathryn wanted to cry all over again, but she cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "Thank god." Regret filled her almost immediately and she took his hand in hers. "But nothing concrete about your father?"

"I'm not holding out much hope, Kate," he said, shaking his head. "What do you want to do with Legion?"

"I'm not sure, but the day we met was the beginning of the end of this war. It was an important moment, not just for me or Legion, but for the entire galaxy, and I do not want anyone to ever forget-" her throat tightened up again and she sighed. "I'll have to think about it. In the meantime, I want him here, on the Normandy."

"I'll take care of that for you," Kaidan offered, standing up. "James can make a plaque for the memorial wall, if you'd like, and we can pick up a display case to keep Legion in."

She stood and gave Kaidan a hug. "Thank you, I really appreciate that, Kaidan." Running another hand through her hair, she continued. "Okay. We need to wrap up here with the quarians and then get back to the Citadel. There's so much we-"

"Kate, we're going to the loft."

"But I have to-"

He held up a hand and touched a fingertip with each point he made. "EDI and Joker have the ship, Steve and James have done an inventory and ordered what we need. Liara's helping Tali get the geth and quarians sorted out, while those who are joining Hackett get ready to go. Chakwas is helping set up a temporary hospital on Rannoch. Traynor has filed our report with the Alliance.

"We pretty much have it covered. All you need to do is-"

"Get some food and rest?" she asked with a grin.

"Exactly."

"I think you just want to get me into bed."

Laughing, Kaidan steered Kathryn toward the armory. "Damn, you figured it out."

x ~ X ~ x

Kathryn stepped into their quarters. Taking a deep breath, she sighed. "What is that?"

"Traynor made meatloaf. I don't know what kind of meat, I didn't ask, but everyone else seemed to enjoy it."

She stepped down into their sunken bedroom to find that dinner for two, complete with covered trays and a bottle of red wine, was set out on the coffee table. She lifted a cover and took another whiff of the meatloaf. "Mmm, that smells good. I'm hungry."

"So what's stopping you? Eat." Kaidan joined her, pouring them each a glass of wine.

"Well, I could use a shower," she replied, lifting a forkful of meatloaf to her mouth. "Mmm, okay, that can wait. Mmm. Yeah, this is pretty good. Wait, this is still hot. How'd you manage this?" She figured they had been down in the shuttle bay and armory for at least twenty minutes after she'd returned.

Kaidan smiled, uncovering his own plate. "I have my ways."

They ate and drank wine and slipped into a comfortable silence. Kathryn's mind wandered back over the day's events. Thoughts of what they'd lost and gained, what a quarian/geth alliance might achieve, and what was next for her and her crew competed with thoughts of what she wanted right now. Primarily, that amounted to the rest of her dinner, more wine, a hot shower, and Kaidan. _Oh yes_, she thought to herself, lifting her eyes to look at him.

He, too, had been ruminating on the day's events and was lost in thought. Kathryn watched as he reached for his wine, smiling when his eyes caught hers.

"What are you thinking, Kate?"

She got up and sat next to him, putting her arm around his shoulders. "Hmm. Well, I was thinking you look very handsome."

"Really?" Warmth radiated off Kathryn, sending a shock of desire through him.

"Mmmm." She leaned closer and caught his earlobe between her teeth, sucking it briefly. "Handsome and sexy," she whispered, warm air over damp skin making Kaidan shiver. "Come take a shower with me."

Kathryn stood up and unbuttoned her shirt, letting it fall to the floor as she backed away from Kaidan.

He stood and slowly removed his shirt, running a hand over his pectorals and down his abdomen. "I suppose I _could_ use a shower."

"Pfft." She shot her bra across the room, narrowly missing his head, and they both laughed. "You know you want me."

Pants and underwear fell to the floor. "Hmm. No argument here."

Kathryn smiled and stepped into the bathroom to start the shower. Kaidan followed, reaching out to stroke the back of her neck as they waited for water to warm. It felt good to touch her. She took his hand and pulled him under the water, hugging him for several seconds. Pushing away from him, she reached for a cloth and the soap and handed it to him.

"Putting me to work, hmm?" She nodded, a coy smile gracing her lips. "Okay."

He lathered up the cloth and began to wash Kathryn, far more methodically and less sensually than she had hoped, and she had to wonder if he didn't understand what she wanted. She arched her back, pushing her breasts against his hand; Kaidan washed each one as though they were nothing more interesting than the mess hall dishes. As he ran the cloth down her back, she shifted her hips and leaned forward slightly, but he treated her behind with the same indifference and ignored the equally obvious movements she made as he worked his way around her hips, between her legs, and down her thighs. Crouching, he washed her feet and then stood up. He rinsed out the cloth and hung it up again, while Kathryn watched, wondering if he'd lost his mind.

Kaidan was enjoying himself, fully aware that Kathryn was getting annoyed. He reached for the shampoo and worked some into her hair, massaging her scalp and neck. Just as she began to relax into the massage, he stopped and rinsed her hair. Before she could say whatever was on her mind, he finally touched her with his bare hands, sliding them under her arms and around her back to embrace her.

The feel of Kaidan's skin finally touching hers again startled Kathryn. Gasping, she pressed her body against him and turned her face up for a kiss. He caught her lower lip with his teeth, teasing it gently, and Kathryn thought she might collapse. Love and sexual desire formed a powerful cocktail, making her lightheaded and nearly frantic for more intimate contact. Every stroke of Kaidan's hand, every kiss, every nibble, brought her closer to the edge.

For Kaidan, the contact broke his resolve to draw out the foreplay much longer. Kathryn was more aggressive now, her kisses fierce as she moved against him. Instinct took over and he turned her around, bent her slightly at the hips, and pressed into her. The movement was rough, awkward in the wet shower, but the response from Kathryn was more than encouraging. Kaidan held her around the waist with one arm and reached between her legs with his free hand.

"Yes ... oh god, Kaidan, I-" Standing on the balls of her feet, Kathryn braced herself against the shower wall as the first orgasm hit her.

At some point, one of them turned the water off, but neither of them had any recollection of it happening. The realization that the water was no longer running dawned on them slowly as they came to their senses half an hour later when they collapsed on their bed.

"That was fun," Kathryn panted, rolling onto her side to throw an arm around Kaidan.

He shifted so he could put his arm around her, and she snuggled up against him, listening to his heartbeat. It was strong and steady, like Kaidan himself, and she loved the sound of it. She smiled and hugged him.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, feeling her cheek move on his chest.

"That I like to hear the sound of your heartbeat, the feel of it." She looked up at him.

"You get it racing like nothing else can," he murmured. "Well, except maybe a reaper. Or a marauder, or-"

Kathryn punched him lightly in the arm, laughing. "Quit while you're ahead, Major.

"I was also thinking that I'm better able to appreciate what we've accomplished today, now that I'm in a better frame of mind, and that I have a clear picture of what we need to do next. But I realized I'm wasting a damned good opportunity here. I'm in the arms of the man I love and no matter what's happening anywhere else in the galaxy, right here, right now things are great. So I'm just going to shut up and enjoy it. Got a problem with that?"

Laughter rumbled through Kaidan's chest and he pulled her closer. "No ma'am, no problem at all."

* * *

A/N: Whew! This one took a while due to RL distracting me in the way of mortgage switching and all that jazz. But I've got my mojo back! Thank you for reading, and a special thank you to Zevgirl and Zute for their support and friendship. Have a great day, all! Cheers, Biff


	65. Distract Me

**Distract Me**

Joker looked up to see Kaidan weaving his way through the crowd of people in Purgatory, clearly looking for someone. He raised his hand and waved the major over.

"Hey, Joker, EDI, Liara. Have you seen Commander Shepard?" Kaidan asked when he reached their table.

Joker took a sip of his drink, surveying the bar. "She was at the upper bar with Cortez last I saw her."

Kaidan shook his head. "I checked, she's not there."

"She probably got cornered by some fan looking for an autograph or something. You worried?"

Kaidan shook his head. "No, no." In truth, Joker had hit on Kaidan's concern.

Shepard's success on Rannoch, and in subsequent fights against Cerberus as the Normandy returned to the Citadel, sharpened the focus on Shepard and her crew. When they first arrived, it was nearly impossible for her to walk very far without being stopped by someone wanting to say hello, get an autograph, take a photo, or ask for help. There had also been a rise in the number of people who despised her for one reason or another, and the batarian presence on the Citadel had increased. Kaidan couldn't help but wonder if she'd run into trouble.

"He's worried." Joker laughed.

"About?" Garrus asked, pulling up a chair.

"Shepard. We haven't seen her in awhile." Liara explained.

"She was embarrassing herself on the dance floor with Jack, last I saw. Vega!" Garrus waved a hand at the lieutenant.

"Please don't-" Kaidan started to object, but Vega was already jogging over to their table.

"What's up?"

"Major Alenko is concerned about Commander Shepard. Have you seen her recently?" EDI asked.

"I'm not concerned, I-"

"She was talking to T'Loak," Vega cut in. "Lola didn't look too happy. Oh, no disrespect, Major."

Garrus's mandibles twitched. "Hmm. Not sure I like that."

Kaidan turned to face the turian. "Why?"

"Nothing really, just rumours. T'Loak's been gathering people, ships, supplies. She's up to something, but she's got the asari councilor's protection, so..." His voice tailed off. "There she is."

Kaidan followed Garrus's gaze to Purgatory's front entrance. Shepard had just walked in and was looking around the bar. Catching sight of them, she waved and walked over.

"What's up?"

"Just wondering where you'd gotten to," Kaidan replied, trying to look nonchalant.

Shepard smiled and nodded, nudging his foot with hers. "Uh huh. Look, we should probably head back to the Normandy. I have some things I need to talk to you about." She handed a credit chit to Vega, ignoring the curious glances from around the table. "Why don't you all have a round on me before you turn in for the night. There should be enough for some food, too, if you're hungry. Just be on board in three hours. I want to ship out with the shift change. Ann Bryson's out there somewhere and the reapers are looking for her, too."

"Yes, mom," Joker replied. The others thanked her as she and Kaidan left the table.

They made their way through the crowd and out of Purgatory to the skycar terminal before either of them said anything.

"Kate, what-"

"We can't-"

Kathryn stepped close to Kaidan and gave him a hug. "We can't talk here," she whispered into his ear before nibbling gently on his earlobe. Leaning back, she pinned him with a steady gaze. She was smiling, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Let's get back to the Normandy where we have some privacy. I'll drive."

Trying to ignore the shiver of apprehension and excitement that ran down his neck, Kaidan nodded, steering her toward their car. He watched the crowd around them carefully, wondering why she was being secretive. A batarian at the opposite end of the terminal was a little too interested in Kathryn for Kaidan's liking and he climbed into the car, anxious to be moving on. They pulled away from the terminal and headed to the Normandy's docking bay.

"Are you going to tell me what this is about?" he asked, turning sideways in his seat.

"Eventually," she replied, offering him a half smile.

He raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Okay."

They didn't say another word to one another until they had boarded the Normandy and were back in their quarters.

"Kate, what's going on? Does this have anything to do with T'Loak?"

She snorted and busied herself with pouring two double shots of whiskey. With the two glasses in hand and the bottle under her arm, she waved Kaidan to the couch. She sat down, handing him a glass, and put the bottle on the table.

"Aria made me an offer I can't refuse."

Kaidan leaned forward, elbows on his knees, curious. "What is it?" He was intrigued, but something about Kathryn's demeanor made him nervous; she hadn't made eye contact with him since they'd left Purgatory.

"She wants my help taking back Omega. Cerberus's top general, Oleg Petrovsky, took hold of Omega and is using it as a base of operations in the region. If we take back Omega, we score another hit against the Illusive Man and his operation. Potentially a very big hit. If we're successful, she gives me whatever troops and supplies I need for the war against the reapers. It's a win win situation."

_If you win_, Kaidan thought before he could stop himself. _Now is not the time, Alenko_. "So...what's the catch? I know you well enough to know that something about this doesn't sit right with you."

Kathryn sighed and drained her glass. Pouring another drink, she got up and began pacing.

"No one can know about this. Aria's attracted enough attention as it is. Total discretion is necessary. Only a few people are going to know what's really going on. Aside from Aria and her people that means me, you, EDI...which means Joker too, I guess... and Hackett."

"Okay. Kate, you've got me worried here. What am I missing?" He was starting to think he knew exactly what she meant, but he needed to hear her say it before he could believe it.

"Aria wants me to go alone, no one else." Kaidan stared at her blankly for several seconds. "Kaidan?"

He shook his head, a frown marring his features. "What?"

"I can't bring anyone-"

"No, I got that, Kate." He finished his whiskey in one gulp and poured a second glass. "What I mean is why. Why does she want you to leave us behind?"

"She didn't exactly say, Kaidan, but you can't deny the Normandy would attract too much attention." What Aria had said was to leave everyone behind, especially her goody-two-shoes boyfriend, but Kathryn didn't think it was necessary to mention that. "She barely trusts me, for crying out loud, but she figures she needs my skill set to succeed. Besides, she's probably counting on the fact that I sort of feel like I owe her a favor for her help gathering mercenary forces for the war effort. The Normandy and my crew has to stay behind."

They were quiet for a few minutes, both lost in their thoughts. Kathryn couldn't stop herself from thinking back to her mission to save Doctor Amanda Kenson, how it had ended so disastrously, with so much loss of life. Chewing her lip nervously, she tried to reason with herself. _This will be different, you aren't going in completely on your own._

Kaidan was trying to keep his emotions in check. The thought of Kathryn leaving her safety net behind made him feel ill. He didn't know if he could trust Aria to watch Kathryn's back they way her own crew would. He wanted to tell her not to go, but knew he couldn't. They were at war with Cerberus as much as with the reapers, and if the organization's presence on Omega was large enough, taking them down would be a victory worth the effort. Pushing to the back of his mind thoughts of what might happen to Kathryn if she didn't succeed, he stood and went to her.

"When does she want to do this?"

Kathryn put her drink down and took his hand in hers. "She's not ready yet, and we need to find Leviathan. A couple of weeks, maybe?"

"You're trembling," Kaidan observed, squeezing her hand.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body against his. "Yeah, I don't really _want_ to do this, but I feel I have to, you know? Cerberus and Tim need to be knocked down a few pegs and Aria's got intel and people on Omega that we don't have. What about you? What are you thinking?"

"That I'd really like to tell you not to go, but then again I'd really like it if the entire reaper invasion hadn't actually happened." He shrugged. "I'm not happy about this, Kate. It makes me nervous as hell just thinking of you out there, without-"

She silenced him with a passionate kiss that sent a jolt of desire straight to his groin, and hugged him tightly. "And that kind of freaks me out, too, Kaidan, but I'll be damned if I'm going to get stuck out there."

He wanted to ask her how she was going to manage that if things went bad, but she shook her head, as though she knew what he was thinking.

"I know you have questions, I do too, but I really don't want to talk about it right now." She tugged his belt, hinting at what she'd rather be doing.

Kaidan chuckled and kissed her forehead. "Are you trying to distract me with sex?"

"Is it working?" she asked, looking up into his eyes.

He pressed his forehead to hers, smiling as he whispered, "As if you have to ask me that."

They quickly lost themselves in each other's touch, anxiety stripping away like pieces of clothing. Afterwards, they drifted off to sleep amid a tangle of sheets, ready to face the uncertainty that lay before them. _Love has a funny way of bolstering one's confidence_, Kathryn thought to herself as sleep overtook her.

* * *

A/N: Greetings, all! I hope this finds you well. Thank you for continuing to follow me, for commenting, listing, and favoriting. A shout out to Zevgirl and Zute for their friendship and humor. Have a great week! Cheers, Biff


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